William
With a griamace, I stare at the food in a bowl, pushing it around with my spoon.
I've only been here for a day and I was already dreading it. After a long talk with my parents, they confirmed that I will be staying in the hospital until I looked healthier and was better.
I was malnourished and supposedly looked sick. I refused to look at myself whenever I went to the bathroom or when I was on my phone, so I wouldn't know.
It was morning and a nurse gave me breakfast. It was a bowl of yogurt with blueberries and gronola, an over generous amount of everything in it. A small cup of orange juice was on the side, but I didn't plan on drinking it.
A doctor diagnosed me as anorexic after taking multiple vital test. She also said I was bullimic after asking me a series of blunt questions. I didn't like the idea of having eating disorders, so I felt awful whenever she told me.
I eyed the parfait bowl, upset that I was being forced to eat so early in the morning. Nicholas left last night after I "ate" dinner and told me he'd come this morning around 9.
It was 8:30 and I didn't have much of an appetite this early, but the nurses didn't care when I tried to reason with them to let me eat later in the morning.
Lucille was sitting on couch, flipping through channels on the TV, sipping on coffee since she wasn't allowed to eat in here. My parents were eating breakfast in the cafeteria and Lucille stayed to keep me company while I attempted to eat breakfast.
She frowns, "are you not hungry?" I gave her a look. "Eat a few bites, please. For me?"
I scowl, "I'm not hungry. It's too early." My sister sighs in defeat as I mixed around the yogurt and berries. I felt nauseous at the thought of eating.
I didn't know how low my weight was, I refused to look at it when they weighed me. But by the sad look on my parents face and the gasp from Nicholas, I knew it was good.
Probably because of how high it was, fat bitch.
I push away the bowl, studying the juice. I felt weak because I hardly touched any of the food given to me yesterday. Everything was low, my sugar, heart rate, cholesterol, iron, the list goes on.
I take a sip of juice, the sugar, cold liquid slipping into the emptiness of my stomach, teasing me.
The door opens and I snap my head towards it, hoping it was the bitchy nurse who was making my eat. I smile at the sight of my boyfriend.
"Hey." He greeted, sitting in the chair next to my bed, the same one he was in yesterday. His eyes wondered to my full bowl, "have you eaten any of it?"
I shake my head, "I'm not that hungry. It's too early and I'm sleepy." Nicholas nodded, kissing my temple softly. "How was your night?"
He shrugs, "okay, I guess. I was really worried about you after I left, so I didn't really sleep well. But it's okay." A ping of guilt hit me and Nick noticed. "How'd you sleep?"
"Like a baby." I sarcastically mumbled, poking the hard matress. "This was more comfortable yesterday morning than it was last night." He chuckles, rubbing at my hand, his face falling into a frown. "I'm sorry."
Nick furrows his brows, "what for?"
"Worrying you." I mutter, sighing guilty. "You shouldn't be worrying."
He didn't reply because we both know what he would say. He just kissed my hand before nodding towards the bowl. "Can you eat a bite or two, please? It would stop me from worrying so much."
With a heavy exhale, I nodded, picking up the spoon. I pushed around the yogurt for a moment before lifting a small spoonful of it all up, guiding it slowly towards my mouth.
The creamy, sweet yogurt and berries danced on my tongue as I held it in my month, refusing to swallow it.
"Swallow, baby boy." Nicholas whispered softly in my ear, the statement seeming sexual. I couldn't help but smirk but nodded, sipping on the juice to wash the bite down. "Now, take another bite."
I huff, "you said a bite or two. I took a bite."
"One bite isn't going to fill you up."
I grumbled but picked up the spoon, scooping a small amount of yogurt. Before I could force if into my mouth, Nicholas took it, scooping a bit more yogurt and a blue berry onto it before handing it back to me.
I frown at the amount, closing my eyes as I shoved it into my mouth, scowling at the sweetness.
I gulp the smooth but thick yogurt down, shivering as my mind wandered to how much sugar was in it.
It's probably all sugar because your sugar levels are low. Think of all that sugar, just making you fatter. If you eat the rest of it, you'll surely gain a million pounds.
I only ate around 5 bites before I stopped, feeling the need to vomit already. Nicholas just kisses my hand to calm my nerves, assuring me that the sick feeling would go away soon.
