Some clearing up to do before this chappie goes further. When Hollow Ichigo says he's Zangetsu, he's actually exactly right. Ichigo's hollow form is in fact the spirit of his sword Zangetsu, his true Zanpakuto that was a result of his soul reaper powers combining with the hollow known as White who attacked Ichigo's mother years ago and lay dormant within his mother and was then passed to him. The old man who pretended to be Zangetsu, is actually a manifestation of the Quincy powers Ichigo inherited from his mother. White, now being Zangetsu, was created by Aizen as an experimentation of hollowfying Soul Reapers.
"HAHAHAHAHA!! COME ON!!! YOU CAN DO BETTER THEN THAT!!" White Ichigo.. right now known as Zangetsu swung his massive blade at Tsubaki in wild unpredictable motions, laughing his head off as he dashed at her with incredible speed.
Tsubaki flipped away, using some pretty powerful speed of her own to avoid Zangetsu's strikes. "Th-this doesn't make sense! A-are you Ichigo's brother or something!?"
"Are ya kidding me!?" said Zangetsu raising an eyebrow, his psychotic eyes widening. "Ya really don't have a clue what kind of power Ichigo possesses do ya? I ain't his brother, this beautiful mug's got another reason for looking so much like my landlord!"
"What would be that reason?" Tsubaki asked, trying to sound as diplomatic as possible.
"OH WHAT THE HELL!!?" said Zangetsu with another laugh. "You're so darn soft!! Not an ounce of Instinct in ya! You fight so good, yet without an ounce of instinct, you're going get hacked up like cute little bunny in a blender!!"
Tsubaki dodged another set of slashes from Zangetsu. Zangetsu grinned however and used the cloth on the hilt of his blade and spun the sword around like a buz saw before throwing it directly at Tsubaki. The blade sliced passed Tsubaki's leg, cutting a bloody gash as she attempted to dodge..
"Woops!! I missed.. NOT!!" Zangetsu pulled back on the cloth of the sword hilt, litting it spin and slice toward's Tsubaki's back. Tsubaki did a backflip over the blade and threw one of her chain scythe blades at Zangetsu.
Zangetsu flashed out of the way, laughing some more. "OH! Finally going on the attack eh!? Well well! You're gonna get your overgrown ass chucked if ya think a puny attack will do! COME ON GIRLY!! WHERE'S THAT INSTINCT!!!?"
"It's right here!" Tsubaki's scythe glowed and turned into a strange black katana that looked similar to Tensa Zangetsu.. however it's blade was thinner, it's tsuba was a light brown.. and there was no chain on the end of the hilt..
Tsubaki dashed forward with a burst of speed as the Uncanny Sword's blade became wrapped in thin tendril-like shadows.. all of a sudden, all the shadows in the ariea shot out of the ground like tenticles moving towards Zangetsu.
Zangetsu laughed again and spun like a top, using his massive blade to slash the shadows to pieces. "NOW THAT'S INSTINCT!! That sword's gotta pretty sinister feel to it girly! The spirit of that blade's feeling quite ominous!! But let me ask ya!!"
Zangetsu lunged forward and hammered his massive blade at Tsubaki who blocked it in a burst of sparks with his blade.
"Which presence feels more ominous? The thing in that sword... or the Zangetsu.. inside Ichigo's ZANGETSU!!?" Zangetsu let out another laugh as a massive pressure slammed onto the surroundings, causing Tsubaki to catch her breath as she was bashed back.
"So.." said Zangetsu. "What's gonna happen to your body when I kill ya here? Is it just gonna drop dead? Or are ya just gonna wake up it's some bad dream? Hell if I care.. cause your battle instinct really stinks!"
Zangetsu thrust his massive blade forward as a malicious white energy with a red aura began to surround him. "Bankai.."
Tsubaki's eyes widened as White Ichigo was obscured by an explosion of white energy, emerging to reveal he was wearing an inversed color version of Ichigo's bankai coat, with a bone white Tensa Zangetsu to match.
