Breathe. Hold your breath. Think. Don’t think about it. Open your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Listen. Drown out the sound. Run. Stay in place. Panic. Stay calm.
You can do this.
You’re doomed.
Doomed!
Those were my final thoughts as I closed my eyes and took my few last deep breaths before my heals clicked up the wooden stairs and then onto the smallish stage in the back of the yard where everybody has gathered. The stars were shining brightly in the sky as everybody watched me intently. My heals were the only thing making a sound, at least it was the only sound that was making it to my ears as I made my way to the microphone standing tauntingly in the middle of the stage. I was wearing a white strapless dress that we had bought at the Sherri Hill store at the mall. It came down to about mid-thigh and on the top, the dress was covered with a golden design, under a thin golden belt, the dress flowed with sheer white, but sprinkled with golden dots. It was gorgeous to say the least.
I reached up and gripped the microphone, taking one last deep, really deep breath before flicking the ‘on’ switch and preparing to talk, knowing that my voice was going to boom across the vast audience of waiting people.
“Um, h-hi.” I croaked into the small microphone. The only way to get through this was to tell myself that they weren’t there. I was only talking to one person. Jackson, my dad, Kale, Libby, Andy, anybody. Just not everybody.
“So, I, uh, I got blackmailed into doing this. So when your ears start to bleed, you can blame that on Jackson.” I said, not joking, yet the people in front of me laughed.
My brain chose that moment to start wondering about stupid things. I wondered if Taylor Swift was there, because I was about sing her songs. What about Selena Gomez? Or Katy Perry? Okay, I wasn't singing Katy Perry, but still!
These questions drove me crazy until I had to take another deep breath to calm myself down, even though I couldn’t stop my heart from threatening to beat out of my chest.
I gripped my guitar in my hands and found the beat to my first song in my head and closed my eyes. I went back to about a week ago when Kale was out on his balcony, singing to me in the middle of the night. That made me smile and it helped me push through. If he could do that, I surely could do this… right?
Before my mind could decide that I was ready, my fingers were streaming to the first song that I was going to play.
Put your lips close to mine,
as long as they don't touch.
Out of focus, eye to eye,
'till the gravity's too much.
And I'll do anything you say,
if you say it with your hands.
And I’d be smart to walk away,
but your quicksand.
This slope is treacherous,
this path is reckless.
This slope is treacherous and
I, I, I like it.
As the song continued, my nerves were dissolving, just slightly, but I quickly got lost in the music. I didn’t dare look up at the people before me, listening silently as I sang the new Taylor Swift song.
Two headlights shine through the sleepless night,
and I will get you, get you alone.
Your name has echoed through my mind
and I just think you should, think you should know
that nothing safe is worth the drive and
I will follow you, follow you home.
I'll follow you, follow you home.
I'll follow you, follow you home.
I'll follow you, follow you home.
This slope is treacherous I, I, I like it.
When I looked up at the end, people were… clapping? They were clapping and cheering, and not just the people I knew. Strangers- famous strangers were clapping and smiling up at me with impressed smiles and talking amongst each other.
This clapping helped me push through to my next song with a little bit more ease, but my tummy was still rumbling with nerves that I couldn’t shake. Especially because the next song was upbeat and I had to dance around the stage. I took another deep breath and saw Kale in the crowd with Jackson and Elle and everybody and fought harder to keep my composure. I sat my guitar down by the microphone stand and stepped back with the microphone in my hand, clutching it tightly with nerves.
You say that I'm messing with your head,
all 'cause I'm making out with your friends.
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong,
I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun.
You're on your knees,
begging please,
stay with me.
But honestly,
I just need to be a little crazy.
All my life I've been good, but now,
I'm thinking what the hell?
All I want to do is mess around
and I don't really care about
if you love me, if you have me,
you can't save me baby, baby.
All my life I've been good but now, whoa! What the hell?
It didn’t take me long to get into the song and let my heals clack around the stage as I sang the Avril Lavigne song, What The Hell. I smiled when I saw that everybody was dancing and it seemed like they were enjoying the song. That helped me ease up a little bit more and I felt much better than I did in the beginning.
By the third song, I was super pumped and ready to sing my favorite song out of the six.
Every clock is tickin' faster
takin' rips around the sun.
Another year, another chapter.
5 and 4 and 3 and 2 and 1.
Drop your calls, lose your keys,
before the drinks are gone.
Get yourself out your seat. Oh, oh.
Quit your bitchin', move your feet,
until the break of dawn.
Cause nobody gives a damn about the day that you were born.
