Chapter 13: Emancipation Of The Hopeful
Neph's POV
"Nephyyyyy!!"
Napa-irap nalang si Zen ng marinig na naman niya ang boses ni Alvin. Alvin and I just recently celebrated our graduation last week! Biruin niyl, fourth year na kami next school year. I felt his hands on my waist. I smiled as I felt him kissing my cheeks.
"Kadiri kayo. Mga letse. Magsama nga kayong dalawang Castillo diyan!" Agad na nagmadaling umalis si Zen. Disgusted by us.
Nilingon ko nalang ang koala na nakakapit sa likod ko. Once again, I saw his lazy smile. Tinignan niya lang ako habang nakangiti.
"Bakit ka nadito?" I asked. Hindi naman kasi to pupunta dito sa dorm namin kung wala tong kailangan.
"Mom wants to see you tonight. Dinner daw tayo." K gulped. This is the first time na niyaya ako ng mama niya na magdinner sa kanila. Kinabahan ako bigla.
Shit anong gagawin ko?! Never pakong nakipagmeet-the-parents! Ni hindi ko pa nga nakikilala mga parents ni Zen at Mandy ng personal eh. I'm not really the type of person na magiging proud ka ipakilala sa parents mo. I quickly think of ways to avoid the situation. Actually madami naman eh, pwede kong sabihin na pinapauwi ako nila mama sa states, or I could just say na masama ang pakiramdam ko today. Yes, I can do this, I can evade this predicament.
I faced Alvin and was about to say something ng may makita akong familiar face sa likod niya. Two meters away from us is the green hair guy, AJ. Nandito siya, he's even staring at me with his cold eyes. I gulped. Suddenly biglang wala nakong ibang narinig sa paligid. Shit eto na naman, naliligaw na naman ako sa mata niya.
I started to hear my heartbeat getting louder and louder habang patagal ng patagal ang titigan namin. Memories from that New Year night two years ago started to come back. And then a certain voice played on my head.
"I promise, sabay tayong gragraduate."
It's him. It's his promise to me the night before I broke his heart. Shit. Shit. Shit! I started feeling weird, like there's a lot of needles poking holes on my skin suddenly. Everywhere, at the same time.
I started to move unconsciously towards him like I'm in a daze. The words sorry and forgive started to cloud my mind. Natigil lang ako ng maramdaman kong may humawak sa balikat ko. I was about to shout at whoever stopped me when I saw it's Alvin.
Oo nga pala, kasama ko siya. Putangina, kasama ko yung boyfriend ko pero sa ibang lalaki ko gustong pumunta. I suddenly felt guilty as I looked at Alvin's face. His eyes spell pain, his lips mouthing something close to stay. Fuck. I'm so cruel.
I closed my eyes and breathe deeply before staring at his lovely, pain-strickened face. I mouthed the words sorry before hugging me tightly. Because I am really sorry.
While hugging I can't help thinking kung papaano ba kami umabot sa puntong to. There's me who's clearly still in love with his ex, Alvin who's still trying to win my heart, and AJ. Sobrang fucked up.
We're all just hurting each other with this charade that we're doing. Pero I can't be selfish anymore, Alvin needs me. I hugged him tightly so he can feel my sincerity. Because that's all I can offer to him, sincerity.
"I choose you Alvin, I still choose you."
I reminded him while trying to calm his heartbeat. Totoo naman kasi eh, siya naman talaga pinipili ko. At least with that I am saying the truth. Painful, but true.
But to my surprise, he pushed me lightly. Enough to create a little space between us. I looked at his face and saw nothing but hurting.
"Let's end this. I'm tired of this charade."
My mouth opened because of surprise.
"Yes you choose me, but you love him Neph. You still do, even after two years. Pagod nakong piliin mo dahil lang sa may sakit ako. Choose your happiness Neph, I'm finally letting you choose."
I hold his hands while looking at his eyes directly. I can only stare at him while listening to whatever he's saying. I started to tear up.
"You're free now Neph. Pagod nadin naman ako. I'm freeing us both."
He told me before hugging me really tight. I started to cry as I feel his chest and arms around me.
"Thank you."
I muttered and then hugged him back. He let go of me and then pushed my forehead.
"Find him Neph, choose yourself this time."
He said before walking away, leaving me in the sea of people. Pinapanood na pala kami ng mga kaklase ko. I looked at everyone surrounding me, for a moment gusto ko nalang biglang kainin ng lupa but then I saw Mandy. She's smiling at me, like it's her wah of saying it's okay.
She nodded, and that's the only sign I needed to run outside to look for AJ. I run out of the gymnasium, towards the Garden Cove, straight to the fountain, to our fountain.
Just as I expected, he's there. Sitting while facing the fountain. I could only shake in fear as I gather the courage to take a step towards him. This time, sure that I'll be choosing him.