CHAPTER TEN
I think that I am slowly losing my mind. I still had a lot of my energy and it made me screw up my normal routine a bit, which normally I would be fine with, but the fact that the pain in my chest was there as well, made it worse.
From slamming on the brakes yesterday and slamming on my seatbelt and steering wheel, I had hard bruises on my chest. I couldn’t breathe that well now, It hurt to sleep unless I was on my back, which is how I never sleep. So I did not have a good night’s rest. I had a pack load of painkillers, but I couldn’t take them because I knew that they would only make me drowsy and I still had plenty of work and prospect things to do. The guys were mostly busy with their prisoner, so they weren’t really around the shop, which made it a lot easier on me. Walking stiffly and working slower wouldn’t go too unnoticed.
Plus it made it easier to have my music player and not have the guys bother me. Listening to my music helped me to spend my mind on different things while working. It would hopefully help me spend energy during the day. I couldn’t even think about having my run this morning, that’s why my energy wasn’t spent. I didn’t have my ‘me time’ and it was making me lose my mind. I left out of my runs before, but I didn’t have searing pain in my chest every time I tried to take a small little breath. I couldn’t move without feeling pain. And without painkillers, I knew that this was going to be one hell of a day.
I was working on a car, almost finishing it before I would need to work up the paper and bills for it, which I knew would be easier. I could sit on my ass and do that with no problem about feeling pain from working, bending over on my chest in this car. I could scarcely breathe.
It also felt nice to keep the earphones in because it kept me distracted from what I knew the guys were doing to their prisoner. I was wondering if they broke too many bones yet. If he would need a patch up. Things got nasty around here when it meant prisoners, on both ends. I knew that risk coming in, but I didn’t like the animalistic features that the club would get. It would hit the atmosphere and that was not what I needed right now. I knew what the club did, how they got business done, and the results of it. At least, for how much I have seen. It has been no one innocent, like a child. I knew the guys wouldn’t do that. Not even as a last resort. Their hearts could be mixed, but I couldn’t imagine them killing a child. Most of them had families of their own.
But still, I was glad to be away from the atmosphere right now. I knew that they would probably need us prospects to clean up the mess, the blood. Hell maybe even his body.
For right now, at least, I was listening to my music and working. I could get away from that thought in my head. It was a good thing that I wasn’t queasy to the sight of blood. I think I’ve seen more than a doctor has.
I was listening loudly to Wind Him Up by the Sagas, humming to myself as I did so, fixing the engine of the car when I suddenly felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I jumped, causing me to bite my tongue so that I didn’t groan. I looked over and saw Chibs standing there. I let out a small breath and pulled out my earbuds, moving to shut off the player.
Chibs chuckled and told me, “that’s a good song.”
Smiling, I nodded, “definitely. Can I help you Chibs?”
He looked at me and let out a sigh before he said, “no easy way to say this, Row, but I need you to pull up your shirt.”
I was silent for a couple of seconds, staring at him weirdly as he was standing there, not moving and was silent. After those couple of seconds, I let out a small chuckle. Fuck that hurt.
“Chibs am I going to have to file harassment on an employee?” I asked him, trying to make it a joke.
He shook his head, grinning a bit, “No. It’s not for that. I think you cracked a rib on that run yesterday.”
I was silent for a couple of moments, bothered about how he didn’t move. Jesus did he even breathe? I gulped and tried giving him a weird look, “Why would you think that?”
“Well, you rode a taxi in, makes me think that riding a bike would be too hard on your chest. You are walking differently, there is pain on your face. Even moving around here at TM you have ragged breathing a bit. Bending over a car is not helping your lungs. Also, you are wearing, what I’m guessing is, a bikini top because a normal bra would be too hard for you to breathe and wear with the bruises,” Chibs answered.
Well that was stunning.
I stared at him a bit longer, my eyebrow raised, mostly for the last part, and he could tell. He answered me, “it’s a different padding, right. A bit noticeable sometimes. Plus some of us were looking because we wanted to make sure that you weren’t injured from the stop yesterday.”
“I’m really considering this harassment file now.” I told him before looking down at my breasts. He was right. My blood red bikini was under that black tanktop. I tried a bra this morning and only had it on for five minutes before I switched to the bikini. Still worked the same really, “like seriously do you all just stare at my boobs so that you can tell what bra I’m wearing.”
“It’s not like that,” Chibs laughed.
“Well you seemed to definitely know the difference,” I remarked.
“Lass, I have a wife. So does half of the guys. We know differences in looks without even looking at boobs every day,” Chibs answered.
I rolled my eyes and told him, “fine, I’ll hold off on the file.”
I tried to walk away but he held my arm, “Row, I want to see the damage.”
Turning back to him, I answered, “then look at my poor jeep.”
He shook his head, “Row if this is serious then it could have lasting effects.”
I groaned a little bit in annoyance and he told me, “Rowen Byrne if this is about how you think the guys will see you then you can save your breath. Hell I’ve seen guys barely get hurt and they cry and cry. You’re already taking it like a champ. I can tell from your body language that it hurts.”
“I’m. Fine.” I told back at him.
“You’re not weak for wanting help.”
“I don’t need it Filip.”
Hissing the last words, I wanted him off of it. He didn’t understand. They didn’t understand. Hell if I really needed the help, I would go to an actual doctor.
“Don’t let your pride wound you into stupidity, Rowen,” Chibs told me.
I stared at him for a while after that, letting the anger rise up. I tried to hold my tongue. I’ve been holding that fire inside me about this down for a while. It was such a shame to let it fly out. I gritted my teeth and I asked, “do they need me to start cleaning up now?”
