It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on...
♧♧♧
Harin's P.O.V.
Our walk home from the bus station was actually pretty quiet,which knowing me,is quite weird.
"Are you okay, Harin-ah?" A hint of concern could be made out in his voice as I just nodded my head slowly,still recapping today's events on my head.
Oh man...today was such a damn tiring day.
I'm surprised I was able to get through it so well.
"You know you can talk to me about anything that bothers you,right?" He stopped midway as he held my shoulders and looked me in the eyes,probably trying to find a hint that could help him figure my thoughts out.
I gave him a soft smile as I leaned in for a friendly hug.
"I know," I mumbled the words out as my face was squished to his chest, "Don't worry about me." I looked up and gave him an affirmative smile.
"Fine," He rolled his eyes and quickly ruffled my hair, "I'm not pushing you."
"Thanks for walking me home."
"Anytime dummy," He waved at me goodbye as he turned around to leave.
"Oh Jimin-ah!" He stopped and turned to me again, "Sorry for your ring, I'll get you a better one. Promise."
He just shook his head smiling as to say that it was okay before waving again and leaving out of my sight.
I let out a deep sigh as I turned around and walked to the door of my house.
I pulled out the key and placed my other hand on the door knob as my heart unexpectedly started beating like a wild animal.
Well,never before had I been so nervous walking inside my own house.
Just thinking about Taehyung and everything related to him gave me a headache.
And it was such a small argument between us, no need for me to turn it into WW3.
"I'm home!" I shouted as I closed the door and took off my sneakers.
Immediately, the sweet, savory aroma wafted through the air. My stomach clenched with hunger at the thought of food.
I rushed to the kitchen with a big smile on my face as I expected to find my mom still cooking us dinner.
But,the smile vanished soon after as I realized it was not mom.
It was my brother.
Our eyes immediately made contact as he smiled at me softly.
"Oh Rin-ah, you're back already." He said as he placed the last pieces of the fried chicken on the plate, "Didn't hear you."
"Oh,yes..." I was pretty sure confusion was read all over my face, "Where's mom and dad?"
"They left on a business trip again." He calmly answered as he placed the dirty dishes on the sink and turned to face me.
Let's get this straight about Taehyung.
He has the kind of face that just makes you freeze on the spot, that honey skin adonis look going on, dark eyes that make me weak at the knees.
That beautiful contagious boxy smile and god...those wet hair on him right now,
And...let's just not talk about the way that black shirt is hugging his abdomen so perfectly.
Oh my,I'm starting to believe that I've actually turned into a sick pervert.
I felt myself slipping away slowly as I quickly cleared my throat and looked away, trying to tame my disobedient heartbeat.
"For how long this time?" I asked as he just shrugged his shoulders.
"They didn't tell me but, probably a few weeks.." He continued, "It looked kinda important this time."
I scoffed at his words as Taehyung stared at me.
"When isn't it ever?" I rolled my eyes in annoyance as Taehyung smiled shortly after, scoring once again right into my poor heart.
"How come you're cooking tonight?" I asked as I went closer to have a better look of the food on the table, "We usually have take o-"
My eyes widened at the sight of all the dishes beautifully laid there.
Fried chicken, rice, japchae, sundubu-jjigae and some delicious honey sticky buns still cooking on the oven.
These were all my favorite foods.
I felt this warm giddy feeling run throughout my body. I was touched at his efforts.
"You know it's not my birthday today,right?" I asked,my eyes still scanning over the food as Taehyung smiled again.
"I know,Rin-ah." He spoke as he turned his gaze at me, " I did this as an apology."
"Huh?" This time,it was me that looked up confused, " Apology? What for?"
His sweet smile vanished as he let out a small sigh and leaned on the counter.
"I was harsh on you last night, I figured that out when you told me you would sleep over at Jimin's and you ignored my messages all day today."
I stood there silent,waiting for him to continue. Now I was kinda feeling guilty.
"You know, I've always been protective of you when we were little. I mean,that's what big brothers do,right?"
He let out a bitter smile as he looked right into my eyes this time.
"But I've forgotten the fact that,we're not little kids anymore. And we both have a life of our own now."
There was this huge pang that just hit me right in the chest after his words.
And the way he was looking at me...did I see it clearly?
I swear it looked like a hint of sadness hiding right there in his eyes.
"Oppa," I walked closer as I leaned my back on the counter, right in front of him , " It's not your fault, I shouldn't have yelled at you and made a great fuss out of it. I'm the one that should apologize."
And there I was, or better say we were, lost into each other's gaze.
This was something I would never get tired of. That weird giddy feeling started coming back.
Accidentally, my eyes traveled to his lips,those lips so tempting for the kissing and before I could commit the biggest mistake of my life, I just looked away for a couple of seconds and gave him a soft smile.
"Let's not mention this again," I spoke, "We're all good now,okay?"
Taehyung seemed to have returned from his wonderland of thoughts when he quickly nodded his head and smiled.
"Then,I'll just go change and we can eat together."
