-Third Person P.O.V-
"Charlie, did you bring the bits?" Carson shouted. Charlie's reaction to this was to drop absolutely everything and run to get the bits, presenting them to Carson by dropping to his knees. As Charlie fumbled in the bag, Carson looked down upon him as he said, "No, I don't want it- No, I don't want it."
"Do you wanna do a bit?" Charlie asked, reaching his hand into the bag of dog treats as he stood up.
"No, I don't," Carson said, leaning away as Charlie's hand got closer to Carson's mouth.
"Do you wanna do a bit?"
"No, no, no, nooo- I don't want it! I don't want it!" Carson as he fought to push Charlie's arm away. "No, no, it's so gross. It's dog food! It's dog food! I don't like it! I don't like- No!" he yelled in defeat as one of them almost fell in his mouth.
Who is Lunch Club?
"Uh, my name is Schlatt. I am 27, actually."
"My name's Travis and I'm 19 and I'm lunch."
"My name is Noah- I almost told you my last name-"
"My name is Charlie and I am 21 years old."
It went back to Schlatt; "I went to Harvard. I-I completed all four years."
"My name is Ted Nivison and I'm 21 years old."
"My name is Vee. Hi. Uh, I'm 21."
"My name's Cooper. I'm 21."
Schlatt again; "Came back, did some work."
"What isn't my name and my age, y'know? Y'know?" Carson laughed, crossing his arms until he just stopped and stared into the camera. "I'm Carson. I'm age 20."
Where are you from?
"Uh, I'm from California," Travis said.
Schlatt just shook his head.
Noah looked up. "I'm from New Jersey."
It went back to Schlatt, taking a sip from a water bottle. "Let's keep it off the books for now."
"I'm from Indiana," Carson replied.
Schlatt, again, commented, "I'm actually scared of people."
"I'm from Massachusetts, baby!" Ted smiled.
"I was born in Ukraine," Vee chuckled. "I'm legal, I swear."
"That's why I won't answer," Schlatt explained.
"I-" Charlie leaned back slightly, "I shot out of the Grand Canyon."
"Because, y'know," Schlatt said.
"I'm from southern California," Cooper nodded.
Schlatt finished with, "People will find you."
What is Lunch Club?
"What is Lunch Club? It's a group of dudes," Noah laughed. "A bunch of friends being pals, y'know what I'm saying?"
"Lunch Club is a business," Schlatt said. "Um, we're here mainly to make money."
Vee shook her head. "I don't know. I don't, man. Chaos is what it is."
Travis looked at the camera.
"Y'know, it's a..." Charlie sighed.
"I was the corn shucker!" Carson smiled. "That's what- That's what my dad called me."
Travis opened his mouth to speak, yet said nothing.
"Lunch Club is a plethora of fools! A foolish collection of fools, alright?" Ted said, "I'm telling you, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight fools. Thank you."
Charlie tried to hold in his laughter. "It's a group of guys being dudes."
What is Your Role?
Travis said, "My role is to be, uh-"
"Oh my god, dude, did you- did you piss your pants?" Charlie asked.
"I'd say my role is to, uh, keep the boys in line. Make sure Ted doesn't have any, uh, any fits," Cooper shrugged.
Ted crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "I'm kind of the leader. I tell everyone what to do and why they suck."
"I'm like that one flavor of Dum-Dum sucker; the one that's just kinda there. No one knows why it's there, it just is. Not a great flavor, but it has it's strong points, y'know?" Vee laughed.
Noah said, "I see Lunch Club as kind of like a pirate crew. I'm not- I'm not the cook, necessarily. I'm more like the parrot."
"Dude, I don't know what flavor, there's like a million!" Vee exclaimed.
"Uh, I tell the jokes," Schlatt nodded.
"Sometimes I would go outside- I'd grab a- I'd grab a whole ear," Carson said, going back to what he said about corn.
What do you do on your channel?
"I live stream on my own channel and I, uh, I cut it up into a bunch of funny moments," Schlatt explained. "Uh, mostly clips of me saying dick and balls."
Carson continued the corn bit. "And say, 'I'm gonna shuck this ear.'"
"It's like a fever dream mixed with an acid trip, but, gaming," Cooper said.
What do you think of Travis?
"I love Travis!" Vee smiled. "He's so sweet. He's like... I think he's like a teddy bear."
"What do I think of Travis?" Schlatt asked. "He's the shortest one, almost."