“Rowen listen to me,” Chibs tried.
My voice was cold and I told him, “No. You listen to me. I’m putting everything I have into this club. You can’t see it. You don’t know what I have to do. It’s different and you never had to think about it. I do. I have the pussy in this club, believe me I know that, so do the others. Just because I have it doesn’t mean that I can afford to act like it. You never had to try did you?”
He stared at me now, this time being taken back by my words. I stared him down, daring him to get back what he had. Hell I didn’t even let out any of my steam on this topic. This was the beginning. I did well on holding the fire back.
Finally, Chibs let out a sigh, “Rowen, I wish you would understand that we are breathing with you on this. We are not against you. We will not think you weak for coming for help when with us you got injured. The guys have had a lot less and acted like children. Part of this brotherhood, this family, is that you can come to us when you need it and we won’t pass judgment. We will help. We are all in this together, Rowen. I wish you would see that.”
“Except I’m not apart of the brotherhood. Not yet, and even if I get my patch I won’t be a Son. By definition, but not by genitals. I’m a girl. I’m a girl and there is nothing wrong with that.”
“We know that.”
“Then why do you use it against me.”
Those words hit both of us hard and he stared at me before placing his hands in his pockets. I stared him down again, I wanted to know what he had for this. How he would try and comfort me, or twist my words, or at least put his own say in it. Finally, he said, “we’ve been hard on you. We get it.”
“Do you?”
“Let me fucking talk. We realize that. We know you work hard and we’ve been trying to reward you. Let you come to us when you need it, like now. You are already one of us Row. You are the only one who doesn’t see it because you want to keep running hard until the end. That’s your way. But the only thing that is going to keep you from getting that patch is because you don’t understand our family. You don’t understand when it’s okay to slow down on that run when you need it. There is no judgment here. This family is one where we know everything about each other, where we can go to each other and drink and laugh and even sob and we are still there for each other no less than before.”
Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to that. I really didn’t.
“Rowen if you walked in there crying, blue in the face because you couldn’t breathe, we would all help you. We would not put that as a weakness. Everyone needs help. We are supports for each other. I’ve seen Tig cry his eyes out before, I’ve had to hold Bobby when he got shot because he was crying and we didn’t know if he would live the night. Clay was there for me when I busted up my ankle so much that I couldn’t stop my tears,” Chibs told me.
I let that sink in, looking down. I could barely look him in the eye. He let go of my arm and he sighed, “Rowen, we are not your enemy. We know that you struggle. We know that when you get that patch, you earned it. But don’t let that idea think that you can’t come to us for help. Because that’s what a family does.”
I bit my lip, shaking my head a bit, taking in deeper breaths, “you still don’t understand everything.”
“I know that. And I probably never will. But we’ll understand if once in a while you need someone to lean on. We’re a family. It’s what we do.”
Both of us were silent for a long time before I sighed, holding back my tears. God no, I could not cry right now.
“I’m not weak,” I whispered at last.
He came over to me and kissed my forehead and he told me, “I know. I really do. If you want, go back to running for that patch, but let us fix this first. You don’t need to be made of steel all the time.”
I looked back at him and I gulped before moving back from him. I stared at him for a bit more, trying to think of Heck falling on the wet floor and us laughing so that I wouldn’t cry. Chibs looked at me, waiting. He knew how to get pep talks and I knew that I might regret it later on, but I took off my patch and I slowly took off my shirt.
“Shit, Row,” he whispered as he looked over the damage that I knew was bad.
I looked away and he told me, “Row, this is serious. I think you broke at least two ribs. You can see the imprint of the seatbelt and steering wheel. How the hell are you even walking or not passed out from the pain?”
I tried to make a joke, “a lot of painkillers.”
He let out a small laugh before shaking his head, “do you feel comfortable doing this in the clubhouse?”
I let out a sigh before I nodded, “I might regret it, but yeah. Please stop them from…coddling me.” Might as well have everyone on the same page. Chibs nodded in agreement to my request.
But I also knew, deep down, I needed that support.
I just kept on the bikini top as Chibs and I went into the clubhouse. I knew that interrogation was done. Now they all needed booze. I could hear them from outside. Chibs went inside first and he said, “Bobby I need you to get out the bandages.” I walked in after him and instantly felt more embarrassed and ashamed then I have in a long time as everyone looked over my bruise. I looked down a bit submissively and I heard Bobby say, “Right away.”
Hearing movement, I guessed that it was him going to get First Aid. Chibs led me to the couch and slowly settled onto it, laying on my back. I looked around. Almost everyone was here besides my fellow prospects, Juice, and Happy. Chibs brought up a chair and he asked, “do you need anything before we start?”
“A bottle of vodka would be peachy.” I answered.
He grinned and nodded, looking at Tig as he went to get it. I let out a long sigh, trying to relax. I didn’t like them looking at me like this, feeling sorry for me. I almost wanted to sit up and tell Chibs that I would go to a hospital, but I knew that he wouldn’t let me leave this couch until he was done.
I took that bottle of vodka and took a large gulp.
I was back to running by the next couple of days.
((I know that this chapter isn't action filled like the last one, but I thought it was important for you all to see the mentality that Rowen has and the relationship that her and Chibs (at least in this chapter) share a bit more. I'm hoping that in the upcoming chapters that it will show each relationship that Rowen has with the guys. Please tell me what you think. In the next chapter there will be more action (if nothing else decides to pop up in my mind).))