"Would you like to talk about it?"
The question snapped Violet out of her distant stare. She sat across from Dr. Robin, her therapist, in the warmly lit office. Dr. Robin's gaze was fixed on Violet, her big blue eyes were filled with concern, but also compassion. Violet let her own dark, hazel eyes meet them.
"Talk about what?" She asked.
She didn't know why she was being difficult today, yet she persisted anyways.
She knew what it was.
Dr. Robin wasn't phased, she was used to all of Violet's self destructive tendencies by now.
"About tomorrow." Dr. Robin continued, "I think it would be a good idea for us to construct a personal care plan for how you are going to tackle the emotional struggles you'll face, or will continue facing."
Violet gulped softly, toying with the sparse frayed strings hanging off her distressed skinny jeans.
Tomorrow would mark one year since her mother passed away. This was a thought that Violet had shut out and refused to process since the day she came home to a painfully silent room, consisting of her father and younger sister Lucy, waiting to tell her the news.
"I don't know if there is anything for me to plan out." Violet admitted. "I think, it might just feel like any other day."
"It might." Dr. Robin nodded, "But, wouldn't you like to be prepared for the emotions you might have to face? To feel?"
Violet sighed, knowing that if she just played along, she'd be able to excuse herself from the uncomfortable conversation a little sooner.
She nodded.
"What do you think you might feel?" Dr. Robin asked.
Violet thought for a moment.
"I might feel sad." She said, slowly. "I felt sad for a while. But after a while, the sad went away. And I thought grief might replace it, but, nothing ever did. I just feel.."
She trailed off, looking for the right word. "Empty."
"You aren't empty," Dr. Robin assured her, "you just haven't properly processed it yet. And that's okay! We all process at our own pace, we all grieve at our own pace. Healing is not linear."
Violet nodded. "I'm trying to- I think. I mean, I don't know. I don't quite know what processing feels like. How am I supposed to know when it's happening?"
Dr. Robin gave her a small smile, "You'll know."
"But, I shouldn't have to." Violet began to feel irritable. She was very fond of Dr. Robin, but this was a topic she was dreading discussing. "I mean, I never wanted to lose my mom. That wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to be taken from me."
"It sounds to me like you're feeling angry." Dr. Robin reflected.
Violet ran a hand through her brown hair, tugging at it lightly. Tension was forming in the back of her head, the frustration of the conversation threatening to form a migraine.
"I think I'd like to talk about something else."
Dr. Robin nodded, understandingly. It was hard for her to get so close to Violet's vulnerability before watching her shut down completely before her. She had been seeing Dr. Robin for eleven months now. Violet set up an appointment per her father's request a month after the accident.
"That's okay," Dr. Robin said softly, "we can change the subject. Let's get you focused on something else. Can you tell me what happened this week? Anything new?"
Violet thought for a moment, relieved she was given such an easy pass.
"I wrote a lot this week." Violet explained.
She was a freelance writer, and got a lot of paid gigs writing for others and editing work pieces, but in her free time she wrote short stories and poetry.
"Have you given your book any more thought?"
Violet scrunched her nose, and shook her head. "No, I scrapped the last idea, too. I can't really commit to anything. I'll think I'm totally sold on a plot, but then I change my mind."
"That's okay," Dr. Robin smiled, "the right idea will come."
"But," Violet continued, finding much more joy talking about her writing, "I finished a lot of poetry that I had been putting off. I've saved a bunch to a collection on my laptop, and I thought about maybe publishing them. Or, I've thought about thinking about publishing them."
"So you're considering considering it?" Dr. Robin chuckled.
Violet grinned, "Exactly. I'll play with the idea for a bit longer. Other than that, I put some time aside for Jenna and Jake. Oh, and I spent some time with dad and Lucy yesterday. I picked Lucy up from school, and had dinner with them."
"Has it been easier?" Dr. Robin asked, "Spending time with your father?"
Violet winced, "Eh, easier than it has been, I guess. Things are okay right now. They'll get worse, and then they'll get better."
"I see." Dr. Robin nodded, "Unfortunately, Violet, we've only got about ten minutes left this session. Is there anything else you'd like to add before we wrap it up?"
Violet shook her head, quickly, "No, nothing really burning in my mind at the moment."
"Oh!" Dr. Robin pointed, "You mentioned last week that Jenna is holding a speed dating event. Are you still planning on attending?"
Violet wanted to sink in her seat.
