Chapter Thirty-One
"I heard that Lyle moved back into town," Hope says as I flop onto the couch. It's been over nine months since everything occurred and it feels like a distance and distorted memory.
"Yes, he did, I am actually getting coffee with him this afternoon," I say.
"I saw the news this morning," she says, and I sigh. My chest tightens and I resist the urge to bury my head in a pillow and scream in frustration. Of course, she would bring this up immediately.
"Nobody is sure how he managed to suffocate himself," I grunt, and Hope throws a piece of candy at my head.
"Sit up, Faith. You clearly need and want to talk about this," Hope says, and I grumble and push myself up and grab the candy, the strawberry ones, she knows they are my favorite.
"You are going to think I'm a monster," I tell her bluntly and she raises a brow.
"Faith, you told me about the time you almost had to kill another child to save your own life. I will never view you as a monster, now talk to me about what is going on in your head. I could feel your gears grinding from the waiting room," she says.
Standing up, I walk to the far side of the office and grab a fidget thing from a bin and start pacing back and forth. The General is a subject we have been slowly working on, the rage I still hold towards him is blazingly strong. Sometimes I feel like I will never truly get closure on the situation. I thought throwing him behind bars would satiate my want for revenge, but even thinking about him still makes me see red.
"I wanted him to live behind bars for the rest of his life, I wanted him to know what it felt like to be trapped in a tiny cage with people he doesn't know holding the key. He deserved to know what manual labor in the sweltering heat felt like. I wanted him to suffer as much as the law could make him!" I rant.
"Why?" She asks me, the sound of her pen scratching on her notebook no longer irritates me.
"Because he locked us all in cells! We were trapped in cages as young as three years old. I wanted him to feel trapped and without hope," I snarl out. My adrenaline spikes and I don't try to stop it.
"So, an eye for an eye?" She asks me calmly.
"I guess, that doesn't feel like enough," I grunt.
"But now he's dead. He killed himself and left a note saying that he could never repent," she says bluntly, and I freeze.
"What?" I ask alarmed. My hands clench as if I still had a death grip on his one arm.
"He left a note, I'm not sure if the investigators wanted that to get out. But it said, 'I can never repent for what I've done,' and it was written on a napkin," she says, and I stop my pacing.
"He listened," I say softly.
"Pardon?"
"I told him he would never be able to repent for what he's done. I told him he was a monster and an abomination," I say solemnly.
"What do you mean by repent? I thought you didn't believe in a God," Hope says curiously.
"When I first arrived at the camp, he used to wear a silver cross on a chain. I never could forget the image of a man shooting a child in the leg as his cross hung on his neck. I don't believe in a god, but he did at one point and I wanted him to know that his God would never forgive him," I say bitterly. I listen to her pen pause for a few moments and then continue. Glancing over at her, I can see the wrinkles between her brows.
"But now he's dead," Hope says again. She hasn't commented on my rage yet, I know she's waiting.
"Yes,"
"So technically he did spend the rest of his life behind bars. Maybe not the forty years you were expecting. But he did spend the rest of his life stuck in a cage," she says seriously, and I sit down on the floor and play with the plastic cube.
"You are technically correct," I say.
"So, I acknowledge the rage and anger you're feeling, but is it really worth continuing to cart around for the rest of your life, Faith? Don't you deserve to work through everything and not have to think about the pain you want to cause of him?" She asks me seriously and I look up at her and she gives me a sad smile.
"Do I deserve that?" I ask bitterly. I still struggle with the idea that I am worth everything I am being given. My musical talents only contribute so much to the world.
"I can sit here and tell you all day that you do deserve that, but you need to believe that yourself," Hope says, and I lie down on the floor and stare at the ceiling.
"Therapy is hard," I say disgruntled and she laughs.
"Yes, it is, now get off the floor, it hasn't been vacuumed recently, and let's finish this conversation," she says, and I oblige.
After my appointment is over, I wait for Hope to finish up her appointment with Orion. He switched his treatment and care over to her once he received his official diagnosis of D.I.D., and he seems content with the care he is getting. Dialing Ruka, I pace around outside talking to her about the dinner party we are attending tonight. It is a massive welcome back party for Lyle that his dad is hosting.
"Ready?" Orion asks startling me and I smile as we start walking in the direction of the coffee shop.
"Therapy is hard," Orion grumbles as we cross the street and I glance up at him.
"I had a rough session today too," I say sympathetically, and he gives me a faint smile.
"We've got this," I say looping my arm through his.
"I know," he says, and I pull him in the right direction.
"Why did Lyle want to get coffee when we're all seeing him tonight?" Orion asks and I shrug. I didn't ask why.
