Kipendacho moyo ni dawa
(What pleases the heart is like medicine)
______________________________________
Taji
Raz went to wash her hands and I grasped that opportunity to properly check her out. Her curly hair was straightened. Half of it was held up as the other half dropped all the way to the middle of her back. She had a baby pink cropped hoodie with something white underneath it covering up her tummy. I could tell that she was going for trendy but playing it safe by not showing any skin. She had faded blue mom jeans that reached her ankles, exposing white ankle socks that peeked through her vans.
As she walked back, I studied her face. She still didn't have that much make up on, probably her style and I kinda liked it. Actually I really liked it. She had the same clear lipgloss as always. The little piercing on her nose was still there but this time accompanied by silver hoops hanging off her ears. I'd never actually seen her with dangling earrings. They made her face look slightly more mature, glimmering as they reflected sun rays on her flawless chocolate skin. I got up and did the same then came back.
"You haven't started eating yet?" I asked as I slid into my seat.
"Yeah... I was waiting for you so that we'd give thanks first." She said trying to hide the nerves flowing through her body as she shook her leg. I hadn't known her for that long but I was having a really hard time figuring her out. On phone, she's all silly and feisty. In person, she's a bit shy and overly apologetic about everything. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's the one who's bipolar.
She reached out her hands across the table as she bowed her head. I slid mine into hers and a slight spark burst in me as my hands made contact with her smooth skin. I could tell that she felt it too because she stiffened for a second then held on to mine tighter. As she bowed, I got trapped by her scent that almost paralyzed me earlier on when I hugged her. It was fruity and fresh, with a predominant strawberry fragrance.
She's praying.
Focus Taji.
I bowed and listened to her quick but detailed prayer then said amen when she was done. I passed her the ketchup then watched her pour it over her fries in a couple of perpendicular lines. It was kinda strange, but that was probably because I always just drenched my fries in ketchup. She threw her eyes around the table then took out some a pocket tissue, unfolded it and placed it on her laps. She then picked up her fork to dig in. As if noticing my glare, she look up at me and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Nothing. You're just... entertaining. What's with the tissue? "
"They don't have table cloths, "
"You actually use them?"
"Yeah, I don't want any unnecessary colours added onto my outfit," her voice regaining the nervous tone as she looked down. I narrowed my eyes at her then went on eating.
"So, coffee or tea?" I asked to get a conversation going.
"What do you mean,"
"Coffee or tea, choose one,"
"Uhm tea..."
"Me too, now you ask something," I said with a grin hoping that she'd catch on.
"Coke or fanta,"she continued.
"Coke all day any day!"
"Oh my gosh I know right? Lily keeps giving me speeches about how toxic it is and a bunch of other things that honestly just fly over my head,"
She's finally talking.
"Because you're like three feet tall,"
She chuckled. "Could be the reason why I'm always too slow to catch on jokes,"
"I think you mean you're short on humour,"
"What!" She exclaimed then burst into an infectious laughter. I just loved how her eyes narrowed with every genuine laugh and smile coming from her. Her teeth were pearly white and perfect, not a single one out of place or awkwardly shaped like the fangs I had.
"Okay okay, my turn, beach or road trip,"
"Beach, what about you,"
I felt a bit uneasy at the question. I forgot that it'd come back to me as soon as I asked it. I just went with the truth. "Beach, but... I've never actually ever been to one." She widened her eyes almost choking on a piece of her chicken.
Here we go.
"You're trying to tell me that you own a travelling agency and you've NEVER been to the coast?"
"Weird right?"
"Absurd! You were in the Middle East last week for crying out loud!"
The girl does have a point.
"First of all, I'm not like the CEO of the company, I'm just a manager. And I've never really gotten the opportunity to go to the coast,"
"Wait, even as a school trip? Everyone's done that."
"Well, everyone but me!" I noticed how cold I was getting and I tried to shake the feeling off. She was coming too close to home. If she'd kept this up, she'd walk out of here knowing one too many things about my forlorn life. It was always like an unspoken tradition to go to the coast at the end of either primary or secondary school. I missed both due to unavoidable circumstances.
Not that I didn't want to tell her. She always seemed like she came wrapped up in a gift box with a note on the side saying 'I'm not like everyone else'. I had a feeling that I could trust her. But deep down, my walls had secured foundations and I still found it hard to trust anyone with anything concerning the underlying issues in my life. I looked at her face that now displayed a hint of pity masked in curiosity.
"Uhm...why...if you don't mind me asking," she asked looking down on her plate as she twirled her fork around. I still can't believe I actually answered her.
"When our school went out for the trip after class eight, my mother wasn't feeling too well and I didn't want to leave her side," I paused to smile away the pity forming on her face crossing my fingers that she doesn't ask about my mother. "After form four, I...uh...fell sick." It was kinda true. It was around the time of my first therapy session. That classifies as sickness right? For some weird reason, I felt bad for holding back the truth from her. My whole body froze up when the next words left her lips.
"What was wrong, with your mum, with you. I really hope it wasn't as bad."
Oh sweetie, you have absolutely no idea.
I'll tell you, but not today.
"I'd rather not talk about it," I said as I reached across the table to place my hand on hers. The pity lingered for a while and I could feel the questions clouding her mind. She sighed and gave me an assuring smile that warmed up my heart making me smile back at her. Okay maybe I blushed a bit, but who's talking about that anyway?
"Your turn," she said merrily as she stacked up her bones on my plate then placed hers underneath. She did the same with the plates that had fries then placed them in the far end of the table, convenient for the waitress to pick them up easily. She then folded her tissue neatly and placed it on top of the pile of bones. She picked up the ketchup, hot sauce, salt shaker and toothpicks and lined them up against the wall in order of height.
