Soulless
Coming back from Italy reminded me of the time I first met Edward, when he tried so hard to keep a distance, even rejecting me.
We sat together in the plane, alone. I guess Alice had arranged that, thinking we may have a lot to talk about. Truth is... Edward did not even look at me during the whole flight, not even when I reached for his hand.
Not even when I tried to ask him how he was.
Not even when I cried at his silence.
It was like if a part of him had been left in Italy. The part of him that loved me.
The trip from the airport to Forks was no different at all. We arrived at night and, to my surprise, it was a lovely night. Not a single cloud in the sky. All the stars and a giant full moon were easily visible.
Alice drove all the way in silence, feeling awkward, for sure; Edward and I in the backseat, as separated as possible. And even though not a single word was spoken, I could tell Edward and Alice were somehow talking, he reading her mind, and Alice reading his expressions in the rear view mirror.
When we got to Forks I realized I would have to face Charlie, but not now. Among the many problems I had, that one could wait a bit.
"Bella," Alice finally said breaking the awkward silence in the car "is it ok if we go straight to our house?"
"Emm, sure. But why?" The Cullens had left Forks after my birthday accident and their house had been abandoned since then.
"Well," she stopped, checking on Edward's face. Like if she needed his approval to tell me. "We decided to come back to Forks." Her words were filled with pain, maybe because of the memories of why they had decided to leave before, but at the same time she was smiling.
"You are?!" I could not hide my excitement. I immediately turned to look at Edward, who was looking at me for the first time. But, unlike Alice, he was not smiling. His eyes were darker and her whole face showed one thing only. Pain.
I kept staring at him, waiting for a reaction, a word at least. I got nothing. He simply turned his face away to look at the dark street outside.
I sighed but I was not going to give up. "That's great news, Alice," I told her extending my hand to reach her shoulder in a silly sign of support. She smiled and winked at me. It was incredible how much I had missed her.
In a matter of minutes, we were at the entrance of the Cullens' house. I opened my eyes in disbelief. The house looked great and had all the lights turned on. It was like if time had not passed. Or better, like if they had never gone.
We got off the car and in just two seconds I saw a blur coming towards us. The Cullens.
They were all around Edward, smiling and sighing in relief. Esme was hugging him so tight that I could notice his body twisting a bit. Emmet and Jasper were laughing and playing with Edward's hair as Esme still had him immobile, like if they were a couple of children. Rosalie was scolding Edward for what he had done. But Carlisle came straight to me and hugged me.
"Thank you so much, Bella," he told me in a whisper, "you saved my son, once more." I could not believe he was actually thanking me. He got apart from me and went to hug Edward.
"Oh, Bella! You have saved our family," Esme told me holding my hands and hugging me then, of course that no as strongly as she had hugged Edward.
"She is right, Bells," Emmet told me freeing me from Esme's hug, "We owe you big this time."
"Oh, yes, we do. You cannot imagine how brave she was to face the Vulturi," Alice claimed coming to stand next to me, grabbing me by the shoulder as if I had won a prize or something.
"I'm sure she was," Jasper said standing right in front of me. "I guess I'm the one to blame for all this, Bella. I hope you can forgive me for my behaviour at your birthday party and, well, all that happened after that."
"I would never ask you to excuse yourself for being who you are, Jasper. There's nothing to forgive, really." I told him trying to show that I actually meant my words.
"You're fantastic. Thank you, Bells," Jasper told me giving me a timid and quick hug.
"I'm so glad you're all back here, but we should get inside now, it's getting cold for Bella here outside." Carlisle was amazing. With everything that was going on, he still had time to think about me.
We walked towards the main door but I felt someone had grabbed me by the arm, making me stop. The rest of them entered the house, giggling, like if they were aware and wanted to give me some space. I turned to see who was retaining me and opened my eyes in disbelief. It was Rosalie.
We stood there for a few second until she finally decided to speak. She took a deep breath and looked at me. "Thank you for saving my brother." Although I could feel her words were honest they still made me shiver. She was still very intimidating.
"You don't have to thank me," I told her, smiling timidly.
"Maybe not. But I want to. So... thank you for saving him and bringing him back."
"My pleasure."
Again an awkward silence. We stayed there looking at each other until she smiled at me. It obviously surprised me and I bet she noticed.
"C'mon. Let's get inside. It's actually cool for you here outside." Was it possible that after all she had decided to accept me?
However, I did not have much time to think about it. As soon as we got inside the house everything felt perfectly fine, like if it all fit again. Rosalie led me to a small table in the centre of the big room where Esme was leaving a cup of hot coffee for me. I sat on an armchair while drinking my coffee and watched the three brothers who were on the sofa: Edward in the middle of Jasper and Emmet, who were still fooling around with him.
I noticed that Carlisle and Alice were talking with their backs turned to us, like wanting some privacy. I frowned. She must have been telling him about our encounter with the Vulturi and the terms under which they had let us go. What brought me back to Edward.
