You mistook me to be a moth when I was a firefly.
A moth flies around light it's entire life to only get burned in return.
Whereas a firefly flies in darkness lightning up its entire dark world.
For your light was suicidal for my survival and I had to light that burning spark inside me for my thrival.
..................................................................
Fear
The first time she experienced it was when she tried standing up on her feet on wobbling legs as a toddler.
The fear of falling something experienced by all.
The result, well she did fell down, bruised her knee a bit and cried a few innocent tears.
But in the end what happened?
Did she never stand up?
Well of course she didn't, she not only stood up but ran and jogged and danced and what not.
This was the first fear she overcame after multiple failures.
Just like everyone of us.
The first strike of thunder enlightened the sky and she stood outside ,gazing at the dark clouds lining the sky.
Today she was ready to face her biggest fear.
Repercussions, well she can faint at most but surely she knew she will not die.
And today, when she was alone with no hand to hold onto her, could only rely on herself, holding onto her own arm in anticipation.
As the first raindrop landed on her forehead a sudden force entrapped her heart in a deadly grip.
If felt like something was caging her and she knew better what it was.
Her own fear.
Her own self.
Talking a huge breath of air his words ringed in her mind.
"No one can enter here, only you can"
He was right, after all, these are all her demons which only she herself can destroy.
As another strike of lighting stuck the sky she hugged her shaking frame, taking in huge breaths of air.
Standing on top of her balcony with darkness surrounding her and thunder echoing around was not a wise situation for an astraphobic like her.
But where did wise decision ever got her?
Here? Alone, as the ex-wife of a billionaire with an innocent 4 months child in her womb.
Her hand moved onto her stomach to soothe onto it by rubbing circles with her fingers.
"Don't worry my little angel, mama is here to protect you"
Another thunder and her hand moved onto the railing for support.
Her knuckles have turned white with a strong grip.
Her insides were screaming at her to go inside and hide inside a cabin-like she usually did.
But then her broken self wanted her to emerge as a symbol of strength, even in solidarity.
Her struggles were interrupted when her eyes stop on the silhouette of a person standing behind her rooms window frame.
She was alone at home so who could be there?
And to her surprise the silhouette refused to move, it stood still.
It was like she could feel the persons intense gaze on her.
Long forgotten the raindrops falling on her, she took slow steps towards her window frame calling for Jake.
"Jake? You in there? See I am sor-"
Her words got lost as suddenly the lights went out and it was then that she realized that something was not right.
As the realisation settled in, a storm of anxiety made her stomach churn and hands to sweat.
Her footsteps stopped, afraid to go inside now.
The next second the sky got lighted by the lighting and to her surprise, the silhouette was still standing there looking at her.
She moved back .
There was an intruder in her house and she was alone.
Nothing could be as scary as this but again fear was nothing new to her.
She stood surrounded by fear everywhere.
Another clap echoed in surroundings and lighting stuck the sky, her scared eyes again managed to look at the same place to find the silhouette missing.
And that was when she moved back towards the balcony, away from her room's door.
There was no escape, she was standing on the first floor with no escape.
She couldn't distinguish.
Was it a hallucination or really someone was standing there.
Her mind could be playing tricks on her.
Confused she held her head in her hands.
Her phone was inside, she couldn't call anyone.
All her resorts were closed.
If there is a thief, it's better if she doesn't go inside.
He will just steal whatever he wants and will leave without harming her.
But what if...
But she has never hurt anyone, she has no enemies so why would anyone?
Her thoughts were put to rest when her worst fear came true.
The door to her room was open and the curtain was flowing with the wind.
In front of the door stood a person with the his face covered and attire all black.
And that was when she screamed.
In the claps of thunder, her loud scream fell on deaf ears.
The person started moving towards her and her steps moved back knowing there was no escape from here.
"What do you want!!"
She managed to ask loud enough to burst her lungs.
The silence on the other side was deadly, just like her situation.
"Elle no!! you are stronger than this!! This is only a person just like you!! Grow a backbone dammit!!"
She started scolding herself in her mind trying to gather some courage.
She can't behave like a damsel every damn time!! She has to be her own hero ,no one was coming to save her today..
"Move back!! Just move back you ass***! I said don't you fucki*** dare to come near me"
To her surprise, the person's steps halted a few feet away from her.
She stood there staring at the person with surprise.
"Show me your face!! Who are you!! What do you want from me!!"
She screamed at him expecting an answer but sadly she only got silence.
Her eyes land on the door behind him and she knew running was the only option left now.
