The ride home was awkwardly silent.
Her open palm lied on the top of her knees, still in the same position as 10 minutes ago when his hand left hers.
No one dared to speak. Yejin looked at Bin's face but she couldn't read it. Expressionless.
They arrived at their building and Bin immediately carried the sleeping Ae-Rin up to their apartment on the 24th. Bin laid their daughter on the bed and went to the living room to meet Yejin.
"I'll sleep at my place tonight," the slight coldness of his voice pierced through her heart. "I needed to pack my stuff anyway."
"Okay.." Yejin said, the worry in her eyes evident.
The news shocked the both of them. However, she cannot blame Bin for feeling the way he's feeling right now, because the position was practically as good as his, before all the complications happened.
Even if his face is expressionless, Bin closed their distance and gave her a soft peck on the lips, like how he does every night. She thought that Bin hadn't really changed after 7 years. Whenever they have a fight or misunderstanding, no matter how big, he would always kiss her before they part, as if assuring her that his love for her won't change no matter what happens.
"I'm sorry.." Yejin said. Grabbing his hand on the way out the door.
"Don't be, Yejin." He said, another kiss landed on her forehead before he went out of her place. He looked at his eyes, but it didn't met hers.
Yejin cleaned up and tried to sleep as well but couldn't. The bed that was originally designed for only two people felt gigantic even if there are already two of them in the bed. It hasn't been two hours yet but she misses him already. She wanted his presence by their side. She wanted his long arms to wrap her and their daughter in a warm embrace. She wanted to be cramped in this small bed as he is..
but he needed time, and she understands that.
Maybe it was the sadness or the exhaustion, but slumber has finally claimed her.
It was 3:00 in the morning, and a continuous ring from her phone woke her up.
5 missed calls from Dr. Ahn, the resident doctor on duty for tonight. She called her back, and her panicked voice woke her up from her senses, "Dr. Son! We have a 119! The fetus is bradycardic- 100 bpm, Dr. Son! I'm afraid she'll go into cardiac failure!"
"I'm on my way," said Dr. Son. Being the only fetal surgeon in the hospital, she was the baby's only chance to survive. She hurriedly fixed herself up and banged at Bin's door—She didn't even use his doorbell out of panic.
Not a minute after and Bin opened his door, and Yejin could see the suitcases and the boxes inside his home. 'Is he still packing at this time of the night?' she thought to herself.
"Bin, I have a 119. My fetal surgery scheduled for Tuesday needed to be operated on. It's a sacrococcygeal teratoma." Yejin asks, "Could you look out for Ae-Rin?"
"Now?" He asks but answers anyway, "Of course."
"Yes, the tumor has become larger than the fetus and we're afraid she'd go into cardiac failure because it was too much for her heart."
Hearing that the case is also cardiac in nature, he asks, "Do you need help?"
"It's okay. Dr. Park is on board." She replied and nodded. Dr. Park is one of Dr. Hyun's doctors in the Cardio Department so he wasn't worried.
"I got Ae-Rin." Bin said while closing the door behind him, "Go."
Dr. Hyun watched Dr. Son ran towards the elevator. She stopped midway and asked him in a soft voice, "...Do you still want to move in with me?" she asked, her mind in overdrive as to what he'll reply.
"Of course. Nothing changed." he replied. She sighed in relief. Their eyes met as she went inside the elevator and Bin said loudly, "Let's talk when you get home, Love".
Yejin nodded in reply, her eyes saying all her lips couldn't at this moment.
The elevator closed.
-
Dr. Son was made for the OR. That was the thought in everyone's mind when they saw her create an incision in the mother's uterus, pull out the fetus with all the amniotic fluid falling out, remove the tumor, put the baby inside the womb, and sew her uterus shut back again.
It was a taxing emergency surgery that took her more than 7 hours to finish. She went in at 4:00 inside the OR, and it was already near noon when she went out. The adrenaline had worn out, and her exhaustion was dragging her out of the hospital to her car.
However, the sound of multiple ambulance sirens stopped Dr. Son to her tracks before she can leave the hospital. The doctors in the ER flocked to the entrance, ready to attend to the patients.
"Multiple MVC! School bus vs SUVs!" Several gurneys wheel little children with injuries into the ER.
