As it turned out Tybalt's idea was rather bad for Tristan's purse. The money over from purchasing him some clothes ended up only getting them one ale each, so Tristan dove into his purse and before he knew it he'd purchased celebratory rounds for the whole tavern. His limited funds were slashed in half by the time they stumbled out of the inn in the early hours of the morning, but his mood was very jolly and his nethers were finally starting to feel relaxed again. There'd been a brief moment where they'd gotten unpleasantly painful, and he'd been worried that his rod and plums really were going to fall off after all.
'Things like that just don't actually happen,' Ava chuckled merrily.
Of course it was easy to joke in hindsight. At the time she'd been squirming in pain with him.
"Doth thee still not believe in magic?" Tristan queried.
"Who are you talking with, master?" Tybalt asked.
He'd been good company at the tavern. Tristan saw no reason yet to regret his choices in that regard. He decided to trust his gut further and confess to his new squire.
"To Ava," Tristan replied laughingly as he half stumbled over his own feet. "Since I touched that stone, I've had this infuriatingly-annoying, feminine voice plaguing my thoughts," he explained.
He leaned over to his squire. "But shhhhhh. Doth not speak of it to anyone," he cautioned. "I doth not wish for anyone to think me deranged."
Tybalt looked at him strangely - like that was exactly what he was thinking - but agreed that he wouldn't.
The pair started down the road towards Rowan's training hall, but it was obvious that they weren't going to make the whole journey that night. Apart from it being quite a distance, they were just about ready to fall off their feet from all the ale they'd consumed.
"She never shuts up! She is stubborn and foul-mouthed," Tristan complained, "and worst of all, she won't let me enjoy my holy poker!"
'Well you never stop thinking about it,' Ava growled back irritably.
"I wouldst not think of it so much ere thee let me have a little fun from time to time, wench!" Tristan shot back.
He stopped to relieve himself on the verge, then stumbled and fell onto his buttocks as he was finishing up.
"Argh, breaking in new trousers be the worst," he grumbled as he adjusted himself inside his stiff new leather bottoms before lacing himself up.
Tybalt had miraculously found him a near perfect replacement.
"It be better than wearing old ones from another man though," Tybalt noted companionably.
"'Tis sooth, tis sooth," Tristan agreed as he leaned over and patted him roughly on the back. "Still, they pull and press on me as does that wench in my mind," he grumbled more to himself.
'Hey, this isn't all much fun for me either, buster,' Ava growled irritably.
"Why don't you just touch this stone again?" Tybalt suggested, "mayhap the madness will depart from you."
Tristan stared at Tybalt as though he had been divinely inspired. "Thee... thee be the most knowledgeable squire in all the land," he determined as he cupped his hands around Tybalt's face and warped the skin drunkenly.
He let his forehead rest against Tybalt's.
"I shall do my best to be a worthy master to thee," he promised, 'Right after I touch the Mod Stone I shall make myself a very worthy master.'
Five seconds later he fell over backwards and fell into a drunken slumber.
'Mod Stone...' Ava mused, 'why do I feel as though I've heard that word somewhere before?'
She passed out before she could come to any sort of conclusion.
---
Both Tristan and Tybalt were snoring fitfully, completely unaware of their surroundings. Ava was only just rousing, but their body was sluggish and dull, and her mind was murky in the aftermath of their overindulgence. She felt something tug at her, and became vaguely aware of movement next to them. She groaned sleepily and tried to turn her head to see what it was. Her eyelids were resisting her efforts, and she only managed to peep through thin slits. Someone was crouched over them. The person froze when Ava moved, but when nothing happened it started tugging at her belt again.
'Wait, what? That can't be good," Ava noted as she fought to regain control of her senses.
'Tristan!' she gargled urgently as she tried to rise.
Her efforts were pathetic at best.
'Tristan, wake up!' she shouted a little more clearly as their body started responding.