Trying to sidestep him, she sprinted towards the door to only have her hair to be grabbed by rough hands.
Her whole body jerking back back and colliding with the stranger's chest, a hand pressed on her mouth to silence her cries.
"Shhhh I will make it quick"
Were the words the stranger spoke making her eyes widen in horror.
She was not worried about her own death.
But what about her Angel?
The little heart that was learning to beat inside her cannot die.
Her angel cannot die.
The fear of her unborn child's death made adrenaline rush through her body.
Using all her strength she pushed herself back, making the person stumble back.
The fire in her eyes was not to be missed , she was no longer fighting for herself.
A sane person would have grabbed the opportunity and ran from there.
But sadly her sanity was at brink today.
Throwing her entire weight at the person, she made him fall down on the ground with a loud thud.
Trying to push him down she sat on top of him with her hands balled in fists.
She punched like a crazy woman.
Her knuckles bleeding with every blow.
The very thought of someone hurting her child had made her burn in fury.
But sadly her strength was of no use.
The person ,within seconds grabbed her wrists and turned the tables.
Before she could even understand what was happening, her shoulder was dislocated and her screams were muffled by his large hands.
Her body convulsed in pain soaked in the muddy water with raindrops falling from the sky.
The pain was unbearable.
She had never experienced the pain of such intensity.
Only when her screams died down due to fatigue, did he left her arm to have it fall down limp by her side.
He thought it was over, the girl looked immobile and he thought he only had to put a bullet through her head to finish his job.
But how sadly mistaken he was.
Before he could see, he felt it.
A flower pot was smashed into his head and he saw it break down in pieces.
His vision got hazy for a second as be saw those brown eyes staring at him with coldness.
He felt a warm liquid run down his temple and this very act of her enraged his anger.
"You fucki**** Bi"**!!die!!"
With this, he grabbed her throat in a deadly grip and pushed her head back on the ground.
She couldn't die, they couldn't die
Not like this! No!!
With her good shoulder, she lifted her hand to do what he was doing to her.
Her shaking fingers got a hold of his neck and she tried choking it with all her force.
Tears leaving her eyes, as she stared at her captor's black ones with nothing except hate.
No pleadings, no begging ..just pure clash of strengths.
She knew already that her grip on his neck was nothing in compared to his.
And soon breathing itself became difficult, her grip loosening.
Before she knows all her strength left her and her hand dropped back on her chest.
Those innocent eyes were ready to close down forever.
Her gaze went up further to see that thunderous strike of lightning.
Her eyes following the trail of light and she smiled, wondering how fast things can change.
Just a few minutes back this thunder was scaring her and she was trying to cope up with her astraphobia.
Who knew just a few minutes later this thunder will be the last thing she will ever see.
Not my child God please...please save my angel.
Was her last wish as a snap sound was heard and next, she knows her body had surrendered to darkness numbing all her pains.
...............................................................
The flight was a torture.
Each second felt like days and he couldn't help shake his leg in anxiety.
All worse case scenarios entering his mind making him hate himself more than anyone.
He did this to her.
How stupid he was to think that she will be safe away from him when only he can keep her safe.
Her innocent smile was the only thing he could see when he closed his eyes.
And this again made him angry at himself.
The flight finally landed and he ran out like a mad man.
Desperate to reach her, he took the car from his chauffeur and skidded down the flyover breaking all the laws in place.
On reaching the address, what he saw made him still in horror.
Her house was surrounded by police cars and ambulances.
Loud sirens welcomed him as he saw people gathered around her house.
But that was not all, a body was being taken inside the ambulance.
And this alone made him shatter into pieces.
No
This can't happen.
She can't....
He can't be late....
He couldn't step forward.
Frozen at his place, he placed his hand on a car bonnet for support.
"Sir Lockwood is here!! Move back, everyone!!"
A police officer announced making press reporters go crazy.
Lights flashed on his face, as he kept staring into nothingness.
"What do you have to say on this Sir?"
"Ashton Sir were you in contact with your ex-wife?"
"Could it be a planned murder? Is this the doing of one of your rivals!?"
"Why you were not here before Sir?"
"Did she get any threats earlier?"
His hand was shaking as he listened to their questions.
The lights blinding his sight and head throbbing with a headache.
"Please Step back!! Move !!"
He was pulled inside by a police officer who took him inside the house and offered him a glass of water.
"Please calm down Sir Ashton...the murdered was caught on time and shot"
"Murderer?"