"He's a human cannonball. I think he descends the stairs at about the speed of a freight train," Noah joked. "But still, he's graceful."
"He's like a teddy bear. But also malicious," Cooper said.
"I'm honestly afraid," Ted paused, "of what that man can do."
"I don't know how he got here," Charlie mumbled, smiling at the camera. "I don't know how he ended up here. None of us really even know the guy."
"I was the ear shucker of corn; the corn ear shucker!" Carson said.
What do you think of Noah?
"What do I think of Noah?" Charlie asked. "Surely."
"He's a fucking freak," Ted shook his head. "One time I saw Noah hit a squirrel with a bat?"
"He really- He really likes nicotine," Schlatt looked behind him and watched Carson walk around, T-posing. He turned back to the camera. "Completely addicted to nicotine."
Carson asked, "You know what they'd call me?"
"I- I think Noah is the type of guy to, uh, perform a military coo," Cooper said.
"I don't know him too well," Vee frowned, "but he's chill."
What do you think of Schlatt?
"Schlatt? Oh my god, where do I fucking begin with this one?" Vee mumbled.
Travis spoke quickly, "Schlatt is- I don't- I don't even know, dude. Schlatt is just so slow, you can't even just- You don't have time to think of what he'd be doing, he's just too slow, you'd be like 'oh, where's Schlatt?' 'Oh he's already gone, he's too slow.'"
"I fucking hate Schlatt," Vee shook her head. "I'm kidding- I love him. He's like my best friend."
"What do I think of Schlatt?" Noah asked. "I think that guy's got a dark secret."
"They'd call me the ear shucker of corn," Carson smiled.
"I think he's got a dark secret," Noah said. "Something gnawing at him."
"He- was- the first step in human evolution," Ted tilted his head. "It's like- It's like the guy slithered out of the ocean."
"A Harvard graduate is intimidating," Charlie nodded.
"I think Schlatt's the type to make money off of Noah's coo," Cooper said.
What do you think of Carson?
"Carson?" Ted asked. "Oh-"
Schlatt turned himself to see Carson thrusting his hips into the air. When he went away, Schlatt turned back to the camera and said, "That was Carson. He shucks corn, I think?"
"Sometimes he's got, like, these stinky fingers," Travis frowned.
"I shit you not, Carson is a godsend. He's just one of the best people I know," Vee nodded.
"And those fingers dude- they smell! Smelly, smelly fingers!" Ted shouted.
"He's got his fingees in a lot of business," Charlie shook his head, "and that's scary."
What do you think of Charlie?
"What do I think of Charlie?" Noah asked, taking a deep breath. "Ohh. What do I think of Charlie."
"Charlie is a ray of sunshine," Schlatt said.
It cut to a clip of Charlie yelling, "Stiff cock!"
"I've seen him do at least 11 pounds of this coke that he got from Tijuana," Ted shook his head.
"He's... something," Vee laughed.
"He's pretty slimy, but he pretty cool," Travis nodded.
"I think Charlie is a pun master," Cooper said. "And I think that's dangerous; I think that should be contained."
"Sometimes, at Walmart- you know, like, the ball pits?" Carson asked.
What do you think of Ted?
"I feel like Ted is like- you know the charac-" Schlatt turned around abruptly. "You guys watch Hazban Hotel?"
"Ted is- oh my gosh," Travis mumbled. "Just so loud."
"He's like two- He's like two men. Both in size and volume," Noah laughed.
"I mean- Ted is so cool. Uh, Ted is my favorite one." Travis said, looking all over the place.
"Ted is almost- almost- aggression given form," Chalie nodded.
"He's very tall," Vee chuckled.
"It's like the ball pits at Walmart that got like the- it goes up into the air-" Carson raised his hands up.
What do you think of Cooper?
"Dude, Cooper's too fast," Travis said.
"And they got all the bouncy balls?" Carson explained, "Well, you don't really have one of those without one of the bouncy balls- without having more than one of the bouncy-"
"How far can you get with a skater boy until he asks you if your mom has any nudes?" Ted asked.
Vee gasped. "Wait, Cooper's my best friend too- He's so cool. He has great style and can skate. He was a skater boy, she said see ya later boy- he wasn't good enough fo-"
"I think it's weird that Cooper's always scoopin'. I mean, that's why they call him Pooper Scooper Cooper," Charlie laughed.
Off-camera, you could hear Cooper say "Cut that shit-" in reference to what Charlie said, causing Charlie to laugh harder.
