His Nerd

Chapter Forty-Five

Hey guys!(: Can I just say...

I love you, I'm sorry! hahaha I'm an asshole for leaving you guys with a cliff hanger, I knowww

But I can't express the happiness I feel once I've accomplished making you all feel what the character is feeling so thank you for bearing with me hahaha

That being said, I present to you Chapter Forty- Five!(:

.....Please don't hate me hahahahha I LOVE YA

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I stood frozen before gaining a small sense of reality back and running towards the door feeling my heart crack in a slow painful manner

There's one thing I also forbid myself of doing:

Being someone's fool

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My eyes glimmered with watery tears as I continued to feel my heart aching from inside of me

I sat in my car tightly gripping the steering wheel as I remained in his driveway knowing I was in no condition to drive

I connected to a part of him others only could dream of. I saw a part of his soul that he never dared to ever willingly reveal. I saw true beautiful and raw reactions that were more real than the blood circulating through my veins but he betrayed my love as he continuously left my heart to break and shatter.

And yet, I always came back. Like a stupid teenage girl who still believed in miracles, I hoped for him to return all of what he's stolen. But instead, he just took more leaving me with a shallow heart praying to once again feel what true happiness felt like

My thoughts continued to trundle through my brain as I continued to sob while my tears rushed down as the only noise that could be heard was my own gasps and ragged breathing

I dared not to think of excuses for him

This is it I thought as I took a deep breath filling my lungs with air

As much as I want to hate him, I hate myself more for allowing him to hurt me as much as he has

The butterflies he caused and the tiny bits of bliss don't match the amount of pain he has brought

I deserve better

For once, I'm putting me first

Knowing what I have to do, I wiped my tears off and waited ten minutes for my puffy red eyes to go back to normal and my breathing to become steady once more

I was not made for this

This wasn't love

This was destruction on the soul

on my soul

Once I felt my body become less rigid, I looked at myself with determination through my rearview mirror before opening my car door and doing the one thing that I knew would destroy yet save me

Taking a deep shaky breath in, I rubbed my sweaty palms on the ends of my dress before gently knocking on the door 

I felt my heartbeat quicken in embarrassment

I've lost my sense of morality 

My virtue 

And I don't blame him for that

I blame myself

The door suddenly opened stopping my train of thought as it revealed those same cold grey eyes, I at a point so desperately wanted to discover