I tried to keep his words in mind as I squeezed his hand for comfort.
But once my parents entered the room, I nearly puked up the few bites I ate. Every single time my mom looked at me, a look filled with emotions plastered onto her face.
It was mainly pity and some sort of regret, some was disappointment and sadness. It was hard to read her sometimes, but the look made me wants to just disapear.
"Oh, you are." She muttered as she peered into the bowl and eyed the juice. I lick my dry lips, nodding. "You could've eaten more than that, though."
"Mom." I sigh, looking at my dad for help. He glanced at my mom, the two sharing a look before Mom just nodded, sending me a warm smile. "I'll eat more before lunch."
She nods again, her mixed expression softening. There was a glint of hope in her eyes as she relaxed from her stiff posture.
There was a knock on the door before the doctor, I think her name was Wanda, entered the room, a wide grin on her face.
"Good morning everyone!" Her tone and smile brightened the mood almost instantly. "How are you, William? Feeling okay?"
I shrug, "I mean, I guess." Dr. Wanda glanced at the yogurt, berries, gronola, and orange juice. Her frown faltered and I felt uncomfortable.
"Was there anything wrong with breakfast?" She questions, her smile returning. "I know you can eat more than that."
I glance down at the food, "it's too sweet, but it tasted fine. I just don't have an appetite this early."
She nods in understanding, "it's sweet to help your blood sugar go up. I'll make sure they give you something different tomorrow." I lowly thank her, biting the inside of my cheek. "How's your arm?"
I nearly had to get stitches in 6 different placing and your asking how my arm is?! It certainly doesn't tickle, that's for sure.
"Itchy." I mumble, keeping my thoughts to myself. "It's also really tight."
"Oh." She untapes the gauze, beginning to unravel it. Nicholas looked down at our hands, not wanting to see the damage on my arm. "A few cuts are already scabbing, so... That's good."
A few cuts in probably over 15...
"I guess." I repeated, rubbing at Nicholas's knuckles. I didn't want to look at my wrist either, I knew I would just feel awful because of it.
She wipes my arm, causing me to hiss when she applied too much pressure on the deeper, more open cuts. It also didn't help that the alcohol wipe made my arm sting.
Dr. Wanda wrapped it back up with fresh bandages, looser than it was before. After she asked a few more questions, she left.
I felt like I could hardly breath with her in the room.
Lucille soon leaves to go eat, leaving my parents, boyfriend, and I in the room. An awkward tension floated in the air as I glared at the bowl.
"Could you take a few more bites?" Nick questions, sending me an encouraging smile. I slide the bowl closer, picking up the spoon. "Just eat some of the berries, I bet they aren't as sweet as the yogurt."
I nodded at the idea, pushing around the mixture before a three yogurt coated blue berries were on my spoon.
They're just fucking blueberries. Don't be so pathetic and just eat them.
I shove the spoon into my mouth, chewing slowly on the berries. I take a sip of the overly sweet orange juice to let the food wash down easier.
You're going to get fat drinking all this orange juice, just drink water, dumbass.
I place the cup down, scowling at the fact that I drank nearly half of it just to keep the handful of spoonfuls down.
"One more?" Nicholas asked with a grin. I groan, wishing I could slap him, but his intentions were good. "Just some berries and a bit more juice. Then you can stop."
I huff but agreed to the bargain my boyfriend made. I quickly eat three more berries and sipped on the juice. I felt even queasier than I did when I first started eating, but I also felt hungrier.
I wanted to eat more and more of breakfast, but I knew I'd get fatter. My stomach growls loudly for me and I scowl at it.
Damn it...
"Are you hungrier now?"
I shrug, "a bit. It's just too sweet. All the sugar and dairy..." Goosebumps rose on my arms as I turned to Nicholas, who was frowning. "I'll eat more of lunch, okay?"
He nodded, pressing a light kiss against my hand.
"Wait, so you two can are you dating?" My mom asked, tilting her friend. Wasn't it obvious? Why else would Lucille call him, he come here early in the morning for two days, and hold my fucking hand?
"Yes, Mom, we are." I sigh at her obliviousness, Nicholas laughing softly at my tone.
My mom hums as she flicks through TV channels, "well, that's good." I didn't know what she meant by that,but I didn't reply to her any farther. "Will, you know that your other sisters want to see you. Especially Rose."