Dr. Son ran back inside.
-
It didn't occur to Dr. Son that it was already evening. Between emergency surgery repairs and getting consults from the ER, the caffeine from her coffee was the only reason she's still functioning. She was about to go home to rest, and to do the inevitable: discuss the job offer with Bin.
She looked at her phone for the first time today, and she saw several texts from him. Mostly updates about Ae-Rin. Bin was off today, so she's extra thankful that Ae-Rin has company.
She read his two last texts:
Are you okay in the hospital? I saw the news.
Ae-Rin's at home with the babysitter. I'm at Yeonhui-dong. Furniture came earlier.
Yejin drove to Yeonhui-dong. It was a quick drive, much to her relief.
She went inside the house and saw the furniture in place. The refrigerator was already in the kitchen, the sofas are also set facing the newly installed television. The dining set is still in bubble wrap, but it was nevertheless set where they wanted it.
She heard loud noises from the back of the house where their patio is located. She saw Bin in his white shirt and faded jeans, all sweaty and hair disheveled, a pencil tucked behind his ears, holding a hammer and a piece of wood. All the other tools were scattered around him.
"Bin?" She asks. She went closer to him as he was driving a nail into the piece of wood.
"Love." He called back onto her and gave her a genuine smile and a loving gaze. That small gesture of his made her oxytocin level go up, and his smile erased all the exhaustion she's feeling.
Yejin ran towards him impending a hug. Bin placed his tools on the table and raised his hands as if he's surrendering, "Don't. I'm all sweaty and dirty."
The Dr. Son that was clad in a white dress didn't care and still went to hug him. Self restraint left his body and he hugged her back. He caressed her hair and said, "I got into thinking. I'm sorry for reacting the way I did."
Yejin just nodded and smiled as she drive away the conversation to another topic, "What are you doing, Love?"
They broke the hug and Yejin sat on one of the wooden benches. Bin returned to what he's doing while still talking to her, "Woodworking." he said simply and smiled.
"I needed a distraction 7 years ago. Medicine was just too much because it was the only thing I did day and night, and it reminded me too much of you. I needed an escape.." he said.
Bin hammered another nail into the wood.
"I got into thinking too," Yejin said, "...I'm not taking the job."
Bin stopped midair.
Bin and Yejin were a match made in heaven, they have always known that. They have the same preferences, they have the same dreams, they have the same attitude, they are the same in almost everything. In some circumstances they aren't, they complement each other. Heck, they even look alike.
However, Bin can think of one thing that they were complete opposites.
When an impending danger or stress presents itself, our body produces adrenaline to prepare the body's response: fight or flight.
Bin would always fight. Yejin, however, would always choose flight.
Don't get them wrong, both choices exude courage and bravery. It takes strength to fight, and it takes strength to walk away.
It was evident in her life choices. She chose to leave with their Ae-Rin. It was evident when she chose to admit that everything is her fault without letting him hear her side, just to avoid confrontation that will eventually hurt her.
Such as this one.
But Bin wouldn't let her. Bin wanted this to become an exception for her tendencies to flight.
"Why wouldn't you take it?"
He continued working, and now he's sawing the wood, cutting it in half. She was actually thankful that he's doing something else, because he wouldn't see how easy for her to let this go.
"I just.....can't." she said, unable to gave Bin, let alone herself, an explanation.
There are many things going on in her mind. Taking the job would entail huge implications not only in her life, but with her family as well.
"Is it because of me?" Bin said, who can't find the courage to look at her.
Yejin was unable to reply. Partly, yes. It is about him.
Bin stopped what he was doing, concerned by the absence of her words. He went into her and sat on the wooden table, taking her in between his legs. She leaned her arms in his legs and he caressed her hair.
"Don't think about me. Maybe I just got excited that it was offered to me. Maybe because it was our dream. Maybe for a minute I wanted it, but I realized being chief was never what I needed, Love." Yejin turned to face him. "It's about time you think about yourself, Yejin-ah."
"But still..."
"You deserve this." He planted a kiss on the crown of her head, "You spent 7 years of your life thinking about me and our Ae-Rin. Take this, Love."
