I woke up at least three times between last night and this morning. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't sleep. I was feeling trapped, then suffocated, then alone and the dream was the same like it had been the past several days.
I am in some type of hotel and I can't seem to find my way. I know where I need to go, but getting there is impossible and slowly but surely, the panic sets in as I realize that I am going to miss it. Just what "it" is, I haven't the slightest idea, but in the dream I feel like my life depends on me getting to that place.
Against my will, I look over at the clock.
04:17am
I sigh for the thousandth time deciding to give up on sleeping and start my day already. Just what did I plan on doing for three hours until it was time to go to work? I had no idea.
I decided the best way to kill time that actually had some benefit, was to clean. With me being so busy and going back and forth between Ian's place and my own, my home was starting to look like a pigsty with random shoes and discarded articles of clothing here and there. My kitchen was a bit scary as well, so that is where I decided to start.
"Alexa, 70's rock please." Aerosmith's 'Dream On' starts as I fill the sink with water and load up the dirty dishes. A smirk appears on my face. How appropriate? Well this will definitely set the mood for today.
Slowly and steadily, my apartment filled with light as the sun rose over the horizon. I looked at the time as I came out of my closet with several hangers.
06:15 a.m.
Time for a bath.I put away the last of my clothes and turned to survey my work. Not a bad way to spend a sleepless morning.
"Can someone get this girl some coffee? And while we wait, tape her eyelids open and find something to prop her head up!"
There was a round of giggles and snickers as Jonathan shook me awake for the third time during the meeting.
"I'll get her an espresso!" Janet says jumping up to run out of the room.
I watch her leave through half lidded eyes. "I am so sorry, Jonathan. Sleep has been really elusive these past couple of days." I decide to take up a spot in the corner against the wall until Janet returns with my espresso. "I have already had two 5-hour energy shots."
"I feel for you, I really do." He says with pity, but his face however told me otherwise. "I tell you what, you can leave at 4:55 today. I won't make you serve detention. How's that?" More snickers and giggles.
I nodded. I couldn't really complain, well actually I take that back, I could. It was only 10:30 and I still had the entire day.
"So as I was saying, this new office, David and the others are hoping to have that location up and running on their own by August 1. I know that feels a little soon in comparison with the timeline for the Washington office, but they are expecting it to take off right away. Thanks to Miss Doze-A-Lot over there and her ability to make friends anywhere she goes, we have a lot of new clients who are ready to go." He said gesturing toward me causing me to smile to cover my embarrassment.
I looked around the room at everyone. Some faces were excited while others looked like how I imagine I did that day so many months ago when I thought that my life was ruined. They were being reassigned as well with two of them being relocated to Florida until almost thanksgiving. I realized that I was thankful for most, if not all that had happened since I was given this position. I had even said as much to Jonathan recently and the man gave me a hug and told me how proud he was of me and then launched an impromptu "I told you so" lecture. The memory of his words brings a much-needed smile to my face as I watch him speak to the two people that will go to the new office. He is telling them the same thing he told me that day minus the threats because neither one of them are that favored by him to be able to push his buttons.
I am scheduled to go there in another week and I somehow managed to invite Ian to come for a visit since I am going to stay for a week. I think I am hoping that the trip and his presence are enough to distract me from thinking about- to keep me from thinking about- Kai. It occurred to me while in the shower this morning that he has only one more week to go. The 27this quickly approaching; a little too fast if you ask me. I have tried my best not to think about the wedding or him, but my success rate is negligible if this moment is any indication. It also didn't help that Seon-Joo had sent pictures of her wearing the wings for the photo shoot earlier this week either. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly as I hugged myself. When I opened them again, my vision was distorted by unshed tears. It wasn't the absolute worst day of my life, but it was a close second. Greg had to come over and babysit me. Bless his heart.
I hadn't heard anything from Kai since he dropped me off that morning. He had held me the entire ride back as I slept, constantly stroking my hair and humming softly. Almost like-
Almost like he was cherishing that time with me because it would be the last.
I guess it was. He would be a married man soon and no longer be able to just show up at random and whisk me away to parties and events.
