'I WAS YOUR AMBER, BUT NOW SHE'S YOUR SHADE OF GOLD'
March 18th. I can't even remember what I was doing. This was the day I met him though.
We got chatting, I might have been in the shop, I couldn't remember. All I knew was I suggested meeting up for a drink in the evening and he agreed. I don't know if we called it a date, but we met in a local bar.
I learnt his name was Charles and he was not from my hometown of Annecy, he told me he lived in Monaco. Questioning him, he told me he was visiting a friend in France, I didn't have any reason to disbelieve him, we'd only just met after all.
Listening to him, he told me alot about his life. He was a Formula One driver, this infact meant nothing to me at the time but after our drinks, I returned home to google him. He had told me quite a few things, he had mentioned quickly that he had broken up with his girlfriend but moved on from that subject. My google search had flagged up more than I would have liked to have known about it. It didn't stop me seeing him again two nights later.
Charles was kind and sensitive. He knew how to make me laugh and by the end of the night I found myself in bed with him. Of course, he was not the first man in my life but it didn't stop me from feeling something new. I didn't want to be a woman who just gave herself away and when he suggested meeting again in a few days, I jumped at the chance.
During the days apart, my friend, Freya decided to google him some more. She showed me news articles of him and his study girlfriend, the media had covered their break up. The comments showed the fans were heartbroken, their favourite driver was stupid to have called off the relationship. I read the comments, I wondered why everyone loved Charlotte so much but when I took the time to look at her picture when I was alone I knew why.
The young woman he had been in a relationship with was so beautiful. The pictures of them together were perfect, they seemed to just fit together.
His Instagram was still full of pictures of the old couple together. This didn't bring any joy to me. I wondered if he was still in love with her, I didn't dare ask. Who was I to ask such a thing? Jesus, at the moment we were just a fling.
When I met him for the third time, things were different.
Charles spoke about Charlotte in alot more detail. He told me about their relationship, he shared details that were intimate, sacred to the two of them. I shared some words of wisdom with him, hoping to bring him comfort. I didn't personally know Charlotte but from his words I knew she was a kind person too.
The way he spoke about her told me one thing. She would always win over anyone else.
If she wanted him back tomorrow or even right now, he'd go to her. He'd choose her everytime.
I tried to help with the pain he felt, I talked to him, I spent time in bed with him. The moments we shared in bed was either angry, fast paced and rough, like he needed a release, or soft, tender and slow, like he needed to remember. I didn't complain, I needed a release too.
We met two more times before he returned to Monaco. He promised to see me again, only when he didn't show I knew. Instagram confirmed my thoughts as I drank my wine.
Charles and Charlotte had rekindled their love.
I had hoped that the time we shared together was helping to heal him, that he was forgetting but apparently not. All I wanted to do was to call him and shout at him. I wanted to let him know that he'd hurt me, he didn't even have the decency to call me just to let me know.
She was always going to be his number one.
It's all starting to make sense now, it was never me. I was never going to be his first choice, not when he could have the love of his life.
My eyes glanced at the photo again before I locked my phone, the screen turning black. He was happy, if he was happy then I couldn't ruin that. I knew from the time we had spent together all he wanted was happiness. I knew that Charlotte was the only one who could give it to him.
Lying back on my sofa, I smiled. I didn't mind. I didn't want to be second best to anyone else, I wanted a man to love me for me. I wanted a man who was going to be in love with me and me only.