Kabanata 1
I woke up early to freshen up. I planned to go with my parents first at Dad's clinic. Tatambay lang at saka ako didiretso ng opisina.
I walked downstairs after fixing myself and heard the loud and cheery voices of my family early this morning.
I smiled.
Habang pababa ng hagdan ay kitang-kita kaagad ang malaking portrait ng aming pamilya. On the back of the red, majestic sofa is my father, Thorn Arzeus Valderama, with my brother, Deion. Sa sofa naman sa gitna nakaupo si Mommy, the one and only Zidney Sandejas. Beside her was Queen Scira and beside our youngest. Sa kabilang gilid ni Mom ay nakaupo ang Ate Clyte.
Sa pagbaba ay kaagad akong binati ng mga kasama namin sa bahay at masaya ko silang binati pabalik. I straightened my back and fixed my dress before I entered the dining.
Naabutan si Dad na nakaupo sa kabisera, may hawak na dyaryo at sumisimsim ng kape. He looked serious. His black eyes reading the words seriously and I chuckled when I saw my mother beside him, nangungulit.
My dad is busy yet my mom tried entering her head between his arms. Nang mapansin iyon ni Dad ay walang pagdadalawang-isip niyang ibinaba ang binabasa at natatawang humalik kay mommy.
My heart swelled seeing them like that.
Sa may kalan ay nakita kong nagluluto ang Kuya. He's busy doing his famous pancakes at natawa ako nang makitang nakasabit lang sa balikat niya ang shirt.
My eyes went to the baby seat near my father and saw my youngest sister, Queen Scira, playing with her Barbies. Pinapalo pa niya ang lamesa.
"Seryoso, ah?" My eyes widened when I heard a voice. I gasped and tilted my head, only to see Ate Clyte smiling.
"Ate!" I cheered happily.
She chuckled and I hugged her. I felt her hug me back.
"Kailan ka pa nakauwi? You aren't answering my calls!" I exclaimed and she chuckled, moving away from me.
"Naka-silent ang phone ko, Scira." She chuckled. "Kaninang madaling-araw lang ako nakauwi."
Amazed and happy, I nodded. Sabay kaming lumapit sa hapag at nakitang hindi na nagulat ang mga tao roon na naroon na ang Ate. I guess ako na lang ang walang kaalam-alam.
She sat beside our youngest. Lumapit naman ako sa parents ko para humalik.
"Good morning, Scira," my mom muttered, still hugging Dad on his waist.
"Morning, Mom, Dad," I said softly, kissing my dad's cheek too bago tumakbo kay Kuya.
"Pancakes!" Silip ko at napatalon pa siya sa gulat sa paglitaw ko.
"Jesus..." he muttered while fixing his glasses. I laughed, tiptoed, and kissed his cheek.
"Morning, Kuya," I grinned and laughed when he lifted his arms, caged my neck and jokingly choked me.
"Kuya!" I exclaimed and punched his abdomen. "Ang baho mo!"
"What?" His black eyes stared at me and I laughed when he pinched my nose. "Check mo pang-amoy mo, naligo ako!"
"Kids, tama na 'yan. Let's eat." I heard my mom's soft voice and Kuya let me go.
I stuck my tongue out at him and he smirked. He then ruffled my hair and I glared at him.
"You ruined my hair!" I hissed and he laughed.
"Sorry na, Miss Perfect," he muttered, smirking at me.
Our breakfast is fun, as usual. My mother is still doing architecture pero madalang na. She's now more fond of her new business—a flower shop.
Ate Clyte ventures in different businesses. She's a nurse in profession but sometimes, she's a gardener and an event coordinator. She likes designing a lot my mom and dad allowed her to do what she wanted.
My brother, Deion, is a psychiatrist and is now working in the hospital owned by our family. He got it maybe from our dad and he's good at his work. He helps treat people who need psychiatric help and he's good to be with.
While me? Well, I wanted to be like mom. I wanted to be perfect, like her. I wanted to be like her, how she reigns in terms of architecture. I loved how she could go to different countries and have projects.
She inspired me a lot so, I promised myself I'd be like her. Well, at least I can try.
Ate Clyte was left in our house with Queen. Si Kuya naman ay hapon pa ang pasok kaya kasama ko ang parents ko papunta sa ospital ni Dad.
