Hey everyone! I hope all is well given the circumstances. I wasn't going to post this until I was finished, but I figured it gives you all something to read during this unfortunate time.
Stay safe!
He sprinted through the halls of the office searching for his best friend. Zigzagging in and out of meeting rooms he found everyone but who he was looking for. Managers coordinating their performer's career, publishers finding their next marketing tactic, directors drawing up the production line, and producers trying to arrange the finance portion of it all. But he did not pass a single actor. At least, not the one he was looking for. Joey Tribbiani.
Joey has been in a bit of a dry spell these last couple months, and as much as that is hurting Joey, it is also hurting his agent, Chandler Bing.
Being Joey Tribbiani's agent since college, Chandler has learned a few things about the job. For starters, Joey won't take just any part, if he is going to spend 18 hour days on a movie-set he wants more than just the supporting role. Also, people don't go to see the film, they go to see Joey. He is a well-known household name and because of his huge success it takes him nearly a month to finish press; everybody wants him on their show!
Joey prefers mostly action pack films that star a damsel in distress. Or a cheesy romantic comedy that has a hopeless woman by his side. Because of this, Chandler knows exactly where to find his best friend throughout the office.
Where there is a lady, there is a Joey.
Racing to the end of the hall, Chandler stops just outside the door to compose himself. Not even 2 minutes ago he was in a meeting with Mrs. Anderson going over a new production plan. They want Joey, Chandler's talent, to star in their next reality TV show. She pinpointed the expectations, the outcome, everything. All Chandler had to do was get Joey to sign on and then they were onto phase two. Which was pretty much-signing forms saying he can't leave until it's over, he won't sue, blah, blah, blah. Chandler has read forms like these a million times. Just sign here, here, and here and you'll get paid. And Joey usually does.
Stepping into the room, Chandler finds two-woman frolicking on Joey's shoulders. "Hey, man." He shifts from one foot to the other, not sure if he feels comfortable interrupting their playdate. However, what he came to talk about is important, so he couldn't just leave.
Joey looks up to find Chandler standing in the doorway and nods. "Why don't you two go get yourselves a nice latte." He winks at them as they leave his side with a giggle and begin to walk away.
"Thank you." Chandler holds the door open for them as they leave before shutting it for more privacy.
"What's up?" He asks, moving to the other side of his desk where he was organizing his head-shots.
Without a word, Chandler sets the packet on his desk.
"What's this?" He questions, carefully opening the envelope.
"Forms." Chandler smiles "For your show."
"My show?" Joey glances at all the blank lines that await a signature "Like a talk show? I don't know..."
"No. Dude, you will love this." Chandler quickly moves so he is standing beside him. "It's your reality show." He points to the tiny letters at the top of the forms "It's called, I Want to Marry Joey Tribbiani." He tells him "America will pick your wife for you-"
"Wait, what?"
"Think about it," Chandler stops him "For six weeks, you'll have women around you at all times. This makes you very happy." Chandler informs him to which Joey nods, knowing it's true. He does love the ladies. "They are competing for your love. They're throwing themselves at you. It's a win, win situation." He points out "The catch is, America gets to vote each week for the girl they like best. It's the ultimate fantasy for filming. The normal girl marries the big celebrity."
"And what's this do for me?"
"For you, it's the man everybody wants to see. The sweet, sensitive, romantic guy. You'll be the guy of every girls' dream, and in the end you get the perfect girl. You can't go wrong."
Joey continues to shake his head. "That's ridiculous."
"Of course it's ridiculous!" Chandler agrees, finally taking a seat on the edge of Joey's desk. "It's television, what isn't ridiculous?" He counters, trying his best to win Joey over. "The tabloids say you're a dog. And you say, 'yeah, I am a dog. Here's what I'm going to do to change that. I'm going to date fifteen women, at one time.'" Chandler nudges him.
Joey scrunches his face as he moves back to sit in his chair. "Do I have to marry the final girl?"
"Of course not." Chandler shrugs "Who knows, maybe you'll find someone you like."
"Do I get to pick the women?"
He sighs "No, you can't pick the women because you gotta be all excited when-"
"No. Screw that."
"Okay, I'll see what I can do."
Finally, Joey nods "That's what I like to hear. Alright, let's do it."
Smiling, Chandler jumps up "Great."
"So, what's next?"
"Well," He flips the pages one by one, pointing out all the places he needs a signature. "Now we take these forms to Anderson and she'll explain the minor details."
"Details? I thought you already went over that." He signs the final blank line and Chandler puts the forms back in the envelope.
"I did. She'll just finish it up by going over the airing and how we get ratings." Chandler walks towards the door followed by Joey and together they walk down the hall "This won't take long, then maybe we can grab a bite?" He asked, hopeful.
"Great, I'm starving."
It wasn't long before they reached her office; it wasn't a very big building. Before Chandler even had a chance to speak, her face turned into a huge grin. "See, I knew he'd love it." She reached for the forms that Chandler passed over. Opening up the envelope, she briefly looked over the paperwork to make sure it was complete. "Alright, now, I don't have much information at the moment because this project just came to my attention yesterday. But what I do know is that they already have an air date picked out as well as the website set up." She sets the document aside before crossing her arms over the desk in front of her.
"Website?" Joey questions
"It's just so viewers can see highlights and vote in each week." She explains quickly, and they nod. "What I can tell you now, is that viewers will have a couple hours to call in and vote for the lady they want to see until the end. The lady with the fewest ratings will be removed the following day until we are down to two contestants."