"Are you sure?" she looked at him with worried eyes,
"What else is stopping you?" he asked, "Do you remember what we said 11 years ago? This is our dream... All you have to do is say yes, Love."
Yejin stood up, her palms running through her arms because she's getting chills because of this, "I'm scared of what might happen, Bin. He told me that the company will expand, that will mean I'll spend time overseas. What will happen to our family? To us?"
Bin followed her, he grasped her hands and held both of it tight, "I told you. My dream is to be a surgeon, a father to Ae-rin, and a husband to you." Bin tucked Yejin's hair behind her ear, "I can do that anywhere, Yejin. I can do it here. I can do it in the States. I can do it in the North, I don't care where. I have all of that now, Love. You have no idea how much you make me happy."
"Bin....." Yejin said, he can still notice the hesitation in her voice, "What if..."
"Do you want it, Yejin-ah?" Bin said, interrupting her worries.
"Well I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it."
"Just imagine, we can be Korea's power couple," he winked at her, making her chuckle.
Bin sat down on the bench and he pulled Yejin's hand and she sat in his lap, "A Chief of Surgery and a Head of Cardio? Damn!" Bin continued cheering and hyping her up, much to her amusement, "The most beautiful doctor in Korea? Oh do you mean Dr. Son Ye Jin?"
He was still holding her hand, and she looked at his. His hands that were delicate in the OR, but very strong in any other thing he does. She hit him lightly in the chest and said, "Thank you."
"You're the most important in my life, and I want what makes you happy."
"Why are you making me cry.." Yejin wiped the happy tears forming in her eyes, "I love you."
"I love you, Chief Son."
The couple spent hours talking on the patio. They were planning where to put each furniture, what kind of plants they'll be putting in the garden, even the most trivial thing like the color of curtains to pick.
The sound of raindrops interrupted their little happy moment. Both of them stood up and Bin ran. He took a used tarpaulin to cover the wood he was working on earlier. He grabbed another, and began to cover a second woodwork she didn't see earlier.
It was a very big cube, and Bin managed to cover it whole. The rain poured heavily, and he was drenched in no time.
"Bin!" Yejin took an umbrella out of her bag and went to Bin. They shared her small umbrella under the heavy rain. They were both wet even with the umbrella, but they couldn't care less.
Bin and Yejin reached the patio and she asked, "What were you even building, Love?"
"A playhouse for Ae-Rin." he said, giving her the sweetest smile. "and for our future ones."
Yejin's heart skipped a beat because of happiness.
-
Bin was in the kitchen, boiling water out of the pot for their instant sachet coffee. He regrets not bringing the box containing his coffee maker. Yejin went out to her car to get the towels they bought yesterday. She handed one to Bin and he handed Yejin a coffee.
"Do you have extra clothes?" she asked, and he shook his head. She took off his white shirt that was drenched in rain. "Let's dry this off, you might catch a cold."
She hung his shirt on the kitchen counter and she felt his arms enveloped him from behind, "How about you? Do you have extra clothes?" Bin said.
"No." She replied.
"Dry your clothes off too." Bin said, whispering in her ear and planting a soft kiss on her neck afterwards, "Our bed was delivered earlier..."
Bin and Yejin just went upstairs.
-
Dr. Son and Dr. Hyun stared at the OR board.
"Oh god, my head hurts looking at this board," was the only thing she could say. She has 2 surgeries lined up today, but all she wanted to do was go home and rest, "Bin, I'm so tired..."
She only got 3 hours of sleep last night, and 3 the night before that, plus the physically taxing surgeries yesterday, plus..... She gazed at him intently, giving him an evil stare.
Saying that she is exhausted was the understatement of the year.
He just laughed and wrapped an arm in her shoulder, "It was a good choice, right?" he asked, "The bed, I mean."
She just hit him with the chart she's holding.
"So you'll tell Chief Han later?"
"Yes. He's been bugging me since yesterday." She wore her scrub cap and turned her back against him. He got what she meant and he immediately tied it for her. "That man wanted to retire so bad."
Dr. Hyun did the same and Dr. Son tied it for him even if she struggled because he was so tall. He can actually do this one easily, but Dr. Son told him years ago that she likes doing stuff like this, and he likes the gesture too.
"Chief Han talked to me earlier, actually."
"What did he say?"
