(Tom's P.O.V.)
Humans thought, pain ended with death. Like a warm, sullen cloak, wrapping around a shaking man in the tundra. Why lie at that point - I had always been afraid of death. No necessarily being dead per se, but the process of dying. The body decaying until the last drop of life left.
They were wrong, I was right. Dying was the unbearable climax of my cursed reality. I had always believed, Caroline and I had so much more to see, to live. There would've been no point in a life so short and meaningless for me - would there? And to think that I came into existence for nothing, nothing, nothing at all - God, what a misery!
Once my legs gave away, the weight of my body would pull me down and break my neck. A cruel death, brought upon me by the one who died so I could live. Did I want to live? I burnt, my soul and my body had caught fire.
I felt then that my frantically trembling heart was racing towards its last beat, I looked up and forced my eyes open. The night of a full moon, the humans celebrated the start of yet another year. A beautiful sight, so wonderful in this tragic night. Stars racing across the sky, I felt like these falling stars, on fire and much too soon, burning out.
The brightest one seemed to be coming at me. Was it the lack of oxygen causing this feeling, that it was descending towards me? No, it wasn't burning, it was glowing blindingly. Too bright.
What an irony of fate! So I was neither to be burnt, nor choked, but slain by a star. That was what Caroline once called a dark fate. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact. Broken in this broken house, I would go up in smoke and fire.
Ash to ash.
I fell hard to the ground then, right into the flames. I cried out, and faster than I had time to feel the pain, something ripped me off the ground. In the next moment, I flew through the wall and landed outside in the garden. Shadows danced around me, Earth spun on and on, while the claws of hell ripped me down. Only enough strength was left for me to see the house collapsing on itself in an enormous explosion.
Dust to dust.
Darkness came crushing upon me.
---
I feel you fading away. To hell with me, for I have sinned. I had taken a woman whose fate was to be with another man. I had fled with her, ripped her away from her destiny. I existed because of a perverse mood of nature, as something which should not be.
I awoke to a searing pain, everywhere. Eyes, do open. So weak, my limbs so heavy, was it gravity which pulled me down, down to hell? I didn't deserve hell, or so I told myself. Fighting this thought was too exhausting. I let it consume me, accepted this.
Nevertheless, I needed to see. I forced my eyes open, and a grueling fear soared inside me. My sight, I couldn't - couldn't make out a thing. It wasn't dark, so much I could perceive. My eye lids fluttered wildly, attempted to shake off whatever blurred my eyes. I already felt tortured, while fully aware that my torment had not even begun.
"You're awake."
The voice of a female, but not Caroline's. Was this awake? Who else could it be? In an attempt to tilt my head I lacerated the burnt flesh of my neck and groaned, racked in pain.
"Don't move, it'll only get worse." The woman bent over me.
"Who are you?" My voice cracked, I wasn't sure she even heard it. "Frigga - "
"Um, what?"
No, this voice, I knew it. The bells rang violently in my head. This wasn't Loki's mother. So paralyzed, so helpless, I began to realize that sometimes, mental torture was the worst. This was a nightmare.
"Take me away." My voice was so broken, I was hardly understanding myself. It must've been no more than a slur. "Please."
"To where? To Loki, to heaven, to the kebab shop? I might be an angel, or whatever one likes to call this state-in-between, but I can't heal you any faster. And in that state of yours, believe me, you don't want to go anywhere."
Of course. This was Xenia.
I sighed, at least something which didn't inflict excruciating pain on me. Apparently, I wasn't dead, or not yet. I had been lost, my memories did not fail me. Who dived into the fire and pulled me out? Was she the one who saved me?
"Jeez, you sure were smarter when I left." She joked sarcastically. This was Xenia without doubt. "I'm afraid you don't have that many allies, which makes me being your gracious savior quite likely."
"Stop reading my mind." It had been unpleasant enough to share most of my memories with that monster of a man.
"I'm not. You're not that heard to read, my darling. Loki's quite ahead of you there, gotta hand this to him." She replied and proceeded with putting a soothing ointment on my skin. My skin! Yes, the fire, all that fire -
"What is left of me?"
Was I still human? Not that I ever really was, but, did I still look human?
"From what I saw you have no severe internal injuries, but... let's say, when I pulled you out of there you looked like a piece of cinder." She said and looked away. I saw much clearer then, a true blessing. I couldn't read Xenia as she read me.
"After you pulled me out? How long have I been asleep?" My heartbeat quickened. Every minute, every second I had slept, he had her in his cold grasp. I remembered that night, how Loki looked, it was chilling. Every bit of restraint, of inhibition, it was all gone. There was no mortal sin too wicked for him anymore. "God, no - "
"Hey, first of all, calm down. I can't work like this." Xenia retorted sternly. She meant it. I tried to pull myself together for a few more moments, just so I could get answers. She had the upper hand. When she deemed me calm enough, she continued.