Jenna, Violet's best friend, was an event planner and worked for a local entertainment company. She planned a lot of fun attractions downtown, and a speed dating event for singles in their 20s was her latest idea.
"I'll go, I'll go." Violet groaned. "But, just to be a supportive friend. It's this weekend."
Dr. Robin smiled, "Well, I can't wait to hear all about it. I'll see you next week."
Violet and Dr. Robin went through the usual meeting closure procedure, and Violet made her way out of the office. A gust of cold wind smacked her in the face as she made her way down the streets of downtown Boulder, Colorado. March was ending, and spring was supposedly approaching, but Violet's nose was still a bright red and her cheeks flushed against the icy chill. Her hands and arms got lost in the oversized flannel she was wearing, but she pulled them closer to her for extra warmth. She looked around at the abundance of people gathered around. Groups of friends were placed in the patio seating of outdoor pubs and restaurants. Couples met for coffee and brewery tastings. People snapped pictures of each other on their cell phones, laughing and smiling, dogs were being walked by their loving owners, musicians stood on each corner playing their own acoustic tunes. The tulips were erupting, ready to bloom - just waiting for the perfect moment.
Violet wondered what it might feel like to bloom, too.
The season seemed perfect, early spring. Excitement lingered in the air, readiness for warmer weather and adventure. But even in the hustle and bustle of her surroundings, Violet felt isolated.
As if on cue, her phone rang. Jenna was FaceTiming her.
She answered, rather quickly.
"Hey, Jen." She smiled, relieved to have a comforting face on the other line.
"Hi, pretty!" Jenna chirped like a songbird. "How was the session?"
"It went well, like normal." Violet nodded, eager to stop talking about therapy for the day. "How was your day?"
"It's been pretty good so far, Jake's here!"
Jenna grinned and suddenly Jake's smiling face joined her.
Violet giggled, excited to see her two - and only - friends.
"Hey, guys."
"Hey, hey, V!" Jake said happily. "What's up?"
"Just on my way home now, what are you guys up to?"
"We're about to go get pizza! We want you to join!" Jenna replied making a sweet pouty face.
"Ah, I can't tonight guys." Violet lied. Well, it wasn't quite a lie. She wasn't particularly busy, but she was in desperate need of some alone time in her apartment.
"Why?" Jenna whined, "I miss you!"
"We just saw each other this morning," Violet laughed, "for breakfast."
Jake interrupted, "But I was working an early bird shift at the shop, so now you have to see me too!"
"I'll see you guys this weekend! Like usual, right?" Violet suggested.
"Can we do something tomorrow?" Jenna finally asked. Trying to be subtle was too much for her. "V, we really, really don't want you to be alone tomorrow."
"I won't be alone." Violet assured her, "I'm going to be with dad, and Lucy. And when I am alone, I'll be so busy with editing that I won't even be thinking about it. Truly."
"But-"
"Believe me, it's what's best for me."
Her friends tried to argue, but Violet was too stubborn. They wanted to be respectful, but it was hard to watch someone that they cared so deeply about suffer alone.
However, they respected her wishes.
"Well, if you change your mind, please know that you're more than welcome to join us tonight." Jake insisted.
"And," Jenna added, "if you need us at any time tomorrow, let us know! Don't hesitate. Say the word, we'll be there."
"I know you guys will." Violet smiled. "I love you. For now though, I'm going to grab some takeout and head home to do some work. Okay?"
"Okay," Jenna sighed, "we love you."
"So much!" Jake said, blowing her a dramatically sloppy kiss.
Violet giggled before returning one, and hanging up. She took a slight turn into the downtown market. This was her favorite place to be. It consisted of a small, fresh produce cart, an art vendor, an outdoor plant stand, a fair trade gift shop, a thrift clothing store, the Sweet Bean coffee shop, an old fashioned ice cream parlor, a music and record store, and a sandwich shop. She walked past the smell of strong coffee at Sweet Bean and straight into JoJo's sandwich shop, picking up her usual, turkey and Swiss cheese on a wheat bagel.
After she picked up her order, she was on her way out.
Or so she thought.
"Excuse me, ma'am."
The unfamiliar voice started Violet a bit. She looked over to the source.
A tall boy with brown curly hair and a gentle smile stood behind the counter at the coffee shop. The shop was empty besides him, and it looked like he was getting ready to close up for the day.
"Yes?" Violet asked, unsure of what else to say.
"Can I make you a coffee?" He asked. "Before I have to clean up."
She thought for a moment, "Why?"
