Chapter 6| Because I love him so much
"Oh..hi mom!"
Jaemin snaps out into reality when he saw his mom enters the room with a warm smile.
He returns the sweet smile again and moves slowly for his mom to sit beside him on the soft mattress.
"Jaeminnie how are you feeling?"
She gently caresses the big, round stomach that Jaemin has covered up with large, fluffy tunic to loosely make his own comfort. Regardless, he looks so adorable even while pregnant. A few pounds seem to gain thanks to his craving for sweet desserts but Renjun has been scolding (nicely) him because Jaemin always asked for sweet food.
Yangyang and Renjun even bickered one day just to stop Jaemin from finishing a whole chocolate cake. Yangyang wanted his friend to finish up because he thought Jaemin deserved it whereas Renjun worried about his health. Coughing would be so much of a struggle for Jaemin but luckily he didn't end up being sick or anything of that sort.
"My back ached sometimes but I am fine with everything." He smiles to make his mom not to worry.
He doesn't want anyone to be worried about him. Jaemin really praises his parents for understanding him to the maximum level. He expected them not to really take care of him too well when he stubbornly decided to carry this baby without Jeno.
They tried to understand him even though Jaemin knew how upset they were about this.
"Your dad and I were talking about this Jaeminnie" she starts to bring up the main concern as she gets comfortable with the pace. "About the father of this child"
Jaemin's smile slightly fades to the mention of the specific person.
"Your father thinks that it's only right to let the man knows about this. We will protect this baby and you from him but it's just that we think he needs to know about this as well Jaemin.."
Jaemin bites his lower lip and shifts his eyes away. To be honest, this isn't the first time they have a conversation about this and Jaemin still disagree to do so.
Without his permission, his parents are hesitant to do as well. They can force him and easily get an unsatisfied 'yes' but Jaemin appreciates the fact that his parents aren't like that.
A soft touch on his palm makes him looks up. It feels so at ease to have a mother who gently takes care of you.
Without a word, she slowly hugs him and makes him head to reat on her shoulder, one hand patting his fluffy hair.
"Jaemin-ah, your dad was the happiest when I announced him that I had myself a job. You know that he is always a supportive type of person. He almost fainted when I first told him about a baby in my stomach, which was you. He didn't have a word to describe his feeling at the moment. He cried." She chuckles a bit, reminiscing on the good old days.
"I know that we don't share the same situation Jaemin. We know that this is an unplanned pregnancy. But..do you really think Jeno won't be the happiest man just even for seconds of his life to be the father of your baby? I will always protect you and your baby from anything but as a parent myself,...I would want to see my child too.."
She hears some small sobs coming from her son. Jaemin wells up tears and he lossely let them down due to the comfort.
Of course, he wants him to know.
In fact, he craves for Jeno's attention.
There have been times when he doubtfully thinks Jeno would actually want him back if he let him know about their baby. These thought left as quickly as they came.
"You will be the best parent for the baby regardless of what you decide"
She softly comforts with a gentle kiss on his hair.
Jaemin likes to give everything he has but he always hesitate to receive anything back. He gives his heart out completely but he expects not to get anything back from them.
This will only end up hurting himself.
🥀
"Okay but what is Na Jaemin doing here?"
Renjun folds his hand and speaks directly across Jaemin's pouty face.
This friend of Renjun is too stubborn not to listen to him when he gave an hour worth of ted-talk speech about how it is fine for Jaemin not to help out personally for the wedding. But no. He just has to get on Renjun's nerves.
"But Injun ah! I am your best friend and how will it be okay if I don't help out with your special day?" He sulks.
For sure though, pregnant Jaemin is cuter than anything. He immediately becomes soft for his friend but he can't accept the fact that Jaemin is walking around doing this and that while his due date is around the corner.
"No is a no" Renjun faces the other direction to show that he is not changing his mind. Right now, the church is busy with decor company handling well. Renjun doing his best on directing around whereas Yang Yang is talking with his parents.
"But but but I want to help"
"With what?"
"Everything I can"
Renjun sighs. He wants to pull this boy out of here, wrap him in a thick blanket until he can't move and then circle him around with plushies on a soft bed so he can rest.
