Skye:
Chills ran over my body as I sat in the bathroom stall, fighting tears.
I was trained to do this. Ward has spent endless hours training me to cut myself off from this, to be emotionless.
Yet, the moment Garret laid his hand on me, I broke. I was supposed to be able to fight off anyone, physical or emotionally.
I let in and out a deep breath, cleaning my mind for a moment.
I was going to follow through with my orders, but at what cost?
-
"Tomorrow, if you are free, I'd like to have to come to my personal bar. At my estate." Garret's voice was fake. He had his hand on my bare near as he sat in front of me.
"I would be delighted to" I replied, faking a smile. Wishing I had worn a longer dress.
The goodbyes were quick and simple. Just how I wanted them. My heart was racing as Ward and I walked out of the building.
I wanted to ramble on about everything that I was feeling but I held it in. We both knew that we were being followed till we reached the car. Even after that, on the drive back to the hotel, I couldn't make myself talk.
I had convinced myself that I was being weak. Being an agent meant putting myself in dangerous positions, not just life threatening. But more than that.
"Skye?" Ward said, shutting the hotel room door behind him.
"I'm gonna take a quick shower, unless you want to shower first." I responded to him , trying my hardest to seem like it wasn't having an affect on me. I felt like I was failing badly.
"Go ahead." He replied.
I expected something more from him. Asking me how I was doing or something along the lines of that, but nothing. Maybe I was better at hiding my emotions than I thought.
"I'll be right back." I said to him as I crossed the room. I grabbed clothes from my bag then walking into the bathroom.
-
I showered quickly then got dressed. I put on shorts and a sweatshirt. I dried my hair the best I could then put it in a bun on top of my head.
My nerves were calming down, I was no long shaking. But I wasn't comfortable, I needed space and sleep. Then I would be okay in the morning, I hoped.
"I'm going to take a shower." Ward said to me as I walked out of the bathroom. He was sitting in the chair in the corner, with a book on his lap. He had already made up a bed for himself on the floor.
The idea of sleeping so close to him gave me peace and anxiety. The space felt too small. Even though that was what I thought would fix it, space, I didn't like it.
I nodded. I didn't trust myself to say any more than I had to. I could always talk to him, because he let me, and I knew if started saying anything, I would spill everything. I needed to think everything over before I said anything to him.
-
I had wanted this my whole life. To be apart of something. I finally had that.
And I didn't know if I wanted anymore.
I didn't want to be what they were making me be. I chose to be here, yet this didn't feel like my choice any more.