"Don't look so surprised." said Zangetsu with a chuckle. "I am Zangetsu after all!! Or more like.. I am Ichigo!!"
Zangetsu flashed around Tsubaki, his speed so great, that multiple afterimages appeared at multiple points all around.
"He's grown fast like Ichigo!" said Tsubaki. "Even faster then Black Star!!"
HAAA!!!" Zangetsu zoomed down at impossible speeds, slicing his blade down at Tsubaki who barely blocked the blow in time with her Uncanny Sword.
Zangetsu merely grinned as his blade glowed. "Getsuga.. Tenshou.."
A massive white Getsuga Tenshou erupted around Zangetsu and Tsubaki..
Tsubaki was thrown from the explosion straight into another sideways building, throwing up rubble and glass as she plowed a dust cloud trail behind her..
Tsubaki rose from the dust, holding her arm as blood dripped from her forehead. "Wh-what kind of weapon are you!? Y-you feel like a Kishin! Yet that's impossible.. you don't feel like a demon weapon!"
"Still haven't figured it out?" said Zangetsu with another laugh. "Do I have to refresh your memory girly? Well here's a good refreshment for you!! You think you know Ichigo! Your head's full of more fluff then a ultra sized cushion."
"You're not a normal weapon.." said Tsubaki.
"Not a normal weapon.. that's rich coming from you." said Zangetsu as grabbed the chain of his sword and began spinning it around on his finger. "Ya wanna know what I really am girly? Well to put in simple terms.. I'm Ichigo's Instincts..."
"What!?"
"That's right? In every soul.. in the deepest confines, no matter who you are, there's always a shred of instinct in there, vying for control and power.. to seek battle continously like a constant thirst! That's me! Someday! I'm gonna take Ichigo's body and all of his power for myself!! I will become the King of this world!"
Zangetsu launched himself at Tsubaki viciously.. "AND I'LL TEAR APART ANYTHING THAT GETS IN MY WAY!! AND STOMP THEIR SKULLS INTO OBLIVION!!!"
Tsubaki closed her eyes.. and just as tip of the white Tensa Zangetsu's blade neared her throat, she dissapeared...
Zangetsu stopped and stared at the area where Tsubaki had been before. "Peh! Ya gotta lot of strange visitors Ichigo.. I'll give ya that.."
__________________________________________________
Tsubaki woke in a heaving panic.
All the others on the roof gathered around her, looking curious and eager.
"Well!?" said Soul. "Did ya meet Zangetsu?"
"Yeah!" said Liz. "Is he shy or what!?"
Tsubaki just shook her head and began to shiver. "H-he's definitely not shy.."
Suddenly, Ichigo gave a tremendous yawn and sat up. "What? What are you guys doing all gathered around me.."
"Well we felt curious.." said Patty. "So Tsubaki went to talk to Zangetsu and invite him to a tea party!!"
"I'm surprised she actually was able to stay partially accurate to the subject at hand.." Muttered Kid.
"You can talk to other weapons huh?" said Ichigo. "Let me guess, he was an old man who likes to act all cryptic... well yeah, don't get the wrong idea okay? Old Man Zangetsu isn't shy.."
"O-Old man?" Tsubaki murmured. "B-but that's not what..."
"Anyways, it's getting late.. I'm going to bed.. " Ichigo muttered as he walked across his roof and slipped into his attic window. "Patty if ya wanna stay the night, fine.. but my tooth brush isn't a back scratcher.
"Kay kay!!" Patty said cheerfully.
Tsubaki just stared as Ichigo closed the attic window, right after Patty slipped in.. a little later, there was a yell of "FOOL!" and the glass of the attic window shattered as Excalibur was thrown right out and sent plummeting to the street below.
"Are you okay Tsubaki?" said Maka. "I guess none of us were expecting Zangetsu to be some old guy.."
"H-he wasn't some old guy!" said Tsubaki. "He was like some weird crazy Anti-Ichigo!! Like an inner evil Ichigo!!"
