WAS IT WRONG?
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STARCROSSED (book one).
°• INTRODUCTION •°
" I CAN FEEL YOUR
HEART BEATING. "
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THE FIRST TIME STEVE HARRINGTON KISSED ELIJAH WOLFHART, HE DOESN'T THINK EITHER OF THEM COULD GET ENOUGH. Maybe it was a mistake. The boys had been best friends since they were in diapers. With Steve's parents busy and distant, he spent nearly every day at the Wolfhart household seeing as their parents befriended one another years before. Elijah was shy at the time, fiddling with a firetruck toy painted a flashy bright red that Steve nosily peered at closer until he shared. He faintly smiled, chubby cheeks filling. He made a friend and that tasted even better than the sweet candies Steve would sneak him at the dinner table that he swiped from a dish on his father's work desk.
The second best flavor that ever danced across Elijah's tastebuds was the savoring taste of mint that appeared the second their lips touched. Maybe it was a mistake, but it wasn't really an accident. They had pulled the bar under their car's seats to lean back as far as they could to see the overly large theater screen at the drive-in. Elijah mostly preferred laying back on the roof of Steve's car and staring at the sky, watching the dots of stars flicker like Christmas tree lights but this was nice too. They were laughing together, Steve propped to balance himself on his elbow over the leather seat, eyes locked on Elijah's.
Elijah didn't even know what was going on across the screen - something about a crazed lady with her blond hair straying free of a bun, frizzy, getting caught in branches of trees through the woods. She must have been running from something but all Elijah could see was Steve's hair brushed back that he always insisted look dumb, all he could hear was his breathless laughs, all he could smell was the laundry detergent staining his jean jacket, and soon all he could taste was sweet mint when Steve closed the wide gap between them.
He was brave. Braver than Elijah. They weren't completely out of view of the clear car windows but Elijah suddenly didn't care. Steve realizes something was off when he feels how tense the other is underneath the pressure of him because he's obviously shocked by the sudden kiss. He starts to move away but doesn't get far when Elijah feels as courageous as he does. He suddenly didn't care at all if anyone recognized the car's model and peered through the windows. He decided to shoot forward and curl his fingers tightly into Steve's stupid hair before he can pull off and apologize. Someone could have taken a picture and he wouldn't have given a damn - the world around Elijah and Steve would have been black and white. They would have been in flying colors.
It was like breathing for the first time even though Elijah was holding his breath. He never thought feelings were dumb, emotions were one of the most important things a person could ever feel. But then his gaze would linger on the back of his best friend's head for too long during class and he realizes he was getting butterflies fluttering in his stomach colored like a bright red firetruck toy or the tinted pink of Steve's cupid bow, and he second-guessed himself. It was a ridiculous cliche, a fairytale of boys with their heads in the clouds. Boys were supposed to be the princes saving the princess from the dragon, they weren't supposed to want to peel back the knight's helmet themselves.
But Elijah does. He wants it so bad he can feel it buzzing in the stream of his blood, but what was it exactly? Was it the adrenaline rush of breaking all of the societal rules he was expected to follow without question? Was it to be the knight in shining armor that wants to secretly kiss the prince instead of the princess? Or was it just Steve alone? Elijah's brain has gone numb with all the questions when he should be focused on the taste of mint, the smell of fresh but faint laundry detergent. Or getting caught red-handed.
Steve seemed to realize that too even if it was just for a minute. When he leaned away, it's slowly, and Elijah can feel his nose brush against his, their breaths mingling as they caught fresh air. Elijah's face had flushed with a deep blush so warm that he can feel it warmly bloom on his bronze cheeks. Was it wrong, like the world said? If it was so disgusting, to kiss another boy like he was supposed to kiss girls, to have feelings like this, then why had Elijah never felt happier or safer in his own skin? Was he wrong for this? Were they wrong?
The first words spoken since they stopped paying attention to the movie were by Steve. "I can feel your heart beating."
Maybe being bent over the car's stick shift to gain access to Elijah was starting to get uncomfortable as he shifted, but he still didn't retreat back to his seat with a plop and pretend it never happened. Maybe they weren't so wrong, then. They didn't want to be apart, not now, maybe not ever, and it felt like not even the world splitting in half could break them away from each other.
Elijah thinks maybe he forgot how to form words. Steve is waiting for a reaction, whether Elijah would shove him off and jump out of the car so he could pretend as if nothing ever happened, or something else. Anything else. Steve's worried he did something wrong, Elijah can see that much, the way his lips pressed together in a firm line. He's trying to be patient but he can see he was shaking with eagerness. "It's okay. I'm okay," Elijah finally breathed out, watching the way Steve's gaze beamed back like the daylight they were so far from.
They were okay.
And then they weren't.
What's the harm to the world that views it as wrong if it happens again? Like when Elijah's trying to study for a test and Steve rolled his eyes, laughing, taking the textbook out of his hands like it meant nothing and all he could think about was him, him, him, and not some math equation they didn't understand. Fuck if Elijah cared. He preferred his Science and English classes so much more but he passed those so well he didn't have to study. And maybe he should be but Steve is there and his mind is wandering. He was pressed against his mattress, head on the thick pile of pillows, and Steve was back on him in a matter of minutes like the world's opinion never really mattered anyway. It didn't, not at the time.
The door had swung open with such a loud creak that the two boys jump apart like they were never touching lips. Steve takes one look at Elijah's sister and suddenly had his best friend in a headlock, laughing loudly as if nothing ever happened. Elijah felt a little sick by that even though he laughs it off, and he has a hunch Nevaeh notices the way his smile doesn't meet his eyes, but she doesn't ask why. Neither of them mentioned it again.
