"What?" Emilia exclaims, eyes wide, confusion evident in her features.
"I'm from London," I reply, attempting to explain myself.
"How did you...?" She trails off, clearly trying to figure out how I got stuck in this shitty North.
I take a deep breath, looking down at my hands and rubbing them together before I elaborate. "My mum was ill. Gia and I travelled up North to speak to a doctor in Manchester about potential treatment. That was the day the bombs hit," I continue. "We never made it home. Obviously."
"Zac... I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be," I cut her off, shaking my head. "It's in the past."
"I wish people would stop saying that," Emilia moans, rolling her eyes. "Just sweeping what all of us went through under the carpet. It's okay not to be okay."
She's right, it's what everyone does. Jordan never speaks of the death of his ex-fiancée, Kieran and Anna stay quiet about not knowing what happened to their missing parents, Claudia never talks about when her family was killed in front of her by the Enforcers. I'm not okay, not deep down, the pain is still there - not knowing what happened to my mum or baby sister back in London. Not knowing what happened to Gia after she disappeared. But sadly, life fucking goes on.
"I'm okay."
"I don't believe you." She scoffs, shaking her head as she stares at me. I tear my gaze away, feeling her prying eyes attempt to pick me apart and analyse my words.
"I am."
"Your sister could still be out there," she says. "In the countryside maybe?"
"I doubt it," I retort, shaking my head. "The Enforcers would have found her by now anyway. She's long dead."
"Zac..." She tries as I stand up, glancing down at her, the conversation becoming too close for comfort. I'm not one to sit around and talk about my fucking feelings, I'm not a pussy.
"Goodnight, Emilia," I say bluntly, turning away from her.
"Night." Her reply comes out soft, an angelic sound as she calls after me. I nearly halt in my steps and turn back, wanting nothing more than to gather her into my arms and touch her body. That would be a mistake.
I don't stop, instead making my way straight for the uncomfortable black couch that became my bed last night.
*~*~*
I'm smack bang on time for work, my heart racing in my chest, my breath manic, trying to recover from the marathon I just ran.
Zac was gone when I woke up this morning, and if I'm completely honest I was a little surprised, some part of me hoping that we'd passed the ignoring each other phase. I guess I thought we were getting somewhere, that we were headed towards some form of civil alliance, maybe even towards friends. I guess I was wrong.
When I finally forced myself inside last night Zac was asleep on the couch, one of his muscular, inked arms draped across his face, his lower body covered with a blanket. We had no curtains in the living room, the moonlight glistening across his abs as I stared, almost drooling at the impeccable sight.
I had to force myself to walk away, running up the stairs as fast as I could before I accidentally reached out and touched his bare skin, letting my hand run down his chest from top to...
"Emilia!" A sudden exclamation tears me back to reality and I stop on my path down towards the fields, turning to see a flustered looking Kayla.
"Kayla," I greet, my voice harsher than intended.
"I'm so sorry!" she exclaims, stopping beside me. "I had no idea that he was your husband!"
"It's fine," I reply, turning away and continuing towards the field, her feet hurrying to keep up with me.
"No it isn't!" she retorts. "I could tell from the moment I saw your face how much it upset you."
"Kayla, if it wasn't you then it would just be another random chick." I scoff, glancing at her to see her furrowed eyebrows.
"Even so, I would never have done it if I knew. I know that we used to be enemies at school, but that's all changed! I never meant-"
"Kayla!" I stop her. "It's fine."
"I don't believe you." She shakes her head at me as we stop in the field. "But I'm not sure what I can do to make it up to you."
"Just don't do it again. It was so reckless," I lecture her. "Do you want to go back to the Cell? If Mrs Germain finds out I have no idea how bad it'll be!"
Kayla bites her lip, shaking her head as she leans forward onto her shovel. "Of course not. Jace and I argued all day so I went to the party alone and drank so many beers. I just wanted some attention." She grimaces at her own words, clearly embarrassed.
"Zac was a good choice for that." I snort, shaking my head at the thought of the guy who can't seem to keep his hands away from anything with a vagina.