He asked afraid to listen to the officers next words.
"Yes Sir we checked the records, he was charged with 4 murders before this...his name -"
"My wife...? She......?"
"Mrs Elle is fine sir, luckily she was saved on time"
His dead eyes shined with hope as he got up suddenly.
"..where...is .?"
"Upstairs Sir"
Without wasting a second he rushed upstairs, his legs missing out few steps as he ran like a mad man.
He barged inside to be met with those brown eyes staring back at him.
Relief filled his inside like it has never before.
He could not believe his eyes.
His eyes teared to cry as his body yearned for her touch.
A nurse sat next to her bandaging her shoulder while another one was checking her blood pressure.
Without wasting a second he held her in his arms, clutching onto her like his life was dependent on her.
Showering her forehead with kisses and apologising again and again.
Taking in her injuries he scrutinised her with anxious eyes.
His gaze stayed a little longer on the fingerprints on her slender neck and he fisted his own hands in anger.
But soon his anger was gone as he looked into those brown eyes once again.
Cupping her face in his palms he found her eyes to be lacking something.
They looked empty.
Broken.
His thumbs traced her wet eyelashes as he tried to find the spark in those dull orbs.
But sadly he found none.
"Are you fine ?"
She nodded in response to have him press her face to his chest.
Hugging her once again he held her in his embrace trying to warm something which has already frozen down.
He did notice her lack of response and enthusiasm but he didn't question it.
Blaming it on her state of shock, he decides to give her some time.
Another nurse proceeded to dab some antiseptic on the wounds of her neck when she protested.
Moving back from the nurse Elle shifted to the other side of the bed with knees pressed to her chest.
Ashton asked the nurses to leave while taking the cotton bud in his hands.
Her eyes met his and she looked away suddenly.
He couldn't understand her behaviour.
She was acting weird.
"Is anything troubling you Elle? Tell me?
Does it hurts anywhere?"
Her eyes were casted down and this broke his heart.
She looked fragile.
Like on the brink of getting shattered any second.
Placing a finger under her chin, he lifted her head up to meet those brown orbs.
While still locking the gaze, his skilful hands moved to dab the antiseptic on her neck wounds.
She hissed in pain as he blew his breath on her burning pains.
Sealing it with a gentle kiss he moved down placing kisses on all her stitches.
Dying to kiss those lips that have evaded his dreams,
he moved closer to only have her stop him with a firm palm placed on his chest.
Confused he looked at her to see her avoiding his gaze.
"I am sorry ....I am so sorry for being late...?"
Silence
She moved back making him miss her touch.
"Doctor wants to talk to you, Sir! Please come with me"
A nurse said making Ashton to nod at her.
He again looked back into those dull eyes, deciding to solve their mystery tonight.
...................................................
"Her right shoulder was dislocated and her neck was brutally assaulted.
The intention was clear, death by choking....other than that marks were found on wrists, arms and thighs.
It seems like she fought well,her struggles were not in vain."
Ashton nodded with fists clenched and insides burning in revenge.
"We haven't run blood tests on her as otherwise, she seemed fine...just a few days rest and she will be back to herself"
The doctor left and Ashton made his way towards his agent who was waiting for him in the drawing-room.
"I fuc**** called you hundred times!! Why didn't you pick my call!"
"I am sorry Sir,...I didn't have much time...he attacked suddenly without any warnings.
I reached on time but he had already harmed miss.
Please, sir, I tried my best... please forgive me."
"One job!! I give you one freaking job and you can't handle it!!"
"Sir please...please forgive me."
Aston decided to forgive him , after all, he did save his wife's life.
"What happened?"
"Today morning it seemed like ma'am had some argument with Jake. He left and ma'am seemed depressed after that.
Then at around 7, the lights went out, surprisingly the lights were out only in her house so I knew something was off.
Then I entered to only see that a man was choking ma'am and she was screaming.
I shot him then and there but till then ma'am had already fainted.
I have gathered his data and as expected, he was a hired assassin, hired to kill ma'am"
"Hired by Veronica?"
"Yes Sir"
"She will try it again so I want 2 guards stationed outside Elle's room, 4 more guarding the man door and 7 for backup"
"Yes Sir, Understood"
Rubbing his tired eyes he held his hair in his hands and made his way towards her room.
....................................................
She was sleeping peacefully with hand placed under her cheek.
The nurse stood next to her with bandages in her hands and dilemma in her eyes.
Her gaze stopped at him to bow down in respect.
