Author's Note: This was updated on 8/12/20. I hope you enjoy the new-and-improved version!
Once again, you sat in your captain's office, helping him fill out the routine post-expedition paperwork. You didn't think it was fair that he should have to do all this alone, especially when he was just as exhausted as the rest of you. And usually, you didn't mind, because being with Levi made the time more enjoyable.
However, tonight, Levi hadn't uttered a single word to you. While he typically didn't say much, this silence was odd, even for him. You also noticed, as you discretely stole glances at him, that he didn't seem to really be focused on his paperwork either.
You couldn't think of any explanation for why Levi might be acting this way. You considered asking him outright, but then again, maybe you were overthinking things. You were hypersensitive to Levi, and had been for a while now – ever since you realized you were in love with him.
Of course, you kept your feelings hidden, knowing that Levi wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with anyone. He had good reasons for it, and you didn't blame him. Rather than make things awkward, you decided to try just being content with his friendship. After all, that was the most you would ever get. It would have to be enough.
You worked in silence until the last of the documents was signed. As you stood to leave, you bid Levi goodnight, and although he nodded in acknowledgement, he still didn't speak to or look at you. Something was definitely up. Sure, he behaved like this with most people, but not with you.
You got halfway across the room before you finally decided to say something. "Um, Levi..." you began hesitantly, turning to face him. "Is something wrong? You seem a bit...off."
Levi went rigid, keeping his eyes glued to the desk in front of him. He remained silent for so long that you thought he wasn't planning to answer you. But finally, he replied, "What you did today...don't ever do it again." His voice was quiet, restrained, like the calm before a storm.
"What I...did?" you breathed, mentally replaying your actions during the expedition. You couldn't think of anything that you had done wrong. You had followed every order, fought to the best of your ability. So why was Levi upset with you?
Levi scoffed, then turned his face away. His brows were drawn tightly together as he glared at the ground. "Throwing yourself in front of the wagons like that," he hissed. "You're lucky Petra was there, or else you would have gotten yourself killed."
"But, Levi..." you muttered, confused. It was standard procedure for everyone to defend the wagons, regardless of personal risk. Without your swift actions today, those wagons would have been trampled. "It's our duty to protect the wagons. We need those supplies to establish bases and replenish our gear. Without them, the mission would fail. I can't just stand by and let titans –"
"Dammit, (f/n)!" Levi yelled, shooting to his feet as he slammed his hands on the desk, making you jump. He quickly crossed room, stopping right in front of you as he continued, "Don't give me that crap about 'duty'! What you did was reckless and stupid, and you're not to do it again! Understood?"
Tears formed in your eyes at his harsh words. Beyond being in love with Levi, you looked up to him as your captain and Humanity's Strongest Soldier. To hear that he thought so little of your actions today felt like a punch to the gut. You dropped your gaze to the floor, ashamed. "I'm sorry, sir," you bit out, trying but failing to keep your voice even. "I didn't mean to disappoint you. I'll work harder."
For a moment, the silence stretched heavily between you. Then Levi sighed softly, and you heard the sound of his footsteps moving away from you. You kept your eyes on the floor, unable to look at him as teardrops slipped slowly down your cheeks. You only glanced up when you heard him sink down onto the couch. His elbows rested on his knees, his face in his hands.
After sitting like that for a while, he sighed again and uncovered his face. "I'm sorry, (f/n)," he murmured. "I didn't mean it like that."
"T-then, how did you m-mean it?" you whispered, tears still streaming down your cheeks.
Levi finally met your gaze. His grey-blue orbs were filled with remorse, and something else you couldn't place. "I..."
Then he averted his eyes again, as if it were too difficult to state how he felt while looking at you. "I've lost so many people, (f/n)..." he explained quietly. "Friends, comrades...they all die eventually, because they have to go and do something heroic...their 'duty', or whatever." Levi swallowed. "And I get it. That's our job. But please, don't put yourself at risk like that. Because I've survived losing everyone else, but I don't think I could take it if I lost you. Not...not you."
Slowly, you walked to the couch and sat down next to him. "And...why me, Levi?" you breathed.
Levi shifted so you couldn't see his face.
"Levi," you insisted gently as you reached around to take his face in your hands. "Look at me."
Levi allowed your delicate hands to guide him back to you. However, his eyes never met yours.
"Why me?" you asked again.
"Because..." His voice caught, and he had to clear his throat before continuing. "...because, I care about you, (f/n). More than anyone or anything."
Your eyes widened. You never thought that Levi would return your feelings, but...his words, the sound of his voice when he said he cared about you...
"Look at me," you breathed.
Slowly, Levi brought his eyes up to meet yours.
Then you kissed him.
Immediately, Levi froze, and you thought he might pull away. But after he got over the initial shock, his eyelids fluttered closed, and he started to kiss you back. He was hesitant at first, as if he didn't really know what he was doing, but eventually, he melted into you. You slid your hands around his neck, your fingers playing with the ends of his raven-black hair as he cupped your cheek in his hand, tilting your head to get a better angle.
You only broke apart when your lungs were screaming for air. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and your stomach was so full of butterflies that you thought you might be sick, but you didn't want it to stop. You smiled, hardly daring to believe that you had just kissed Levi Ackerman – and he had kissed you back! You had never been happier in your entire life.
Then Levi's eyes shuttered, and he turned away from you. "I'm sorry," he said emotionlessly. "I shouldn't have done that."
And just like that, your heart shattered. "Oh," you quavered. "N-no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed..." You squeezed your eyes shut against the fresh tears that threatened to spill over. "I'll be going now." You stood, wanting to get away from him as quickly as possible, and wishing you could take it all back.
