"I promise,"
Phil then beamed at his mother, once again engulfed in her warm, motherly embrace. Unbeknownst to the boy, Bora was having a really hard time fighting back her tears. She was at the brink of collapsing. She felt like a lone, tiny wall trying to prevent a complete tsunami from passing over.
Hours passed and Bora lay on her side as she lulled Phil to sleep. Her mind couldn't help but wander to a certain, wolf-like woman who made her genuinely happy. Her heart ached as her gaze landed on a peacefully sleeping Phil, his arms wrapped tight around Ethan, Bora's tiny elephant plush toy, around his arms. She closed her eyes as she tried to drift off to sleep, frowning as a certain woman wouldn't leave her thoughts.
~~~
Meanwhile, Siyeon lay on her oversized bed. She was wearing her favorite sweater, the one which Bora had given to her. She looked at her phone, temptation engulfing her as she stared at Bora's contact name. She wanted to talk to her. She wanted to hear her voice. So with a sigh, she succumbed to the temptation as she tapped on the call button with a calloused finger.
She waited in anticipation as Bora picked up the phone, answering with a soft mention of her name.
"Hey," Siyeon greeted,"Did I wake you?"
"Not at all," Bora replied,"Couldn't sleep,"
"What a coincidence," Siyeon chuckled,"Me too,"
"So," She continued,"What are you doing now?"
"Talking to you as I sit at the couch,"
Siyeon smiled, her heart fluttering as she listened to Bora's honey voice. The two caught up on missed events and shared funny stories. All was well until Bora brought up the young boy.
"I said all those things to you in front of him," Siyeon explained, wincing as the memories came flooding back,"He probably overheard m8y outburst back then, too,"
"I see," Bora sighed,"And now he hates you?"
"He resents me," Siyeon corrected, closing her eyes as she let a deep wave of pain wash over her,"He completely resents me. Just like how I was with you,"
"You can't be so sure,"
"I know because I see it in his eyes,"
Bora stood silent, a mere hum leaving her lips as Siyeon chewed on her lip.
"I'm really sorry, Bora," Siyeon whispered, her voice slightly cracking,"You should also get some sleep too,"
"Can we talk about this- no, us again?" Bora asked, hope in her voice.
"Sure," Siyeon agreed,"Meet tomorrow at the same place at 11am?"
"Okay," Bora replied,"Goodnight, Si. I love you,"
Siyeon smiled,"Goodnight Bora. I love you too,"
Bora hung up and the wolf had a huge grin on her face. Her heart was beating rapidly as she uncontrollably tossed and rolled around in her bed while she tried to keep herself from squealing. She took in a deep breath and she was fully aware that she was barely going to get any sleep tonight.
~~~
The next day came rather quickly for Bora, and slowly for Siyeon. The two quickly got ready for their meet-up. Bora gently told Phil that she will be meeting a friend, much to the boy's disappointment. He was really looking forward to spending the day with his mother, but he shrugged it off since he wanted his mom to be also happy.
A few more minutes passed and the two arrived at the park from before. Bora made sure to wear Siyeon's knitted scarf as she ventured out into the cold, but thankfully, Minji gave her a lift.
Stepping out of her car, Siyeon immediately went to Bora's specified location. Quickly spotting the woman with her knitted scarf among the few people in the area. She grinned as she snuck up on her, embracing her from behind causing Bora to let out a squeaky yelp.
"Gotcha," Siyeon laughed, pulling away to hold her hand.
"Geez, Si," Bora pouted, rolling her eyes,"You're gonna give me a heart attack one day,"
Siyeon laughed in response as she squeezed the woman's hand,"Let's go for a walk around?"
"I would love to,"
Siyeon held Bora's hand as they started walking. She then shoved their hands in her coat pocket for added warmth, since Bora always loved it whenever Siyeon did that. And Siyeon had always remembered it. The small details, her habits, what she hated, what she loved. She loved Bora, and she surely made an effort to remember.
Bora tried to suppress a smile as she walked closer to the woman. She then clung to Siyeon's arm while her other hand happily felt warm inside Siyeon's coat pocket as the latter's fingers intertwined with hers.
They walked around, admiring the surroundings and checking out the stalls as they proceeded. There were only genuine smiles on their faces, not a hint of grief nor any negativity showed. After all, the two of them only felt euphoric. They were with the person whose presence they desired for the most.
The two continued to stroll at the park when a certain object caught Siyeon's eye. She made her way to the stall with Bora as she checked the object out.
"I'm getting this for Phil," Siyeon stated, a smile on her face as she paid for the object. Bora's eyebrow raised in confusion, which led to Siyeon lifting the object up with a hand.
"A police officer hat...!" Bora exclaimed in delight, a huge smile spreading across her face,"Phil would definitely love that!"
"I heard him say that he wanted to be a police officer one day," Siyeon chuckled as she gripped on Bora's hand, the woman instantly getting the hint.
"Siyeon...,"
"Let's get something to eat?" Siyeon asked, a bright smile on her face as several restaurants came up to mind.
"Yeah, i'm kinda hungry,"
The two then proceeded to go to a nearby restaurant which didn't need the car. They opened the door and went inside, warmth immediately greeting them.