"I'll let you know when I'm done," I say as I see the little shop, it's near the Italian restaurant the whole family likes.
"Alright, I'll pick you up when you're done," he says before turning to walk towards Caspian. Walking in, I see Lyle in a quieter corner with his laptop in front of him. Ordering myself a cup of coffee, I slide in across from him.
"Faith! I'm so glad you could meet me," he says, and I make myself comfortable.
"Welcome back to New York," I say, and he smiles. The top button on his shirt is still undone and his hair is longer than before he left but I saw his pressed, tailored jeans, and shined shoes from across the room.
"I'm glad to be back, although I won't lie, I miss Devyn," he says, and I grin. He loves that woman, she's his best friend.
"I think she would be offended if you didn't," I say as I sip my coffee.
"I need to apologize to you, today is a day of corrections for me," Lyle says surprising me.
"What do you need to apologize for?" I ask confused. Lyle and I talk almost weekly, I don't remember him saying anything offensive.
"I leaned on you when you had enough on your plate. I asked you for advice on a subject that you guard fiercely and that brings you a lot of pain. I shouldn't have done that Faith, you didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have encroached on your mental wellbeing like that, " he says sincerely.
"Lyle, it's not every day someone destroys your autonomy. You don't need to apologize for that, I hope the distance gave you some clarity and a chance to sort through your emotions," I say seriously, and he meets my gaze.
"You Metac kids are impossibly strong, you do realize that, correct? The world tried to shatter you and yet here you are having coffee with a weird older guy acting as if everything is normal," Lyle says in an almost joking tone. Cracking a smile, I shake my head at his antics.
"Is that Aviva?" I ask confused, I heard her heartbeat walk through the door.
"I owe her a massive apology too, I'm sure she's moved on, but I can't move back into this city without acknowledging how horrendously I treated her when I was her boss," Lyle says, and I wave her over.
"She has a beautiful heart; I am sure she'll find it within herself to forgive you," I say quietly as she approaches.
"Hi Avi," I say sweetly, and she gives me a big grin. I see the flash of diamonds on her hand from her wedding band.
"Hi Faith, one second," she says before turning her attention squarely to Lyle, she points a finger firmly at him.
"Yes?" He asks confused.
"You are Lena's new financial advisor? Why didn't anyone tell me! Damn, she needs the help, and I know numbers are your forte," Aviva says quickly and Lyle grins.
"Lena asked me herself when she heard I was thinking about moving back, I promise I'll be the best advisor she could ask for," he says with a genuine smile. Grabbing my coffee, I wave to the two of them as my phone rings. I faintly hear Lyle's voice pitch up as he chokes up on whatever he is saying to her, but quickly walk out. It's not my place to hear that conversation.
"Hi Ion," I say.
"Ion? Is that Orion?" A female voice says, and it takes me a second to realize that Devyn is on the phone.
"Hi, Devyn, what's up?" I ask.
"Can I get the address of the family party this evening?" She asks me smoothly.
"Why would you need that?" I ask biting back a grin.
"I may or may not have just landed in New York, I am staying in a hotel for a week while I look for an apartment," she says quickly.
"Lyle has two bedrooms in his new place," I say coolly, and she laughs.
"Can I get that address Miss Kurning?" She teases.
"I can do you one better; how would you like a lift?" I ask her.
"Even better, I will text you my hotel's address as soon as I hail a cab," she says before hanging up.
Forwarding the information to Ion, he agrees and reaches out to Devyn himself. Quickly walking back to my apartment, I throw open the door and quickly change into the nicer clothes, and braid my hair out of my face. I know the massive bus we are renting will be here shortly and I don't want to be the one holding everyone up. Smudging some eyeliner and concealer on, I pause and look in the mirror. Glancing over at the photo I have of all of the Kurning's, my heart flutters.
"Home," I say quietly. This routine, the location, and the people, it's everything I never knew I needed. Tears blur my vision as Hope's words fill my mind. She can't make me believe that I deserve this, but I can be thankful for everything that everyone around me is giving.
"Faith?" Cabe asks me and I glance up.
"We need to get going," he says with a smile and I follow him outside and onto the bus. We share headphones on the way over and I chat easily with some of my siblings. They ask Cabe a million questions and they easily interact with all of the other metac survivors. It's almost unnatural how easy it is for them to integrate people into their family.
"Wait, where is Orion?" Cabe asks and I grin.
"Don't worry about it, he'll show up," I say, and everyone stares at me as if I have three heads. But I just smile and change the topic.
The next chapter is the epilogue!!!! Faith is almost done 😭😭😭. This character holds such a special place in my heart but I cannot wait to introduce the next one. Information about the third book will be going up soon.