So much for waiting until tomorrow. I think to myself as I watch Ian walk away form the table and out of my life.
I didn't mean to blurt it out the way I had, I don't even know what I was thinking. He was talking about an account he was working on and how it would be a pretty big deal if the new client signed with his company. I had only been half listening when I said it.
"I don't want to marry you."
At first he kept talking, but then my words finally registered and he actually went pale.
"What?"
"I can't marry you." I repeat as I stare into my glass.
"What?"
"I said-"
"I heard you."
I finally get the courage to look up at him then, and what I saw nearly broke me. He was crying. CRYING. A person whom I would've thought incapable of doing such a thing, had tears running down his face.
Our food order had yet to be taken by the waiter; we had only just gotten to our table after having to wait at the bar until our table was ready.
"I don't understand. Where is this coming from? I thought everything was going so well between us?"
"I am sorry. I didn't mean to say that. No, I meant to say it, just, not now. I- I don't know what happened, but I realized some time ago that I although I love you, I am not in love with you. All this time, I had been trying to get to the point where I could tell myself that I am in love with you, but it just never happened. After you proposed, I had made it my mission to try to love you the way you love me, I really did." I took the ring and placed it on the table in front of him. "I shouldn't have taken this from you. I was trying to be someone whom I couldn't be."
He didn't say another word as he looked down at the ring on the table. For the first time for as long as I had known him, Ian Levin was speechless. Another minute ticked by when he suddenly picked up the ring and stood up from the table. He wiped at the tears on his face as he placed the ring in his pocket.
Then he simply walked away.
When waiter had returned to take our order, I stood and informed her that it would now be a carry out order and that I would wait for it at the bar. I sat down and ordered another drink. I took out my phone and texted a message to Greg.
"It's done." I type out quickly.
Several minutes later, he replies.
He sends an emoji with a confused face, then: "What is done? What are you talking about?
"Ian. I told him."
He sends another emoji, one that I imagine, represents the shock on his face at the moment. "Already? You told me earlier that you were going to tell him tomorrow. What happened? How did he take it?"
"About as well as you can imagine, he left about five minutes ago. He didn't even say anything. I didn't mean to say it. It just came out like word vomit, and then suddenly I couldn't stop talking."
"Did you mention anything about Kai?"
"No, of coarse not. I did however, in so many words, tell him that I had been trying for some time now to develop into some person that loves him. Greg, he CRIED! He was devastated."
"Understandable.
I suppose it was good that you said it now. I was wondering how you were going to avoid his advances toward you.
How are you?"
"I am ok, relieved, but ok.
I gave back the ring."
A 'thumbs up' emoji. "Good, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life."
I laugh. "I thought the same. I hope he will be ok though."
"Well you left some overly large shoes to be filled by the next person to come along, but he will be fine."
A 'shoulder shrug' emoji. "Yeah, I guess you are right."
"Well I have to get going, this room isn't going to finish designing its self. I will catch up with you later."
"Ok. Love you."
"Love you too."
The rest of the workweek went by unbothered, well, except for that one phone call from Ian. I didn't answer the phone because I honestly didn't know what I would've said to him. That, and my nerves most likely would not have been able to handle it. I was grateful that he did not leave a voicemail.
Now, all that I had left to do was to get through this event tonight and tomorrow I will be on a plane on my way home, on my way to Kai. A huge grin spreads across my face and I giggle a little.
Tomorrow can't come fast enough.
Suddenly, Julie's voice reaches me from the other room. "Hey Gabe, are you ready? The driver says he will be here in about ten minutes."
I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I look over worked slightly, but other than that, I can't complain. In the days following my Chicago trip, I have been sleeping wonderfully. It also helped that I am able to go to bed and wake up to phone calls from Kai. For the first time in months, my mind is quiet.
I hear my roommate's footsteps coming closer. "Gabe, did you hear me?" She let out a low whistle when she saw me. "If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were going to try and find yourself a sugar daddy. Oh! You straightened your hair!" She reached out to touch it but stopped short when she saw me eyeing her reflection. "Who are you trying to impress?"