"He apologized, but I told him it's all good. No hard feelings."
"Thank you, again." Dr. Son just smiled.
Seeing that it was already time to go in, he asked, "Surgery?"
"Yeah."
And they leaned at the same time to give each other a quick peck on the lips before they go in their respective ORs.
-
Dr. Son was already in the middle of her 5 hour surgery. She was holding a forceps when she abruptly stopped. The residents and the scrub nurses that were assisting her just looked at her. Maybe she was just thinking about what to do next, so there was no fuss made in the OR- she continued afterwards anyway.
But panic can be felt in the entire OR when she stopped yet again, for a longer one this time.
"Dr. Son...Are you okay?" The assisting resident, Dr. Yoon, asked.
"Can someone.. page Dr. Ahn?" She asked as she stepped away from the patient. "Dr Yoon, take over my position here." The doctor immediately ran to her side and Dr. Son handed her the forceps. She went to the back of the OR, her eyes still closed.
Minutes later and they all heard a loud sound.
"Dr. Son fainted!" Dr. Yoon yelled, shocked by what happened, "Get a gurney!"
All the other doctors were still operating on the patient, and they cannot touch Dr. Son for safety reasons. Dr. Ahn just finished scrubbing in, and took over Dr. Son's lead in the surgery. "HURRY UP!"
-
"HELP!" The other nurses went out to ask for help. "WE NEED HELP IN HERE! HELP!"
The voices asking for help echoed throughout the corridor and the nearby operating rooms. Dr. Hyun got distracted and he asked, "What's happening outside?"
One of his scrub nurses went out to check what's happening. She sawa gurney on the way to take the fainted doctor on the OR next door.
"Dr. Hyun, it seems like that the doctor operating on OR 3 fainted. I think it was Dr. Son."
"WHAT?!" His hold on the clamp tightened, and he was about to run outside when he heard what the nurse said. However, his feet felt heavy and he was reminded of the open patient in front of him.
He calmed himself.
Dr. Hyun called on the intern at the back of the ER, "Could you please find out what happened to Dr. Son? Tell me the name of her doctor and have them call me, stat!"
Meanwhile, Dr. Son was wheeled inside a patient's room. Her doctor already checked for her breathing and it was normal. Her initial diagnosis is that it was because of fatigue since she doesn't display symptoms of something serious.
Dr. Hyun's intern came running to the room, "Dr. Jeong! Dr. Hyun wants you to call him, stat!"
"Dr. Hyun?! The head of Cardio?" She asked and the intern nodded, "Okay!"
Dr. Son regained consciousness. Her head hurts so bad and her body aches all over, but other than that she was feeling more than fine.
"Hello, Dr. Hyun? This is Dr. Jeong! Dr. Son is with me."
"How is she?!" Dr. Hyun is still in surgery. Dr. Jeong looked at Dr. Son who was now awake,
"She's conscious now, Sir!" Dr. Son tried hard to get up, but her lightheadedness didn't allow her too. She tried still. Dr. Jeong saw her and she immediately threw the phone on the bed to stop her patient, "Dr. Son! You need to rest, please! You fainted in the OR!"
Dr. Hyun heard Dr. Jeong pleads, but he couldn't do anything because he was in the middle of performing a surgery.
3 minutes after and a voice from the phone said, "Dr. Hyun, are you still there?" The nurse that was holding the phone inside the OR held it near Dr. Hyun.
"Yes!"
"I think it was transient fatigue, Sir. But I'll take further tests."
"Dr. Jeong, listen to me. Order a blood test, an ECG, a CT-" Since Dr. Jeong's phone was on speaker, Dr. Son can hear both of them clearly.
"Ya. That's too... much, Doctor.. Hyun." She said weakly. "It's just.. Fatigue."
Dr. Hyun sighed when he heard her speak, "Just rest, Yejin-ah, okay? Rest, please."
The call ended and Dr. Son turned to Dr. Jeong, "Doctor, I'm not taking an ECG and a CT. That's too much and you know it." The resident doctor didn't know who to follow between these two high ranking doctors. "Just test my blood. Check my blood pressure and blood sugar. I'll rest here."
The doctor just proceeded with what her patient-doctor wanted.
