Levi P.O.V.
Suddenly everything was over.
I stood in the middle of the large living room, panting and huffing, chairs were overturned, the dining table was smashed, broken glass lied scattered on the floor ... and then there was all the blood.
The walls, the floor, the furniture ... everywhere there were drops or streaks of smeared blood, Erwins, and mine.
My shirt was torn, bruises covered my torso and places I couldn't see, but feel. My head ached, a bleeding laceration on the forehead was the reason. My lip was split and bleeding as well, breathing was difficult for me, my arms and legs; every muscle in my body burned painfully, and yet, despite all of this, I felt such a deep sense of pride, triumph, and euphoria that all the pain became meaningless.
My opponent, my adversary, and rival, Erwin Smith, lied on the ground to my feet: defeated.
In the middle of the sudden calm that reigned in here, I also felt how my consciousness started to reactivate. With every second that passed, I felt the adrenaline in my blood ebbing, the pain of the fight becoming more and more apparent, and above all, that my mind was becoming clearer again.
My logical side, the rational, sensible thinking side came back little by little, the pain brought me back to reality, made me understand and SEE what had happened here, and the more the image burned into my eyes, the less I could believe it.
Erwin and I have had arguments before, but all of them have so far only been of a verbal nature. It never ended ... like THIS, but when I thought of everything he said to me, about him and Nina ...
All I felt was an endless, deep rage, and in one moment it was like a switch was flipped in my head. I saw red, I wanted to get rid of this irrepressible anger, I wanted to live it out, but I had never wanted to hospitalize my roommate and friend.
Well ... former friend.
If there's even a hint of truth to what he said, he's not my friend.
How am I supposed to look him in the eyes ever again? After everything he did, after everything he said?
He had shamelessly used my trust and made a move on my beloved as soon as I was out of the country, and this is unforgivable.
No, I didn't feel sorry for him. He deserved this. Maybe not on this scale, but it did serve him well.
When I regained my breath a little, I went to the lifeless body at my feet, tapped his arm with the tip of my foot, but he didn't move. I did it again, a little harder this time, but still no reaction.
I began to worry about the blonde bastard. Erwin could take a lot, he was very tough and very hard to get down. I was all the more concerned when I still saw no movement from him after tapping the third time.
I crouched down, grabbed his shoulder, and turned him on his back.
"Shit ..." I breathed.
Erwin looked terrible. Was that really me ?!
His left eyebrow had split open, small drops of blood were still running out of the fresh wound while other areas were already crusting. His lip didn't look better either. He also had a black eye, and as my gaze went deeper down to his neck and half-exposed chest, where the torn shirt barely held, I only realized the extent of our struggle.
Reluctantly I reached out and pressed 2 fingers on his neck and I exhaled in relief when I felt a pulse.
"Tough like a bull," I murmured, but although I thought Erwin deserved it, I couldn't stop a subtle discomfort. A slight, gnawing discomfort to what I did to my former friend and comrade.
And although I actually wanted to go back to Nina as quickly as possible, for several reasons, I couldn't leave Erwin lying here. I just couldn't ...
With painful protests from my legs, I straightened up with a deep groan and looked for my phone in this hopeless chaos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I crouched impatiently in the bushes before the building in a safe distance and watched the spectacle that took place at the entrance where my home was located.
After I described what I "heard" and what "probably" had happened as an anonymous caller to the police, I quickly grabbed some clean clothes and left the apartment in no time. I left the door open to make it look more like a break-in.
Feelings of guilt devoured me inwardly leaving Erwin behind like this, but I couldn't risk being arrested, possibly even locked up.
I already had too much on the notch, too much from my past which still holds to me that I simply cannot take any risks.
I knew it was wrong to go, knew I should have stayed with him and I knew I should take responsibility for my actions, like a man, like a soldier, but there was too much at stake.
Now I was sitting here in the bushes, watching the paramedics loading Erwin into their car, hanging on the drip, and with a neck support before he completely disappeared and the doors closed. The ambulance drove off with flashing lights and sirens, only the police stayed behind to search for traces.
Since I also lived in the penthouse, they would undoubtedly find my fingerprints, but I was not very worried that they would suspect me. Only if Erwin told what happened would I be really fucked up, but I couldn't think about that now.
Erwin was in good hands and I was able to concentrate on what was really important.
