January 3, 2000
Smutt
I woke Smuttie up at six a.m. so we can go and get something to eat, just us two. I just want a little peace and love before I go in, and I feel like I've been neglecting him on the cool. Not purposefully, I've just been wrapped up in Arique, and my business shit. Which I now realize is the wrong shit.
"Pop, why you gotta go?" He asks me sad as we're seated in a booth of IHop.
"You remember when I told you how your Uncle Bubba did something bad and went to a timeout?" I ask him, and he nods his head yes. "Well I did something bad and now I gotta go to timeout." I watch as his eyes well up with tears. "I know you sad right now, Smuttie, but I'm not gon' be gone forever."
"I know, pop, I juh sad 'cuh I no want you to leave me and Dee Dee. I tan't show him what you showed me, pop." My little man is doing his best to keep his composure, but his tears are falling freely and his speech reverts back to baby sounding.
This is a fucked up feelin' dawg.
I go over to his side of the booth, and pick him up to hold and rock him. I have to remember that he is a kid and that I can't burden him with too much at a time. "It's alright, JuneBugg." I kiss his head. "That's why you have your t lady, your TT, and your Uncles to help you. Everything ain't on you lil man. I just want you to know that whatever you do, your little brother will follow. It's also more than just your brother watching you. Remember-" and he cuts me off.
"Everybody eyes stay on the king, awaiting his downfall so they can rule. I know, pop. I juh get sad sometimes." He wipes his face getting up to sit back down on his own ass.
"It's okay if you feel a lil down sometimes, jus' don't stay that way too long. Aight?" He nods his head. We spend the rest of our time together on some good time shit. Just chopping it up and joking around. My little nigga is my world. It kind of made me rethink about him wanting to come and visit me. I don't want him getting accustomed to seeing me in that bitch—shit just being in there in general on either side.
Well that, and then Weasel might know I don't have too much time because I'll be on a camp site. That thought confirms that I don't want any visitors for the short ass stent.
Around seven something, we leave IHop and head back to Ericka's place. I let Antione know to pick me up from here to turn me in. When we arrived at her house, there are several cars in the driveway and parked along the street. So Josh, Darrin, and Arique are here. I bet their significant others are with them.
I walk in the house to see balloons and shit, with a big ass breakfast spread out in the kitchen. I didn't think they'd do something like this so early in the morning. I think to myself. My brothers and KiKi approach me first to dap me up and hug me.
"I didn't think you'd ever get caught up, lil bro." Joshua tells me as we're in a bro hug.
"Ain't nothin' last forever bro." Is my response to him.
"Damn, Josh, he my brother too." Darrin speaks up from the side of us.
"Shut up bitch. You see me in my body, gimme a lil minute."
"Bitch hurry up and hop yo' chest foo."
"Y'all don't like me that much," I say playfully. "Fightin' over me like I'm leavin' a will behind." I laugh slightly.
"Shut the fuck up, Smutt," Joshua pulls Darrin in for a group hug, "y'all know I don't fuck with nobody like I fuck with y'all."
"Bitch quit cappin'," Darrin keeps it from getting too serious. "Yo' ass know you fuck with KiKi harder than you fuck with us." We all laugh lightly.
"That's only because she drains my nuts for me." I can practically hear the smirk on his face.
"Y'all know I can hear y'all retarded asses right?" I hear KiKi on the side of us somewhere, voice filled with amusement.
"You know we fuck with you the long way lil KiKi." Pysch tells her, pulling her in our group hug.
"Damn, can the rest of us show some love. I know y'all brothers and whatnot, but we love Smutt ass too." I hear Janie telling them. "We all family nih. Y'all move." She pushes them off of me so she can embrace me in a hug, making me chuckle lightly.
"I love y'all too, Janie." I say before I think for a second. "Do I call you ainie or sis in law?" I joke with a short laugh.
"Boy stop playin' wit' me," she laughs along with me.
"There's another option you forgot." Psych mumbles.
"Man chill aht. That ain't shit no mo'." I tell him seriously.
"What y'all talkin' about?" She pulls away from me with a quirked brow.
