"We haven't seen you in months, Claude," sabi ni Mommy. "Kailan ka ba uuwi dito? Hindi ka man lang nag-Christmas or New Year with us."
"Sa summer na lang, Mommy,"
"Have you spoken to Ezra yet?" tanong ni Mommy sa akin through the video call.
Hindi ko sinagot yung tanong ni Mommy. Instead, I pointed the camera towards Alice who was opening the bucket of chicken from Jollibee.
"Hi, Tita! Happy new year po!" Alice greeted my mom.
"Oh hi, Alice," Ngiti ni Mommy. "Happy new year, hija."
"Kumusta po kayo d'yan, Tita?" tanong ni Alice.
I always see her excitement whenever she gets to speak to any one of my relatives in Baguio.
"Okay lang naman. Kayo ba d'yan? How's school?" tanong ni Mommy.
"Okay rin po, Tita!"
"Mom, we'll go na. Kain lang kami," paalam ko kay Mommy.
"Okay, okay. See you sa summer, okay? We miss you, nakong."
Naglagay si Alice ng balat ng chicken joy niya sa plato ko habang malaki ang kaniyang ngisi. Nagpigil ako ng ngiti at sinubuan siya ng balat ng chicken. I would always give her the skin of my chicken joy whenever we'd eat at Jollibee because I know it's her favorite, and she always tries to give me some of hers.
"Alam ko namang gusto mo niyan," I told her.
"Pero mas gusto kita." She raised her eyebrow. "Kilig ka 'no?"
"Crazy." I laughed. "Dalian mo, hatid na kita sa training mo."
"You don't have to." She rolled her eyes.
"I want to."
Ngumuso siya sa akin habang nagpipigil ng ngiti.
"Epal mo naman!" She laughed. "Bakit ka nagpapakilig?!"
"Wala 'to." Tawa ko pabalik. "Malala na."
Mabilis naming kinain yung lunch namin at hinatid ko na rin kaagad si Alice sa training nila. Sunday ngayon, kaya wala akong klase kaya bumalik na rin agad ako sa condo. I decided to check my e-mails since our Tito has been e-mailing me regarding an internship in our company.
This was our normal weekend routine. Hatid, sundo ko si Alice sa training niya dahil palapit na nang palapit ang season ng volleyball sa UAAP. Every other week, I'd play basketball with the guys rin.
Honestly, Alice and the others really became my family here.
"Grabeng Noestro!" sigaw ng isang teammate ni Alice. "Sana all!"
"Swerte talaga ni Alice, hayop!" another one added.
"Claude, crush din kita, baka naman!" Halakhak ng isa pang teammate nila.
Alice ran towards me and immediately kissed my cheek. "You're early naman."
"Hindi kami nag-basketball today, e." I took her gym bag. "You hungry?"
"Hinalikan pa nga! Nang-inggit pa!" Sigaw ng isang babae. Lumingon si Alice sa kanya at kumaway.
"Where are we eating ba, babe?" tanong niya sa akin.
"We're eating with the guys," sabi ko sa kanya. "'Di mo nareceive yung text ni Carmilla?"
Kinuha niya kaagad yung phone niya sa bulsa ng gym bag niya at chineck ang mga texts.
"Hala, you texted pala," she said. "Sorry!"
"That's okay." I laughed and held her hand.
"Pero yung sagot ko sa text mo is Japanese food. Always Japanese food." She grinned. "Nandoon na ba sila?"
Tumango ako at pinindot yung remote para sa Fortuner. I placed Alice's bag in the backseat while she sat in front.
"Kailan mo ako gagawan ng playlist?" She pouted while scrolling through my phone.
Bahagya akong tumawa habang nagmamaneho. "A playlist?"
"Yeah," She said. "Who's Rafaela, by the way? When I asked you about her last year, sabi mo naman hindi mo girlfriend."
Tumikhim ako at nanatiling nakatingin sa daan. I never talked to Alice about Raffy. There's still something that somehow pinches my heart whenever I talk about her. Whenever I think about her, for that matter.
I mean... okay na ako. Hindi ko na siya iniisip masyado.
Out of sight, out of mind.
"Sooooo...." She broke the silence. "Who's Rafaela?"
"Nobody," I answered.
Kumunot ang noo niya sa akin pero hindi na niya pinilit. Wala na siyang sinabi hanggang sa makarating kami sa BGC. I could sense that her mood was off, but I wanted to wait until we got back to the condo to ask.
"LQ ata 'yang dalawa, eh." Tawa ni Monty. "Yung aircon ba 'yung malamig o sila?"