I had to get back to Nina as soon as possible. Not only did I want to see her again for the sake of seeing her safe ... no. Erwin had made me ... doubt.
I doubted myself and Nina. Her story and Erwins were too similar to be fictional, and the fact that the blonde ass said I wasn't listening properly reinforced my doubts. I had to find out what was really going on here as quickly as possible.
I didn't want to think too far ahead, didn't want to build up hopes or fears where they weren't, and yet I had a dark, consuming feeling in my guts, and the more I focused on it, the more I thought about Erwin's words, may they be spoken in anger or not, the more I feared what to expect as soon as I faced Nina.
When the situation in front of the building had calmed down a little, I left my hiding place and the scene of the action, towards the city, to take the shortest route to Nina 's apartment.
In a public toilet, I quickly changed my clothes and threw away the torn, blood-stained things before continuing my way.
The cold November air that blew through the deserted streets at this late hour made me shiver. It suited my mood. I felt as cold and empty inside as the streets, I had beaten my former best friend so bad, that he had to get taken to the hospital and just ran away like a coward.
What kind of person have I become?
I had no answer, and the imminent moment when I would look Nina in the eye again made me shiver as much as the cold air did.
What if Erwin actually told the truth? If he really loved her and ... she loved him back?
I shook my head to banish these thoughts. I don't want to jump to conclusions. Losing my nerves again won't help me either.
When I think back how much Nina wept ... how she was sitting in my lap and the tears just didn't stop flowing, and knowing that I couldn't help her broke my heart.
I can't stand to see my Nina cry. I want her to laugh and see her happy, I want to see that contagious smile every day that makes me forget my own worries and my own depraved personality.
I was still hoping Erwin had lied to my face to drive a wedge between me and Nina so he could easily take her away from me, but I wouldn't do him this favor! I won't grant him this victory!
Erwin has no idea of true love. He had dragged home a new female toy every week, or even every day, and turned night into day with her. Damn, it was so annoying. The blonde cocksucker couldn't keep his wiener in his pants, even if his life depended on it!
I felt my anger flaring up again, but this time I wanted to control myself.
When I think of Nina 's scared face when I yelled at her, that was enough to calm me down.
I knew she hated being shouted at, that she couldn't handle it and her emotional nature quickly brought her to the brink of tears, and yet I used that mental weakness to silence her.
What a great boyfriend I am...
While my thoughts were still overflowing, one theory rolling over the next while one guess was chasing the next, I finally got back to where it all started. Every window on the building was dark, all the people who lived in the associated apartments were deeply asleep, but only one window, the one on the top floor, emitted weak, cold light, flickering.
Nina was still awake. It didn't surprise me. After everything that had happened tonight, I knew that it would be impossible for her to find sleep, but now that I'm so close to finally know the whole truth, I hesitated.
When I reached out to ring the bell, my hand trembled. If I go in, there is no going back.
I was afraid.
Afraid of what would happen if I looked into her eyes, afraid of what awaits me up there, but what I was most afraid of was when she told me exactly what I had heard from Erwin.
Would I go crazy again? Would I be able to keep myself under control or would I even hurt Nina?
I didn't want all of this, didn't want to go up there, didn't want to hear whatever she had to tell me, but I knew I couldn't run away. It would haunt me until I can't go on anymore.
With a few deep breaths, I cleaned my lungs and thoughts before I rang the bell to Nina 's apartment with my hand still shaking. Three short pushes, our secret sign, so that she knew it was me.
In less than two seconds the door buzzed and I entered the dark staircase, step by step, feet as heavy as lead.
With every step, I had the oppressive feeling to move further and further away from Nina, as if she would become a stranger to me.
I was freezing cold, I trembled, froze to the core, my heart was racing, I could hardly breathe and panted quickly like a deer in a trap and I actually didn't want to be here anymore.
Was that ... panic?
It's been years since I last panicked, the last time on the battlefield just before ...
Just before all of my comrades were killed.
The fact that, now of all times, this feeling was sneaking back into my world, taking over myself and taking possession of me ... it couldn't mean anything good.
I only noticed that I had reached the top floor long ago when the dark door in front of me suddenly opened and a pale face with eyes so red and swollen, looked at me, followed by a startled gasp.
"Oh my god, Levi! What happened?"
I said nothing, just pushed myself aside and closed the door behind me.
"Nina ... I ..."