"What!?" said Soul. "Don't be ridiculous. There's no weapon like that..."
"I'm tellling the truth!" said Tsubaki. "There's something really off about that sword! It says it wants to take over Ichigo's body!"
"Well.. there's a theory I'm developing here.." said Kid. "I think... that maybe Ichigo is being possessed by a Kishin.."
"What!?" said Maka. "No way!"
"Yes, that would explain his change in behavior and Zangetsu's strange appearance." said Kid. "He's probably not even aware of Zangetsu's malicious intentions..there is one way to take care of it..."
"How?" asked Soul.
"Don't worry." said Soul taking out a phone. "I'm currently texting Patty the details.. just be ready to act when I say so.."
about 3 hours later, Ichigo was walking into his living room with a towl around his neck, wearing an ordinary black t-shirt with black jeans. "Hey.. Patty, the bath's ready if you wanna.."
All of a sudden, Patty came out of nowhere, wielding a strange looking bat with the strange cartoony skull symbol that represented Lord Death on it. She started wacking Ichigo over the head with it.
"KISHIN BEGONE!! KISHIN BEGONE!! KISHIN BEGONE!!! KISHIN BEGONE!!!!"
"OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!" Ichigo fell to the floor covering his head as Patty continued to wack him. "PATTY!! WHAT THE HELL!?"
"DON'T WORRY ICHI!! I'LL SAVE YOU!! KISHIN BEGONE!! KISHIN BEGONE!! KISHIN BEGONE!! KISHIN BEGONE!!!"
"MAKE IT STOP!!!" Ichigo roared as the bat hit him right in the crotch. "OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
As Patty continued to beat Ichigo with the bat.. Kid and Maka burst in, Maka was carrying Soul in his Scythe form.
"Alright." said Kid. "That specialized magic item I gave Patty should force the Kishin out of him.. and then you and Soul can go kill it.. all we need to do is wait!"
Patty continued to beat Ichigo for 3 minutes..
"Any time now.." said Kid. "This shouldn't take more then 12 minutes.."
4 minutes later
"OW OW OW OW OW!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?"
"Any second.." said Kid.
12 minutes later..
Ichigo now had a black eye, and bruises all over his body.
"Okay.." said Kid. "This might not be working.. hold on.. I have the solution.."
Kid ran over to the other side of the room. and began altering the angle of a painting on the wall. "There.. the angle on this picture was 4 degrees off"
"GOD DAMN IT!!!" Ichigo furiously stood up and knocked the bat away with an arm. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ALL ABOUT!!? YOU FREAKING STUPID DARN.... HELL!!!"
Everybody stared at Ichigo for a minute.
"Well.. er.. " said Maka. "Eheheheheh.. what if we told you.. that there was a Kishin possessing you?"
"Ichigo's left eye twitched for a minute. "Kid... your right sleeve is 2 centimeters off."
"OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!!" Kid began fiddling with his left sleeve in a panic, falling over onto his back as he broke out into a tremendous sweat.
"And Patty, Maka is secretly a Girraffe.."
"YAY!!!" Patty pounced onto Maka and started hugging her in a bone breaking squeeze.
Soul managed to change back into his normal form and squeeze out of the hug. "Damn! Sorry Ichigo.."
"WHAM!!" Ichigo's foot connected with Soul's face, and Soul flew into the other side of the room in a daze.
"Idiots.." Ichigo muttered...
_____________________________________
miles away in a desert
"RRRAAAAAHHHH!!!" Once more.. in this strange, strange world.. this time, in the middle of a desert.. another boy was waking up from a long nap, another Soul Reaper... two of them in fact.. one who had red hair, tied in a pony tail with tattoos on his eyebrows.. and a shades on his forehead.. and another smaller raven black haired girl...
"Wow!" said the red hair.. Renji Abarai. "That was a great nap... man the 6th squad barracks sure can throw a party!! It's amazing I'm not hungover..."