What's the damage if it then happens again? Like when they take a thick blanket to Steve's backyard on a normal day that his parents aren't home and rest on it, the soil sinking under their weight. Elijah is deep into the tragic love story of Orion and Artemis while staring at Orion's Belt like the dots would fade as would how he imagined what was between him and Steve. He's so lost into it that he doesn't even notice Steve wasn't paying attention to the stars but was eyeing him with a look of admiration before he called him a loser and grabbed him by the back of the neck. The night's air was accompanied by a wind that would have normally made Elijah feel chilly but he's instead as warm as an oven underneath his clothing.
Elijah's never been addicted to anything. He loved the stars, the moon, the constellations, and the stories behind them, like the true cosmetic child he was. A part of him that he didn't know existed hoped that he was from the stars and they held the fairytale of Elijah Wolfhart and Steve Harrington, and he desperately wanted to believe they stood a chance in the world surrounded by dragons that wanted to breathe fire on the prince and the knight for how they dare stand hand in hand. But he should have known better. He should have known that he was the knight with a brandished sword and Steve was the idiot prince without an ounce of bravery like Elijah had once thought.
Lights of green and blue were flashing and flickering so fast that Tommy's walls almost made a bright cyan color for their bash that would kick off their senior year. Some juniors must have shown up too to celebrate their own if they were in the popular crowd enough. Elijah only had a drink once, on the third night that Steve had kissed him like he meant something important. He snuck into his father's supply and split the bottle he found between them, leading to soft-spoken mythological stories and innocent kisses. Tonight, however, Elijah let Tommy's girlfriend Carol make him a drink, considering that she annoyed him until he drank it. The contents in the red, plastic cup didn't taste so strongly but it took effect as soon as Elijah hoped it would.
Steve tasted almost like the same drink Elijah had when he felt him bring his fingers around his wrist, covered by the sleeve of his jacket, and dragged him through Tommy's long hallway and to some foreign room before pushing him against the wall. The music from the system that once shook the walls from the loud, bouncing beat had tuned down in Elijah's ringing ears as the noise slowly became silent the second their lips touched for the fourth time since their summer started. It still doesn't feel wrong. But it doesn't feel right, either, because Elijah didn't know what Steve wanted from him. He didn't know if Steve held the same feelings he did.
Orion's Belt, Elijah's mind sang softly like a lullaby turning into a mantra as his hands curl into fists around Steve's denim jacket. Cassiopeia. Ursa Major. Ursa Minor. Cepheus. Perseus. He should have known from the day Steve kissed him that their love story may have been written in the stars, but it was something short and tragic. It would be nothing like the constellations Elijah dreamed of.
The door keeping Elijah and Steve a secret sprung open and revealed what they had with a single, shocked gasp that sounds so much louder than the music. The stars Elijah was in love with suddenly felt like razor blades when Steve ripped away as if his lips suddenly tasted like flames of fire. He doesn't try to make a joke of it this time like he had when Nevaeh was a split second away from catching them because there's no possible way to explain this. Carol is at the door and Elijah was well aware she of all people wasn't going to keep her mouth shut, as does Steve.
Elijah hears too much from Steve's spilling cruel words and it fucking stings like the stars really did cut him into shards. "It's nothing," he spits at Carol's gaping face. "We're fucking drunk, not queers, not fags, at least I'm not - " It slowly becomes colder. Elijah didn't realize what was happening until it's too late and he's already being run over by the bus Steve threw him under.
And above all, "He's the one who wanted it", stands out when he's truly acting as if it was Elijah at fault, who was the only one who wanted him, and maybe he was. Maybe he was blind and very, very stupid because he wanted to believe Steve wanted him too. Steve and Carol are gone before he can blink his eyes that burn with tears at the pain in his chest. Elijah wants Steve, he doesn't want this. He doesn't go back to the party where he can hear the pair repeating the words to the audience until it becomes a taunt over the tunes.
The whole class knows Elijah Wolfhart is a fag before he does himself. Elijah knows what happens to boys like him when other people find out about who he is, what he can't change about himself, and so does Steve so what the fuck was wrong with him? He is simmering with rage and drowning in sorrow, and worst of all, he's never felt more used in his life, unwanted, thrown away like garbage. He bolts to the other wall of the room and slid the window open, sliding out of it, leaving the party of people who used to be his friends, as well as Nevaeh who he isn't aware is gone as soon as she hears the word about her older brother. She holds Elijah when his tears finally spill when he burst through the front door after running miles to get home, back pressed against the wall, sobbing into the hands pressed over his face to keep them quiet.
Steve valued his reputation more than he did his relationship with his best friend and that was a fact Elijah wished he realized before he let everything happen. Steve didn't just abandon him. He turned the school against him for power and to protect himself. Elijah was then alone, suffocating under his own feelings that overpowered him, so fuck that asshole Steve Harrington and his stupid mouth.
As it turns out, kissing Steve Harrington was a mistake because he wasn't brave. He was the biggest coward there was in their fairytale. And a part of Elijah didn't mind that - until he was thrown under the bus and abandoned in the dust.
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author's note:
my heart aches so much for the babe that is elijah wolfhart. i'm so excited for his character though cause i don't think i've written a character with a love interest like this before so i'm already SO in love. sorry i had to hurt you tho but i have so much planned.
he's just a babe in love with the stars (and steve harrington) and who can blame him?? i mean he's so cute he repeats constellations when he's afraid 🥺 i sense a secret softie babie who deserves better.
- koda
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WORD COUNT:
2.3k.
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