When I got out of the bus I had to walk around 5 minutes to go to the main school building. On my way there I stoped at the convenience store to get myself something to eat.
I grabbed an iced coffee and some boiled eggs in the convenience store and walked further towards school. When I arrived I saw 3 cars owned by my stepbrothers already parked in the parking-lot.
I looked at my watch and saw that we had still 15 minutes left until class starts. My stepbrothers came early today, and I probably know why... They will destroy me when I get to them. I'm so f*cked.
No Y/n stay positive! You will be alright. My mind spoke to myself. Last nights' sleep made me calm myself down and I don't feel as anxious anymore about what happend last night. Just try to avoid jimin and you will be okay. My mind convinced me.
I was right, when I walked towards my shared locker I saw all of them standing there. Nice even Jimin is here, just don't look at him.
When they saw me walking up to them I got a lot of angry looks, they were all looking at me like they would beat me up right on the spot.
'Come on Y/n you will be alright, they won't hurt you while you're at school. They can't do anything to you'. My mind said. 'Yes they will, you also never thought that Jimin would kiss you but that happend too'. My dark thoughts popped up. 'On the bright side I have never seen them beat up a girl before. You will be fine just act nice and maybe they will calm down a bit'. I shook the thoughts away and put on a fake smile.
"Good morning." I said happily while giving them my biggest fake smile. I opened the locker and started putting in my stuff. They all shot me glares and I saw some cracking their necks in annoyance. "Did you guys get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" I asked them.
"Don't act like you don't know what's going on!" Taehyung said while slapping the back of my head.
"Auch." I said while pouting like a little kid.
"Do you want a kiss on that?". Jimin said sarcastically. I just shot him a blank face.
Is he really bringing this up?! Last night he kissed me on my damn lips without permission!! And now he is joking about it. I'm still mad and anxious about yesterday. I quickly looked away from Jimin, if I would look at him for any longer the bad memories will pop up and I will have them for a long time.
Jimins face reminds me of what happened that night and it makes my stomach feel like it's being stabbed by a thousand knives.
I have gone to therapy for what happened to me that night. The thought of someone forcing themselves on me makes me depressed and anxious or makes me want to trow up. It doesn't help that this happened twice in a short period off time. The first day I went to this school Chen forced him on me and within 3 weeks it happens again, but this time it was Jimin.
I started loosing these memories but they are coming back, I'm starting to think that the therapy was for nothing.
I tried to brush off the thoughts, took a deep breath and closed the locker. I didn't give a response to Jimin, instead I started to walk towards Lae's locker.
Calm down Y/n nothing bad is happening, Jimin is just playing around. You will be alright. I tried to calm myself down
But I got stopped by no other than Jungkook. "Where do you think your going?" Jungkook asked me with an harsh tone, while pulling me back towards them with his hand around my arm. When I stood on the place next to Jungkook I saw all their faces including Jimins.
No Jimin will not hurt you. My mind said
Yes he will, did you forget what he did to you last night? My mind was having an argument with itself. The thoughts of Jimin kissing me started playing in my head, this made me panick.
"I- I need to go." I said half panicing while trying to get my arm out of Jungkooks grip. I can't stay in the presence of Jimin for any longer. I started to see flashes of what happened to me that night when I saw Jimin's face in the corner of my eye.
"Please let me go." I whined, when Jungkook still had my arm in his hand. "please Jungkook-ah I- I need to go". I said panicing.
"Stop fake panicing Y/n." Jungkook scoffed. "Your not getting away so easily this time". He told me.
"No, Jungkook you don't get it. I need to go. Please let me go." I said almost in tears when the event from that night started flashing in front of my eyes. I felt the pain I had from that night going trough my body. "I need to get away here." I said trying to jerk my arm out off his grip.
It didn't help because he was too strong for me. This made me panic even more, the thought of me being trapped and that I can't escape. My sight began to become blurry and I started to take deep breaths.
The memories of me getting beaten up and kicked in the face shot in my head.
"I- I n- need to-..." I couldn't focus on making normal sentences anymore. I grabbed the hand that was holding my arm and I squeezed in it as hard as I could. "Pl- please". I said while a tear escaped my eye.
Then suddenly the air got stuck in my throat and I started breathing heavily. Even though I know there is nothing blocking my airway, I had trouble breathing.
I felt Chen's touch on me from that night, I see the room that I was in, I feel the pain I gotten from that night. I hear my voice bagging them to stop, but they didn't.
