You guys warm my heart like damn I really do got the sweetest readers
Like man..here, grab my heart! Ya'll want my kidney too because I'll give it you hahaha
Okay, like promised, here is Chapter 58! (: Hope you guys like it!
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"I'm done talking Blake" she said exasperatedly, "I'm tired. I'm fucking tired"
I tilted my head to the side looking at her before placing my palm against her cheek
Her eyes locked with mine as my thumb caressed her skin
"I know you are" I mumbled creasing my eyebrows before placing my forehead against hers
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"Wait slow down, what do you mean he is dead?!" I screamed on the phone feeling my blood suddenly go cold as I felt my heart pounding against my chest
I tried to breathe but it was becoming dangerously difficult as I heard the officer mumble those two dreadful words
"I'm sorry"
(A/N: LMFAO nah i'm just playing)
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They say love is blind yet I fell in love with a sight
I've known his character from the beginning. I've known his tactics, his demons, his ways yet I chose to stay in hopes of being the one that gets him to change for the better.
I don't know why I'm so fixated on this idea of changing people. It's as if my whole worth is determined on whether or not this one specific twisted individual accepts and cares for me.
When did it start?
Did it start when our mothers used to tell us 'Honey, he is picking on you because he likes you' or was it when we began reading novels that romanticized broken souls with loose promises and even worse intentions?
I'm not too sure when it began but I am sure it's the reason I am sitting here besides him right now with my fingers secretly crossed, stupidly hoping for words that ease my mind
Hope.. a word I'm learning to despise for it's hope that gets me doubting my own mind
I don't even know how I should feel. Should I villainize him and choose that to be what convinces me to walk away or should I listen and try to understand?
But what if it's manipulation...what if his words hold no meaning and are used as a weapon to ignite empathy within me causing me to forgive him? Words to mask hidden agendas
Or what if I'm not understanding?
What if he really does have issues and is trying to heal himself but its a process that has yet to end? What if he actually wants the best for me and his words are filled with raw emotion and it's not a sick plan to hurt me?
I scowled at my inner voice before shaking my head, trying to rid myself of all thoughts
"You alright?" Blake's voice hit my ears as I saw his eyebrows crease in confusion
I cleared my throat before interlacing my fingers in front of me
"Yeah, I'm good" I muttered awkwardly as I realized I probably looked like a dog scratching away his fleas
He raised an eyebrow in suspicion before simply nodding his head and taking a breath
"Angel-"
"No, stop" I cut him off, raising my hand up making him stop midway
"Before you even start, I don't want you twisting the narra-"
"Ang-"
"Let me talk" I interrupted once more sending him my attempt of a threatening glare
His lip quirked in the slightest smirk before he quickly bit his lip in attempt to hide it
"What are you smirking at?" I asked creasing my eyebrows at him in confusion while he simply shrug his shoulders in response while his eyes were twinkling in amusement
I gave him an unamused look prompting him to release the lowest of a chuckle
"You're cute when you're trying to sound intimidating" He responded nonchalantly, rubbing his jaw before rising his grey eyes onto me
I bit the inside of my cheek before slowly nodding my head, agreeing with him
What? I am cute
He leaned back on his seat, resting his hand on his chin as he kept his eyes interlocked with mine
"As I was saying, we will not be throwing blame or trying to lessen the damages that occurred" I continued, making direct eye contact so that he knew I was being completely serious
He held my stare, giving a sharp nod
"I want us to communicate. I don't want this to be a battle of who is worse" He confirmed, conveying a look of sincerity.
I took a deep breathe before giving a small closed mouth smile and rested further into the couch
"I love you" He said looking at me earnestly, "And that's the hardest part about this. I am deeply in love with you"
His eyes softened from his regular mono toned expression as his lips were placed in a gentle smile causing me to have to look away as I knew that smile wasn't one of bliss nor happiness. It was one of remembrance
I love you too
I don't want to do this
I don't want to do this
My mind screamed at me to go to him and kiss him and ask for everything to go back to normal. My body itched to feel his touch and it felt as though my heart was yearning to connect with his once more but that's the thing...
"But love isn't enough" I whispered, "I am grateful to have experienced a love so profound. But I am not willing to damage my mental health anymore" I painfully expressed while my face reflected a look of defeat
Selfishly, I wanted him to fight for us
To fight for us as he has done all along
but I knew...I knew he was drained. There's nothing more to give