I remember studying him in the images that she sent me. His eyes, his lips, and the way he smiled at her. I came to realize that he looked the same in those photos as he did in the pictures that Garren had sent and it put things in prospective a bit for me at that moment. Perhaps the reason he looked at me the way he had was because he had been thinking about her when those pictures were taken? There was no other way to explain it. Like I had told Greg before, all he had ever spoken about was Seon-Joo. Why should I have assumed that would change because he hadn't said much about her in the few weeks leading up to Rena's party? Or even since I found out about the engagement? It is entirely possible that he could've assumed that I was tired of hearing about her and to some extent, he would have been correct in his assumption.
I feel bad for allowing myself to be held and coddled, for giving in to my deepest desires and allowing myself to love him because he was only entertaining me, because that is what friends do. He was being a good friend right?
A hand waved frantically in front of my eyes startling me and thus bringing me back to the meeting I was supposed to be a part of. My hand was pulled away from me and a cup of cold liquid was put into it. I looked around confused for a moment before I remembered that Janet had returned with my order of caffeine. I smiled weakly and mumbled my thanks as I looked down into the cup.
"I am pretty sure she was standing there asleep with her eyes open." Brian said laughing which elicited several other chuckles.
"Drink up sleeping beauty." Jonathan said as he eyed me carefully.
Janet smiled at me as she put her hand on my arm. "I got you an iced caramel frappe with three shots so you wouldn't have to wait for it to cool down." She said quietly before she moved away to claim her spot at the table.
"No need to sit Janet, the meeting is just about finished." Jonathan said suddenly. "I want you to take her Highness here and go over to the Jazz festival."
I looked over at him eyes wide in mid-slurp. "You want me to go over to the Jazz Festival?"
"Yes. I have changed my mind. I need you to take that gorgeous face of yours over to the festival for publicity. Also, it will help you to stay awake and finish out your day. David just texted me that he won't be back until after two anyway."
I wasn't sure if I should be excited or not. "Okay, thank you." I looked at Janet and she did a fist pump, she was ecstatic.
"The only thing now, is that you will no longer be able to get off at 4:55 p.m. So I hope you take this opportunity to relax a little and maybe then you will be tired enough to actually get some sleep at home instead of here. Neither of you will be required to stay for the entire event, but if you did so, that would be good for you." He retrieved his sport coat from the back of his chair. "Alright show's over, get back to work. You all have your assignments."
The others jumped up out of their chairs chatting amongst themselves as they tried to not run out of the conference room.
"Gabe, a word please?"
I paused while reaching for the things I had left at the table looking over at Jonathan as he wore his coat. My gaze then slid over to Janet who looked at me as if I just got called to the principal's office.
He followed my eyes also. "She will meet you in a moment, this won't take long. You will still get over there before the news crew."
Janet bobbed her head as she looked back to me smiling once again. She took up her own items then left out giving me one last look of encouragement before disappearing down the hall.
"Is that helping?" He said suddenly bringing my attention back to him.
"I think so, I think I can feel a slight buzz creeping up on me." I start to laugh, but it died out before it could really begin under his gaze.
"Are you feeling okay?"
I smile at him. "Yeah, why?"
He looks at me seemingly unconvinced. "You looked like you were on an emotional rollercoaster over there in the corner. Not to mention, you have been going around like a zombie at times." I wince a little at hearing this. "You don't have to tell me what it going on in your life if you don't want to, but you should talk to someone. I have had my moments and I know for a fact that it causes things like bad dreams and insomnia. I know the others joke about it and I have said this before, but you really are my favorite, and it pains me to see you having a difficult time. That is why I told David that I would send you with Janet, maybe it will help to take your mind off of whatever is bothering you."
I look at him for a moment in disbelief. I was definitely expecting a lecture, not this. "I don't know what to say. I have been trying to not let things from outside of work bother me at work, but because I haven't been sleeping all that much, I have been loosing that battle. I am trying to work out a plan to get over what's bothering me and being able to look forward traveling to Florida has helped a little; I hope being down there snaps me out of it. I want to be one hundred percent again. I haven't been this low since my teenage years."
He smiled a genuine smile as he came to stand in front of me. "You will. It might not seem like it, but everything will work out and get better for you." He laid a hand on my shoulder his expression becoming stern. "Please make it a priority to get some rest. You may be my favorite, but that doesn't mean I won't fire you and replace you with someone who's willing to stay awake at work." With that, he walked around me toward the exit. "Oh," He called over his shoulder, "Your TSA clearance badge has arrived, pick it up before you leave today." Then he was gone.
"Yes, Sir!" I called after him then gathered my things so that I could meet Janet.