Again, I was greeted by cheering, clapping, and dancing, which made me smile and my nerves were almost gone when the fourth song rolled around. I grinned at Kale and he smiled at me proudly. My heart melted at the feeling that he was proud of me. I don’t know why, but that felt really good.
I grabbed my guitar again, knowing that the next song wasn’t as upbeat as the last two. Never Let Me Go by Lana Del Rey.
Hold me in your arms,
love me like your best friend did.
Promise, I won't hurt you kid.
Hold me really tight until the stars look big.
Never let me go.
All the world is ours,
like they say in Scarface, kid.
You can push your drugs and I can make it big,
singing CBGB's have a real good gig,
Hey you never know.
'Cause baby we were born to live fast and die young,
born to be bad, have fun. Honey, you and me can be one, just believe, come on.
When I was done, people were clapping once more and I grinned, sitting my guitar down again for the last song, Hit The Lights by Selena Gomez.
It's the boy you never told I like you,
it's the girl you let get away.
It's the one you saw that day on the train
but you freaked out and walked away.
It's the plane you wanna catch to Vegas.
Things you swear you do before you die.
It's the city you love that waits for you,
but you're too damn scared to fly.
Hit the lights!
Let the music move you,
lose yourself tonight.
Come alive!
Let the moment take you,
lose control tonight.
When that song ended, I only had one more to do, so I grabbed my guitar once more and put the microphone on the stand again before shakily speaking into the microphone.
“That was nerve-racking.” I admitted. “Anyway, the last song is in honor of this holiday, the Fourth of July. We celebrate the Fourth of July to celebrate our freedom, to realize how truly lucky we are to be able to live so freely here. And to thank the soldiers to fight for us, day after day. So don’t forget that.”
I prepared my guitar and quickly started strumming my guitar before I could change my mind.
If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I'd worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.
I'd thank my lucky stars,
to be livin' here today.
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can't take that away.
And I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me and
I gladly stand up.
Next you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God Bless The USA!
When I finished, I saw cell phones slowly swinging in the darkness and smiles on everybody’s face. And that’s when it hit me. I just sang in front of a crowd. A crowd of people who were listening to my singing. At first, that thought made me feel like I had to throw up, but then I remembered that look of pride on Kale’s face and through my mind’s rambling, I could hear clapping and cheering. People weren’t booing me off the stage, they didn’t think I sucked.
I couldn’t hide the grin on my face as my eyes quickly scanned the crowd for Kale, he was standing next to my brother still as they were all in the center of the crowd.
“Jackson!” I yelled after I turned the microphone off. Everybody quieted when they heard my voice, but I didn’t care. “Jackson, I did it!” I squealed. After I finished yelling to my brother, I hopped off of the stage and made a bee line towards him and Kale. “I did it!” I squealed again as the crowd parted to get out of my way like the Red Sea. I practically leapt into his arms in excitement and he hugged me back.
“Dad’s going to be so proud.” He whispered in my ear as we pulled away from each other.
I didn’t have time to respond before I was pulled into another hug, only this one was more bone crushing and came from the arms of my boyfriend.
“You were great.” He told me softly.
“Really?” I squeaked. “Because I was freaking out.”
“Everybody loved it- I’m so happy for you, babe.”
I grinned at him. “I only did it because of you. I mean, if you didn’t push me to do it and then that whole thing on the balcony. This- This is all because of you.” I told Kale with my arms still wrapped around his neck.
He smiled and leaned in pressing his lips softly to mine. “I love you.”
I giggled against his lips. “I love you too.”
He kissed me again, and this time longer than the first one. His hands on my waist pulled me closer to him until our bodies were mashed against each other but his lips never parted, for the reason that we were in front of a large group of people at the moment.
Our kiss was only broken when a hand came swatting in between our faces. I looked around in confusion until my eyes landed on Andy. “Break it up, love birds.” She sang teasingly. “I get a hug too.”
I chuckled with my red cheeks and wrapped my arms around Andy as she hugged me close. “You did great, of course.”
“Thanks.” I sighed into her shoulder before she started pulling away.
Elle approached us with an excited grin on her face. “The fireworks are about to start.”
And that’s how we all ended up in the grassy field of the football field that stretched out between the Ryder and Jackson’s yard, on our backs and preparing for the countdown to the fireworks. I was laying against Kale’s warm body with my head resting on his chest. On the other side of me, Elle was laying with Isaac.
10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1… BOOM
Fireworks lit up the summer night sky, all red, white, and blue. There were blue smiley faces and red hearts, and those white crackly ones that sizzle and pop before turning into smoke. The smoke was clouding over our heads, but I kept my eyes on the amazing display of lights dancing in the sky. A burst of red and then a pop of blue mixed with the exciting light of white.