I am in the backseat, checking on my lips to see if the lipstick shade I chose goes well with my dress just fine.
"How's work, anak?" My eyes landed on the shotgun seat at my beautiful mother glancing at me.
"Doing great, Mom," I said softly and smiled at her. "I closed another deal."
She smiled. Even at her age, she's still glowing and beautiful as ever. Parang kapatid ko lang ang datingan.
"I'm so proud of you, darling," she said. Lumapit ako nang abutin niya ako and something tugged inside my chest when she touched my cheek.
"We're proud of you, Scira." My eyes landed on my father glancing in the mirror. I smiled lovingly and nodded.
"Salamat po," I said softly, feeling contented that they're proud of me.
Kasama ko ang mga magulang ko pagpasok namin sa ospital. Ito talaga ang hilig ko whenever I wanted to chill or spent time with them. Sasama ako sa ospital para tumambay bago pumasok sa opisina.
"Good morning, Doc, Ma'am," bati sa amin ng guard pagkapasok pa lang namin.
We smiled and nodded. Nakakapit ako sa braso ni Mom while she's holding my father's hand.
Thorn Valderama looks serious while being greeted by the people and staff. I saw how authoritative he looked while wearing a formal white dress shirt and black slacks. His hair is quite disheveled and he's holding hands with my mother who despite her sweetness, still looks intimidating and quite scary. Her hair was in a bun, wearing simple red blouse and slacks. Malamig ang kanyang tingin pero kung may babati ay ngingiti.
"Mom?" I called and her black eyes stared at me.
"Yes?"
"Uh, una na kayo ni Dad. I'll just go to the bathroom first," I said and smiled at her.
"Oh, okay." Her eyes softened. I saw my dad glance at me, his black eyes intense behind his glasses.
"Where are you going, princess?" he asked me.
"Bathroom lang, Dad," I informed. "Sunod po ako sa inyo ni Mom sa clinic."
"Alright,"
Naiwan ako nang maglakad silang dalawa. I watched as they walked away, their fingers intertwined.
Through the years, I watched my parent's relationship grow. They fight at times yet they manage to talk it out and fix the problem if ever they have one.
I admire them. I want a relationship like that of my parents, of my grandpa and grandma, of my aunties and uncles.
Will I have one?
I had countless relationships. I tried dating and having a relationship to see if I was capable of having a romantic one. If I can be in love.
I've dated for experience and also to try and please my parents.
My exes often don't like my attitude. They said I am controlling and that I am a perfectionist. Gusto ko raw ay dapat nasusunod kaya nakipaghihiwalay sila yet... I would speak before they could even break up with me. So, the right term would be ako ang nakipaghihiwalay sa kanila.
Some cheated and when I broke up with them, I gave them a couple of slaps.
I may be a bitch for having this sick attitude but I would never cheat. I hate cheaters!
My mother likes Lucas' family. They came from one of the richest families. They have businesses all over the country and when Lucas and I met, I gave it a chance when he asked if he could court me.
Yet... it ended just like the others.
Lahat sila ay ayaw sa ugali ko. I'm getting used to it yet sometimes, it's just so tiring.
Well, can't blame them. I'm at fault, too. My attitude sucks.
I checked myself in the mirror one last time. I puckered my lips so I could see if it's good na and when I was contented, I straightened my hair and stood straight before I went outside.
The people greeted me when they saw me. I smiled and greeted them back, too. I once wondered how they know me pero naalala kong palagi pala akong tambay sa opisina ni Dad kaya siguro nasanay at kinilala na rin.
I knocked on the door of my father's clinic and entered. Napangiti ako nang makitang nakaupo sa swivel chair ni Dad si Mommy. Pinupunasan nito ang eyeglasses habang si Dad ay nakasandal sa may lamesa niya at pinagmamasdan lang siya.
"Thornie, should I get bigger shops?" my mom asked.
"Do you have a place in mind, queen? I can go check," he answered.
"Busy kayo, ah?" I called their attention and they immediately shifted their gaze at me.
"Come here, princess," my dad called and I walked towards them. I sat with my father on the table. Si mommy naman na abala sa pagpunas ng eyeglasses ay ngumiti sa 'kin.
"Scira, my daughter, do you have a place in mind? I'm thinking of opening another branch of our flower shop," my mother said and I began thinking.