They then sat on certain chairs once they found a table at a preferred area. They scanned the menu and it didn't take long for them to get their desired food in mind.
Siyeon was being a total romantic the whole time they were at the restaurant. She would often reach out for Bora's hand from her seat. A charming smile sat on her face every time she looked at her. And Bora loved it.
Hours passed and the sun was setting. They were too engrossed in taking photos and feeling each other's presence that they failed to notice the time.
Siyeon watched the birds fly as she stood at a slightly deserted area of the park. Snow-capped trees surrounded the area as benches were placed further inside. Siyeon stood, her hand wistfully grazing the tree bark as Bora took more photos. She eventually stopped to bring up the topic they were originally supposed to talk about.
"Si," She began, her voice a faint whisper,"I think it's time we talked about it,"
Siyeon smiled bitterly as she sighed,"Yeah," She then proceeded to slowly claw at the at tree bark,"I can't, Bora,"
"What?" Bora froze, her eyes boring through Siyeon's back.
"I can't," Siyeon repeated, slightly trembling as pain filled her heart,"We can't be together, Bora,"
"Si, I don't get it," Bora huffed, her eyes glassy as she walked closer to the woman,"What about this date? Your words, Si?"
"I meant every single word I said," Siyeon responded,"I truly do love you. I want to be with you once again,"
"Then why?"
Siyeon paused, stifling a dry laugh as she spoke.
"Phil,"
Bora's tears started to fall as she looked at her lover, her hands clenching and unclenching as her heart ached.
"I love Phil too," Siyeon stated, hurt evident in her voice,"I want the best for him. And I can't give that with me by his side,"
"I will convince him, Si," Bora sobbed as she wiped her tears,"Phil is still a child. He will learn how to forgive,"
"Bora," Siyeon called with a stern tone,"It's my turn,"
"Turn for what?" Bora asked, her tears getting uncontrollable with every word she let out.
"Think of it as you with me back then,"
Bora flinched, her tears temporarily stopping as Siyeon turned to face her.
"You wanted to be with me, yet you couldn't come close," She began,"Because you knew it would trigger my trauma at the mere sight of you. Because you knew that I would go insanely hurt when I see you. You knew that I would get angry. All the negative emotions, you name it,"
"Am I right, Bora?"
Bora trembled as she covered her face with her hands, letting the tears flow continuously while Siyeon looked at her with a frown.
"We both know that Phil wouldn't want me anywhere near you, or him," Siyeon continued, her eyes glistening with tears,"Phil gave me a scar,"
Bora's eyes widened as she raised her head from her hands. Her gaze landed on Siyeon's open forehead, a wide scar sitting on it as the wolf pulled her bangs away from it.
"This is how much he resents me," Siyeon explained, choking back a sob as she let her hands fall back to her sides,"And we both wouldn't want him to grow up like this,"
"So please, Bora," Siyeon pleaded, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks,"I'm really sorry. But please understand,"
"And maybe," Siyeon continued, slightly whimpering at the pain,"Maybe you should find someone else,"
"Siyeon?" Bora shook her head,"What are you talking about? I would never,"
"You have to forget me, Bora," Siyeon cried,"For your sake. For Phil's sake,"
"No...! I would never...," Bora gritted her teeth as she threw herself into the wolf's arms,"Never, Siyeon. NEVER. I will wait for you. Even if it takes years. Even if it takes a lifetime. I will wait for you,"
"Bora please," The wolf pleaded, desperate as she tried to push her away,"Let me be the one to sacrifice this time,"
"It's not just you who's gonna sacrifice, Siyeon," Bora replied, her arms wrapping tighter around the woman,"I will also sacrifice. I want to be with you, but you refuse. If I agree to your pleas, I will have to sacrifice my desire to be with you. To be beside you,"
"Think about Phil," Siyeon huffed,"Think about what he will feel,"
"But Siyeon-,"
"This is my punishment, Bora," Siyeon coughed, her tears drowning her as she wailed. Causing her knees to grow weak which eventually led her to drop down on her knees,"This is my punishment. Let me suffer in it,"
Bora muffled her sobs as she whispered comforting words to the woman. She didn't want to let her go. She didn't want her to suffer, yet Siyeon insisted on it. She wanted to suffer. She wanted to walk in Bora's shoes. She wanted to feel what she felt back then. She wanted to get a taste of her own medicine.
Siyeon wanted to accept her punishment without regrets.
And so Bora nodded.
"Okay," She sighed, her breath full of hurt and pain,"Okay, i'll try to let you go,"
"Thank you,"
"But I won't guarantee that I would be successful in it,"
Siyeon nodded as she let herself melt into Bora's arms. She inhaled her scent as she reciprocated the embrace, occasionally running her hand through Bora's smooth, silky hair for more comfort. She took in her presence, her touch, her scent, her mannerisms, her voice. She closed her eyes while she absorbed them all, while she felt them. She then placed her hand on Bora's cheek, her thumb caressing the soft skin. Then she leaned in and pressed a short, soft kiss on the woman's lips. Bora closed her eyes as Siyeon went in for another one.