They weren’t going off for long until Kale pulled me up to him and put his lips on mine softly. I giggled against his lips before pressing my body into his more and kissed him back hungrily with the loud thunder of the fireworks above us. When he tried to pry my lips open with his tongue, I pulled away, even though it took all of my self-control.
He gave me a questioning look and I leaned closer to him. “Let’s go inside.” I told him gently, seeing as my brother was just a few feet away from us on the other side of Kale. He had a new girl in his arms but I didn’t pay any attention to that.
“But the fireworks aren’t over.” He teased.
I smirked and remembered his weakness. “Fine.” I said before ducking my head down and peppering his jaw line in soft kisses before slowly sinking my teeth into the skin where his shoulder met his neck.
He sucked in a sharp breath and I knew I’d gotten to him. “Fine, let’s go.” He agreed.
“But the fireworks aren’t over.” I fired his words back at him as I laid my back back into the grass to watch the fireworks display.
“You’re impossible.” He grunted.
I grinned up at him innocently before sliding up once more to put my lips near his ear so that my lips brushed against his ear when I spoke. “Race ya.” I whispered. In an instant, I was on my feet and running towards Kale’s large house, avoiding stepping on the other people in the yard by just lucky inches and getting a bunch of confused glances. Once I passed the last of the people lying and watching the fireworks, I looked behind me to see Kale right on my tail.
I burst into giggles as I headed for Kale’s house and barged through the back door, shutting it behind me. Seconds later, I heard it open once again and Kale’s footsteps pound behind me. I mentally thanked myself for taking my heals off before the fireworks started as I hurried up the stairs. By the sound of Kale’s footsteps, he was getting closer, but I was losing breath and I couldn’t go any faster. I got to Kale’s hallway before he caught me.
I let out a flimsy squeal as he caught my waist in his hands and pinned me against the wall.
“I think I won.” He told me smugly.
“Did not!” I objection a second before his fingers reached my sides and started tickling my sides.
I burst into uncontrollable laughter and if Kale’s body wasn’t holding me up, I would have collapsed to the floor. “I did too.” He teased.
“Stop!” I demanded. “S-Stop!”
“I’m sorry, what was that?” He asked innocently, continuing to wiggle his fingers into my sides.
“Y-you wonnn! You won!” I nearly screamed, panting for breath as my sides started to ache.
He smugly released me and started walking down the hallway towards his door.
“Jerk.” I mumbled under my breath, following him.
“I heard that.” He called as he opened his door and sent me a small smile.
I maturely stuck my tongue out at him and stepped into his room behind him. “Good, you are a jerk.” I huffed.
“You’ll just have to deal with it.” He teased with a smirk.
I crinkled my nose and crossed my arms over my chest. “Nuh uh.” I muttered like a little kid.
He grinned innocently at me before taking a few steps closer to me so that our faces were inches away from each other. “I have no idea where this is going, so can we just make out?”
I giggled and pretended to think it over. “Ummm…”
I didn’t get a chance to finish because his lips were mashed onto mine. I eagerly accepted the kiss and grinned against his lips before letting his tongue slide in between my lips. I felt him unzip the back of my dress and it quickly fell to the floor, exposing the black swim suit I was walking around in earlier and a pair of black dance shorts I’d worn under the dress.
“Happy Fourth of July.” I mumbled against his lips.
He let out a soft laugh, causing his breath to brush against my lips. “Happy Fourth of July, Babe.” As he spoke, he tugged down the shorts and they swiftly fell to my ankles.
I grinned as I nipped at his bottom lip and leaped up, wrapping my bare legs around Kale’s waist. He immediately had me pinned against the wall and his lips back on mine, fiercely shoving his tongue down my throat.
I let out a soft moan and felt his hands roaming around my bare thighs as I worked to get his t-shirt over his head. Once his shirt hit the floor, I noticed one of his hands were playing with the top hem of my swim suit. As to give him permission, I brought my hand up and started tugging down on the black fabric.
He didn’t need any more convincing because the next second, the swim suit was tugged down to my belly. I would have felt self-conscious that I was literally half naked, but it was Kale and I think it was very impossible for me to feel self-conscious around him. Maybe it was the way he looked at me like he wouldn’t mind looking at me for the rest of his life, or the way he kissed me like he never wanted to let go.
As I thought this, I wondered to myself if he noticed that I look at him with that same passion and kiss him with the same desire. Because I know that I do. I could stare at that boy for until the sun burns out and I’m pretty sure that I kissed him with everything inside of me.
In no time, we found our way to the bed and you can take it from there…