Yumakap ako kay Dad at nakita kong napatawa siya sa akin. He put his arms on my shoulder and stroked my hair.
"Well, my princess is clingy like the queen," he said. My mom and I both laughed.
"It runs in the blood, doc," I said and he laughed and ruffled my hair.
"Kayong mag-ama talaga," my mother chuckled and stood. She then lifted the glasses and placed them on father's eyes.
"Mom, near the firm. There's a place near the mall. I think we can check on it and see if there's a place?" I said.
"Oh, okay," she smiled and went in front of me and touched my face. "Can you come with mom?"
"Sure, Mommy," I said softly.
"I'm so happy my kids grew up great and beautifully," my mother said and glanced at my father.
She was a bit emotional and something tugged inside my chest. I lifted my hand so I could grasp her fingers and I saw how her eyes landed on it.
"I will make you proud, parents," I muttered. "I promise."
After a few hours of staying in his clinic, I decided to leave to go to my office.
It's my dad's work time na kaya ayaw kong maka-istorbo sa kanila. Nagpaalam na ako at saktong paglabas ay kaagad na bumaling ang mata ko sa unang pasyente ngayong araw.
She's already talking to the secretary and I stopped and waited because I knew her.
"Thanks, Miss." She smiled and then glanced at the door but when she saw me, she stopped.
"Scira?" She called. I smiled.
"Ngayon lang ulit kita nakita, Winter," pansin ko. She chuckled, walked closer to offer me a quick hug and a beso.
I hugged her back. She's one of my father's patients.
I got somehow pretty close to her because she's approachable and my mother kept on talking about her. She told me that she met Winter and she was the one who suggested taking a look at her situation. Kaya naging pasyente siya ni Dad.
"Things happened but I wanted to continue my therapy," she said and smiled.
"Oh, you looked super great," I praised her. She giggled, taking me in.
"Ang ganda mo rin! Kamukhang-kamukha ni Tita Zid," she said and I just chuckled.
"Anyway, ikaw lang?" I asked and she shook her head while fixing her hair.
"No, I'm with my bodyguard," she said. I nodded.
"Take care, okay? My mom is with dad inside. Mauuna na ako, trabaho," paalam ko bago umalis.
While walking in the hallway from my father's clinic, I suddenly felt thirsty.
I sighed, tempted to go back to his office to drink some beverage pero nakahihiya na kaya inikot ko ang paningin para sa p'wedeng kunan ng iinumin.
My eyes landed on the coffee maker and I frowned.
Okay sana but I don't drink coffee like that. It has high sugar content and I'm afraid it'd affect my diet. I always want my coffee brewed and black, with no sugar.
Hindi ko iyon nilapitan. Bumaba ako sa ground floor and my eyes got fixed on the vending machine near the benches where people and some patients sit.
I walked towards it. My eyes looked for a bottle of water but it was empty. Tanging mga softdrinks in can lang ang nandoon.
Ayoko sana but my throat feels so dry and I sighed. I then opened my bag and checked my purse for coins and walked near it.
Nagpasok ako ng tig-lilimang piso. I then checked the softdrinks with the lowest sugar content and bought it.
I looked at the machine as it took the soft drink I chose. Nakuha ang isang can doon at nae-excite ako habang inaantay ito but it faded the moment the machine got jammed. I heard a sound inside and my eyes turned slit when my can got stuck.
"What the fuck?" I cursed.
Annoyed, I slammed the machine a bit, lowering my body so I could check the can pero hindi nahulog sa lalagyan!
"What the hell? Are you kidding me?" I gasped and scratched my brows. "I'm thirsty as heck and yet—"
"Need help?" I stopped and lifted my head, only to see a handsome man leaning a bit on the vending machine. He was glancing at me while I was making tantrums while squatting.
"Uhm..."
He's wearing plain, body-hugging gray shirt and pants. Naka-sneakers pa siya at ang magulong buhok ay mas nagdepina sa mukha niya.
"I saw you're having a hard time so..." His black, beautiful eyes stared at me.
"Well," clearing my throat, I stood. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil sa kahihiyan sa nakita niyang ginawa ko at sumulyap sa machine. "My can got stuck. I think the machine got jammed."
"Hmm." He nodded and glanced at the machine.