Dr. Jeong immediately took her blood and not an hour later, Dr. Son got the results.
-
When Dr. Son heard Chief Han's voice inside her room asking her if she was okay, she immediately sat up to talk to him, but the whiplash from sitting up too fast forced her to lie down once again. "Dont get up, Dr. Son!"
"Chief..." She said faintly, "I need to talk to you."
-
Dr. Hyun ran the second he finished scrubbing. As he was running through Seoul Med's corridors, Chief Han spotted him.
"Dr. Hyun!" Chief Han called on him.
He was hesitant to turn to him because he needed to go to her, but he was technically his boss, so.. "Yes, Chief?"
"Do you have any idea...." He trailed off, "..why Dr. Son turned down the position of Chief?"
"She did what?!"
-
Dr. Hyun ran towards Dr. Son's room. When he went inside, he saw her sitting in her bed. He sat in front of her and said softly, "What happened to you?"
"I'm just too tired, Love."
Silence.
"...why did you turn it down?" Bin asked.
She was again lost for words.
"You should have gone for it, Love!" he said, trying to meet her stare. However, her eyes were locked on view of the building outside. "Do it for yourself, please."
She finally met his gaze but when she opened her mouth, there were no words that came out. "Yejin-ah, if you're still thinking about me... " Dr. Hyun said, "I don't want you to refuse this just because you don't want to hurt me.. I'm fine, Love. I'm happy."
"It's not that..." Yejin said, looking intently at his eyes.
"Then tell me, Yejin-ah.."
"It's just... It's not what I want anymore. I thought about it again, Bin. People change. We weren't the same people that we were 7 years ago, Love. It just wasn't my dream anymore."
"Why?" Bin said, trying so hard to understand her because all he wanted was her happiness.
"I couldn't do it, Bin. I don't want to. We have bigger things than that."
"Like what? Love, if you're thinking about--"
Turns out, this was really the exception. In the question of fight or flight, this time she's fighting. Fighting for her family.
"Like our child inside of me.." Yejin handed him the results of the bloodwork, and her smile formed into the sweetest thing he has ever seen. "I'm pregnant, Bin!"
The creases on his forehead disappeared and he immediately enveloped her in a tight hug, swearing to the heavens above that he will do everything to protect Yejin, Ae-Rin, and their little one.
-
BONUS
2009
Yejin laid her head on his chest. They are now in Bin's apartment, taking a rest after a whole day of studying for their final exams.
"Have you decided what specialty you want to take?" She asked, wrapping an arm in his waist. "I was thinking about that too.. And I'm interested in Cardio, Love.How about you?"
"I think I want to operate on little babies."
"Peds?" He said as he planted a kiss on the crown of her head, "Isn't that hard, Love?"
Yejin lifted her head to look at her boyfriend, "Ya, don't you think I can do it?"
"Don't be silly. You're gonna be the greatest surgeon in the world. Even better than me."
Yejin just hit his chest and they shared a laugh. "Fifteen years from now, where do you think we'll be?"
"Hmmmm, let's see... We're married.."
"Mmm hmmm, of course. That's a given." Yejin said.
"We have five children..."
"FIVE? Are you kidding me?" Bin laughed, "I'm just kidding. How about three?"
"Three is good." She replied with a smile.
"And... I think it will be better if we work at different hospitals."
"Why?!" Yejin said with an evil stare, "Will you have a mistress in that hospital? I'll stab the both of you with a scalpel!"
Bin just chuckled, "Of course not! You're the only woman for me, Son Ye Jin-ssi."
Yejin moved her head once again and they shared a long kiss. When they parted, Yejin asked, "Why do you think we should work at different hospitals then?"
"Because I have no chance at being chief if I'm put against you— the sexiest, prettiest, and the smartest doctor in South Korea."
Yejin straddled Bin and hit him with a pillow.
In one swift move, Bin laid her beside him, enveloping her in a bear hug. "I'm just kidding! Of course I would want to work with you, Love."
"I would like to have little children screaming around our house, making it hard for us to sleep after an overnight surgery." Yejin replied, "I would like to wake up next to you everyday for the rest of our lives."
The year is 2020. That gives Yejin and Bin 4 years left to beat their 27-year old selves.
It's going to be fun.