"Okay okay..first of all, you need to sit and then not doing anything. I will be around you."
Jaemin pouts but does not dare to protest due to the Chinese's dragon glare. It scares him sometimes. Renjun offers a hand to make him sit and then suddenly got called.
He looks back to him and mouthed "don't move" before running out.
Jaemin looks around the wedding hall. Right there and then, he can tell how everything is handpicked by Renjun because the aesthetic...is just too Renjun.
He smiles at the thought of that small boy being too excited to even confess to his first ever crush when they were back in school. Renjun was afraid of talking to people and the only friend he had was Jaemin who was as quiet as Renjun. However, when the two met, they became their maximum loudest by gossiping, betting and just being stupid in one of their houses.
Those days were so fun and precious. He wore the best smile even though the sweetness did not filter out even now. Jaemin wishes how he can be able to smile without heaviness in his chest.
It would be heavenly if Jeno can ever be gentle with him..caress him..comfort him..give him warmth..
But those are just plainly dreams he can only got from imaginations..
A dream isn't always a wish that comes true and this isn't a fairy tale for him. It's his life.
Suddenly, he hears the ringing of the wedding bells. He looks to the direction of the melodical bells and a fond smiles take over his lips.
A man was up on the stairs,attaching the bell charms along the entrance area. The golden charms look so elegant but the white cotton balls attached around enhance how the final looks turn out to be.
For once he wishes...
For once he hopes for...
Someone who can spend his whole life with..someone who will love him for being him..and someone who he can return those loves for..
He was never married and he wasn't regretful of that. Being a father is already the best thing in his life and all he needs is to shower all his loves on this baby.
As he keeps watching, Jaemin sees one of the bells fall down from the man's grip without him even knowing. He is busy trying to make the one he's holding to stay still when the door opens.
Jaemin looks around but he sees everyone busy. He snaps back at Renjun who is still talking with someone who looks like a manager.
Jaemin slowly stands up. He is free anyways so why not be helpful. At least, he will get to do something for setting up Renjun's wedding even if it is just by picking up the bell.
He will do it..as long as he isn't sitting like a useless person...
🥀
This whole morning, ever since he woke up, Jeno knew something was off.
First he knocked off a glass from the table as it shattered all on the floor.
Then he almost skipped a stair while walking down to the kitchen for breakfast.
It just felt horrible without any context and Jeno didn't know if he should be cautious, nervous or terrified by it. He isn't a person to be extremely superstatious but the unsettling feeling enlarges everytime he overthinks.
He wants to settle the feeling down by refilling with something else which will make his mind busy but he couldn't.
All he could think of is a sweet, angelic smile of Jaemin's that keeps giving him a bad feeling.
Jeno sighs, putting down his phone on the glass table. Today is an off day in which Jeno kind of needs because he has been too busy these days. However, he didn't fail a night to read Jisung his night time stories and then fall asleep with him.
He knows how Jisung misses Jaemin but never reveal that in front of him. Jeno feels so left out and hurt that his own son isn't willing to talk how he is feeling to him. Even though he is too young to carry his emotions, Jisung is able to do so. He keeps things to himself so much, which isn't how kids are supposed to be. At least, that's not how Jeno wants his son to be. But who is he to say anything? It's obviously because of him...and how he treated him.
He mistreated Jaemin by abusing his feelings and body but he didn't realize that he was mistreating Jisung by being an absolute worse father for the boy.
Instead of more blames, Jeno makes sure he is fulfilling every aspects of Jisung's needs as much as possible. The only thing, however, is that...he couldn't bring Jaemin for Jisung..
He, himself,..misses that sweet angel as well.
A kock on his door brings out to the current situation. Jeno flinches a bit since he was too absorbed into his tuoughts.
"Yes" he answers and see the door flaps open.
Small chuckles leave his mouth when he only see the door open and close but find no entrance of anyone. It is Jisung, of course. His small figure got covered by tall sofas and that's why Jeno couldn't see him entering but only the quick footsteps running to him.
