RORY
When I open my pack of cigarettes, I realize that I haven't smoked at all today. The first puff doesn't feel as comforting as it usually does. Has it always tasted like this? By now, all club goers have left the city center and the streets are empty. Tomorrow it will all go back to normal when people get up for their day jobs. Their party cravings won't begin until Wednesday, the middle of the week, a wish for the weekend to begin.
Adam did me the favor of bringing Imogen home after her shift ended. We even took care of having her leave through the kitchen door in case Duncan was lurking outside and saw her. I feel at peace knowing that she's alone in my apartment, but I don't want to risk anything while she's outside, even if it's a short walk. Imogen offered to stay until the club closed, but her face showed signs of fatigue. I know she's tough, but now she has someone else to think about.
I've always considered my apartment the place where I rest my head, but not one that I particularly look forward to. The idea that she's waiting for me there makes me feel differently and I notice that I walk faster than normal. I've had my share of live-in girlfriends, but this morning I had an awkward experience with Imogen that sort of felt like a dream come true at the same time. She came out of the bathroom wearing one of my t-shirts, which was quite tight on her breasts, and wore no pants. She laughed, covered her chest with her arms, and apologized for the skimpy outfit. She said that she really had to go to the bathroom, that it was a pregnancy thing, and wearing pants became second priority. I didn't know what to say, so I laughed along, but truthfully, it's how I always imagined life with her would be like.
When I get closer to the building, I put my cigarette out and pop a mint in my mouth. Erin has been begging me to quit smoking for years and today she told me to be mindful around Imogen. That not only cigarette smoke is harmful for the baby, but that pregnant women are sensitive to scents. How would I know that? It doesn't seem to have bothered Imogen in the past months when we only have a few feet of space between us behind the bar. But I will listen, try my best, and hopefully manage to stop. God knows I spend a fortune in the habit.
The moment I open the door I feel so surprised that I don't dare to take another step.
"Hey, Ro. How was it at the club?" Imogen asks from the couch without taking her eyes off the TV. When I don't answer, she turns to look at me. "Rory? Are you okay?"
"Where are the dust and the bottles?" I take a few steps after closing the door and gaze around the room while she laughs.
"Dust is gone and the bottles are in a box to bring to the recycling bin. TV sucked when I came here from the club and I didn't know what else to do. It's not like I can go into town and browse the stores until that dick gets arrested. So I cleaned and organized the place. I didn't go into your bedroom and calling you at the club to ask permission would have been stupid, so I'm sorry about not touching that one. Oh, and you need a new mop. What you have can't be called a mop. It's more like an ugly stick with a few hairs," she smirks.
I didn't know my apartment could smell like flowers. I didn't even know I had something in the cupboard under the sink to make it smell like this. The floor even looks new and I try to remember when was the last time I mopped. Now I don't even want to go into my bedroom, knowing that it isn't as clean as the rest. The couch is empty of magazines and the cushions are placed nicely. Did I have those already? My books are back in the bookcase and she even cleaned my ashtray. I feel so incredibly grateful that I grab her in a hug. She didn't have to do this. I just want her safe and happy. That would have been enough for me.
"Thank you so much, Imogen," I kiss her forehead and she gives me a sweet smile.
"You are welcome. It's the least that I can do for you for helping me, and well, the apartment needed a good dusting. I know you barely have time for yourself so I don't blame you. I would like to sit down with you tomorrow to figure my share of the living expenses. I'm not a freeloader."
"You don't need to pay me for anything. I don't spend much on myself and can afford everything for us both. Well, for us three. I assume you will need things for the baby. Like a crib and a stroller. You can use your money for that."
Imogen caresses my cheek. "You are the kindest man in the world. When Duncan stops being a threat, I'll finish finding a place of my own. I feel like eating popcorn. Would you like some as well?"
I nod and follow her to the kitchen. I feel disappointed for knowing that our living together situation is temporary. Imogen places a bag of popcorn in the microwave and I appreciate the effort she also placed in the kitchen where the counters and appliances look almost new. When the snack is ready, she divides the contents of the hot bag in two bowls and hands one to me.
"I rarely eat this," I pop a handful in my mouth and enjoy the buttery taste. "Maybe at the movies and usually I would go for some nachos with cheese. I forget how much I like it."
"All I want to eat is crunchy and salty stuff. You have no idea the willpower I have for trying not to eat the pub mix," she laughs.
"You can have all you want."
"Rory, if I start eating that I won't stop," she starts picking popcorn from my bowl and I see that hers is already empty. "How did the Moonlight sell?"
"Well as we expected. We were lucky and managed to make it to the end of the night with the beer we had. After we closed, I was cleaning the taps and accidentally hit one with my elbow and a hiss sound and foam is all that came out."
"Close call. Hopefully Erin can sort a new delivery as soon as possible. The Moonlight drink was a brilliant idea. You are so smart."
"Smart? Adam is smart, I just think out of the box."
"Have you ever thought about opening your own bar?"
"No way! Have you seen Adam drowning in papers and administration? Leave me to my drinks and having fun. I can't complain to be honest. I'm doing what I love and the club is doing so well that this year we paid ourselves a bit of profit sharing as partners."
"And did Noah and Erin survive the day?" She asks with a knowing smirk.
"Tip toeing around each other is what they did. I know they talked but going back to the trust they had on each other will take some time. No calls from the police?" I ask and a little worry crease forms in her forehead.
"Nothing. I considered calling them, but I know it won't be of any use. Duncan hasn't tried to call me either. He's probably too scared or sorry about what he did to me."
"And if he apologizes, will you go back to him?" The thought worries me, especially when she doesn't answer immediately.
"No. I won't. I'm not even sorry my kid will grow up without a father, and we'll be okay. I also grew up without one and I turned okay. Okay-ish."
"You are more than okay, and you have me to protect you both. Imogen, you really don't have to move out when it's safe to do so. We have enough room to fit the baby stuff."
"I have to think about it. You have a right to a life without drama," she places her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest.
Imogen and I hug at work when we say goodbye. It feels natural between us as our friendship has deepened in the time we've known each other. But I feel so much more for her, always have.
"Rory..." Imogen whispers after I tilt her face and give her a light kiss on her lips. "What is this?"
"It's how I feel. It's how I've felt since the day you walked behind the bar and pulled the most perfect beer."
"You are a good man; you have always been. I wished many times that it was you I was going home to, but I had invested so much time in Duncan. I spent the last seven years waiting like a fool for him to change, to show me it was worth staying together. Each time he came by the club to yell at me in a jealous fit, you were there protecting and defending me. It's so fucked up that this happened now."
"You tried your best to make things work. In my eyes, you are the bravest woman I know. Someone I would be proud to have a relationship with. I'm not asking you for anything, only want you to know that my heart could be yours if you ever want it."
"You want a relationship with me? After knowing you for so long, you are still full of surprises. What's next? You know how to deliver babies too?" She teases.
"I've never been around a pregnant woman. I'm afraid I can't help you there. Are you avoiding the topic?"
"I'm just overwhelmed. In a good way. Just don't know what could be the next step. I like you Ro, you know that. I only wonder if it's the right moment."
"I'm in no rush. I only want you to know how I feel."
I offer my hand to Imogen and she holds it as we walk towards the couch where we sit and cuddle for a long time. I hope she doesn't think that I'm taking advantage of her in her vulnerable state, because I do love her and I want to show her that I will continue to do so for the rest of my life, if that's what she wants.