Is she OCD?
"I know, I know I'm weird," she said with a shaky chuckle when she caught me staring at her. Again. I still wasn't getting why she always felt the need to defend or apologise for everything that she did differently from other people.
"What no, you're you. Plus, trust me, I'm a billion times weirder than you think you are,"
"Haven't seen it yet so I'll hold on to the medal for now,"
You really don't want to see it, trust me.
"Next question strawberry,"
Did I just say that out loud?
"Strawberry?"she asked, genuinely amused.
"Uhm yeah, that wasn't supposed to be said aloud..."
"You think I look like a strawberry?" She asked with a chuckle.
"What, no! It's just that you're in pink and you smell like one," I continued lowering my voice at the second part of my statement. I noticed a slight blush form on her already pretty face making her look downright adorable.
If only I could just-
Stop it.
She's worth way more.
"What's the one place you've always wanted to go?" I asked before she made a comment.
"Oh an art gallery. I love art. Can't draw or anything but I've always wanted to go to one. Oh and England. Just for fun."
"That can be arranged," I said smirking at her.
"Just because you help people see the world, doesn't mean that you qualify to go all Aladdin on me promising me a magic carpet ride to wherever,"
"Who mentioned me?" She just chuckled and rolled her eyes then signalled for a waiter. She ordered two bottles of coke then turned to face me.
She doesn't really think she's paying for all this is she?
"Ignore the comment," I really really wanted to tease her about how she was fluctuating from feisty to shy in a matter of seconds before another question came up. And frankly, I regretted it the minute it escaped my mouth.
"How's Riziki doing? Haven't seen her in a while."
She doesn't know I know her.
Idiot.
She stiffened then leaned back, her eyes digging holes in my chest. I felt my chest constrict in anticipation for what she had to say about that. Furrowing her eyebrows, she finally spoke up,"Seriously though, are you stalking me?"
Trying to cool down the situation,"Would there be a problem if I were?" I said leaning over the table.
"Taji," she hissed. She was in no mood for any games. "I'm sorry, I'm honestly not stalking you. Your sister is the first person I ever talked to at Peace. She's quite something. If it honestly wasn't for her, I'd have left early that evening. She made sure I didn't disappear in the crowd. She's really nice."
She eased up a bit, probably from some happy memories she'd had with Riziki crossing her mind. "But how did you know we're related? We don't look that much alike."
Carefully calculating my words, "I saw her walk up to you and Lily as I left. And you actually do look a lot like each other, except for, you know, the height difference."
She giggled then responded, "Her friends always say that she should be the 24 year old one and I the 17 year old. I've just realized something. I don't even know your last name. And your age."
I honestly didn't want her to know that her boss is my dad, so I gave her my middle name. "Taji Imara. 25 years of existing on earth. You?" My tone was getting a little cold. Thinking about dad always did that to me.
"Raziya Zawadi,"she said in a calm tone she tried to brush away the stiffened look she had at my terse tone.
You're scaring her away.
Then again, I was also giving her half truths. I really wanted to try genuinely connecting with someone new. The sad fact was that I knew that as long as I'm carrying around all this baggage, that could possibly never happen. Nevertheless, I somehow still shocked myself with every attempt to make her smile.
"So, Raziya Zawadi, my little strawberry," she chuckled and I relaxed upon knowing that I'm doing my best to keep this boat afloat.
What exactly is happening to me?
"You were to help me with my Bible reading,"
"Oh yeah," she said her face lighting up. She had this outburst of energy each time we spoke of anything God related and it somehow pulled me closer to her. She took out her phone and opened her Bible app as she came over to my side of the table pushing me to scoot for her.
Strawberries.
Focus.
Focus.
Focus.
We eventually agreed to start the book of John together and share what we learn along the way. In as much as hanging out with her had been fun, these last moments, having her by my side wholeheartedly helping me out was hands down the best part of my day.
The bill was placed on our table. I grabbed it from her and leaned over the table to shield it from her. I quickly did the payment process on my phone as I endured the pain of her little fists frantically knocking my back in protest for me to surrender. Once paid, I sat up straight and handed over the bill to the waitress who'd been standing there the whole time holding back her laughter.
The restaurant was getting more occupied as we got up to leave. I could see embarrassment flush through Raz's cheeks as she had her head held down, probably regretting her little protest in the presence of all the eyes being cast in our direction. I felt the urge to take that look away from her face so I threw tough guy glances at anyone who dared look our way.
I'm losing it.
I offered to give her a ride home which she declined, of course. "You've already paid the bill. Let me not eat into your gas bill too." She said to me pulling out her lower lip to form a puppy face.
Why are you this cute?
"Fine, at least let me walk you to your stage,"
"Taji,"
"What? You don't want to be seen walking around with the fat kid?"
"Does this fat kid think that it's wise to leave his expensive car unattended in the middle of town?"
"Oh please, you're more important than this metallic thing,"
Seriously though.
What the heck am I saying?
"So you don't mind if I did this," she said as she walked over pulling out a bunch of keys. Holding one in her hand she touched the car with it in an attempt to scratch it. I jumped in and pulled her hand away, my heart in my throat.
"Are you mad?"
"I knew it, you're in love with your car,"
"Whatever, just stay safe." I said pulling her into a hug. I expected her to give me a side hug like before but she wrapped both her arms around me. I placed my chin on her head and I felt her inhale then exhale. I'd started smiling to myself before she pulled away then waved saying "You too fat kid." She shot me a smile then turned on her heels and walked away.
This won't end well and you know it.