The boy chuckled.
"I don't know." He shrugged, as a blush crept on his face. "I think I might have an idea for a new drink."
She nodded, "Okay."
She wasn't necessarily in a very extroverted mood, but she found the boy hard to say no to.
She approached the shop and placed her items on the counter, glancing at the boy's name tag.
Timothèe, it read.
"I'm sorry if I threw you off." He chuckled again, nervously. "I'm just feeling creative over here, and I had a feeling you might need some caffeine."
"Well, your feeling may have been correct." Violet sighed, but gave him a kinder smile.
He returned the smile, graciously.
"Long day?" He asked.
She winced, "Something like that."
"Well, let's see if I can help." He grinned. "Do you like strawberries?"
She nodded, more intrigued. "They're my favorite."
"Mine too! And I think I might be on to something with this iced strawberry mocha."
She giggled a little, "Sounds good."
"I didn't catch your name, you know." He said while lining the plastic cup with strawberry and chocolate syrup.
"Well, I haven't given it to you, yet." She laughed, making the boy blush once more. "I'm Violet."
"I'm Timothèe."
"I know, I read your name tag."
"Fair enough." He smirked, and continued making the drink. "You from around here?"
"Yeah, just a couple blocks away from here. What about you?"
"Just moved into one of the Plaza townhouses, in January." He explained. "My best friend and I made the trip. Now we're roomies!"
"Oh," Violet nodded, "Where are you from?"
"New York."
She was suddenly puzzled, "New York? Gosh. What are you doing in Colorado, then?"
"Well, when I'm not brainstorming new caffeinated beverages," He laughed, adding a mountain of whipped cream onto his new creation, "I'm a photographer. I really like capturing nature, and landscapes, and I had pretty much seen it all in the city. I was ready for something new."
Violet nodded, "That makes sense. Well, there's a lot of beauty in Colorado."
"I see that." He looked her up and down and smiled, softly.
Now it was Violet's turn to blush. "Well, I wish you all the best with that."
Timothèe smirked.
He put the finishing touches on the drink, and scooted it towards her.
"Try."
She giggled, sipping the drink as instructed.
She nodded, "Okay, I'll give it to you. You were definitely on to something here."
He lit up, "You like it? Perfect! I'll mark it as the special tomorrow morning."
"Well, I'm honored to be the first to try it." Violet said, before glancing at the large antique clock behind him. "However, I really must be going. I have some work I need to get done at home. But, I'm sure I'll see you around here sometime soon."
Timothèe nodded understandingly, a soft smile resting on his lips.
"I sure hope so."
With that, Violet gathered her belongings and made her way back to the street. The cold wind was still prominent, but her nose and cheeks felt warm, now.
It didn't take too much longer for Violet to get back to her apartment building. She trudged up the dimly lit stairs to her floor, and instinctively stuck her key into the lock. She shut the door behind her, and sighed in relief.
Safe at last, she thought. In the comfort of her own apartment. Hearing the door click, her black cat Dexter pranced across the dark wood floor to greet her, rubbing against her legs.
"Hey, Dex." She chuckled, scooping him up in her arms. "I missed you today."
Before getting too comfortable, she sat down at her desk with Dexter still in her lap. She logged onto her laptop and email. She made a pretty good living as a freelance writer, but she also made money as an English tutor, a gig that her favorite English professor from the University of Colorado set her up for. Her latest client, a business student, had sent her his final paper for a literature class.
The essay was persuasive and luckily Violet knew the literary piece well.
She read his work, leaving comments such as "good application of criticism theory!" and "remember what we talked about - use less repetitive words" and "perfect supporting facts! yes!" throughout it.
When she was happy enough with the critique, she sent it back to him and got herself ready for bed.
She thought a lot about her day while laying in bed with Dexter, rewatching old seasons of Criminal Minds. She thought about her therapy session, thought about what the next day would bring, and found an odd dark feeling dwelling in her chest. She thought a lot about what Dr. Robin said about processing and wondered what it would be like when it happened - if it happened. She really, truly wanted it to. Like all of her grief, anger, confusion, and fear of the future was filling a bath tub, and she desperately wanted to pull the plug out of the drain - she just didn't know how.
Instead, she tried to think of happier things:
The adorable cat who was fast asleep beside her.
Her loving, supportive friends.
Her little sister, and how proud she was of her.
A new, sweet smile that she had just met in a coffee shop.
((((( a/n : Alexa play falling in love in a coffee shop by Landon Pigg ))))