"Levi ... before we both say anything, may I take care of your wounds first? We don't have to talk. Can you please let me do that before we say or do anything? " Her voice was so soft again, like the delicate tone of an angel.
"Okay," I replied quietly and let her lead me into the living room. She took my hand with hers, her warm, tender hand that had touched me so often, and which now seemed so strange to me.
After she made me sit on the couch, she went out to get her first aid kit. Sitting down next to me, she put her warm hand on my cheek and gently turned my face towards her before starting to clean my face from the blood.
With a warm, damp cloth, she removed all traces of the struggle, dabbed my wounds with such care that I almost thought she didn't touch me at all. She carefully dabbed my cracked and scratched skin, wiped fresh and crusted blood from me before gently disinfecting the deepest and largest wounds, and treating them with soothing ointment.
Her treatment was balm for my heart and soul, calmed me, and my racing heart down, but it did not feel as usual. Her otherwise warm, loving, and sensual touch was gentle, but seeing the restraint and caution in each of her movements made me doubt all the more.
Neither of us said anything. There was an oppressive silence for over ten minutes, only the rippling of the water bowl in which she dipped the soft cloth to clean my face was the only source of the noise.
We didn't even look at each other properly. I had lowered my eyes, watched the reflections aimed at the water bowl, and only saw from the corner of my eye how her arm moved.
She had to look at me to know what she was doing, of course, but I clearly felt that she was no different than me.
Grief, anxiety, fear ... all that and more was in the air, but this time our two personalities radiated these emotions that I only knew from her originally.
I was always there for her, kept these oppressive feelings away from her, and drove them away, but not this time.
I wanted to finally know the whole truth from the person it directly concerned, but at the same time, I was afraid of it.
When Nina finished with my face, she also turned to my hands, which looked as battered as the rest of my body. Since I still couldn't look up, still couldn't look her face, I watched her tender, gentle fingers hold the towel as they gently slide over the backs of my hands. I sighed heavily. I had struck my best friend moments ago with these very hands because of her, for her, and with this heaviness in the air, saturated with guilt and regret, the thought that I acted too brutally towards Erwin began to torment me. But now it was too late.
A little later she put the cloth in the bowl, closed the first aid kit, and got up to take both away.
I stayed behind and waited, looking at my battered hands, before after a while the couch moved under Nina 's weight again, her long legs and her lap came back into my sight. Then, only then, I raised my eyes and looked into hers for the first time since I've been back here.
What I saw surprised and shocked me, but not at the same time.
It was strange.
Her eyes were filled with such deep grief, such pain ...
They looked exactly like the day I saw them for the first time. Back in the gym, where she looked at me for the first time, spoke to me for the first time, hugged me for the first time.
It started with sadness, and it seems to end with it ... what irony.
"Thank you," I said softly when I ended the silence after what felt like an eternity.
"My pleasure. Can you ... tell me what happened to you? Is Erwin okay? "
Just hearing this name from her mouth was enough to make my gut cramp. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my anger still, but it was damn hard.
"Tch. Is he so much more important to you than me that he's the first thing you ask about? "
Startled, she opened her eyes and shrank back
"No, Levi! It's not like that. I just meant-"
"What did you mean? That you don't need to inquire about my health because I'm sitting here in front of you? That you think I'm okay after the treatment? Tell me. What did you mean?"
I spoke softly and muffled at this late hour. The extreme clairaudience of her apartment, but the seriousness and heaviness in my voice made it clear to her that I was not here for jokes. I was out of patience and finally wanted clarity.
She backed away from me, her fingers curled into fists as she clutched her pants tightly.
"Levi ... what else should I ask? Look at you You are smeared with blood, you have scratches, bruises, and lacerations. I don't really want to know what happened, but I guess it was bad. Since only you are here and you seem to be doing well according to the circumstances, I just want to know .... how Erwin is doing. Is he ok? "
I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back. I could clearly see that she was trying to stay calm, that she was struggling hard to keep calm and to answer rationally, but whenever I heard the name of the blonde-haired bastard from her mouth, everything in me cramped.
"He is in good hands." I finally answered. It was clear to see that she was worried about him. Understandably, and although everything in me hated the thought of her thinking about him, I wanted to calm her down so that we could focus on more important things.
"Okay..."
"I beg your pardon? Okay?" I repeated slightly sarcastically.
