yalls reading Riot are the horniest buncha lads I've ever come across. But I read it for the meme and now i'm lightly scarred, not as bad as some of the nolan patrick fanfics I was dared to read on ao3, but bad. if you know the fics im talking about, i'm so so sorry you had to go through that and understand that you're not the only one that physically gags whenever you see him now.
vote, comment, interact! I'm bored!
-rabid
***
STEPH:
"Steph?" August sits up, watching me walk into the main room of my apartment. I needed socks. It's cold as a witch's asscrack in Regina.
"Yes?"
"When's your birthday?"
"December eighth, why?" I wait for a response on that one. I didn't tell her. It's not like I didn't want to, I just hate it when people make a big deal about me. So I opted for not informing her.
Her mouth drops open. "Steph that's fucking tomorrow. You're 24, tomorrow."
"I know," I mumble, "hey, don't make a huge deal out of this-"
"STEPH!" She stands up off the couch and grabs my shoulders, shaking me. "I thought you were going to say some shit like July, not tomorrow. You couldn't have told me like a week ago that your birthday was coming up? Jeez, Steph, I don't even have enough time to make you a fucking cake!"
"You don't need to do anything crazy for me." I put my hands on her cheeks and make her look at me. "Seriously."
"But Steph, it's your birthday!" She throws her arms up. "You shouldn't be ignored on your birthday!"
I let out a little laugh. "August, honey-" I bend over and pick her up, my arms around her thighs. "It's really okay, I'm only a year older, it's not that big of a deal."
She slings her arms around my shoulders, taking to me holding her like this almost immediately. It's not hard, she's light.
"Stephan," She ruffles my hair. "When was the last time you had a birthday party?"
"With my friends or my family?"
"Either." She brushes her nose on mine.
"Rocket has celebrated every year since I was sixteen, but my family? I was probably seven."
She chews her lip. "That's no good."
I spin her around. "It's alright, plus, I don't know how to handle it when people make a big deal out of me, so it's really alright."
She hooks her legs around my hips, helping me hold her up like this. "I'm calling Rocket, I won't let you do nothing."
"You really don't have to."
"I'm going to, and I need his number; if that doesn't make you uncomfortable."
"Why would it make me uncomfortable?"
"Well because he's your best friend and I'm your girlfriend and sometimes in other situations-"
I put a finger on her lips. "Rocket is a raging homosexual." Her eyes go wide.
"Oh, I-"
"Mhmm," I mumble, kissing the side of her mouth. "Even if you did want to get in bed with my best friend, he's not into girls."
"Sorry, it's just, other guys-"
"Well," I raise my eyebrows at her. "I don't want to be cocky, but I'm not other guys."
"Asshole." She laughs. "Plus, the only reason I have to cheat on you is that you snore."
I pull my head back. "Rude, plus, I don't snore."
"Yes, you do."
"Don't."
"Yes."
"Don't."
"Steph you snore, accept it."
"I refuse to believe that."
"Well that's a shame because every single time I've slept over, or you've fallen asleep near me, you've snored."
"No, I, nooo-"
"You probably inherited it, anyone in your family snore?"
"My great aunt and my grandfather did."
"Well, there you go." She taps the tip of my nose.
"But that's not proof that I snore."
"But I'm the only one that's awake while you're sleeping, so I'm a more reliable source than you are."
"Well, this is slightly embarrassing." I scratch the back of my head. "I'm officially an old man."
"It's cute, don't worry."
"You're into snoring? August these things keep getting creepier." I pick fun at her. "First you're into me because of my teeth, now you're into me because I snore?"
"No, the biggest reason I'm into you is this one goddamn eyebrow." She puts her finger on it. "It's messy all the time."
"That's because-" I got into a fight and got cut up. "That's a scar."
"It is?" She puts two fingers on it, messing around and trying to find the little line and two stitch marks. "That is, damn, okay."
"I did have good ass eyebrows before it, however." I wiggle them at her. "Shame you never got to witness all that."
"Truly." She giggles.
There's a creak. "Okay, as much as I love hearing you two flirt over the sounds of Khan Academy teaching me how to do my chemistry homework, can you keep it down?"
I let August down to the floor, stretching out my arms for a second. "Sorry, Jills."
The door bursts open rather suddenly. "GET YOUR ASS UP AND GET PARTYING BUDDY BOY."
"I'm never going to get this shit done." Jilly throws her arms up.
August is laughing at Rocket, standing in the door, party hat on, cake in hand, Fen, Nico, and Yeti behind him.
"Guys, for real?" I feel my cheeks get hot.
"Yeah, asshole, the big two-four! Now that we're not in Boston and the team isn't a whole squad of assholes with hockey sticks, we've got a party in order!" Rocket scans the area. "Hey, August!"