"What do I think of Cooper?" Noah asked. "He's a great guy but I wish he'd stop grinding on every surface of our house."
What do you think of Vee?
"T, U, Vee, W, X, Y, and Z," Travis sang quietly.
Cooper looked at the ground slightly. "Vee's perfect. In every way. Uh- She- Yeah."
"Vee is really cool. She's really nice and funny," Travis nodded. "She's not too fast or too slow."
"Short. Vee needs to grow a few inches. She looks like a kindergartener," Ted said.
"Vee?" Schlatt asked. "Vee needs to stop stealing my shit! Every fucking time we play any game together-"
Noah shook his head lightly. "Vee is very good at Uno, I'll tell you that. But I'm gonna beat her."
If you had to sacrifice one member, who would it be?
"Myself," Vee nodded. "But only if we're talking, like, demon sacrifices. But then I'd be sacrificing myself to Ted... I change my mind. Ted."
"Who would I sacrifice?" Ted asked. "It's hard to pick. I'd do any one of those fools."
"What sort of sacrificial situation is this?" Charlie crossed his arms. "We could make Ted into a mean raft."
"If I'm correct," Cooper said, "Ted is the tallest. And I think the tallest means the longest bones. And bones are good tool making. You get rid of him you make some good, sturdy axes."
"Ted," Travis said right away. "I mean- um..."
Schlatt leaned back, "I feel like everyone has said one person so far. Is that true?"
Off-camera, you could hear a small "Yeah."
Schlatt just nodded. "That's my answer as well."
"Oh. Oh, Travis. Travis for sure. Oh, he's gone," Carson said. "I'd ship him off in a boat."
What is your favorite YouTube memory?
"My favorite YouTube memory?" Ted asked. "Uh, probably the one where I get out of this- this business. It's cutthroat, alright?"
"I liked when YouTube, uh, shut my channel down," Schlatt smiled.
"The one time I kick-flipped my mom on my Youtube channel," Carson chuckled.
"All of them?" Vee laughed. "Uh, I dunno. There aren't many yet."
"And again, in a literal sense, people are cutting each other's throats at conventions every year," Ted said.
What advice do you have for the people at home?
"Y'know, I went to Harvard, I can give good advice so, like, uh," Schlatt took a sip from his water bottle, "just come on down. Send me an email. I won't read it. Uh, and then I'll give you half-baked advice that I found from, uh, Googling."
"Love yourself before you try loving anyone else," Vee shrugged.
Travis looked at the camera. "I hate Ted."
"Keep your head on straight. Don't do too much," Cooper said.
"You guys ever, um," Carson looked down.
"I'd tell 'em to, uh, tip their waitresses so they don't spit in their food," Noah nodded.
"Stay in school. And remember," Ted paused, leaning closer towards the camera. "Don't eat Charlie's corn. It's poisoned."
"Eat breakfast. Eat dinner," Charlie pointed at the camera, "but don't skip out on lunch."
Carson walked over, holding his hand up. Charlie got up from his chair, raising his hand as well and giving Carson a high five. Carson pulled a bit of his jeans away from his skin, whispering, "Fuck, I got ants in my pants."
"Oh, I can't get them out"
"I can't get them out."
"Oh, fuck!"
"What the hell?"
The screen faded to black with the smiley, lunch club logo on it before it went back to Ted. "My best bit?" he asked. "I'm kind of angry all the time and I say things that aren't true."
"What is my best bit?" Charlie asked, holding up a piece of the dog food from the beginning of the video and licked it before quickly gagging and regretting it immediately.
hi guys! this chapter is by far going to be the longest in this book. it's over 2,000 words which i totally wasn't planning- hopefully y'all made it this far?? i dunno. this is just kind of a filler chapter and it took a VERY. LONG. TIME. sooooo, yeah, i hope you enjoyed it <3 the next few will be fillers as well until we get to the kind of rising-point thingy mwahaha
some self-promo before i go-
read my other lunch club stories! runaway (schlatt), fight for me (ted), and my one-shot book (i do requests and i will write about wilbur there as well)!
and join my discord server! the link is in my bio!! <3
leave questions for a q&a if you want to:) i'll either answer them in an author's note, in the comments, or in a youtube video. i dunno ah- my dms are also always open and you can tweet sootskies or mushydisco on twitter because they're both me
thank you guys all so much for the love and support. this would not be possible if it weren't for you guys. i love all of you so much. :)
- beatle, xoxo