"I put you in an artificial coma, you can thank me later. I needed you to rest so your skin could heal properly. Damn, third-degree burns almost everywhere, and you needed a skin transplant. I suppose you've met Agent Barton?"
My eyes shot open at her. Agent Barton?!
"What? Agent Barton? No, he's a doctor, he worked with Caroline."
Caroline.
Memories continued hitting me. I remembered how he took her away, how terribly hurt she looked and how terribly hurt I was. Physically and mentally. A cripple, who lost everything.
She was forlorn. Loki was violent and short-tempered. Life was a living hell with him, and something inside me was telling, it was far worse than that.
"Dude, did you live under a rock? He's one of the Avengers, never heard of them?" Xenia asked me with that 'duh'-attitude. I despised it, always told Caroline how disrespectful it was. Yes, I knew the Avengers, but I never made that connection.
"He fixed my skin?"
That was just too much. How many days had I been asleep if they'd had time enough for all of this?
"Oh, no, I did the transplant while he held the lamp - of course he fixed your skin!"
"Will you please stop talking to me like that?"
Her attitude was aggravating, the exact opposite of keeping me calm. I, too, was close to losing control after all that had happened.
"Fine." She replied, surprisingly fast. "I had to retouch your story, of course. Barton recognized you, and he does know now about Loki being back on Earth, but that's about all. When he asked, I told him you had an accident. Tripped and fell into a fireplace, or something. He's not an idiot, though. I suppose he knows something's cooking."
"We could use their help against Loki! Why didn't you tell him?"
"After your surgery I took you into the woods and hid you inside this shed. Loki might suspect that you're not dead, which you definitely will be if he ever strikes again. He will know it was you who alerted the Avengers."
I flinched as she started applying the ointment to my face.
"Sorry about that. Anyway, you being supposedly dead is the best protection you can have at this point."
"When will I be able to move again?" I ignored her last statement, I was too weak to fight. Deep down I knew, I had let Caroline down. It broke my heart too much to even consider it an advantage.
It unsettled me. I couldn't defend her anymore, I couldn't even defend myself. I would've died pathetically if not for Xenia. Caroline was alive, so much I felt, and only that counted. He was there to hurt her, which he would. A while ago I wouldn't have deemed him capable of - of killing her. But even that didn't seem too vicious to him anymore. I needed to stay alive for her.
The things he could do to her were insane. He knew too well that death was truly an escape, not a punishment. What came before death - that was the actual madness.
"At the speed I've seen you healing, and my powers helping... I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything. I'd say, a week at last. Probably more."
"A week!"
I must have sounded angry, way too angry for my state. The sudden sharpness in my voice surprised me.
"Not like it's my fault." She replied, offended. "I've done all I can. They sent me after you, and I obeyed without backtalk. Have you ever considered that there are billions of humans out there, in dire need of help, and yet I have to be your guardian angel."
"You're lying."
"I wish I was, for fuck's sake." Xenia stood up and walked into another room. I feared I had been too harsh, too ungrateful. And quite frankly, I just couldn't bear being alone at that point.
My guardian angel.
They sent me an angel to save my life? Who did? And for what? I did believe in a God. Not people like Loki and Thor, but a real, almighty God, who loved me. As the word believing implied, I could only have faith and never know for sure.
What did I do - and more importantly, what would I do to deserve an angel guarding me?
So I must have a mission, there was something in this world I was still needed for. I couldn't find another explanation for fate letting me get out of that house a mere second before it collapsed on itself. There was too much unearthly tempering.
Just as I wanted to call for her to come back, Xenia returned with a glass of water and some pills. Gladly letting her water me, I tried to be as still as possible. Sometimes, I would accidentally shift a little and then groan in pain as my red skin rubbed against the sheets. She signified me to open my mouth for the pills. I hesitated.
"For the pain."
"Promise me, they won't make me sleep?"
Sleeping wasn't such a bad idea, but I was afraid of the nightmares. There were nightmares coming for me, doubtlessly.
"I understand, it's hard for you. I'm sorry for what I said. But you need rest."
"I'm sorry, too. But I really don't want to sleep."
"At all?" She asked and played with the pills in her small hand.
"I've slept for so long. You know it. Tell me, please."
I was begging her to tell me. Xenia bit her lip, I could tell she didn't want to. It would upset me anyway, there was no amount of days acceptable in this situation.
"I will, but you must promise me to take your medication." She insisted, to which I agreed. Any information was better than none, it was a sacrifice I had to make. "You have my word."
"Today's January 17th."
Seventeen days. Caroline had been with him for seventeen days.
Loki had had all the time of the world while I was asleep to do whatever he had in mind for Caroline. I had failed to protect her. Was she transformed, already dead or bleeding?