"Stop... please." My crying voice said when Chen started kissing my neck. Chen didn't listen and kept kissing me. Suddenly I felt his hand glide underneath my shirt. "Ss-stop." I bagged and started struggling.
The memory played in my mind. I was in a whole other universe right now.
"Jungkook-ah I don't think she's faking this". I heard Namjoon say. Right after that my body started to feel heavy, because of the anxiousness off what will happen next. My body and mind are over reacting about this situation but I can't do anything about it. This also happened a few times after the accident had happened.
I couldn't hold my own body weight anymore, soon after that my body started to drop to the ground. But I couldn't fall all the way down because I felt Jungkook holding me up at my waist and arm.
"What's happening to her?" I heard Hoseok ask.
"What do you think it is?!" Namjoon said. "She is having a panic attack." He explained with a calm voice.
"Why?" I heard Seokjin ask.
"I don't know, just get her to a place with less people staring our way." I heard Namjoon say. After that I couldn't concentrate on their conversation.
I felt my body get lifted up by Jungkook and saw them taking me to an empty study room. I had still trouble with breathing normally when we got into the classroom. I heard them talking but everything they were saying couldn't be processed into my head. The only voice which I could hear clearly was Namjoons, for some type of reason his voice made my mind relax.
"Get her some water". I heard Namjoon say. Jungkook let go of me and I fell down to the grond. I felt down on my knees and I was leaning down on my arms to hold myself up.
I suddenly felt a body next to me and I felt a bottle of water getting pushed to my lips. With a lot of energy I looked up at the one holding the bottle of water in front of my face.
I saw a blurry Jimin next to me. My mind started panicing even more when I saw his face. Out of panic I pushed him away. "Don't toch me!" I scream and crawled backwards until I felt the wall hit my back. I started crying as a maniac.
I pulled my legs up and hugged them tight. I put my head into my my arms which where hugging my legs. I was now rolled up as a ball in the corner of the room and was crying my eyes out.
I heard some panicing voices but I couldn't understand one word they were saying.
Until I heard Namjoons voice again. "I think we should take her back home." I heard Namjoons say. I heard some other words getting exchanged and soon after that I felt my body getting lifted up.
It was Taehyung who was caring me. They started walking trough the hallway, there where no sounds coming from here so I suppose that the classes already began.
I was still crying and tried to push Taehyung away from me, but it didn't have any impact on him. When we got outside I saw them getting into the cars. Taehyung started putting me down on the backseats next to Jimin.
When I noticed that I started struggling and panicing. "No! No! Let me go!" I said while crying hard. I tried to push Taehyung as hard as I could, so that he would stop putting me down in the backseat. It didn't work, when he put me down on the seat anyways he let go of me.
Flashes from that night started flashing in front of my eyes again, which made my airways feel tighter. The feeling of being powerless and the thoughts that I couldn't do anything took over my body for a second.
"Get me out!" I said crying out. I started to punch Taehyung on his chest, so that he wouldn't be in the way of the car entrance. As soon as he took a step behind him, I took my change and got out of the car.
I just stood outside and was crying. I don't want to be around Jimin, he brings back the memories in me.
"Yaah what's wrong with you?!" Taehyung said annoyed.
"I- I can't be with him." I said while pointing towards Jimin. My body was shaking badly.
"Don't clown around, get in." He said annoyed and tried to push me back into the car.
"No! No! No." I said crying.
"Taehyung-ah stop it. Can't you see she is panicing because of Jimin?" I heard Seokjin say and he then pulled me towards him, away from Taehyung.
"No! She is just clowning around so that she won't get into trouble!" Taehyung said madly.
"She will ride back home with me and Hoseok. You guys will only make it worse." Seokjin said, implying towards the maknaes. He then leaded me towards the car where Hoseok was already sitting in.
I got into the back seat and the whole way home I was just crying my frustration and anxiety away quietly.
I'm afraid of Jimin. His face reminds me about the night of the accident. My mind lost the control off my own body. I'm so ashamed and panicked right now.
———
(A/n)
Thanks guys for your support <3
Sooo.. I'm trying to write some chapters beforehand. But I feel so sad writing them like mean characters :'( They are so nice in reality, but in this book they are like assholes.
Maybe I'm planning on writing another fanfic but then BTS will have a more normal life and they will be kind and loving.
But that won't happen until I finish this book.
Just remember I love them.