Binatukan ko kaagad si Monty habang si Carmilla at Lion ay tumatawa lang. Si Bane naman, late pa rin, as usual.
Kahit nung nakarating na si Bane, off na off pa rin ang mood ni Alice. I held her hand under the table, and she held mine back, but she didn't give me a smile.
"What's wrong?" I asked her once we reached the elevator of the condo.
Hindi niya ako sinagot. Pinindot niya lang yung floor namin at humalukipkip.
"Babe," I said. "What's wrong ba?"
"You always do this kasi," she answered.
"Ano?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"You always shut me out, Claude! Whenever I ask you about your people in Baguio, wala. Wala palagi ang sagot mo." She sighed. "You never tell me anything."
Nag-bukas ang elevator at agad siyang lumabas. Hinawakan ko yung braso niya pero agad siyang pumiglas.
"Babe," I followed her. "Babe."
"Wag kang mag-babe babe d'yan, Claude," she said and opened the door of my condo.
She stays with her cousin, kaya most of the time, we stay at my place. Ilang beses na rin siyang nag-overnight sa condo ko, and she has a key to my place, as well.
Umupo ako sa sofa habang padabog niyang sinara ang pintuan ng kwarto. Binaba ko yung gym bag niya sa tabi. Ramdam ko yung galit niya pagkabukas niya ng pintuan. From a crop top and jeans, she immediately changed to shorts and one of my t-shirts that were way too big for her.
"I'll tell you about Raffy, okay?" I told her.
Umupo siya sa tabi ko na nakasimangot. I smiled at how cute she looked in my clothes.
"She wasn't my girlfriend naman," I told her.
"Obviously." She rolled her eyes. "Sabi mo sa akin wala ka pang nagiging girlfriend!"
I chuckled. She scooted nearer and pulled my arm to be wrapped around her.
"So who is she nga?"
Kinakabahan ako dahil hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin yung tanong niya. I don't know how to answer it without hurting her.
"She's the first girl I loved," I muttered.
Silence. The busy streets of Manila were all that I could hear.
"And?" she said.
"And wala," I answered. "Nothing happened. She still loved her ex."
"Iniyakan mo?"
Nagbuntong hininga ako. Whenever I remember the things that happened, there's a small part of me that wants to get on the next bus to Baguio. Kahit masakit. Kahit mahirap.
Minsan natatakot ako na baka may parte pa sa akin na gusto pa ring bumalik.
"Yeah," I laughed. "It was painful. Alam mo yung sakit na mararamdaman mo talaga sa dibdib mo, ganu'n? It was the kind of pain that drives you away from your own home."
"So that's why you left Baguio?" she asked. "Because of Rafaela?"
"It was a factor."
She hugged me even tighter than how she was hugging me a while ago. Inangat niya yung ulo niya at hinalikan ako sa pisngi.
"I hope you never have to feel that pain again," she said and smiled at me. "No more running away from home."
For every game of Alice, I was there, too. Just like how she was for me in my games. She never missed a game, and I made it a point to never miss her games, as well.
Because of her, I never had to eat alone. I don't even sleep alone at times. She'd even make falling asleep on the couch a cute thing.
"Okay lang 'yan," I patted her head. "Bawi kayo next year."
I could already see the tears in her eyes. It was the final game of Ateneo and La Salle, and they lost. Ayaw niya pang kumain sa labas kaya dito na lang kami dumiretso sa condo at nag-order na lang kami ng pagkain.
"Last year ko na next year," She cried. "Di man lang kami gumawa ng champion streak."
"Panalo ka naman sa akin," I told her and smiled.
"Ang plastic mo!" Palo niya sa akin.
"Ouch!" I laughed.
"I'm serious!" She pouted. "Ugh, sayang kasi 'yon!"
"You did your best, baby." I kissed her forehead.
She wrapped her arms around me like a koala and stayed that way until the food arrived. She had me in my bad times, so I made it a point to be there for her's.
Pagdating ng graduation, first time ma-meet ni Alice sina Mommy. Nagulat na lang ako nung nakita kong nandoon din si Ezra.
"Missed you, bro," Tawa ni Ezra sa akin habang tinatapik yung likod ko. "Congrats."
"Thanks, man."
"Girlfriend mo naman na pala si Alice Perez!" Ezra said. "Lagi kayong trending nung UAAP Season, ah."
Umiling ako at tumawa. Alice is really good with my family. I always see how happy she is whenever I introduce her to people in my life. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung bakit hindi siya masyadong kinakausap ni Sophia.
"Pa-picture muna bago tayo kumain!" mommy said. "Claude, call the waiter."