Jeno welcomes the presence of his son by extending out his arms to the sides. Jisung runs in and hugs his dad, showing off a wide gummy smile once again.
"Baby..why did you run? What if you fall?"
Jeno picks him up on his lap and Jisung happily adjusts himself on it.
"Dada. Breakfast?" He asks.
"Already done baby. Why didn't you wake me up this morning? "
Jeno kisses his cheek. He woke up this morning alone on Jisung's bed because he didn't wake him up.
Jisung giggles cutely.
"Because Dada is sleeping so well. Jisungie knows that Dada works hard the other day "
Without saying anything, Jeno pinches the puffy cheeks with a smile.
"Dada.."he starts again.
Jeno senses a little bit of hesitation and conflict in the baby's eyes but he doesn't want to interrupt so he just tilts his head and makes him continue.
"Jisungie needs to tell Dada something important"
His eyes glows and Jeno suddenly doesn't know how to read those eyes.
"What is it Jisung?"
🥀
"Jaemin!!!!!!"
"Na Jaemin!!!"
With a loud call, Jaemin hisses in pain and his tears fall down continuously.
His stomach contracts to the painful sensation and Jaemin feels like he can stop breathing anytime soon.
A hand wrap around his body just to see an extremely worried YangYang and a crying Renjun.
"Jaemin ah..are you okay? P-please do something!! Please call the emergency!!"
He hears Renjun's voice echoes in his ear but it feels hollow. As if he is yelling from a distance in a tunnel, the voice gets closer but still far enough to hear anything better.
Jaemin constantly inhales the pain and exhales the memories he can handle.
Is this all he can be?
A useless person again?
🥀
"Please be fine Nana..please..please"
Soft whispers leave Jeno's restless mouth as he prays continously. It should be to him who gets hurt. It should be him who suffers. Why it has to be this angel who knows nothing but to give his kindness to everyone?
Why it has to be this way?
His big palm holds up Jaemin's soft hand and warmly set it infront of his lips. He kisses it and begs for Jaemin to be fine.
How he wishes it was him who is lying on the hospital bed instead of Jaemin..
He looks at Jaemin one time again, still thinking that he is in one of his dreams when he sees a round, lifted stomach that carries a life of their creation. The emptiness he felt during the previous months got immediately overfilled by excitement and joy just by a glance on the stomach.
He was speechless because he had so many things to say. He had so many things to confess and so many things to apologize that he became speechless.
"Please Nana...I will do everything for you just to see you wake up"
He prays again, both eyes close and stick his forehead on their tangled hands.
"I love you so much Nana..please.."
The cute, adorable face that Jeno never acknowledged was still fresh and sweet even after all those hardships he is dealing with.
Jaemin is a sunshine that can light up anyone's life but he never shows his dullest times to anyone. Wishing that he could only smile, Jaemin sacrifices all of his heart on him but he mercilessly crashed down countless time. Still, a broken smile left behind.
How hard it must have been to carry a child alone Nana? ..
You must be needing a lot but I'm sure you say none of them..
I..I have nothing to say since all of those will come out as my excuses..
I won't make any excuses this time Nana.. I will show you and let you know how much of loves you deserve ..
Because I love you so much Jaeminnie..
🥀
"Young man I want to talk to you" was what Mr. Na told him when he was by Jaemin's side, patiently waiting for the sleeping beauty to wake up.
With a great amount of guilt building up in him, Jeno followed the next second after he was called. He gave Mrs. Na a rest assuring smile as she gestured him that she would take care of Jaemin during the time period.
Exhaling, Jeno closed the door and looked around to see the man standing at the corner of the hall. He walked along the quiet hall and every step reflects his heartbeat.
"G-good evening Mr Na" he washed away his nervous mind and pretended to be stable.
The man nodded back without a smile. He really looked intimidating unlike Jaemin who always looked sweet.
"As you know, young man, my son is now pregnant and it is yours."
Jeno looked at him and nodded, not really knowing what to respond.
"He doesn't want you to know. He's afraid that you won't acknowledge him or the baby"
"I want to take responsibility." Jeno quickly interrupted with what came in his mind first. "I want to be part of his family"
The man looked away, almost being not certainly sure how to take charge of the issue.