"Did he yell at you?"
I swiped my fare card and stepped through the opened doors. "No, I was surprised. He did threaten me in typical fashion, but no, no yelling."
"That's because you are his favorite, anyone else would have been tossed out on his ass. Oh, and it also helps that you are the face of the company."
I smiled at this as we walked down the escalator and onto the platform. I was glad it was finally warmer out it was a bit freeing to not have so much stuff with me when riding the train.
"Maybe. I still feel so bad though. I was up at practically four o'clock this morning and that after awaking several times before because of the weird dreams that I have been having. It's been like this for over a week.
Janet rolled her eyes. "You have been stressed out ever since you got engaged. I don't even think that I want to know you once you get close enough to the actual day." She stopped and looked over at me. "Which is when, by the way? Have you even taken the time to pick a date yet?" I must've looked guilty because she shook her head while clicking her tongue. "Are you ever going to?"
"Ian wants to do it in December when all the guests would freeze their asses off."
"So December then?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess, maybe?" I grunt. "It's a big decision, okay?"
She held up her hands in surrender. "Sure, I guess."
The wind in the tunnel picked up signaling that the train is coming. The familiar horn sounded and not long after, the first car whooshed by us. We entered once all the other people had exited.
"Listen," She said as we took our seats, "You might think you have all the time in the world, but the sooner you finalize a date, the sooner you can look for a venue and caterers and get the best price. You know just as well as I do, that December is a busy month in the event planning industry, so if you want to get married then, you are already late for everything. I never even had the chance to tell you about all the trouble my sister had and she and her husband did everything in a month! When I think about the tears and the fights..." She shivered a little but laughed a moment later. "They were crazy anyhow demanding to be so traditional with the timeline, those two deserve each other so much. I suppose that is why it all worked out for them. If you want, before you leave for Florida, I can take you around to some of the places I went to with my sister. That way, you can at least start to get a feel for it. I bet his mom already has stuff planned. Does she?"
"She might, I haven't really spoken to her about it yet." I admit.
She made a face. "Well if that is what you want, then I guess it is fine, but it will be hell if you decide to not give her everything that she wants."
"Now that you have said that, maybe I should just let her do everything. It would certainly take some of the heartache- I mean stress out of it. All I would have to do is show up." I said laughing but then I froze under her bewildered stare. "What?"
"Who are you? Are you sure that you're okay?" She asked reaching up to feel my head to, I suppose, check for fever. "The Gabriel I know is not that kind of girl. The Gabriel I know would petition Versace to create her a couture gown in some flattering color because she wouldn't have it any other way!"
I laugh genuinely feeling some of the weight of my problems melting away. Perhaps Jonathan was right?
"The Gabriel I know would want her wedding held at the chicest of venues because the entire industry was going to be in attendance."
"You are correct, I guess I should stop being a slacker about this. Versace will need some time to work on my gown."
"So just what exactly is holding you up girlie?"
I want to wait for the day that I wake up from this terrible dream where the man I love is scheduled to marry someone else.I give my best clueless face. "I don't know." I lie.
"Well then it is settled, starting tomorrow, we will start making the rounds. And who knows? If you pout at Garren just right, he might help you two with the venue. You did say that he thinks of you as his baby sister, right?" I nod. "So get on that then, that way, we can start checking out the classier places too. I can also get my sister to give you any planning books she has. She was saving them for me, but I told her not to hold out for me. It's going to be a while before I will be ready to give up this job and lifestyle."
I turned to her. "Wait, would you have to?"
"It would be expected, yeah, especially if I married someone my parents want me to marry. They don't approve of my career choice anyways. I told my sister she was lucky in that aspect. She was able to find her husband during her residency program, they went through the same physician assistant program together, and she was in the class ahead of his."
"Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that."
She nodded. "Anyway, the chances of me having the same luck, well you have seen what is out there in our line of work. They are either fabulous like your friend Greg, taken like Kai, or is more into womanizing at this point in their life."
I feel a momentary pang at the mention of Kai's name. "Well I hope the person you find is open minded and not so traditional, because I do not see you leaving your job anytime soon and you shouldn't have to take whatever comes along either."
"Girlie, you and me both. I think I am going to drag you along to the next family dinner at my parents." She says and we both laugh. "No, really. What you've just said is what I have been saying, but coming from you? They might just believe."