"For what it's worth he didn't try anything with me," Kayla retorts. "I was the one throwing myself at him. Desperately."
"Thanks Kayla but-"
"No really! It was embarrassing." She interrupts, holding her hand up and shaking her head at me. "I don't know what's happened to me, Mils."
"You aren't happy with Jace," I reply, shrugging at the answer.
"I'm... not unhappy," she says, wrinkling her nose.
"You don't like him as a husband."
"I don't think so," she admits, looking down at her shovel.
"Sadly, that's not enough for the State," I reply softly, biting my lip as I watch her look down at the ground.
"I know," she mutters. "I promise I'll never throw myself at Zac again."
"Or any other boy! At a party at least, Kayla!" I exclaim. "The Enforcers could have caught you."
"I promise."
With that we turn to the ground, half-heartedly pushing our shovels into the ground as we begin to dig. I feel sorry for her, myself knowing too well how she is feeling being trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage. "The factory at the end of Smith Row is a good, empty place to go," I advise, watching as she raises an eyebrow, stopping to look up at me.
"It is?"
"Sure." I grin, shrugging. "Just stay out of the second floor. That's mine."
"Noted." She smirks. "I need to keep a record of what's Emilia's."
"Well, it's not like Zac is actually mine." I scoff, shaking my head as she bites her lip, sympathy visible in her expression. Her face suddenly morphs into one of slight horror before something batters into the back of my knees causing my legs to buckle, my arms rising in front of me to stop my fall as pain reverberates through my limbs, a small scream erupting from my mouth.
Kayla falls down beside me seconds later, her eyes tearing up as she registers the fall, both of us turning and looking up at the stern Mrs Engleberry, an Enforcer beside her with a baton raised.
"Get to work girls or there will be more where that came from!" she hisses before turning and stomping away, the Enforcers following close behind as Kayla and I help each other up, tears rolling down both of our cheeks at the dull, aching pain throbbing down our legs.
Grabbing my shovel back up from the ground, I plunge it into the ground, Kayla and I both delving into our work, no further words spoken between us.
*~*~*
Walking into the barn I glance around for any spare boxes, having run out of space in the one I had down in the field, my potatoes overflowing.
Spotting a couple of wicker ones in the corner I begin to make my way towards it, ready for this day to be over, my legs still in pain from the beating four hours earlier.
A sudden grip on my wrist has me gasping before I am yanked into one of the old stable stalls, my back pushed against the wood as I look up into the familiar blue eyes.
"What are you doing here, Ray?" I hiss quietly as he grins, his hand roaming from the side of my ribs down to my hips.
"I'm off today," he shrugs, "I wanted to see you."
"You did?" I exclaim quietly, my eyes widening at his words. I expected him to throw me away ever since Lyla entered his life, but he continues to surprise me, a jolt of happiness shooting through me at the idea he still wants and needs me.
"Of course," Rayden replies, reaching up and grabbing hold of a loose strand of my hair, moving it behind my ear. "I missed you."
"What about Lyla?" I ask, unable to stop the words from pouring out.
"What about Zac?" he retorts, shrugging slightly before returning his hands to my hips and leaning his body against me, his lips hovering above my own.
He's got a point, what about Zac? We've been forced into these marriages, not able to do what we want with our bodies and lives. We're made to work in jobs we despise, made to sleep with someone chosen for us.
Without a second thought I reach down, running my finger along the waistline of his jeans, grabbing onto the buttons and wrenching them open. His right hand comes up to cup my breast, his other hand sliding into my shorts as I let my eyes close, stomach fluttering at the contact. The sudden touch on my clit before his fingers slid inside me is not particularly pleasant, my core not reacting as quickly as normal. I'm turned on, I know I am. I always am by Rayden.
So why is it not obvious? Why do his fingers feel like they're sliding against resistance, despite the fact he's doing the same thing as normal, playing with my breasts the way he normally would?
