Chapter eighteen: Chase's p.o.v
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CHASE
I punched the punching bag that was in my bedroom, my parents bought it for me to release the anger inside me.
My inner voice kept telling me not to let go of Scar, but I kept telling it that I have to let her go. The song 'let her go' played in my mind, and it sucked how I relate to this song.
But you only need the lights when it's burnin' low... only miss the sun when it starts to snow... only know you love her when you let her go.
Scar didn't know why I left, she thought I left because of her, but I left for something else- or for someone else.
Not a girl, but a boy.
Cameron.
His life was so messed up that I had to go there and be with him through everything. How could I let someone fall when I can be there to catch?
I was sitting with Scar when my friend told me that Cameron tried to kill himself, he wanted to die. I got so mad, how could he give up that fast?
I pretended that everything was okay, until the same friend told me that Cameron tried killing himself again. I started worrying a bit more, I honestly did not know what to do.
"He's not listening to anyone, Chase, we are losing Cameron."
We did not know the reason, Cameron was the kind of person who hid under his blanket, who was a closed book. I live far from him which made it harder for me to know that he's not doing well through text messages, he kept saying he's fine.
And I believed him.
Day after day, I was sitting in the dining room with the whole family, when I received a message from Cameron.
Telling me that he gave up on this life, and he hopes for me to forgive him. He didn't want to live anymore, and that he was lost in this cruel world.
Chase, I wanted you to be here with me, but you have a family. A loving family, that i don't have.
See, all my life I've been dealing with depression, and I kept pretending that I'll be okay, and that I'll get through it. But lately, I've been out of my mind. It feels like this life isn't for me, and I don't belong in this world. I'm a disgrace. I just want to die, I don't want to live anymore.
Everyone thinks they know what I'm going through, it's hard for me to explain what I'm feeling, because they have no idea. No one could save, and no one can save me. I never had a home, you cannot call a place where your father doesn't accept you for who you are or the mother who thinks of you as a disease, a home. That is not a home, and it will never be.
So, I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry for believing that I'm alone, but it does feel like I'm alone. I tried so hard to stay, I did. But I'm too weak for this world. Thank you for not leaving me, Chase. Thank you for being the brother I've always wanted.
I'm such a bad kid.
Chase, I love you, thank you best friend.
From your almost gone best friend,
Cameron Carson.
He was gay, his parents didn't approve. I got so mad at Cameron, I got so mad at myself for not being there with him. I got so mad that I started throwing plates everywhere, reading that message made me want to kill myself.
That is when I chose to leave, to go to my best friend. Be there for him when he needed me the most.
I met Cameron when I was six, my aunt had a gathering where his family were present too. At first, we were shy, but our parents kept making plans with each other, and that made us get closer. We became best friends through the time.
It was hard for us to remain our friendship, but thank god they created iPhones and social media.
Two years were long enough to stay away from Scar, especially the fact that my mother lied to me and told me that she slept with my cousin, and that made me angry. I was frustrated. I let out my anger at Scar, even though I knew I should've let her explain.
I went to live with my aunt, her husband, and my cousin Rachel. I slept mostly in Cameron's house, and I helped him through what he's going through.
I kept reminding him that life is worth living, and that this life doesn't revolve around his parents. People come and go, but friends stay friends forever.
Unless that friend turned out to be a complete bitch, then that's a different story.
Anyway, I told him that it'll never be over until he's gone, but then that proves that he gave up on life.
We were in his bedroom that was filled with posters of singers.
"Cameron, I love you so much that I can't let you give up just yet," I told him.
"What's left for me in this world? No one," he sobbed.
"Look at me," I put my hands on his shoulder. He lifted his blue eyes up and his eyes met mine. "I will be there for you no matter what happens, your family left you? You can live with us. Your family doesn't accept you? Our family will accept you with open arms. But like... when you die, what will I tell them? Hmm? That you tried to live or that you gave up already?"
"Chase, I-" I interrupted him.
"No, listen to me," I said. "This life sucks, I'm not going to lie. But if they cannot accept you for who you are then to hell with them! I know it's hard but I promise you'll get through it. I can't live without my best friend, and remember we die together."
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NOW YOU KNOW WHY CHASE LEFT, BUT YOU STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE DIDNT TELL SCAR AHHH!!!
I hope you guys enjoyed this special chapter, next chapter will go back to Scar's p.o.v!
Should I do more like these?
Thank you!
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