"Nothin' bae, I jus' like fuckin' wit' my big brothers." Psych smirks with a shake of his head.
"Mhm. Don't worry about it, I'ma find out some how." She waves her finger between me and Psych.
After her, Jamie embraces me in a hug. No surprise Corey is here too. It wasn't no love shown (which is expected), just a head nod.
"Why you had to get caught son in law?" Jamie asks. "How my baby gon' take care of your kids by herself?" She asks dumbly.
They her kids too.
"She straight money wise, you know I take good care of mines." I tell her.
"You mean mine." I hear Arique correct my grammar, but I ignore him.
"Boo got y'all to help her with the kids."
"Yeah, but boys still need they daddy in they life. Boys become girly being raised by all women. Look at my nephew." I humor her and look at him. "See how feminine he is?"
I guess since he rolled his eyes that made him feminine.
"I'll love my son regardless of how he is. As long as he is true to himself." I tell her honestly.
She rolls her eyes before responding, "you say that now." She shakes her head and walks off.
Arique rolls his eyes again before approaching me for a hug.
"Can I holla at you alone for a second?" Arique asks once we pull away from our brief hug.
I gesture for him to lead the way to wherever he is trying to talk. We walk upstairs to the room that used to be his. He takes a seat on the bed, while I remain standing, leaning on the dresser.
"You good?" He asks.
Not really. "Yeah." I keep my tone and facial expressions even.
"You don't have to lie. I-" I cut him off, slightly frustrated because I don't see a purpose of us talking about that.
"You want to see me break down? I'm broke down, this is me broken down. Sorry it ain't what you expected." I shrug my shoulders slightly, but I change nothing in the way I speak.
His face takes on a look of confusion, "why you think I want to see you broke down? I'm just trying to make sure you're okay."
I almost said something that would have started an argument, but I'm really not with any of that shit right now. "I apologize, I shouldn't have cut you off or assumed. I'm good though." I let him know standing from my leaning position on the dresser, letting him know that I'm done with the conversation if he is.
"Um, you good. It's all good." He looks thrown off guard. "Will you need a ride to turn yourself in?"
"Nah, my lawyer is giving me a ride there."
"I also brought you in here to tell you that I'm sorry, but I just didn't feel right continuing with what was going on. I really hope you're okay."
"You good, I understand. I'm good." It's quiet for a few awkward moments.
"Well when you get there can you write me to let me know the visitation schedule and stuff?" He asks.
"Nah, I changed my mind with visitors. I don't want any of y'all going out of your way for me. I'll be straight."
"I wouldn't be going out of my way, I still got you. I know what it's like to get no love while locked up."
"Well, that's not your place. I'm not saying that to be spiteful, I'm really good. I don't want you to feel like you gotta choose between me and your family. I'm not worth shit, so don't worry about me."
His brows furrow, but I continue before he can reply. "Please help your sister with my kids while I'm gone, y'all need each other. Take care of yourself too." I walk out of the room after that. There's no reason for us to have a conversation. He said what he meant, I respect it, so I'm moving on. Don't get me wrong, my feelings are fucked up, but there is no use in being sad. I'm through with the situation. He was right. Should've never started to begin with. But my trifling ass couldn't help myself. Who knew he'd be my karma?
When I make it to the kitchen, Mr. and Mrs. Smith have showed up and showed love.
"I hate that you gotta go to jail, Smutt. I think you're a solid young man." Mr. Smith tells me. "More than I can say about your friend over there. Why you ain't mad about him and Bookie being all hugged up right now?"
"If he make her happy it ain't nothing I can do, sir." I shrug my shoulders looking over at them all booed up.
"You a better man than me. I woulda shot this whole place up." He shakes his head.
I just laugh a little before responding, "it ain't worth life in prison."
"She ain't your one then. Your one will have you ready for war with whoever, whenever. Have a nigga in jail proud that you killed the nigga, maybe even her." We both laugh, even though I can tell how serious he is.
"You're right about that sir."
"Don't listen to this old fool, baby." Mrs. Smith came up to hug me.
"An old fool you love." He smirks at his wife.
"Dry up, James." She pulls away from me to mush his head back playfully. He smacks her butt in return.