Maybe it's because of the battering I received earlier for not working when I should be. Imagine the punishment if they found me here messing around, with someone who isn't my husband no less...
"Rayden!" I exclaim, pushing him away, his fingers sliding out of my shorts, a confused look covering his face. "We shouldn't do this here," I mutter, smiling apologetically at him. "It's too risky."
"You're right," he relents, nodding his head in acceptance. "Soon though?"
"Soon," I agree, nodding before turning and walking out of the stall, grabbing onto a wicker box before making my way quickly out of the barn. Soon. Definitely. Rayden can make me feel as good as any man can, I'm just not feeling it today because of what happened this morning and the subsequent terrifying idea of being caught.
*~*~*
I'm shoving the last piece of pasta into my mouth when I hear the door open, my eyebrows furrowing as I rush out of my chair to see who it is, panic still consuming my entire body every single time.
"Zac?" I breathe out, disbelief filling me. He came back?
"Hey." Zac nods at me, dropping a bag beside the couch. "How was work?"
"Uh, alright." I manage to choke out. "I thought you left."
"I went to work," he retorts. "I started at five this morning."
I watch as he enters the kitchen, the sleeves of his black uniform rolled up, showing off his tattooed arms, my eyes unable to look away. "Oh," I reply, wide eyed as he glances at the saucepan of excess pasta on the side.
"Do you mind if I have some of this?" Zac asks, looking back into my eyes.
"Sure." I nod. "I did myself too much." I sit back down in the chair, watching as he grabs himself a bowl and pours the small remainder of what's left into it, sitting down across from me and shovelling it in. "Sorry I didn't do more. I didn't know you were coming home."
"That's okay." He shoots me a small smile. "They feed us on the delivery routes."
"They do?"
"Yeah." He nods, wiping his mouth. "If you travel more than two hours one way."
"Where did you go?" I can't help but ask, curiosity eating away at me, having not left the city of Nottingham for over five years.
"Newcastle," he replies, before placing another spoonful of pasta in his mouth.
"What's it like?" I ask, remembering visiting Newcastle before the war, the rainy day making it difficult to remember anything apart from the ice cream my parents bought for my brother and I to shut us up in the shopping centre.
"The same as here," Zac declares, not even glancing up from his bowl. I bite my lip at the thought, nowhere having maintained it's pre-war dignity, everywhere losing their heritage. I remember the old Victoria Centre in Nottingham, my favourite place to shop for clothes, hours spent in Topshop with my friends after school. Nothing remains of it anymore, that area of the city left as ash and rubble.
Abruptly standing from the table, I grab my bowl and move to the sink, filling the bowl with lukewarm water and washing it with the sponge before placing it on the draining board. A warm arm suddenly moves in from behind me, grazing across my waist and causing me to inhale sharply, eyes wide as I watch him place his plate into the sink.
"What are you doing?" I breathe out, his arm staying where it is, his body behind me, pressing lightly against my back.
"Putting my plate in the water," Zac replies against my hair, the closeness causing my heart to jump, electricity surging through my core at the husky words falling from his mouth. "Is that a problem?" he asks, his hand reaching up and brushing my hair away from the left side of my neck, his lips skimming across the skin, my nerves apparently on high alert, any resolve to stop him weakening as lust instantly fills me.
His fingertips move from my hair to my arms, lightly trailing down the bare skin, electricity and need sparking throughout my body. I shut my eyes as I bite my lip, begging myself not to give in when his mouth grazes along the top of my shoulder, back up my neck before he rests a light kiss under my ear. Apparently my weak point.
I quickly whirl around, Zac's eyes widening at the action, not even giving him time to comprehend what's happening before I smash my lips against his, desire for him filling my entire body. I'm alive, every part of me on fire from his touch as his hands grab onto my waist, my own reaching up to the back of his neck and forcing him to deepen the kiss.
I never want this to end.
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Rayden, Kayla, Zac, Emilia, Mrs Engleberry... who was your favourite character this chapter?
They kissed again!! Are they falling further and further down a rabbit hole?!
Thanks for reading!