She clawed herself into a seated position, and the deeply hooded figure that had been crouched over her froze. The intruder had snagged Tristan's purse and buried it under the folds of its cape.
'It's a thief! Tristan! We're being robbed!" Ava shouted.
'Wh... what?' Tristan asked groggily.
The thief sprang to its feet and bolted away. Ava scrambled after it.
'We've just been robbed,' she explained as she pushed their sluggish limbs to respond with more urgency.
'What?' Tristan asked as his wits started to return to him.
'He's got our purse!' Ava told him.
She felt a powerful surge race through their body, and everything seemed to spring to life. Even if she could control Tristan's body to a degree, there was no doubting that it still very much belonged to him. His stride widened and quickened, and they started gaining on the smaller thief speedily. Tristan dove and took the miscreant by the waist. The two crashed heavily to the most, springy earth, falling apart in the tumble. The thief drew a dagger. Tristan cursed when he realized it was his own blade. It was worth far more to him than what remained of the paltry trinkets in the purse. The thief lunged at him with the knife, but it was easy for him to dart around his opponent's efforts. The villain clearly had no skill. He'd just taken his weapon to sell it.
The thief lunged at him again. This time Tristan feinted right, before whipping round to seize the scoundrel's wrist firmly. The thief yelped, and the dagger fell to the ground with a dull clang. The crook kicked out at Tristan, catching him firmly on the ribs. Tristan hadn't expected that. He let go with a grunt of pain. The villain tried to make away again, but Tristan dove and pulled him to the ground a second time. This time he kept him firmly pinned beneath his body. The thief was small – likely a youthling. It was easy to keep him trapped. His hood fell back as he struggled beneath them, and both Tristan and Ava were shocked to be greeted by a pretty pair of hazel eyes and long, shocking red locks that had been pulled back roughly with a strip of leather.
"Thee be a woman!" Tristan noted with shock as he peeled his chest back from hers instinctively.
For the moment he wasn't quite aware that his hips were still keeping hers pinned to the ground. He was too flummoxed by his unexpected discovery to even think about it.
She spat at him fiercely and struggled against him.
"Leave me be, you boar!" she grumbled
He became aware of how her efforts teased his loins tantalizingly, however he was decidedly flaccid that morning, and there was no reaction for the moment.
'It's about bloody time!' Ava exclaimed with some relief.
The poor girl hardly needed to feel that when she was already pinned down by struggling beneath a strong, healthy man.
Tristan responded to Ava's observation by grabbing her up by the wrist again, and then hoisting them both off the ground.
"Return to me what is mine, and I shall leave off from thee," he growled.
Ava could tell that he was still stunned by the fact that the thief was a woman. She could sense his uncertainty in dealing with the matter.
'Women can do anything men can do, you know,' Ava chastised him softly.
Tristan ignored Ava for the moment. He stared at the little crook determinedly. She fought against his punitive grip, but couldn't wrestle herself free.
"Leave me be!" she growled feistily as she made one final attempt to free herself.
Her foot swung up between his legs and caught his soft parts viciously. A wash of cold swept over Tristava's body. Tristan released the girl and doubled over as his stomach seemed to twist within him nauseatingly. Tristava felt hot and cold at the same time. It was the most bizarrely unpleasant sensation that Ava had ever felt. Tristan fought to hold the contents of his stomach in check. Ava wasn't sure that it was worth the effort.
The little woman looked pleased with her efforts. She stepped back and gazed at him haughtily.
"Please," Ava begged, "It's all the money we have in this world."
Tristan scowled at Ava for telling her that. Such was not the sort of thing a prideful man would ever say.
The woman's brows furrowed with confusion.
"You were spending so freely in the tavern last night I just assumed..."
She reached under her cape to retrieve the purse and looked inside.
"This is pitiful," she remarked honestly. "How... how could you throw it all away like that?"
She seemed genuinely confused by the revelation.
"It was a foolhardy celebration," Ava admitted as she got an idea. "A moment of revelry before being released from my duty."