My eyes scanned him and I noticed his hand in the pocket of his jeans. He looks awfully handsome to me that I think if I've seen him before.
"Let me check, Miss," he said, smiling a bit and I took a step back when he faced the machine.
He has a muscular back. He was lean. Not too massive and thin, just the right muscles. Just by his stance, I can say that he works out, or if not, maybe he's an athlete.
His arms have a few visible veins. I can see his round butt on his maong pants and my mouth formed an O.
Why do men with round butts are a major turn-on?
He knocked on the machine and listened to whatever it was. I watched him do his thing and my jaw dropped when in just one slam of his hand on the machine, I heard the sound of the falling can.
"Wow..." I muttered, watching him squat to take the can of my soft drinks.
He stood up, lifted it, and glanced at me with a soft smile.
"Here." Inabot niya sa akin ang can at namamanghang kinuha ko iyon sa kamay niya.
"Wow, that's great!" I gasped in amazement, thrilled with his skills!
Naramdaman ko ang lamig ng can sa kamay ko kaya mas nakaramdam ako ng uhaw.
"How did you do it?" I asked, trying to open the lid but my nails were quite long.
"It's easy," he muttered then I tried opening the lid again but couldn't.
I frowned, frustrated again. Kaka-manicure ko lang!
I heard a manly chuckle, accompanied by his low voice.
"Let me, Miss," he said and he offered his hand.
Pouting, I gave it to him. Nahihiya pa ako habang pinagmamasdan siyang buksan ang softdrinks. Nang iabot niya sa akin iyon ay nangiti ako at mabilis na uminom.
I almost purred when my throat freshened up. Inilayo ko ang can at nagulat pa nang masalubong ang mata niya. He's silently watching me, smiling a bit. I could see adoration in his black eyes. I smiled.
"Thank you nga pala, Sir," I said softly.
"No worries," he said gently, the side of his lips lifting for a smile.
He looks really familiar pero hindi ko maalala if we already met. His hair is jet-black and disheveled. He has pointed nose and sculpted jaw. May kaunting beard din siya dahil sa patubong bigote pero ang gwapo pa rin at hindi marumi tingnan.
In short, he was beautiful. From the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice.
He's tall. I am reaching his nose even if I'm wearing heels. Paano pa kaya kung hindi ako naka-heels?
"I'm surprised seeing you here," he muttered, making my forehead creased.
"Huh?" I asked. "Uhm, I'm sorry but... have we met before?"
I saw him freeze. His smile slowly faded, clearing his throat.
I sipped on the drink and bit my lip awkwardly.
"I-I'm sorry," I chuckled a bit. "It's just that... Hindi kasi ako matandain. I don't know if we have met or what..."
"I'm Warren," he said suddenly. I nodded.
"Well, I'm Scira," I said, smiling. "Thanks, Sir Warren."
He suddenly laughed. I was confused pa at first but his lip pursed handsomely as he shook his head, brushing his hair.
"Adorable," he whispered.
"Sino?" I asked.
"You—" We got interrupted when my phone rang.
Nagmamadaling kinuha ko iyon sa bag at nakita ang pangalan ng secretary ko.
"Uh, excuse me," I muttered, smiling at the handsome man staring.
He nodded and put his hand inside the pocket of his jeans again.
My lips protruded, affected with how good and fluid his movements were. Nilagay ko ang phone sa tainga at nag-antay sa sasabihin niya.
"Hello?"
"Ma'am, Sir Lucas is here. Hinahanap ka po," she informed. Just like that, my mood turned sour.
"What is he doing?"
"Ma'am, sorry, ah..." She puffed a breath. "But he's making a scene."
"Shit..." I muttered under my breath. "Call the guards, I'm on my way," I said then I lowered my phone and glanced back at the man watching me quietly.
"Uhm, I have to go, Sir," I regret informing him.
I saw the disappointment in his eyes but it vanished quickly as he smiled at me.
"Alright, take care," he said.
"Thanks again," I said and hurriedly walked away to check the commotion in my firm.
I am mad at the commotion. Hinihila na ng guards paalis si Lucas pero hindi ito tumitigil.
"Architect Scira," Douglas called the moment he saw me.
"Architect," I called.
"Sorry, we tried calming him down but—"
"Scira!" My brows furrowed when Lucas saw me. He was about to run towards me but the guards were too fast to stop him.