I tensed at the name. She's the whole reason I'm here and not at home, sleeping, enjoying my time off school. "Well, tough shit."
"William." My dad scolds for my language and denial. "Rose didn't do anything wrong. If it weren't for her telling, you'd probably be in a worse condition."
"I don't think being dead is worst then this." I mumble under my breath, so low that my parents couldn't hear. Nicholas scowls at my words, flicking my arm.
I glanced at my parents, sighing, "I don't really care if they come... Rose better have a 12 page essay or a presentation or something if she wants me to forgive her."
My mom sighs, "don't be like that, son. She meant well and didn't want anything to happen to you. They're coming after lunch, okay?"
I huff but mumble an, "okay," in reply.
A few hour went by and soon, that bitchy nursed wheeled a cart into the room, taking my breakfast. She sent me a judgmental look at how much I didn't eat, but just set a plate in front of me before leaving.
My eyes widened at the large amount of food on my plate. That nurse does know a reason I'm here is because of an eating disorder, right?
"Don't be upset about how much there is, I don't think they expect you to eat all of this." Nicholas's words made me feel slightly better.
I eyed the sandwich, lifting up the bread to see whatever was inside. A type of lunch meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Packets of mustard and Mayonnaise was on the side, but I knew I wouldn't need them.
A spear of a pickle was placed near it, the thought of all the salt beginning to add up in my head.
There was a bowl filled with grapes, which I didn't mind as much.
Why would they give me a fucking large ass sandwich?
I had to fill out a food sheet of things I'd eat and things I would have a hard time eating. Most every carb on the list I said I had a hard time eating, but I guess they didn't care.
"I can't eat this." I say to Nicholas with a frown. "I can't eat bread. Or the pickle."
"Eat everything else then."
I slide the sandwich to the side, picking up one of the green grapes. Eyeing it, I let out of puff as I placed it down.
Even the grapes made me feel sick.
"Is there something wrong?" My mom asked with a frown. "You didn't eat lunch yesterday, so you should try and eat it today."
I shrug, "I'm not that hungry."
Her face formed bitter, "what do you mean you're not hungry?! You hardly touched anything yesterday, you barely ate breakfast, and now you're not going to eat your lunch!"
"It's not that easy." I mutter, looking down at my hands.
My mom sighs loudly in disbelief, "why couldn't you have just eaten dinner and lunch all this time like a fucking normal child?
A lump formed in my throat and my breath became shaky, "it's not that simple, Mom..."
"You just have to make everything so complicate." She spat, gathering her things quickly. "I'm getting your sisters."
After she said that, she left the room, avoiding eye contact.
I wanted to cry and disappear completely. My mom is mad at me, my sisters all probably hate, Nicholas isn't doing well because he's worried about me...
"She didn't have a lot of coffee this morning." My dad told me, standing from the couch. "Just try to eat, just a bit. I know it's hard to, but for the sake of your mom and I, please. Just try. For us."
He gave my shoulder a quick but comforting pat before leaving the room.
"My family hates me."
Nick frowns, shaking his head. "No, they don't. They're just worried about you. Your mom is just upset and worried. I don't think my mom would be happy if I was in the hospital for things she didn't notice at home."
I look at my boyfriend, smiling gently at just the sight of him. "I guess, yeah. Can, uh... Can you hug me? Please?"
"I don't want to hurt you or-"
"You won't, it's just dumb wires pumping shit into me." I assured, opening my arms. Nick pushed the desk of food aside, quickly wrapping his arms around my waist, stuffing his face into my neck.
"Please get better." He whispered, pressing his lips against my neck. "I need you to be healthy, Will."
I nodded carefully wrapping my bandaged arm around him since it didn't have much needles and patches on it. "I'll try, I really will."
"That's all I ask for." He pressed another kiss to my neck before he let go, his face close to mine. With a smile, he pressed his lips against mine, holding my chin up.
For a few seconds, I forgot about everything. I forgot about my upset family, I forgot about my scarred wrist, I forgot about the hospital I was in, I forgot about that bitchy nurse and doctor, I forgot about everything happening.
All I cared about was the way Nicholas's lovely lips were like a drug and I just wanted more and more of them