And another one.
And another one.
And another one.
Until she completely closed the gap between them in a passionate, long kiss. Siyeon tilted her head as she pressed further, feeling Bora's lips on her own. The way she felt Bora's lips move against her own. The way Bora shrank. The way Bora evenly reciprocated every action she did. Siyeon held her close as she kissed her.
It was as if the last kiss they shared.
It was as if it will be the last time they'll be in each other's presence.
After what seemed like a mere second, they pulled apart, staring at each other's eyes. Siyeon's eyes softened, as if apologizing to the woman as she slowly stood up.
"Come on," She urged, a small smile on her face,"I'll drive you home,"
Bora nodded as she followed her lover back into her car.
Anything to spend more time with Siyeon.
Siyeon opened the door for her, an action which made Bora smile. A few seconds later, they were out the road. And a few more minutes later, they arrived in front of Minji's house.
"Stay safe, Bora," Siyeon smiled,"I want to give this to you,"
She opened the luggage compartment in front of the woman and took out a piece of cloth. Bora's eyes widened as she recognized the sweater she gave Siyeon for Christmas.
"I took it from your room after the accident," She confessed,"Sorry, I just wanted you by my side that time,"
Bora took the piece of clothing and slowly brought it up to her nose.
Coffee.
It had the scent of coffee. A scent that Siyeon always harbored. A scent that was very much familiar to Bora. From back at their house to their café dates, the scent of coffee stuck with Siyeon.
"Siyeon...," Bora smiled,"I want to give you something too, but...,"
"Maybe I can have all the photos of me and Phil you took," Siyeon mused, smiling,"And maybe of us too,"
"Alright," Bora chuckled,"I'll send them to you later,"
"Oh, and," Bora trailed off, a hint of sadness appearing in her eyes as she spoke,"I want you to send me all your songs,"
"Well these artis-,"
"Not the artists' voice. Yours," Bora corrected,"I need the clips of you singing your songs,"
Siyeon hummed and nodded her head in agreement. Silence filled the car once again as neither dared to move. Bora's eyes were restlessly moving back and forth Siyeon, while the latter has continuously chewed on her lip. Bora then sighed.
"Can I have one more kiss?" Bora slowly asked, fearing rejection.
Siyeon didn't speak, but instead she leaned in and gave her lover another passionate kiss. The two eventually pulling back once Bora started crying once again.
"S-sorry," She apologized, shaking her head,"Sorry,"
"It's alright," Siyeon smiled,"You should really get going, it's getting late,"
Bora nodded as she chewed on her lip,"I love you, Lee Siyeon,"
"I love you so much," Bora smiled as more tears began to pour, "Take care of yourself, okay? No more smoking. Always eat healthy foods. Drink moderately. Be careful when driving. I wish you luck in your career,"
"Thank you, Bora," Siyeon smiled, her eyes softening as she gazed into Bora's glassy, chocolate orbs,"I love you too. But those words alone can't express all my feelings for you,"
Bora looked at her and Siyeon held her hand.
"Bora, you will forever be the inspiration to my songs, the subject of my poems, my motivation to write, my angel who helped me reach where I am now, the reason why I sing, the reason why I produce songs, the reason why I became the person I am now,"
Tears began to spill as Siyeon beamed a grateful smile,"I love you so fucking much, Kim Bora. And words alone can't express how much I do,"
"Si...,"
"Goodbye, my love," Siyeon cried,"I'll miss you,"
"Goodbye, Si," Bora smiled as she got out of the car, ringing the doorbell as Siyeon drove off.
The door was opened by Yoohyeon whose eyes widened at the woman's state. Bora was still sobbing, her hand covering her mouth to prevent her from completely wailing her heart out. Her eyes were very puffy and her nose a bright shade of pink and soon, she collapsed into Yoohyeon's arms. Her cries muffled as she sobbed hard at the tall woman's shoulder.
It didn't take long for Minji to arrive at the commotion alongside a surprised Phil, who immediately started crying at the miserable sight of his mother.
"Phil...," Bora sobbed while Phil rushed to her side.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" Phil asked, frowning,"Why are you crying?"
"Mommy just had to say goodbye to someone she loves," Bora answered, hiccuping while she cupped the boy's cheeks with her hands,"Mommy will never see her again," Bora cried as Phil embraced her.
"I'm sorry, mommy," Phil pouted, comforting his mother,"I hope you will be better soon,"
Bora sobbed as she held her son in her arms. The memory of Siyeon's smile fading away as she closed her eyes.
~~~
Meanwhile, Siyeon sat on her bed as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. She held her family photos in her hands as tears dropped on them. She closed her eyes as memories of her and Phil came flooding back.
She was aware of her actions. She couldn't see them. She knew it was for the best. Yet deep in her heart, she had a tiny spark of hope burning. She had hope. She pondered on what to do, and came upon the answer. She wanted to believe that it was the right thing to do, and it flared her hope.
Hope that Phil may finally be able understand what completely happened, and he may also be finally able to to forgive her one day.
She was hoping for that one day to come. Although for now, she lay in bed. Alone with her thoughts as she suffered her consequences.
I love you guys, so much...