"Alright, sounds easy enough."
"Wait for it." Chandler stops him.
Mrs. Anderson continues. "Now, there are rules for shows like these." She eyes Joey carefully "You cannot touch the ladies inappropriately, sleep with them, say anything that may offend them in any way, or say 'I love you'. At least, not until the end of the program." Joey's face drops. "You will get a chance to speak your mind in a private interview after each encounter you have with a contestant." She informs him "Remember, you will be dating fifteen women at a time. As much fun as that sounds, it's not going to be easy. Each lady has a unique personality and there may be some that you won't be able to handle."
Joey nods, "And if I can't?"
She sighs, closing her eyes slowly "Just don't embarrass me, Tribbiani."
He laughs "I won't let you down." He smiles, already excited for something he didn't agree to twenty minutes ago. "So when are we going to find some women?"
"You read my mind." She smiles "We are going to shoot a commercial tomorrow. I'm going to need you here by 8. It will take a couple of hours, it should be in post by lunch and ready to air by the end of the day. We will have the contestants apply through the website and send in some footage so we can get an idea of who we want on the show. You know, we don't want some pothead on our show and already know America's vote. We need decent women. We want America to fall in love with someone perfect for you." She says "They will have a couple of weeks to send in their information and we'll go from there."
"It's that easy?"
"It's that easy." She repeats
A couple of weeks went by, the commercial was out, the website was blowing up and before they realized what was happening, Joey was back in business.
He leaned back in his chair, reached up, and released the tiny basketball in the direction of the hoop above his office trashcan.
Bouncing off the rim, he rolls to the corner of the room. Before Joey even had a chance to retrieve it, Chandler walks in with two large boxes stacked in his arms.
"What's that?"
Chandler smiles and sets them by the TV set. "The videos sent in by people." He reminds him, taking the lid off the box and starting to rip open one of the envelopes.
"Videos?" He moves to the edge of his chair.
"Yeah, let's watch..." Chandler pulls out a VHS tape and puts it in the VCR before grabbing the remote to press play.
A few seconds later the first video began and they sat quietly watching the audition. "And honestly Joey, I always felt this really intense feeling when I watch your movies..." Joey tried his best to listen to what she had to say but all he could see was the open cleavage just south of her mouth.
"Oh, God." Chandler rolled his eyes as the camera zoomed in.
"I know." Joey smiled, scooting his chair from behind his desk so it was now beside Chandler.
"I think we have a connection and I think that is something worth checking out." She smiled "And checking in..." Moving her hair back, she slowly runs her tongue over her lips.
"Yeah." Joey nods, eagerly "Yes, yes, yes."
"Yes?"
"I think yes." He looks over at Chandler
"Do you not understand the point of this show?" He asks, pausing the video.
Joey turns so he's facing his friend. "We need a variety, and you need to see me not be into her. I'll get more fans when I dis the girl with the biggest rack." Joey tells him as Chandler searches for another video.
"You're right." He admits
"Yeah."
A couple of hours have gone by and they view all kinds of different candidates. A lot of the women were either too crazy or too into themselves to be someone America could fall in love with. There were even a few men that had audition tapes, but they still haven't found the perfect girl.
"Man, I'm getting hungry. Why don't we call it a day and grab some dinner?" Joey suggests, laying his body out on the floor where all the previously looked at tapes have been thrown.
"One more." Chandler digs in the box and pulls one out before replacing it with the one in the VCR and pressing play.
"I don't know, is this thing working? Is it on?"
"Yes, it's on, Rache."
Joey and Chandler sit there and watch as two people step back from the lens and come into view.
"Okay, are you sure?" Rachel steps further from the camera "Okay," She wraps her arm around her man "Hi, hi I'm Rachel and this is my husband Ross, from Manhattan. And I know what you're thinking. Three-way." She smiles
Joey laughs, sitting up straighter from his spot on the floor.
"No, I mean, not that I would mind Joey but-"
"Rache."
"Sorry. Anyway, we're actually making this video for my sister-in-law, Monica. Who would never in a million years do this kind of thing." Rachel looks over at Ross, "She'd be too embarrassed." She laughs
The camera fades to an unfamiliar view of their town as Joey and Chandler watch intently from a distance.
"Monica works in this little restaurant," Rachel explains, showing the place from outside and across the street. "Ross, get closer..." They hear their side chatter just as the camera zooms in on a woman coming out of the restaurant to hand an elderly lady a bag. "She has no idea we are stalking her."
Just seeing this little part of the video, they both knew they had to have her on the show.
The video cuts to another image of Monica from afar, in what appeared to be workout gear, jogging down the other side of the street.
"Look at that body, yeah?" Rachel comments "Hot."
The picture fades a final time to the inside of a small and crowded, coffee shop. Rachel is at the counter waving Ross over with the camera.
"This is the coffee shop Ross and I own." The camera moves around to behind the counter. "There is Monica with her biggest fans. They're all in love with her, but, she's picky." They show her handing someone's order over the counter and laughing with the bunch. "She is your girl. I would do this myself, but I'm already married and probably not your type." Rachel smiles "I know Joey gets a lot of drama in the tabloids, but I know the tabloids lie." She says "My friend, Monica, deserves a prince charming and we hope that prince charming is Joey."
The picture fades to black and the two sit there fixated on the idea.
"She's perfect." Joey smiles
"Absolutely perfect."