The cathedral was packed.
My hands clenched the skirt of the borrowed dress I was wearing tightly, a sudden unease sweeping over me as I caught glances that looked at me strangely.
I had to remind myself that while the brothers knew who I was, the congregation did not and people tended to be suspicious of anyone that was new. My anxiety kicked into overdrive as I voluntarily sat in the back row, in the furthest seat from the main aisle, tucking my hands under my knees and staring down at the kneeling cushion in front of me.
I could only hope that whoever sat next to me didn't mind me copying them when I didn't remember what to do.
The congregation slowly filtered in through the narthex and into the nave, where the pews were filled up. I could hear some conversations pick up where some women were asking others about how their children were doing, men asking other men about work, and children giggling amongst themselves.
An organ began playing before a woman started to sing towards the front of the sanctuary, a hush instantly washing over the congregation as those who were standing found a seat. Shortly after, Father Osomatsu and two other young men walked into the sanctuary from the narthex, each man wearing the garb associated with an altar server while Osomatsu was dressed in full priest vestments, including a green chasuble. The green and white colors didn't seem to belong on Osomatsu's body, as I was so used to seeing him wear the black and red cassock.
I could only watch in silence as they knelt in front of the altar before the two attendants walked towards one of the transepts, leaving Osomatsu to walk alone towards the chancel, a long marbled table with a pure white runner cloth covering the top.
After the song ended, Osomatsu greeted the congregation with a gentle voice, his annunciation clear and audible throughout the entire church. He started with the prayer I remembered hearing over and over as a child, responding softly when appropriate. He didn't show any signs of pain throughout his prayer, throwing out my doubt from yesterday that he was a demon.
I kept a close eye on Osomatsu as the Scriptures were read, not noticing any outward reaction other than a calm and peaceful look that he maintained throughout the Mass. With a quiet sigh, I mentally apologized to no one in particular before going with the flow: standing when everyone stood, kneeling when appropriate, and responding as others responded.
When the Eurcharist was being blessed by Osomatsu, I resigned to stay in my seat and not go up to the front. I knew how important the act was, but I wasn't prepared for it. As the row I was sitting in began to proceed to the front, I caught Osomatsu's eyes glancing at me before I looked down in embarrassment.
It wasn't a condemning look from him. Instead, he looked a little saddened before I turned away. If I knew my luck, then I'd be asked about why I didn't go up sometime later on.
After the Eucharist was given to those that wanted it, a moment of silence filled the cathedral as members of the congregation finished their individual prayers. Osomatsu gently started a blessing of the congregation, bringing the congregation's attention back to his words as he signed a cross in front of his body. The organ began to play and Osomatsu was flanked by the altar servers as he walked out of the sanctuary through the nave. The congregation was slow to disperse, but I stayed in my seat.
After a while, I found myself alone in the cathedral while some of the attendants began to put away some of the trays that were used during the communion. Standing up and patting down the borrowed dress, I ran a hand through my hair as I walked into the narthex.
"(Y/n)."
I flinched and shut my eyes, letting my hand drop as I slowly looked over towards Osomatsu. He simply stood there in full vestment, his hair combed neatly back and his dark eyes locked onto mine.
"Father Osomatsu," I softly responded, dipping my head a little in reverence.
He seemed to pause for a moment before a small smile crossed his lips, "How was it being back here? Not too different from when we were kids, right?"
"It seems like the only thing that's changed is me. I could remember a lot of the responses that Father Sakai drilled into us," I looked off to the side, trying to not dive back into my memories, "You did very well, Father Osomatsu."
"I don't think you've changed that much," Osomatsu laughed a little, "At least you didn't fall asleep like you did in the library."
I turned my head towards him quickly, opening my mouth to protest before closing it as questions in my head fought to be asked first.
"Do you...remember what happened in the library?" My fingers played with the seam of the dress, my eyes refusing to look at Osomatsu.
Another pause from him.
There's no way that it actually happened, right? I thought it was a dream...!
"We can talk about that in my office," Osomatsu turned towards the nave, "Do you remember where it is?"
"I think so," I watched him as he started to walk away.
"Dress comfortably, and I'll see you there."
----
Putting the dress back on its hanger, I left it on the doorframe of the woman who loaned it to me before leaving the shelter in more casual clothes: a comfortable pair of jeans and a long-sleeved colored shirt. Winding my way through the office building behind the cathedral, I passed by the library before finding Osomatsu's office and knocked on the closed door softly.
"Come in," His voice sounded tired.
I opened the door to see him turn in his chair away from the computer. His hair was still combed neatly, but he had taken off the vestments and donned the cassock he usually wore.
"(Y/n), please have a seat," He waved towards the two chairs in front of his desk, and I obliged after closing the door behind me.
"You wanted to talk...?" I scooted one of the chairs close to the desk.