"For some reason, the barracks feel more sandy then usual." said Rukia Kuchiki. "Eh.. EH!!!? R-RENJI!! LOOK!!"
Renji looked around and his jaw dropped. "HOW THE HELL DID WE END UP OUT HERE!!?"
"I don't know.." said Rukia. "But look at the sun.."
Renji nearly screamed his heart out as he looked at the chuckling creepy looking sun. "Wh-what!? That is the freakiest thing I've ever seen in my life!! That's supposed to be the sun!?"
"It might not actually be the sun." Rukia suggested.
"Well there's nothing else in the sky." said Renji. "It's the sun...ya know.. the weirdest looking.. creepiest creeper looking sun.. ever.."
"What is it even laughing at?" Rukia whispered.
"I don't know.. the fact that it's a desert.. with a lot of sand.." said Renji. "Maybe all this hot desert stuff... amuses it?"
"Why are we even debating this?" said Rukia. "How did we end up in this desert!?"
Renji looked around, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Not sure.. but.. man it's getting hot.. so darn hot.."
Rukia wiped some sweat from her forehead. "We need to find some sort of shelter or water quickly, or it might get complicated..."
"Complicated?" said Renji. "Yeah right! What, is the heat gonna make us lose our minds?"
15 minutes later
"OH MY GOD!!" Renji sobbed as he crawled on all fours through the desert sand. "I'M LOSING MY MIND!!!"
"M-Must.. find water.." Rukia wheezed, crawling a short distance behind Renji.
"W-wait! Rukia!" said Renji. "Wh-why don't we cut ourselves.. and drink the water out of our blood?"
"Wh-what?" said Rukia dizzily like a drunk person. "Th-that's kinda dark Renji... plus we don't have a bowl for the blood.."
"We d-don't need a bowl Rukia!" said Renji. "Ya know.. w-we could just drink it out.. with like.. a bendy straw..
"But we don't have a bendy straw!" Rukia exclaimed. "That's bad!! WE DON'T HAVE A BENDY STRAW!!"
"Oh no!! Oh no!!" Renji exclaimed. Renji then pointed at the chuckling sun. "STOP MOCKING ME!!!! I KNOW WHY YOU'RE LAUGHING!! YOU PUT US HERE!! YA EVIL SUN!! YA EVIL EVIL SUN!!!"
"Renji! If you insult the sun, the sun will leave.. and everything will turn all frozen!" said Rukia as she went crosseyed.
"O-oh! S-sorry sun!" said Renji. "I didn't mean it! Honest, you're a nice sun.. I just love the way you laugh.. continuously.. with that creepy demonic laugh.. oh that laugh.. OH MY GOD THAT STUPID SUN IS MOCKING ME!!!"
"I can't take it anymore!! It's the desert madness!!" Rukia exclaimed. "The desert madness is real!!"
"Desert madness!?" said Renji. "Don't be ridiculous. We've been here for a bit, and we're perfectly sane!! GASP!! RUKIA LOOK!!"
Renji pointed off into the distance. "It's a cool eyebrow convention!!"
"No Renji! It's a mirage!" said Rukia. "All of it's a mirage!"
"You're probably right.. awwww..."
And so Rukia and Renji crawled further into the desert, as a man with strange tattoo eyebrows peeked out of the really real building that wasn't a mirage, looking confused. "Hmmm.. I thought that man wanted to attend the convention.. but I guess not.."
Meanwhile... Renjis had drawn his katana and was attempting to knaw on it..
"R-Renji! Don't, you can't eat your Zanpakuto!" said Rukia. "It's not sanitary."
"Zabimaru totally wants to be eaten.." said Renji. "Zabimaru's no wuss! He can take it... omnomnomnom.."
As the twosome continued to babble and crawl around strangely, a man in a lab coat suddenly appeared walking towards them.. he had stitches all over his body, and a large screw-like dial on his head with a pair of round glasses..
Dr. Franken Stein, eyed the odd duo with a strange gleam in his eye. "Now.. that's not something you see every day... that guy has weird eyebrows.."