"Sure." He quickly answered as I turned around and rushed upstairs,trying to blame the stairs for my shortage of breath.
But I knew all too well whose fault this was.
***
Taehyung's P.O.V.
To be honest, I had never much noticed Harin before.
I mean, she's been my best friend and my little sister since we were kids.
We've been through so many things living in the same house, laughing, crying, arguing, pranking each other and being quite a handful to our parents.
Just what normal kids do,right?
And then we started growing up.
I grew up to fall prey of all sorts of genuine and mixed feelings I'd never felt before. I thought it was just a phase everyone else goes through when hitting puberty.
And I realized now that I'm a bit older and on the verge of finishing high school that, I think I've just lied to myself all along , I've placed my mind and heart far from the pain it can't deal with.
I've pushed myself to believe in all sorts of weird shit just because I was scared of breaking myself.
I think,no...I know I've already broken myself.
I broke every ounce of truth I believed the moment I laid my eyes on Harin and she didn't look like my little sister anymore.
Oh God,I can't believe I have the guts to even think about it. But,I can't help it.
She'd filled out a little, just enough to give her curves and a fuller bust,still visible even under her pinkish kitten pajamas. She'd let her hair grow long again, falling in relaxed natural waves past her shoulders. Her facial structure had sharpened and everything looked way more prominent than before.
And I couldn't help but melt from her cute bouncy cheeks as she was chewing on the sticky buns right across the table. Then letting out that satisfied growl with her lips curved upwards and glistening eyes.
"Oppa, these are really delicious!" She gave me a thumbs up as she continued munching on her last few bites on the plate.
I felt my mouth go dry for a moment and my stomach felt heavy.
This wasn't like when we were kids.
And it was definitely not normal.
"Oppa,you're not trying these?" She asked with her innocent eyes, "What are you thinking so hard about?"
You.
You don't leave my mind even when I go to sleep although I have a girlfriend which I cherish with all my heart.
"I'm fine," I let out a soft smile, "You know I don't really like sweet stuff."
"I know," She quickly responded, "But I thought you would try them,you made them yourself after all."
"As long as you like them, I like them too." I gave her another smile as her cheeks flushed in a pinkish tint.
How cute was that?
"I'll do the dishes." She offered as she quickly put the dirty utensils on the sink and grabbed the sponge with some dish soap on it.
I followed shortly after behind her as I too put on a pair of rubber gloves.
"Oppa,what are you doing?"
"Helping you,of course." I answered back. "Just pass me the washed dishes so I can dry them with the towel."
"Are you sure? You must be tired from all the cooking." She responded, "I really don't mind it."
Just as I was about to talk, I heard my phone ring on the dining table. I quickly picked it up and looked at the caller ID.
Sooyeon.
" Baby? Is everything okay?" I asked her as it was odd for her to call me at this hour.
Harin's P.O.V.
It was Sooyeon again. It has become a habit of hers to always interrupt our little time together.
I mean,we hardly even spend time together nd even when that happens, she always ruins it.
But although this jealousy of mine gets the best of me, I don't have the right to get mad at her.
She is his girlfriend at the end of the day.
And I'm just the unimportant sibling.
"What?"
I looked up towards my brother and his face had completely changed expression. His smile was long gone and it was replaced by worry.
"I get it,I'll be there soon.Love you too."
Ouch!
I noticed him running upstairs and in the span of just two minutes,he rushed back down wearing his jeans and his favorite leather jacket.
I followed him to the hallway and noticed him putting on his sneakers.
"Oppa,what's wrong? Where are you going?"
"It's Sooyeon." He said as he put on the other shoe, " She feels a bit sick and she's alone so I'll go check up on her."
Sooyeon sick all of the sudden? But she was perfectly fine wrapped all around my brother's body this morning..
"Are you staying over?" I asked,feeling my chest a bit heavy.
"Probably," He answered as he stood up and fixed his shirt. " Sorry for not helping you with the dishes."
"I get it,don't worry." I gave him a soft smile while on the inside I just wanted to scream.
This was so pathetic.
I was pathetic.
I should stop this once and for all.
I can't keep hurting myself this way.
"Don't stay up too late,okay?" He reminded me as he gave me a quick peck on the top of my head and was about to walk out.
"Oppa,wait!" I quickly shouted as he turned to face me.
God,this is so hard but I have to do it.
I need to do it.
For the both of us.
For his happiness and the end of my sufferings.
"Why?" He asked confused as I walked closer and handed him the keys.
"You almost forgot these."
"Oh thanks." He put them on his pocket, "Sleep tight,little sis.."
"I will, say hi to Sooyeon from me."
"Sure will, bye bye." And just like that,he closed the door and there was nothing left but silence to fill the air of the house.
A droplet of tear slowly traveled down my cheek as I quickly wiped it away and bitterly smiled.
Goodbye, oppa.
This time for good.
♧♧♧
This was kinda unexpected and also written a long time ago,but thought of giving you a little gift since I haven't been much active lately! Hope you've enjoyed it and let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Please stay healthy! Love you! ♥♥♥