"Sir ..her bandages are to be changed, but ma'-"
His eyes were fixed at Elle as he ordered the nurse.
"Leave it on the table, I will do it.
You may leave"
She nodded hurrying out of the room, leaving them to silence.
Taking slow steps towards her, he sat next to her on the bed with his fingers yearning to trace her face after so many months.
His chest felt heavy the longer he stared.
His eyes trailed all the wounds on her body.
The marks on her wrist, fingerprints on her neck.
His gaze went lower and he moved up the hem of her skirt with his fingers.
His eyes turned dark seeing that big blue bruise on her thigh and he clenched the bedsheet trying to suppress his anger.
He was tracing her thigh with feather-like touch when he saw her close her legs and move up the quilt covering her legs.
"What are you doing here?"
Her voice lacked her usual gentleness, it sounded hoarse and cold.
His eyes met her angry ones to realise in what situation they were.
He has not contacted her in the last 4 months, the news of their divorce has spread like wildfire and he was clicked while that Chloe nearly threw herself at him.
She has to be angry
Why wouldn't she be.
"Do I need permission to visit you?"
Her jaw clenched listening to his reply.
Still so much arrogance huh?
She refused to answer.
Turning her back to him she proceeded to sleep when his hand grabbed her wrist.
Her eyes staring at his fingers around her wrist with coldness.
"Leave my hand, Mr Lockwood"
Something flickered in his eyes as he saw rejection in those brown orbs.
He refused to leave, instead, his grip tightened.
Her patience was short-lived, she can't tolerate this man's mood swings anymore.
He can't just come back and behave like everything is fine.
"I said leave my arm dammit!!"
She screamed on top of her lungs making his eyes go wide in surprise.
But very soon he covered up.
"Shout all you want ugly duckling,but remember in the end you also know how I will be shutting it "
His eyes fell on her lips and she knew what he wanted.
But sadly she has grown immune to him now.
She moved her head to a side, refusing to see the love in his eyes when in past he has only hurt her.
Her wrist was burning when she found something cool soothing it.
Looking down she saw him still holding her wrist in a death grip while applying the ointment on her wounds.
Ignoring him she tried showing him how his touch no longer affected her.
When she already knew she was lying to not only him but even to her old self.
He continued mending to her injuries while she looked out of the window.
Not willing to make eye contact.
Only when that coldness hit her thighs did she looked down at him.
His gaze was fixed at her bruise as he gently rubbed the ointment on it.
Her legs tried moving to which he held her thighs in his strong grip.
"Stop moving"
He ordered to have her feel that warmness inside her,the feeling she longed for all these months.
She closed her eyes trying to control her betraying body.
"Move back!! I said move back Ashton!!"
Her sudden outburst made him step back from her.
He knew she was feeling the same way he was, then why was she denying it.
"See Elle I am truly sorry for not coming earlier I know you are angry at me and you should be ..but I had my reasons-"
"Get out!"
"At least let me comp-"
"I said get out Ashton Lockwood , I don't need your fuc**** excuse of an explanation."
He has never been disrespected like this before.
No one has ever spoken to him in a tone like this and he was burning in anger from inside.
"Mind your words Elle , I hate it when someone disrespects me, especially my wife!!"
"Your wife?"
She smiled while rolling back her eyes.
"Your ex-wife Mr Lockwood.
The same ex-wife who you have toyed with every damn time!! Now it will be better if you leave me on my own as you did before.
I have no intention to listen to your explanations!"
He closed his eyes in frustration.
"I did it for your own safety, I know you won't believe me but it-"
"My safety? Well, news flash Mr Lockwood for I don't need you fuc**** safety!
I can take care of myself and I don't need your fake concern!!
Now just get out!!"
His eyes fell on those lips which were shivering while cursing him.
The same lips that have begged for his love in the past were asking him to leave her.
How badly he wanted to shut her mouth by pressing his lips on her.
But he couldn't.
"Get out Ashton Lockwood!!
Leave me the f*** alone!"
He didn't protest..
With anger seething in his eyes he took a last look at her and turned his back on her.
If I can love you like no one ever loved before, I can also hate you to the point you beg to have never been loved by me before.
Hot tears escaped her eyes as she saw him walk out of the room.
She has decided ,no matter what happens she will never be taken for granted by anyone from now on.
She is Elle and she doesn't need anyone to tell her what she is worth.
................................................. .
Worth is known when it is gone,
As even breath is valued only after you race,
Limbs are valued only when they break
And love is valued only after you hate.
...................................................