"No one. I am the official face of the company now, so I guess I should look the part. The only person I would even bother worrying about impressing is in Boston."
"Ah yes, the fiancé. You are so loyal. I think I have whiplash from trying to look at all of the men that I see around here, and you know there is going to be at least 10 hot guys at this event tonight." She sighs dreamily. "This is going to be a long two months."
I laugh at her as I put the finishing touches on my eye makeup. I don't even bother correcting her. I will tell all of those people in due time. For now, it is my secret. "Don't hurt yourself. Although, if you need to call in sick from said whiplash or sensory overload, I volunteer to be your stand in."
She laughs and walks away as she talks over her shoulder. "If I let you do that, then I wouldn't stand a chance!"
I laugh at her as I finish fussing with my eyeliner. As soon as I set the pen down, she yells from the other room that our ride is downstairs.
I would never tell him because just when I think his ego can't possibly get any more inflated it does, especially since his birthday celebration, but Garren has me absolutely spoiled. No one has been able to match his service when it comes to getting me to a party, no one. I look around the sedan that Julie and I are sitting in and while it isn't terrible, it's actually very nice, I feel like there could be more. Garren would've sent a twenty-seater just for me. I can't help but laugh to myself as I think this, but it is true. There would have been food, drinks and a movie. What really did it for me though? That helicopter ride, that is what had sent me over the edge and forever spoiled me.
"Oh my goodness!" Julie says for like tenth time in the ten minutes we've been in the limo. "Can you believe this car? Is this what you get all the time when you go to an event?" She takes yet another selfie.
"Some times. They can really go all out for you when they want."
She pauses mid-pose to look over at me. "Wow, it must be so awesome to be you. I am sure that the only reason for me to ride 'in style', is because I am coming with you. I think Jordan said they had to get an Uber or something." She giggles as she continues with the picture. "If that is so, I am only going to come with you from now on."
"He is a lie, they are getting there the same way we are. It's just more of them to keep each other company that's all. No need stick with me, wow them with your dazzling personality and the ability to get the job done (ahead of schedule if you can with minimal hiccups) and all that I have will be yours."
"Ha! Because you sitting over there looking like a supermodel has nothing to do with it of coarse. The way some of them went out of their way to accommodate your suggestions? Girl please!"
"I had to start from somewhere you know. You will see. Just be your amazing self, and you will do just fine." My phone dings and I can't help but grin ear to ear.
"Hey Beautiful, are you busy?"
I am still smiling like an idiot as I respond. "Not at the moment, but I am currently on my way to the premier."
"Looking heavenly as always..." He says with regard to the picture I sent him not long ago. I am kinda jealous, of the people that will be there, that get to be around you."
I sigh a little as I type something back. "Don't be, none of them are you. I had my hair done this way just for you; I can't wait to get back. I miss you a lot."
"I miss you, too. Don't worry though, you will be back soon enough."
"How is New Jersey?"
"Nothing with out you, my love."
"We are here!" Julie's excited voice shouted cutting through my moment causing my flight on cloud nine to take a momentary nosedive. I shot her a disgruntled glance and she smiled back having the nerve to wink.
"I love you. I have arrived to the event hall, so I am going to have to get going. I will call when I get back to the hotel."
"Of coarse."
I climb out of the car with the help of the driver and immediately get swarmed by the local paparazzi. I hear Julie getting out behind me and I immediately grab her holding her close so that we get swept away together.
Several photographers hollered for our attention and so we paused upon entering the lobby. I put on my best model pose and Julie copied me, somewhat awkwardly, but effectively enough.
I hear my name over the commotion and I search around. Suddenly Julie starts smacking and pulling on my arm. "Gabe. Gabe! Look! Oh my...."
I follow her finger and finally see the person calling me, Jesus Santiago.
I smile brightly as he makes his way over to me. I wanted to ask how he recognized me, but I knew better. He kisses me on the cheek and then poses with Julie and I for more photos. He had contacted me weeks ago even before we had a definite on opening the Miami office. He told me I am the reason he decided to go with our firm. A thing I am not sure how I feel about, but I supposed that comes with being the face of the company.