"What are you doing, Lucas?" I scoffed. His eyes landed on me to Douglas beside me.
"What? May bago ka na? At talagang ang lalaking iyan!" he exclaimed.
"What are you saying?" I hissed.
"You cheated on me? Ano, mayabang ka na kasi may ipinagpalit ka kaagad?" He exclaimed. Umawang ang labi ko.
"What the hell, Lucas? Stop making a commotion in my firm," I said timidly, cold and enraged.
"How can't I? I loved you yet you..." He sighed. "You played with me!"
"Oh, I did?" I asked while I raised my brows and crossed my arms.
Pinagtitinginan na kami pero wala akong pakialam! I am so tired of this man making a scene! This wasn't the first time! I put it up to him at first but this is getting ridiculous!
"You can't break up with me!" he hissed.
I chuckled sarcastically and tilted my head. "Oh, can't I?"
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "Your family still needs us! Your family—"
"Well, Mr. Isabel, I don't think our family needed yours." I stopped and my eyes got fixed on the door and a smile almost left my lips when I saw my Kuya Deion.
"Deion..." Lucas muttered.
"I think the Sandejas-Valderama firm could stand just right, even without anyone's help," he said coldly when he reached us, folding the sleeves of his black dress shirt up to his forearm.
Lucas froze, staring at my brother coldly glancing at him.
"I-I'm sorry, Deion, it's just that, Scira broke up with me and I think she's cheating!" he muttered and my brother's forehead creased.
"You have proof?"
"N-no, but I think..."
"You broke up with him, princess?" Kuya glanced at me and sighing, I nodded.
Ayaw ko mang mamroblema pa sila pero wala na akong magagawa.
"Good," Kuya said suddenly and even I stopped.
"What? Deion!" Lucas called but my brother only shot his brow up.
"Having a commotion here isn't good to see, Mr. Isabel," Kuya said coldly. "And no one could ever accuse my sister of things she did not do."
I almost clapped my hands. Natahimik ang lugar. Kahit si Lucas ay natahimik.
"Get him out of here," Kuya retorted.
The guards dragged the screaming Lucas out. Ibinaling na naman sa 'kin ni Kuya ang atensyon niya.
"You playgirl," he tsk-ed.
"Kuya!" I exclaimed and suddenly, he smirked.
"Tara sa opisina mo," he said and kissed my forehead before taking my bag.
"Naparaan ka?" I asked and he shook his head. When he lifted the folder he was holding, my eyes widened.
"You left it at Dad's clinic, pinadala lang sa 'kin,"
I got pretty busy throughout the whole day with meetings and such. Nang umalis ang Kuya ay tumawag ang Mommy para kumustahin ang nangyari.
After that, for the night, I still have to meet with some of our clients for a dinner meeting. Nagtungo ako sa Casa Amara Manila para kitain ang mga kliyente.
"Thank you, Architect. We're looking forward to having you in our project." He offered his hand.
"Thank you," I said and smiled before accepting his hand.
After a few pleasantries, I decided to go check myself in the bathroom. I fixed my hair and added color to my lips and cheeks before finally going out.
Lumabas ako sa resto patungo sa lobby pero natigilan nang may makitang kumosyon.
"Aray! Aray! Pagkatapos mong yurakan ang pagkatao ko, Warrion?! Panindigan mo ako! You said I am your baby! Bakit may Winter ka ngayon?"
My eyes widened when I saw a familiar man.
It's that man!
It's Warren! But then... why is he pulling some man's hair?
"Shut up! Winter might hear you!" ani ng kasing tangkad na lalaking sinasabunutan din siya.
"Wait..." My eyes widened when I saw my Dad's patient, Winter, going near them.
"Sagutin n'yo ako. Mag-jowa kayo?!" She exclaimed.
Biglang naitulak no'ng matangkad na may green na mata si Warren na magulo na ang buhok pero nangingiting pilyo. He looked...amused?
"The hell, no!" The man with green eyes exclaimed and harshly shook his head.
"How dare you deny our love affair, Warrion?!" Warren exclaimed there.
He was clutching his chest and was looking dramatic. My jaw fell.
Wait... Is Warren gay?
But I thought he's straight! Kanina, lalaking-lalaki ang kilos! Ang gwapo pa at buo ang boses and now...