My eyes were on him again with the hope that his face had changed by now. And fortunately, it had. He was laughing, but probably because his brothers were teasing him.
"You played a great drama queen there in Italy, didn't you?" Emmett told him pushing him towards Jasper.
"So that is all you wanted, Edward? A little bit of attention, uh?" Jasper told him laughing louder.
"Oh, shut up. You're just envious because you know I'm braver than you," Edward said standing up and staring at them for a while, surely reading their thoughts. "I love you too. Don't make me say it again, please."
Jasper and Emmett stood up and the three of them hugged. I saw that Esme was holding hands with Rosalie while Carlisle was also hugging Alice. It was a lovely picture. They were a strong family and now they were finally together again. The way it should had always been.
It was a nice image, but somehow I felt that I did not belong to it. It was like if my presence there was forced and, in a strange way, disturbed their peace and harmony. My smiled faded away and unconsciously, I stood up, like if I were ready to leave the house.
Edward noticed my sudden move and in half a second he was next to me.
"Would you wait a minute for me?" he asked me, his face becoming serious again.
"Of course," I answered feeling hopeful. Smile or not, he was finally speaking to me.
In another blur, he went to his bedroom and was back next to me.
"It took you less than a minute," I said trying to cheer him up.
"Yeah," he said with no emotion in his voice. He had gone to his bedroom to change his clothes, which were the same he had worn in Italy. It was definitely a good decision.
He guided me towards the second floor of the house, to his bedroom. He shut the door behind us and the strange sensation I had felt in the airplane and in the car was all over me again.
For the first time in my life I was afraid to turn to him, so I did it slowly and looked at his hands, not his eyes.
"Bella," he said in a really soft voice and making a pause, "I have no idea how to thank you. You risked your life just to save me."
"Just so save you?" I asked him back. "Edward, I would do that a thousand times if I had to."
"That's the point. You should not have to save me."
"And what about the many times you have saved me?"
Silence. I had a hint of where this conversation was going and my body began to tremble. The tiny hope I had had was now crushed. But again, I was not giving up so easily. I took a step towards him and, cautiously, took his hand in mine. At first, I thought he was going to get away from me.
He did not.
He let my hand go and hugged me, strongly as never before. I hugged him back and we remained like that for a long time. Little by little, he broke our hug and led me to sit next to him on the black sofa next to the window.
"Don't say what I'm thinking you are about to say, please," I spoke first, scared of his possible words. He simply stared at me, but the sadness in his eyes was a clear answer to my request. "Please, don't," I begged.
"Bella, listen to me please," he told me taking my hand in his, making my heart jump again, "You have no idea how difficult this is to me. I cannot even look you in the eye, I'm so embarrassed. After all the times I asked you to be safe, it is me who keeps putting you at risk."
"No, don't dare to think like that," I got closer to him and touched his cheek, which felt like heaven.
"It is not optional, I'm afraid."
"And what should we do now? How do we continue from here?"
"That's the thing, Bella. Is there still a we?"
I could feel my body getting numb, and I waited for tears to come, but I did not cry. I could not. Was he talking about abandoning me? Again? I felt furious instead.
"Are you serious?!" I was yelling at him now, not caring about his family listening to us, "after everything we have gone through, you doubt of me? Of us?"
"No! I doubt of me, of my strength... I don't know if I can stay with you without risking your life again."
All my anger was gone when I heard his words.
"Edward, please stay with me. We'll figure out how to..."
"I can't believe you are asking me to stay," he told me staring at me. His dark eyes were incredibly soulless.
"And I can't believe you're saying all this. Edward, I love you. And that is all I'm sure about."
"You know I love you too, Bella."
Carefully, almost like scared of breaking me, he kissed me. Our lips connected and it was the best feeling I could have asked for that night. Our kiss began as a sweet and tender one and quickly became passionate, responding to all the time we had been apart.
"Give me some time. Give me some days to think about it," he told me with his lips still on mine.
"Yes, anything you need," I told him kissing him again, throwing my body over his. He welcomed me, responding to my kiss and grabbing me by the waist.
I broke our kiss after a while and laid down my head on his shoulder, searching for his eyes. I needed to see if there had been a change in his sad gaze, a hint that he was not considering leaving me any longer. But when his eyes met mine, it was worse.
His soulless gaze was still there.
Something inside my mind told me to try to enjoy that moment with Edward, to remember every detail of him... and to get ready to say goodbye.
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To my readers,
I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Just for you to know, English is not my first language, so I love getting feedback on it and my writing style. Also, I love having some connection to my readers, so I tend to finish every chapter of my stories with a personal question to know all of you a bit more. So, here's my question...
Who is your favourite character from Twilight and why? Mine is Edward, no doubt about it.
Again, I hope you liked the beginning of this story.
Love you,
Agustina