"Yes, okay. I ... don't think you're here to listen to how I inquire about Erwin's health, right? "
Oh, and how damn right she was! The last thing I wanted to hear was how she just asked for Erwin. Erwin, Erwin, always Erwin!
"Yes. So ... " I took a deep breath and exhaled everything in a sharp, long sigh. "Is it true?"
I heard her swallow, saw her eyes drop, saw her start to tremble. Even in the dim light from the little lamp that stood behind us, her body language spoke so loud and clear.
"What ... what exactly do you mean?"
"What exactly? Do I need to be clearer? I want to know if you have feelings for this blonde asshole. Say yes or no? "
She swallowed again, breathed heavily. Although I tried my best to stay calm, my tension grew so immeasurably. I usually loved the silence, enjoying the relaxed and cozy peace that prevailed between us. Her ability to listen rather than talk suited my personality very well, and together we had spent many quiet, but also cozy and enjoyable hours, but now her silence was exactly what annoyed me the most.
"Yes, it is true."
Suddenly all the air was knocked out of my lungs.
It was as if the floor was pulled from under my feet. My world broke into a thousand pieces, like my heart.
It was true ... everything Erwin said everything he did ... everything was true.
I didn't want to believe it but finally hearing the words that I wanted to dismiss as a cruel joke was devastating.
The cold, bitter truth hit me like a kick in the guts, robbed me of my clear view... and only then did I notice that I held my breath all the time.
I exhaled heavily, leaned forward, and buried my face in both hands, elbow supported on my thighs.
I could no longer think clearly. Everything in me was empty, swept away by these four simple words that destroyed my whole world in seconds.
My lover, my darling, my girl, my Nina .... she loves another man.
"Levi ... please listen to me. There's more you need to know. " I winced as she put her hand on my shoulder and I immediately jumped off the couch.
I didn't want her hand on me, I didn't want her touch!
"More? How long are you going to torture me? What is there more you could do to me, Nina? "
My heart was racing, aching with betrayal and deep, endless disappointment. I felt my legs shake. Never before had I been so betrayed, so lied to. And the fact that it was my best friend and my girlfriend made the betrayal all the worse.
"Please let me explain, Levi. It's not what you think. It is true, I have feelings for Erwin, but I am not 100% sure myself if its really love. I never said "I love you" to him just because I'm not sure. And also because I felt so guilty. "
"Tch. You should. How can you do this to me? Then everything was a lie between us? All the time together, the good hours ... all lies? "
"No! No, it is not. Please believe me at least this. That's what I want to tell you all the time: even if I have feelings for Erwin, even if we kissed and I feel deep guilt because of that... I love you, Levi. I love you so much ... I don't know what's wrong with me that my feelings are so messed up, but I know I love you. "
As much as I wanted to believe her, I couldn't.
"Why should I believe you? You lied to me for weeks. Maybe even months. Why didn't you tell me right after I got here? Why wait for the date? Why wait for the week when you could have done it right away? Then it would be over immediately and you would have saved yourself worries and tears and the agony of going through all of this now."
I was a little surprised by myself that I was still speaking so calmly, even if the seriousness was clearly audible in my voice, but what stood out most was the deep, bitter disappointment. I could never have imagined in my darkest nightmares that Nina would lie to me like this, even betray me.
I was stunned, devastated, and at the end of my strength, mentally and physically, even if my external attitude suggested otherwise.
Now, all I wanted was for it to stop. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and know myself back in my old life, where Nina loved only me, where she was only there for me, her tender hand on my cheek or chest, gently stroking my skin and I stroking hers in return while holding her tight to me and whispering loving things in her ear.
But I would not wake up because this was the cruel, harsh reality.
In the dim light of the lamp, I saw shiny traces on Nina's face. Tears flowed from her already swollen eyes. I saw her throat move from swallowing, she struggled to hold back, but as I knew her, it was a fight she couldn't win.
This time it didn't affect me, though. I let her cry, ignored it, knowing it was just her natural reaction from too much stress and tension.
Why should she be sad? She had a good time, used me, took advantage of me, played with my love, and now she had Erwin. With all these thoughts I would like to puke.
"Levi ... isn't it obvious why I waited? Why I spent the week with you and tried to enjoy the wonderful date to the fullest? "
Her voice trembled and was muffled by sobs as she wiped her face several times with her hands.
"Tch. Not for me. If it's SO obvious to you, enlighten me. I am all ears."
She sniffed again and took a few deep breaths in and out.