Napasinghap 'yong isang lalaki at kitang-kita ko na ang hiya sa mukha niya.
"Fuck you, Miranda! I will fucking—"
"Anong fucking! Hoy, ako ang diligan mo!" Winter exclaimed at napatingin sa kanya ang dalawa.
The man with green eyes shook his head violently.
"Baby, Winter, don't mind him. He's a fucker—"
"Ouch! My heart! My soul! Anong karapatan mong yurakan ang pagkatao ko nang ganito, mahal ko?!" The man with green eyes touched his head when Warren spoke.
They were the center of attention. I gasped and I honestly felt nasayangan when I saw Warren on the wall, dumadausdos na pababa.
Nag-wa-walling siya! Santisima!
Oh, God. I couldn't imagine seeing that handsome man doing a dramatic walling!
"What the heck, Miranda!" the man exclaimed.
I covered my mouth and gulped hard. I still couldn't believe that the man I found handsome earlier really was a member of the federation.
It's fine, really!
I have nothing against their sexual orientation. The truth is, I have some gay friends and they are amazing individuals! I admire them so much but it's just too shocking to see...him.
I can't believe this.
The man with green eyes hissed and pulled his hair frustratedly before marching towards Warren.
"Stand up!" he exclaimed. That's when I decided to walk towards them to see if there was anything I could do to help.
"No! After you hurt my feelings! May babae ka pala. Akala ko, ako lang?! Ako pa ang bumili ng mga bagong damit mo—" Warren exclaimed dramatically.
"What's happening here? Everyone okay?" I asked and I saw how the three of them shifted their gazes at me, freezing.
"Scira!" Winter called.
"Uy, Win!" I smiled sweetly then waved at her. "Okay lang kayo? Anong mayro'n?" I glanced at the boys.
The man with green eyes looks so stunned his eyes are just continuously blinking.
My eyes landed on Warren and he looked super pale. Like a sheet of white paper. His eyes were wide like he'd seen a ghost. His mouth is parted and he looks like he'll faint any moment while leaning on the wall.
No one spoke. I suddenly felt bad for Warren.
He helped me earlier and I think I could somehow help him if this man he loves can't accept his love. That's just too sad.
"Kuya, sana naman maging aware tayo na kahit kasama sila sa pederasyon, deserve nila ang love," I told the stunned man with green eyes as I pierced my gaze at him, slowly taking a glance back at Warren and smiled sweetly.
He's a good man. He helped me. He didn't deserve to be treated like this by the man he loved!
"Ayos ka lang, sis?" I offered my hand to Warren and smiled.
"I..." I saw Warren flushing hard. He gulped. I saw how embarrassed he was.
I waited patiently. He shouldn't be embarrassed. It's fine. Nothing to be ashamed about.
"I..." He gulped again. He was trying to say something but he was stuttering.
"It's okay, sis, come on. Stand up," I said and I saw how his eyes landed on my hand.
Hesitating, his trembling hand accepted mine as I slowly helped him up. When our eyes met, he looked so shy. His eyes are glassy, on the verge of crying like he felt bad I saw him in his most vulnerable state.
His jaw clenched and I sighed, smiling.
"It's alright, don't cry," I muttered and tapped his cheek gently.
I heard Winter clearing her throat at tulala lang si Warren. He's unmoving, tila estatwa na kapag hinawakan ay bibigay at mababasag kaya marahang binuksan ko ang braso.
"Come on, it's okay to hug," I offered for comfort and gulping, he shook his head.
I laughed. "Ayos lang. Comfort mula sa iyong kabaro," I said and his jaw dropped. Wala na siyang nagawa nang hilahin ko siya para sa yakap.
"S-Scira," he muttered, his voice shaky.
"Hmm?" I asked and tapped his back slowly.
I feel you, sis. I feel you.
"I-it's not what you think it is—"
"I have nothing against your sexual orientation, sis," I said softly, feeling sad about his rejection while tapping his back.
"I—"
"You can be my friend," I said. "You can tell me your heartbreaks."
"Y-yeah?" Pumiyok pa ang voice niya and slowly, I felt his hug.
"Yes, sis," I sighed and slowly moved away, cupping his cheek before looking at his eyes.
"Sana maging mag-kumare tayo," I said softly and I saw how his eyes widened.