This chapter has some shit in it that is extremely trigger. It mentions forcing and... Yeah... So please just skip until the end. I'll put some stars-> "*" BEFORE I start talking about everything, then stars AFTER everything and it's safer to read
William
With a shaky hand, I pull down the tab, watching as my vomit swirled around in the flushed toilet. I wipe my mouth with a sheet of toilet paper, dropping it into the swirl.
Clean water replaced everything. I sigh in relief at the clearness.
Standing from my knees, the acid in my stomach burning my chest. Turning the water on, I avoided the mirror. I was too afraid to look in it.
It was nearly March, which was a sweet relief. School will be out in roughly 3 months, Spring Break was in the end of March, though.
It was a normal Monday night. I just completed all my homework, I threw up my dinner, and I was already ready to sleep. That's all I did all weekend. I slept, stayed up for a few hours, then slept some more.
I felt extremely fatigue every second I am awake, and I have a feeling it's from not eating. I didn't care though. Sleeping has helped me escape from all the sadness I am constantly feeling.
I climb into bed, quickly pulling my blanket over my cold body. My body was shivering already and I didn't know why. I considered taking a space heater from the closet downstairs since I'm oddly always cold. Maybe it's because it's still a bit chilly outside or I keep the fan on all day.
Right when I was about to drift into sleep, my phone rang, startling me. I grumbled, glancing at it.
It was Nicholas.
I grabbed it, accepting the call. I put it on speaker and placed it besides me, yawning softly into my hands.
"Hi." I softly say, shifting onto my side. The other line was silent. I furrow my brows. "You there, Nick?"
There was another long line of silence before I finally heard him clear his throat. "Yeah. Sorry." His voice was throaty and full of emotions. It was kinda hot hearing, but I didn't like the fact that he sounded sad. "Can I talk to you? If you're not busy, of course."
I glance at the time, "yeah, sure. Over the phone or do you want to meet up?"
"Over the phone, I look like a mess." He says with a forced laugh. "You know, nevermind. I don't want to waste your time and it's not that important anyways."
I frown, staring down at the phone as if it was him."Nick, you have helped me a lot, the least I could ever do right now is let you talk. You aren't wasting my time at all. Talk to me. Whenever you're ready to."
He let out a long breath before he spoke, "so, my mom, when I was younger, used to date a lot of men. I've had a few step dads, but I can't really remember them. It was only for a less than a year, then they'd leave."
He sniffled when he stopped for a breath and my heart ached at the noise. "Then there was this really good guy. I was around 9 when my mom started to date him, I think. He was a lot older than my mom, she was only 25. I think he was nearly 40 at the time."
I wanted to cringed, imagining if an toddler and I were dating. But I let him continue.
"He was really cool, I really liked him. They got married, we moved somewhere, it was nice. Then, 3 years later, he started to change..."
I gulp at the change in his voice, waiting for him to continue.
"When I was 12, my mom went to work, like she normally would on a Saturday. At the time, she was working 2 jobs, so I didn't see her as often. Her husband was always losing his jobs, having a new one for a month or two, just a never ending cycle."
***
Nicholas didn't speak for a minute , unsteady breaths leaving his mouth. I frown, "you don't have to continue if you don't want to, Nick. If it's too much to handle, we can just talk about rainbows and unicorns."
He let out a laugh, a quiet but genuine laugh. It made me feel a lot better that I was able to make him laugh.
"No, I've been dying to tell someone." He started, sniffling. "So, my mom left for work and I was alone with him... He drank a lot. I don't think he was an alcoholic, but he drank more than he needed to..."
That sentence caused shivers to go down my spine. My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for him to continue.
"I was doing homework, I think. Not entirely sure. But he was in the living room, drinking a beer. I was in the same room as him... He asked me to help him with something, so I put my homework away and went over to him...He..."
I waited for him to contiued, but all I heard was Nicholas sniffle. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Nick. I don't want to upset you. We could just-"
"He forced me into doing stuff." My eyes widened at Nicholas's words, my face instantly hardening. "And he did it for nearly 2 years..."
"2 years?! Did you tell anyone? Your mom? The school? Anybody?"
Nicholas gulps loudly, "I told my mom after I turned 14... She didn't believe me... I threatened to run away, but she didn't care. She was too in love with that monster of a person to believe me... She was also preganant at the time, so if she lost me, she would just have another."
"Oh wow... He's not your step dad now, so how did why'd she leave him? What happened to the baby?"
He let out a long but shaky breath, my heart aching for him. I wish I was there to comfort him in some way. "I tried to kill myself... I couldn't live with it all... Everything was going down hill... My mom didn't believe me, her husband was always forcing me every chance he got to, I started to fail school, another kid was on the way, it was the best option I could think of... I didn't want to live and let it continue..."
I was speechless. I felt so incredibly sorry for him, but I knew saying sorry wouldn't help him right now. He was still tramatized from past events, I don't think a pathetic apology would help him in any way.