"You had asked if I remembered what happened in the library, and I wanted to give you the answer in a more private setting."
I fought hard to keep the blush from spreading across my face.
"I was made aware of your arrival back at the shelter by Choromatsu and, a few moments later, I found you sleeping in the library on top of what looked to be very worrying topics," Osomatsu folded his hands neatly on the desk, concern written all over his face.
"Ah...you mean the 'demon/angel' thing...?" I looked down towards my lap, the color draining from my face.
"Was there something you wanted to talk to me about? Is everything all right?"
I had to be honest right now.
"No, not everything is all right," I looked right into his eyes, "I'm worried about what I've seen between you and your brothers, and the tension that Choromatsu and Karamatsu showed confirmed it for me yesterday. The angel and demon analogy was the only thing I could really think of that made sense. If you, Todomatsu, and Choromatsu are angels, then of course the other three would be against you if they were demons."
Osomatsu stayed silent, and I took that as a sign to continue.
"I don't have any family, and I don't want to see you guys fight amongst yourselves. I want to help heal whatever hurt is there. You don't have to all be in harmony with each other, but I don't want you guys squaring up whenever you pass by each other on the street. It's not right..."
"What has Karamatsu told you?" His voice was quiet.
"He said that an incident happened between the six of you, and each half blames the other for the fallout," I tried to recite what Karamatsu told me yesterday, "He wouldn't go into detail, and I'm not asking for that...I just feel like I need to help."
Osomatsu gave me a small smile, but his eyes were full of sorrow.
"(Y/n), you have a tender heart for us. Yes, something did happen between us a long time ago, but there won't be any healing that you can do. It's none of your concern, and I don't want you dragged into it. I'm flattered that you think we're angels, but no...we are human. Gifted, but still human."
"Please, Osomatsu...you've helped me out so much this past week. You, Todomatsu, and Choromatsu. I want to help you out in return," I leaned against the desk, my hands keeping me steady as they pressed on the edge.
"You'll be given a chance to help, just not on this topic," Osomatsu reached out and rested a hand on my cheek, "Don't worry about it too much, all right?"
I pursed my lips a little, "All right..."
"Did you have a good dream while in the library?"
"I--" I cut myself off, looking away as I tried to figure out if I should tell the truth or not.
"You can be honest. I'm not going to judge," He laughed a little as he removed his hand from my face.
"I don't think you want to hear about it..."
"Why? Is it something that I wouldn't understand, or is it too embarrassing to say outloud?"
"You sure you're not gonna judge me if I tell you...?" I stole a glance towards Osomatsu, seeing the same smiling face as before.
"Not at all."
"I dreamt that you walked in while I was looking up passages, and we...uh, you..." I fought to keep the blush from reappearing, "You kissed me."
I hid my face in my arms, not wanting to see the shock on Osomatsu's face.
"Well, that's certainly not what I was expecting," He sounded calm, instead of flustered like I thought he would've been, "So, I kissed you in the dream. Did anything else happen...?"
I nodded a little before looking up at him, an eyebrow raised in curiosity, "Why do you want to know more?"
"I want to know how to pray for you during this confessional," The smile shifted into a smirk, "I figured that it wasn't something you'd want to tell Choromatsu or Todomatsu about, so I took the burden upon myself."
I held back a groan as my head dropped back onto my arms.
"You kissed me, I didn't stop you, and we made out like a romantic couple. It didn't go any further than that," I muttered each word, fighting between frustration at being caught by the man my subconscious ran wild with and embarrassment.
I heard Osomatsu move a little before silence took hold of the room. I figured he was doing whatever prayer he was taught for conducting confessionals, and let the silence remain until he broke it.
"God forgives you of your sins, both spoken and unspoken. Be at peace and go with God's grace," He sighed softly before I felt his hand on my head again, "Do you have any plans for today?"
"No..." My arms muffled my answer.
"There's a soup kitchen tonight, if you'd like to come. Choromatsu and I will be there."
"...maybe..."
"If not, then I pray you have a better day than you did last week," Osomatsu lifted his hand, "I've got a meeting in a few moments, unfortunately, so I need to be on my way."
"Oh, I'm sorry...I wouldn't have taken up so much time if I'd known," I quickly stood up and made my way towards the door.
A presence behind me made me pause as my hand held the lever, feeling like someone was leaning against my back. My nerves prickled with tension as my brain tried to convince me that someone was reaching around me, the fight-or-flight response kicking off as part of me wanted to run out of the office while the other wanted me to challenge the presence head on. Cautiously looking behind me, I only saw Osomatsu sitting at his desk still.
There was no one behind me.
"I didn't think it would be an issue, (y/n). Be safe," He smiled widely as he waved at me. I waved back before leaving the room, closing the door behind me and making my way back towards the homeless shelter.
What was it that I felt in Osomatsu's office...?