Ava pulled their sleeve back to reveal the metal band around their wrist.
The nauseating turmoil inside was slowly starting to subside. Tristan straightened a little as he fought back the bile in his throat more readily. The woman eyed the band with surprise.
"This... this will barely get you food for a week," the thief acknowledged, "you should take it. I make thrice this from a single good picking."
'Thrice!' Tristan growled in his head with indignant surprise. 'Am I really that poor in this cursed place?'
'Well if you keep wasting our money on booze, I can't see how else things are going to turn out,' Ava shot back.
The thief threw his purse at his feet and backed up two steps.
"I have returned your belongings, now will you stay true to your word and let me be?" she asked wearily.
Tristan nodded that he would, though Ava could tell that his response was begrudging.
"Let me ne'er see your face again, for fear that it may meet with the tip of my sword," he growled.
The little woman didn't need a second invitation. She turned on her heels and fled. Tristan let out a whoosh of air and seated himself gingerly on his rump to recover more.
"Gads, I hate that sensation," he admitted as he cleared his throat again.
'Yeah, I'll never hit a guy in the balls ever again,' Ava replied in agreement.
'Thee sayeth that as if thee readily did before,' Tristan fished grouchily.
"Well, there was that one time a guy groped my arse without permission..." Ava admitted sheepishly.
"That hardly be a fitting exchange of blows," Tristan growled as he willed his lungs to breath more easily and his head to clear.
'How was I to know? Guys are big and strong, you know. There's not a lot a girl can do to fight back.'
'Nor should a lady hath cause to,' Tristan suggested.
'Yeah, it would be nice if guys never gave us a reason to kick them in the balls,' Ava admitted.
Tristan let out a little huff of amusement and lay back on the grass.
'Thy be the most perplexing woman of them all,' he told her honestly.
'Me? I'm not that weird...' Ava protested.
'Thy be an unending source of contradictions!' Tristan argued. 'Gentle yet course, foul-mouthed yet honorable, boisterous yet staid and learned... generous, yet stingy."
Ava could tell the last remark was a reference to her refusal to enjoy his arousals with him.
She narrowed their eyes disapprovingly.
'My point is made on my behalf,' Tristan argued with a grin.
Ava tried not to let a little smile slip in response. Instead she picked them up off the ground, sheathed his dagger at his back, and retrieved his purse from the ground.
'Are we really going to go hungry in a week?' she asked as she peered into the little bag worriedly.
'Likely it will be sooner than that – now that we hath an extra mouth to feed,' Tristan admitted as he secured the purse to his belt again.
'How... how can we do that to him?' Ava asked worriedly. 'Tybalt can't go hungry just because we can't manage our own affairs.'
'He shan't. I shall accept Rowan's offer,' Tristan told her, ''tis the only way forward.'
'It's a good way forward, from what I can tell,' Ava replied encouragingly.
''Tis an old man's way forward,' Tristan grouched softly.
'One day you are going to be an old man,' Ava told him, 'but for now you can enjoy your vigor and care for your charge through one simple agreement.'
She felt his body warm in response and smiled inwardly. As much as he annoyed her from time to time, she hated it when he let his insecurities eat at him.
'I think I forgot to mention that thee be kindly too,' Tristan admitted on a soft whisper.
She felt him blush a little for the first time. She gushed in response.
"Master, what happened?" Tybalt asked as he fumbled up to the spot where Tristava was now standing.
"We were robbed," Tristan announced dryly.
"I..." Tybalt was speechless.
"Never fear, I dealt with the scoundrel. She shall not bother us again," Tristan told him.
"She?" Tybalt fumbled.
"Yes. The thief was a woman," Tristan admitted.
'And women simply cannot do anything that men can do,' he shot back at Ava belatedly.
'We can too. We just find a different way to go about it,' she replied determinedly.
Tristan mused over that as he started picking a path back to the roadway.
"Come, Tybalt, we must away to Rowan's barracks. There is much still to do this day," Tristan told his new companion.