"I took a lot of pills, then my mom found me, took me to the hospital... I threw a lot of them up on the ride there and was sick for the rest of the night."
"Did she believe you then?" I desperately questioned, holding the phone closely to me, (low-key)wishing it was him.
Nicholas let out an uncertain hum, "not really. She thought I was just trying to get attention... I stayed in the hospital for a week before they let me go home, my mom denied any mental treatment....but she did find out a few days later, that I wasn't lying..."
I bit my lip, asking a quiet, "how?"
"She came home early from a doctor's appointment and found out she had a miscarriage. I thought she would go to work after, but she called out because she was so upset. She came home and saw..." My eyes widened even more, gasping softly. "Yeah... She called the cops, he instantly went to jail..."
"That's good that he did." I comment, clearing my throat. "What happened after?"
"My mom moved us here right before my freshmen year, she divorced him, he's in jail for a very long time. She beats herself up about it... She knows it still haunts me and she feels so bad. I try to tell her to stop worrying but she feels like she let me down..."
I purse my lips as I listened, a bit confused on why he came to me for this. I don't mind him talking to me, but why me? He has other friends... I guess I'm just a little special.
"I mean, I wouldn't blame her... She thought you were lying and wanted attention, of course she would be upset with herself. You're her kid, I'm sure my mom would tear herself apart if that happened to me..." I explain, rambling a bit. "Is there any reason you told me and not someone else about all this? I don't mind you calling and telling me, but..."
Nicholas sighs into the phone, "yeah, you're right. I just hate that she does it. And, I guess I just feel like I can talk to you easier. All my friends are judgmental and would look at me different. They aren't even that good of friends anyways. I know you wouldn't be like them."
"Well, of course I won't." I remark, swallowing roughly. "You can always talk to me. I'm good at listening, not much with help or comforting... I give good hugs, at least that's what people have told me. So I can always give you a hug if you need one."
"Thank you. Thank you for listening and not judging me... It's just... Really hard to talk about and live with..."
I frown, wishing I could see him. I wish I could just hug him and take all the memories away. He deserves a happy childhood and to never have to remember what happened.
"I don't want to say that I'm sorry, because that won't make anything better. But I'm so damn sorry that all that happened and you have to live with that." I started, my face softening slightly. "You don't deserve any of that, at all. You are so very strong. If you ever need to talk, rant, cry, anything, I promise that I'm here for you."
Nicholas sniffled again on the other side, clearing his throat. "Thank you so much. I am really grateful for to have you as a friend."
[When you low-key get friendzoned :'( happened the other day T_T]
I smile a bit but I didn't know what to reply with. You're welcome? I bit my lips, opening my mouth.
***
"My potatoes!" Nick suddenly yells with a gasp. "No!" I heard rustling and a door slam. "Mom, are my potatoes okay?"
"Potato?" I asked, furrowing my brows. "Like an actual potato?"
"No, a dog. Yes actual potatoes!" He exclaims angrily, causing me to laugh. "My potatoes are okay!"
Something, I'm assuming the oven, slammed shut, utensils clanking.
"You really like potatoes," I commented, listening to him rush around the kitchen. Cabinets opened and slammed while his feet padded loudly against the tile as her scurried around.
"I'm a fucking slut for potatoes."
My eyes widened as a loud laugh left my lips, a wheeze escaping me. "That's the first time I think I've heard you cuss."
He hums, "most likely, yeah. I don't cuss that much." Something was slammed against a surface, a small giggle escaping Nicholas's lips. "I'm going to put so much butter on these and make love with them all at once!"
I choked on air, coughing. "What?!"
"I love potatoes more than life itself." Nicholas informed me with another giggle. "But the skin on potatoes is disgusting. I rather eat dirt than potato skin."
I knit my brows together, my face twisting in confusion. "What's wrong with the skin?"
"I just don't like it. It taste horrible." He declares, shutting the fridge door. "Bye Mom!" His room door opened and shut before I heard the springs on his bed. "Do you like potatoes, Will?"
I shrug, even though he couldn't see me. "They're okay. I don't like sweet potatoes though, they're gross. Regular potatoes are alright."
"I hate sweet potatoes, they shouldn't even be considered a real potato. They should be a squash or something." Nicholas grumbles before he spit. "These are hotter than balls!"
I let out another loud laugh, laughing so hard I was gasping for air. My side hurt from laughing so much.
"How many potatoes did you make?"
"3!" He beamed, letting out a sweet giggly noise. My eyes largened. "They're big potatoes, bigger than my hand!"
My stomach turned at the thought of eating three large, buttery potatoes. I can't even finish a small one. "Wow. So you're having three potatoes for dinner?"
He laughs, "I already had dinner earlier. I got sad so I put potatoes in the oven. Then started remembering stuff for a bit. Cried for a while. Then called you. And now I'm eating potatoes while calling you, so I'm happy."
I smile, glad he was happier than he was at the beginning of the call. I was even happier that I was one of the reason
I want a potato now, any one else? :(
I hope you're enjoying the book!
~Whoops