He knew he looked so desperate in getting Jaemin back but that little angel deserved so much better than him.
"I know I've done so many brainless things to him. I won't even find any excuses to get away with them. B-but..please..let me take care of him. I dearly love him Mr. Na. I truely want to be with him and the baby. "
The man sighed and that raised up Jeno's concerns. His position wasn't a place where he could decide or evem to beg. He was considered lucky that Jeno was accepted to see Jaemin by his parents.
"I understand everything you've said but I will leave it on my son's decision"
Jeno nodded several time, extremely happy that he was given a chance by Jaemin's parents.
"But I want you to know that..It's because he loves you so much, we don't take any actions to you. It doesn't mean we appreciate what you've done. If this happens in the future again, I am not easily letting this slide"
All Jeno could do was to remain in silence since he was at fault. He deserved not to be trusted but he really appreciated the chance he was given again.
Even after the man left, Jeno remained his bow just from how thankful he was.
Nana..I am really going to shower you with all my loves starting from now on..just please..please..accept me again..
🥀
Jeno really felt like his whole body has been burned down by the laser glares he received from the cornor of his eyes.
It was Huang Renjun.
Jeno gulped when he saw a shadow inching toward his direction. He knew that small boy since school but they were never friends. They have never talked before so it was awkward to meet in this kind of situation again.
"Lee Jeno!"
His heavy accent brushed into his ears and Jeno looked at him. His eyes widened when he folded him arms and gave him suspicious glares.
"What the hell are you doing here? You are not welcomed" he strictly said.
Even before he could make a polite response, Renjun snapped again "how did you even know that Jaemin is here?"
Jeno didn't know how to answer to that question. This morning, Jisung came into his room and strangely stated things he had never heard of. He explained about someone getting pregnant and twisted so many stories around just to hint him that Jaemin was pregnant. He didn't know what his son was talking about so he just assumed that Jisung learned something at school and wanted to share it to him. At the time, Dana suddenly barged into the room with tears, one hand on phone.
That was when he knew Jaemin was in hospital. Among the mumbles and sobs, Jeno made it out the information about it and drove as fast as possible to the location. It turned out that it was Jaemin's mom who reported to Dana, expecting to make Jeno come.
When he got here, jaemin was already sent to the room. It was a minor injury and luckily the baby wasn't affected. They did so many checks up to make sure the baby was fine and it was Jaemin who fainted due to a sudden shock.
"Do you really think avoiding my questions would work? I am not Na Jaemin. I don't just give you up and surrender for everything you don't want to do!" He scoffed and blocked Jaemin's view from Jeno.
"I am begging you Lee Jeno. If you really care about him, please don't bother him again. You can't give him love and he isn't asking from you either. So why don't you just give him a break and not show up in his life? You will leave him anyways"
Jeno felt like he needed to say something but he didn't. He chose to be silent. That drove Renjun crazy.
With a slightly higher voice he continued, "are you aware of the countless nights he didn't sleep just because he missed you so much? Those days when it was so hard for him but he kept a small smile just because he didn't want to be a burden? He did so many things—"
"I love him!" Jeno interrupted.
The suffocation in his chest brusted when he heard the countless struggles Jaemin had to deal alone. That boy never showed how tired he can be and Jeno understood Renjun's points.
"W-what?!" Renjun shockingly gasped.
"I-I am in love with him. I know I did so many things that hurt him so much. I am guilty for every single one of them but I want to try to be a good person. I want to show him how much love he deserves.. I am being selfish but you know that I can make him happy.."
Renjun hated to admit but Jeno was true. Jaemin loves Jeno so much and he knew that the most. He knew that Jeno returning to his life, even with loves, will certainly makes Jaemin happy.
"I will definitely prove him that I can give him everything he needs" jeno steps forward to get a better view of Jaemin peacefully sleeping. A smile forms over his lip and at that moment, renjun can tell that Jeno really is in love. "Because I love him so much."
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Next chapter is the last chapter
Sorry for the errors and grammatical mistakes.