I pull my hand across my throat a couple of times at the guys, tipping my head at August. Fen pulls off his Wolves hat and Yeti pulls his coat tight over a shirt.
"Alright kid, where's the sister, we've got cake to share."
"Rocket why-"
"Because it's your birthday and you always ask for me not to make a huge deal out of it, but I never listen because you're a piece of garbage that self-relies way too fucking much." He sets the cake on the table. "Don't worry, we didn't get presents because we know you don't like that, but I got a cake and the boys, also Nico. But, cake and the boys."
"Right," I mumble, "uh, thanks guys, but my birthday is tomorrow?"
"Idiot, we have a game tomorrow, so party night is tonight." Nico gives me a thumbs up. August is right fucking there, come on guys, she's right fucking there.
AUGUST
Cake and the boys is overwhelming fast.
"Nico, I'm his-" She glances at Fen for a second. "Boss."
I nod. "August."
"Right, he talks about you, that's Fen, I'm dating him, dickhead." She sticks her tongue out at him and he sticks his out back.
"Alright," I wave and he gives me a thumbs up. "He's german, Steph said that."
"Yeah, big german guy," she nods, "and you know Rocket, but the guy that's clingy with Rocket is Yeti."
"Tall white-haired guy, got that from Steph."
"Alright, all you gotta do with the guys is act like a bigger asshole than them and they'll roll over. It's great."
Then the big white-haired guy says something and I look for Jilly. She's right in the middle of all of them, firing something undoubtedly witty at Rocket, who's keeping up the conversation.
"Steph, oh good," I grab his arm. "Are they all foreign?"
"Huh?" He's got cake in his mouth. "Sorry if this is overwhelming for you, I know you've never met any of them."
"No, no, not overwhelming," I lie a little. "Are they all foreign?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's just something weird I've noticed about all your friends, like a trend, nobody that you're friends with is actually Canadain. Me, Rocket's Czech-Canadian, he's closest."
"Right, yeah, uh," He swallows, then points. "Swedish, German, Czech, American. Then Jilly, you and I are also American, I know a couple of Canadians, but this is the gang."
"I've lived here for like two years and the only people I've met from the outside are you and maybe one more person, nobody really comes in and out of Regina."
Steph shrugs. "Cake?"
"Sure." Then I'm quietly trying to figure out why this specific group of people feels wrong. Like they'd never come across each other in an actual office situation. For starters, none of them act like I would guess an engineer would act, maybe Fen. Nico feels like a cop, Rocket feels like that one crazy history teacher, and Yeti hasn't talked enough for me to even guess.
Then I try to figure out what they all have in common. When they take off their coats and settle in, Yeti and Fen are the same level of athletic and fit as Steph. I guess that's because they're on the company hockey team? But even at that, our office has a baseball team and it doesn't have physical requirements at all. This level of physical continuity is absurd for a regular friend group.
Then I try to look at their clothes. Fen's in athletic numbered sweatpants and a hoodie written in german. Nico is in a lightweight Bauer jacket and jeans, Yeti is in a Wolves t-shirt with Rex written on the back. Rocket is also in Wolves apparel, Goalie written on the front.
Other than all this, I can't pick out what makes me suspicious of all of them. I guess it's just me.
About a half-hour into the whole thing, Jilly drags me away to help with her homework, which I do, because I liked chemistry a little and am fairly certain I remember nothing but I'm willing to try.
Two hours after that, we've finished up a painful packet, and Yeti sticks his head in the door.
"Hey, the guys and I cleaned up the kitchen, Steph's passed out on the couch, the kid can sleep, anyway, we're going to go, thanks for letting us stay so long."
"No problem," Jilly smiles, "Rocket still out there?"
Yeti gets a little pink in the cheeks. "Yeah, Rocket's napping too."
"Both of them? Jeez." I laugh.
"Yeah, both, again, thanks for letting us stay." He nods and disappears.
"We should probably go get them up, if it's anything with those two boys it's sleeping like the dead," Jilly grumbles, "we gotta catch them before they get too deep. I swear they cuddle more than you two."
I blush a little. "Alright, yeah."
"Steph's response to things getting too overwhelming is passing out. He'll sit down during some family thing because someone's bothering him and next thing we all know, he's asleep on the couch in the middle of the get-together."
Upon re-entry into the living room, Steph is passed out against Rocket, Rocket's arm around his back, his head on Steph's, also asleep.
Jilly gets up on the ottoman and puts her fingers in her mouth, letting out a shrill whistle.
Rocket groans and blinks, Steph's head drops and then he picks it up. "Jesus-"
"Alright, sleep time."