"I don't like!" angal ni Sophia.
"Soph, smile ka lang," sabi ni Ezra kay Sophia.
Kunot noong umiling si Sophia.
"Ate Raffy is not here!"
"Sophia." Sita ni Mommy sa bata kong kapatid.
Nagulat ako nung biglang sinabi 'yon ni Sophia. Has she been spending time with Raffy? How is she these days? It's been a year since I moved to Manila and... I still haven't heard from her.
"She's a kid," I explained to Alice once we got in the car. "Hindi ko nga alam kung nag-uusap pa sila ni Raffy."
"The thing is, gano'n siya ka-importante sa pamilya mo, Claude!" she said.
Umiling ako. The last time I was there, Natalia was the one who was always visiting our house, not Raffy. Maybe a lot has changed in 1 year.
"Bakit mo ba pinagseselosan ang babaeng hindi ko naman na nakikita?" I asked her. "She's not even here."
"Ayun na nga! She's not here pero nand'yan pa rin siya sa'yo!"
Nagbuntong hininga ako. I really don't like seeing girls cry. And I hate it when people cry over me. Ayoko naman siyang saktan. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling yung galit niya.
"She's not-"
"You think I don't see it?" She scoffed. "You think I don't see the look in your eyes whenever her name is mentioned?"
Napatahimik ako. I don't even know there's a look. I didn't think she still affects me that much.
"Tapos uuwi ka pa ng Baguio this summer?" She said. "How do you think that makes me feel, Claude? Uuwian mo yung unang babaeng minahal mo? Yung rason kung bakit ka umalis doon in the first place?"
"Hindi naman siya yung uuwian ko!" I defended. "Why do you keep dragging her into everything?"
"Because I know you still love her!"
Bumigat ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. This is the first time I've seen her cry like this. I don't know what's more painful for her, the fact that I didn't deny it, or the fact that I know I can't.
It's been a year and I'm still struggling to find out how to unlove her. Maybe the thought of her wasn't as powerful to me when I was focusing on Alice... but it was still there.
That summer, hindi na ako umuwi ng Baguio. I respected Alice's feelings towards me going home, and we never talked about it again. Through my internship, to job offers sa PBA, and through other big life decisions, she was there.
She was always there.
"Happy second anniversary, baby!" She greeted.
"Happy second." I gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Sorry, traffic."
"That's okay." She smiled. "I didn't wait long naman."
The past two years were so... easy with Alice. It was light. But I knew there was something still missing.
"Sunday ngayon, ah," I told her. "Where'd you go today?"
"Shoot lang for a commercial," She said while sipping on her wine. "Then I went home. You ba? Office lang?"
Tumango ako at nag-order. She started talking about the different offers of other networks for her, and how she's still not sure about taking them.
"We're having lunch tomorrow kina Carmilla, ha," She reminded me once we parked the car at the carpark of the condo. "They're expecting us there."
Tumango ako at lumabas. "Pinaalala rin ni Monty kagabi nung nagc-counterstrike kami."
"CS GO pa nga." She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Mas girlfriend mo pa ata 'yang counter strike kesa sa akin! Nakatulog na ako sa kwarto kakahintay sa'yo kagabi."
I laughed and wrapped my hand around her waist.
"Iba na pinagpupuyatan mo." She pouted. "Dati ako 'yan, e."
I laughed and gave her a kiss inside the elevator, habang siya naman ay pinipindot yung floor namin. She let out a giggle as a pulled her closer to me.
"GRABE BAKIT KAYO NAGMOMOMOL SA ELEVATOR?!" rinig ko pagka-bukas ng elevator.
Lumingon kaagad kaming dalawa sa pinsan niya na mukhang ayos na ayos para lumabas.
"Saan ka nanaman pupunta?" Tawa ni Alice.
"Out." She giggled. "Bye y'all! Gusto ko na ng pamangkin!"
Binuksan ni Alice yung pintuan ng condo at dumiretso sa kwarto para mag-palit. I went straight to the bathroom to pee. Pagkalabas ko ay nasa sofa na kaagad si Alice at suot nanaman ang t-shirt ko, habang may hawak na bote ng Hennessy.
I tried to walk towards the room to change my clothes but Alice immediately jumped on me.
"Why change inside when you can change here?" She giggled.
"I think you had too much to drink." Tumawa ako at hinalikan siya. "I'll just change, baby. Mabilis lang."
She removed my neck tie and blazer and pulled me towards the couch. Malaki ang ngiti niya habang hinahalikan ang mukha ko.
"I love you, Claude Noestro." She smiled. "So much."