Shukaku or the One tailed beast roared at me in rage. They didn't seem too happy.
So I did the thing I do best: talk no jutsu.
"Have you or a loved one been sealed in a randomly selected, incompatible host without your input?"
They howled suspiciously at me. "Who are you?"
"I'm a college dropout. Are you stuck somewhere you don't really wanna be doing something you really don't wanna do?"
Shukaku stared at me, not moving.
"Then have I got the solution for you! I can tell you how to separate you from your human host safely! So please leave Konoha alone! Please!"
"Host? How would someone like you know about a host?"
"I mean, I know that you're stuck with a kid who has tons of emotional baggage. And if being stuck with a kid isn't too bad, the people in the kid's life are bad enough, right? So much unnecessary drama."
Shukaku grunted loudly. "I loathe to agree with you, powerless human, but it is incredibly irritating to deal with a child with...what's the phrase...parental issues and social constructs."
"Right? It's like, why do you have to deal with his problems? You have your own important matters to worry about!"
"Precisely! If it were up to me, I would pick a more emotionally stable host! At the very least, someone who is more excited about the prospect of fighting than some mopey, angsty child who doesn't get excited about anything. Do you know that this host doesn't even have any hobbies?! Do you?!"
"That sounds really awful. Or better yet, you should just do whatever you wanted to do on your own without consulting a literal child or the people who monitor the said child."
"You understand--wait, this a trap! You're just like the rest of them--" They bared their teeth at me.
"No, no, no! Listen, I'm here to talk with you about this because there's a way to separate you from your host! There's great help up in a village up north that specializes in undoing seals! Yeah! It's really helpful, and I think you'd make a great candidate for their purposes!"
Shukaku peered at me suspiciously again. "Oh? And what do you get from benefiting from such a...offer?"
"Uh, you don't kill me? Or the rest of Konoha specifically?"
They squinted and leaned back. "My host was ordered to kill some of you. Not all but some."
"Oh, I see. Well, once you separate from your host, you could try seeing if you could leave Konoha people and its village...alone? Perhaps?"
They glared at me. "And how do I know to trust you? You, human, more powerless than those I've fought. And yet...you know so much about...my predicament." They waved their one tail in amusement and disbelief.
"Uh, look, a lot of Konoha people are dead and were killed during the Chunin Exams and we would very much like it if we were not in a war with both Suna and Otogakure. And...I mean, it's not like you have a particular emotional attachment to your host or his village, am I right?"
"Hmmmmm."
"Besides, you don't have anything else to lose, right? You're already stuck dealing with a tiny child who has yet to go through puberty and we all know how much trouble that's going to be. And! It's just gonna get worse because you'll be stuck in a body that's going through so much development for years and years and years on end!"
"...that does sound rather awful."
"Plus, you're super powerful, and it's not like anyone can just randomly seal you anywhere? And if by some rare chance you get sealed again, it's only a matter of getting yourself unsealed again, right? Who wants to be stuck inside of a person all the time?"
"Strange...you've convinced me. What is your name?"
"I'm Meela Serena, it's so good to meet you."
Shukaku let out a hearty laugh that rang in my ears. "You are a curious human. Powerless still, and I am intrigued. Where do I go to get rid of this host?"
"So there's Kumogakure up north. Uh, let them know in advance that you're going to see them about getting you and your host separated permanently. I hear it's beautiful this time of year. Take this opportunity to go on vacation! You know? Enjoy the sights! Feel free to ask around for directions, although that might be easier if you use your human host's body..."
Shukaku scowled unhappily, "It truly will be a relief to get out of this tiny child. It's nearly unbearable to constantly be stuck in such an inadequate size. You have been most helpful, Weakling."
"Great, glad to be of help!"
And then the great one-tailed beast flounced off in the direction of Kumogakure.
*****
WHO TOLD US THAT DISTRICT B WAS SAFE?