I shake my head amused.
I want something like them. Someone I can call my own for the rest of our lives.
**************************
"You ready?" Antoine asks me after he properly greets everyone in the house.
"Yeah." I stand up from the couch where I was sitting and holding my sons.
"Alright. It was nice meeting all of you guys. I'll be outside, Smutt." Antoine announces before walking out of the door.
"I love you, JuneBugg. Help your t lady with your lil brother aight. I'll see you again before you know it."
"Okay. I love you, pop." He hugs me tight, I squeeze him back tighter.
"I love you, Bugg. Keep your head up."
I go through the process of hugging everyone that is here goodbye for my official departure. My brothers and I share a few mutual I love you's. Weasel and I do a brief bro hug, with him giving me this fake ass speech about how he is going to look out for me while I'm locked up. Ericka and I share a short hug, showing respect to her new man. Arique is the last one to show me love. It felt like it lingered longer than the others, but I know that's because I miss him already.
I think it felt longer than the rest is because it was the one that I was dreading the most. Ours is a different kind of goodbye, and I know this time, there is no going back to how we were. This love shit makes me regret nothing that has happened except our ending. I wouldn't even change that.
"I'll ride for you, homie," I let him know lowly in his ear before we separate and I go on about my day. "Thank y'all for doin' all this for me. I really appreciate, and I hope y'all continue to thrive in my absence." I announce to everyone here. It may be a little dramatic, but I feel like it was necessary.
I hop in the front seat of Antoines car, ready to get this shit over with. "I take it as you ain't tell them the real details of your case huh?" Antoine asks amused.
"How you figure that?" I ask him with a smirk.
"They set up a going away party like yo' ass finna be gone the rest of your life. Most people feel like three to eighteen months is a short stent." He laughs out.
"Shit, a hour in that muh fucka is too long for me." I chuckle lightly before I reply further, "but naw, I wanna surprise them when I pop up seventeen years before I'm supposed to be released."
"You a fool man. It seem like you don't need to surprise nobody though. Ya gal was already all up on ya pahtna in ya face."
"I guess you right. I still wanna surprise them though."
"Well whatever you do, play smart and safe. Let this be the only time you experience the pen." It's quiet for a few short moments. "Neh mind, this more like a army boot camp than the pen. This ain't shit really. Hell you fuck around and be the oldest muh fucka in that hoe." He says making us both laugh.
"Shit, as long as it this shit ain't on my record when I leave this bitch then I'm gravy. Hoe ass nigga caught me slippin' once, won't be a second time."
"I feel you. Don't be on no fuck shit in there either. Smallest incident they'll kick your ass out to convict you for jail time for real."
"I ain't one for bullshit. You should know me by now, Twan."
"You can never be too sure. I always thought that you would be the only client that I have that wouldn't get locked up to be real." He laughs. "Life be surprising us sometimes."
"You right about that shit. If some shit do happen it's a set up though. I do my best to cross my t's and dot my i's."
"That's all I ask of you pahtna." He pulls up in front of the courthouse.
"You got it mane." We clap up before he changes his demeanor to a more professional one. We walk in and the go through the motions of processing me in and things of that nature.
I learned a little more than what I knew before about my time and the program. The time spent in the program is based on the type and amount of drugs that you're caught with. So I'm really only looking at six months in here. I'll call my brothers and tell them, but I'm going to let them know to keep that on the low.
Not like I would have to worry about that from them though. Anyway, after doing the six months in the camp I have to do six months on probation. After I sign and agree to all terms and conditions they go ahead and start the process of shipping me off. The camp is in Huntsville which ain't too far from Houston, an hour drive ain't too shabby.
Time to thug this shit out.
*****************
Boom!
Last lil chapter for this story.
Ik it's short, but this is the end for now.
There is a sequel to
it that will begin next week...
How y'all feel about the story??
What y'all think gonna
happen in the next one?
So...
I was thinking about doing a Q&A. . .
(Character and author)
How yall feel about that??
If y'all want it I'ma post another part to this story for any questions and critiques y'all may have.
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Unrelated BS. . .
Listen,
It's above me now😩