"No, wait," he said hastily as he grabbed your wrist, halting you. "I didn't mean..." You looked back at him, and what he saw in your eyes made him bow his head in shame. "I keep making you cry," he muttered, almost to himself.
Levi released your wrist, but you didn't move.
"I do feel that way about you," he explained. "Of course I do. You're smart, and strong, and beautiful, and funny." He swallowed. "And you're so damn kind to me, even when I screw things up, just like now..." His hands clenched into fists. "But you deserve better, (f/n). I'm not...a good person."
"Levi, what are you talking about?" You sat down again, tilting your head at an odd angle so you could look into his eyes. When you saw the sadness there, when you saw how he genuinely thought so little of himself, your chest tightened to the point of pain. "Of course you're a good person. You've selflessly risked your life for years to protect humanity from the titans. Bad people don't do that."
"You don't know what I did before I joined the Scouts," he muttered.
"What, when you were in the Underground City? None of that matters now." Gently, you took his chin in your hand, tilting his face up even though he refused to look at you. "Levi, I see you. You could be a thief or a crime lord, and I would still see you as you are now. My captain. My friend." Technically, you saw him as more than that, but you though it was best to keep things simple for now.
Levi gingerly grabbed your hand and moved it away. Then he shook his head. "You say you see me, but you don't. And trust me, you wouldn't want to."
You sat silently for a moment, brow furrowed as you wondered what on earth you could say to make him understand. But then, maybe it wasn't what you could say, but what he could say...
You sat up straight. "Alright, fine," you stated resolutely.
Levi's eyes snapped up at the sudden command in your tone.
"Tell me all the things you've done that you think make you a bad person. You say you're not good enough for me, but that's not your decision to make. It's mine." You knew you were asking for a lot – for him to trust you with his darkest secrets – but you didn't see any other way to get through this. "Tell me everything, Levi, and then I'll show you that I don't walk away. Not from you. Not ever."
Levi only stared at you, the smallest hint of shock in his typically stoic expression. You could see the internal debate happening behind his eyes. You seemed sincere enough now, but would you still feel so strongly when you knew the truth? There was only one way to find out.
He couldn't look at you. He couldn't bear to see whether disgust or hatred crossed your features as he laid his sins at your feet. But, quietly, he confessed them all.
At the end, he took a trembling breath. "I have no sense of right and wrong anymore. I'm not sure there's anything I wouldn't do at this point."
You waited a few moments, just in case he had more to say. When he didn't, you asked softly, "Is there anything else?"
He shook his head.
Then you were wrapping him in your arms – kindly, gently. Levi stiffened in surprise, until you murmured into his ear, "Okay."
Levi jerked back, bewildered. "Okay?"
"Yes. Okay."
His gaze hardened. "I've killed people."
"I know."
"Men, women, children. I've killed them just because I could."
"I don't believe that."
"I'm a monster."
"I don't believe that, either."
"Don't you get it?" he growled. "I'm not a good person, (f/n). I'm not...I'm not worthy of you."
"And I really don't believe that," you countered. "Look, Levi, I know you've done some bad things, but that doesn't make you a bad person. You did what you had to do to survive. I understand that, and I accept it. I accept you."
As if he didn't believe you, Levi averted his gaze.
Undeterred, you asked tenderly, "Shall I tell you what I see when I look at you?" You cupped his face in your hands, stroking your thumbs along his cheeks. "I see a man who rose from being an Underground thug to Humanity's Strongest Soldier. I see a man who selflessly risks his life to protect his comrades – and who cares very deeply about them, even if he rarely shows it."
You leaned your forehead against his as your voice became hushed. "I see a man who cares very deeply about me, and who always has my best interests at heart. I see a man who is brave, and clever, and compassionate. A man who has earned my respect, as well as my trust. And..." Not quite sure if it was the right thing to do, you gave the lightest brush of your lips against his own. "...I see the man that I love. The only man I will ever love. So don't say you aren't good enough for me, Levi. Because even with your flaws, you're perfect."
Hesitantly, Levi brought his eyes up to meet your own. There was still a little uncertainty in them, but beneath that, he had finally begun to understand.
Tears rimmed his breathtaking, grey-blue orbs. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't find the words. There weren't words. He had shown you the most unlovable parts of him, unraveled each imperfection like a scar. Yet, despite all of that, you loved him harder anyway.
So you wrapped him in your arms again, gentle hands rubbing soothing circles into his back. This time, Levi relaxed into you and returned your embrace. You didn't know how long you held him, but you didn't care. Because there, in his arms, you felt like you had finally come home.
Then Levi pulled back just enough to look at you. His expression was once again unreadable, except there was a tenderness in his gaze that you had never seen before. His eyes held yours before flicking down to your lips, then back up – a silent question.
With your heart pounding, you nodded.
Levi closed the distance, and then he was kissing you. He was careful, slow, delicate. But in those small touches, he conveyed everything that he wasn't able to put into words – gratitude, and adoration.
He pulled back a fraction and murmured, "I love you, (f/n)."
And suddenly, you were breathless.
"I love you too, Levi," you managed to reply, your voice no more than a whisper.
He smiled, and your heart stopped. You had never seen Levi smile before. In fact, you hadn't even thought it was possible. But there it was, and it was beautiful. He was beautiful.
He reached up to brush his fingers through your hair. "It's late. You should go get some sleep."
You smiled gently. "Alright. See you tomorrow morning, Captain?"
Levi rolled his eyes at the title, though you knew he wasn't really annoyed. "Yeah," he grumbled. "Goodnight, brat."
Before you left, the two of you shared a soft, loving kiss. Then you walked back to your bedroom, subconsciously bringing your fingers to your lips, which still tingled with the memory of Levi. And you couldn't stop yourself from grinning like a schoolgirl.