I was woken by a soft murmur in my ear, a kiss on my cheek. Every inch of me ached, and my eyes stung when I prised them open. Legolas had my head in his lap, and his hands were wound through my hair. He pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead. "You should eat."
I jerked away from him when I looked up to see none other than Elladan bent down beside us. He chuckled. "I am not your adar – nor mine, come to think of it." (S: father)
I smiled tremulously, wincing as Legolas helped me to sit up. He folded a blanket carefully at my back, and I settled onto it with a sigh of relief.
The room looked much as it always did. My boots were sat at the end of my bed, caked with mud, and my cloak was folded neatly next to them. A comb was strewn between the mattresses, whether mine or Legolas' I could not even remember. There was a full cup next to me, and I reached out carefully with my free hand to take a long draught of water.
The world seemed to have changed. I half expected to slide across the room and fall right off it. However, looking around us at the familiar surroundings, the calamity of the last few days might not have happened at all, if not for the fact that I could recall every second. I squeezed Legolas' hand tightly; the only anchor keeping me from utter despair.
"What time is it?"
"Late morning. You slept like a log." He half smiled, brushing his thumb against my pale skin and then squeezing my hand reassuringly. It looked so small in his.
I swallowed a yawn. The previous evening was a blur. I knew I had washed after the long journey back to the camp, because I was no longer covered in mud, blood and grass stains. I was dressed in a thick, woollen nightgown, which was slightly too big but warm on my aching skin.
"Who dressed me in this? I could not lift my arms if I tried."
Legolas and Elladan exchanged a tense glance. "I did", Legolas said eventually, his cheeks uncharacteristically flushed. I blushed too, almost wincing as the memory came back to me.
"You wouldn't let anyone else near", Elladan contributed awkwardly, "that is what Firiel told me."
"Thank you." I said quietly to Legolas. He smiled uncertainly, but I shook my head. "Don't be embarrassed. I couldn't go through this without you."
Elladan melted away, closing the hut door with a creak and a click. Legolas shifted closer and kissed my cheek. "Anything I can do for you, I will. It wasn't the worst thing in the world."
I looked up to see him smirking shyly and copied his grin. "It isn't how I pictured you undressing me for the first time."
Legolas allowed himself a chuckle. "If I am lucky enough to have a second chance, it will be so good you'll forget all about it."
I laughed in spite of myself. "Don't get ahead of yourself Sinda".
Elladan returned then, two mugs in his hands. He passed one to each of us, then sunk to the floor as I spoke. "Did you find them?"
He nodded. "Every man who got away. They can't hurt you now."
"Are you all alright?"
Elladan sighed and knelt across Legolas to kiss my cheek. "No one was hurt. How are you?" When I did not answer, he only nodded. "I thought as much. Today's offering isn't quite as good as a cooked breakfast in Imladris, but it's the best we could do."
As if on cue, Elrohir walked in carrying the food. My heart lifted for a while from its heavy cage to see my kin alive and unharmed. He, too, lent across to kiss my cheek, placing my plate on my lap carefully and handing Legolas his food.
Both sat down opposite us. "You know Aragorn will have questions." Elladan said softly. I nodded. He had his people to protect; we needed to ensure this never happened again.
"Let her rest before she must relieve it." Legolas said immediately, a tone of warning in his outwardly calm voice. "She's been through an awful lot." I laid a hand on his.
"It's okay, Legolas."
He shook his head. "I will not allow it, not today." When I looked unconvinced, he argued further. "Be gentle with yourself. You need to come to terms with this, my love."
I sighed, knowing that Legolas was absolutely right. I was exhausted, and the thought of reliving all of it when it was so raw was unbearable. I took a bite of breakfast, trying not to let my emotion show. However, as usual Legolas saw through me in a heartbeat. He eased his arm around my shoulder, trying not to move me and exacerbate one of my many hurts.
"It's okay to be overwhelmed. Take your time."
I reached up to kiss his cheek, steadying myself. "Do you think Aragorn will mind?"
Elrohir frowned. "Of course not. He just wants you to be okay."
The twins stood, turning when they reached the door. "We will be around if you need us." Elladan said softly. "No one is leaving this camp, at least for a few days."
The door to the hut closed silently and their shadows passed the window. Doubtlessly, they were going to tell Aragorn I was not ready to talk. I doubted I ever would be, but it gladdened my heart that Legolas, at least, knew how close things had come. Of all people, it was necessary that he had knowledge of the violence I had come so close to suffering not once but twice.
The elf himself was wolfing down his breakfast, and I soon copied him, devouring the eggs and chunks of rabbit set in front of me. Swallowing the fried bread in two huge gulps, I sighed contentedly. He smiled and held out a mug.
For the first time, I saw a bandage on his ankle. I frowned and his smile slid off his face. "You are hurt." I said softly.
"A sprain and a bump to the head, nothing more. They wouldn't let me go until they were clean."
"Quite right too." I raised an eyebrow and Legolas took a sip of tea.
"If our roles had been reversed, would you have stayed behind?"
My worry melted away in an instant. It was me who avoided his eyes then. "I just want you to be alright."
"I am" Legolas assured me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders again. "I needed to find you, and that was all that mattered."
Hesitantly, he moved a little closer. It saddened me to see him afraid to take what I would always be willing to give, but I appreciated his caution, the mark of his goodness both as a lover and a man. "Hug?" he offered gently. I only nodded, unwilling to make my own pained movements. Gently, he enveloped me in his warmth and allowed me to curl up against him, supressing a groan at the throbbing in my head.
"It already seems like a nightmare." I muttered. "I can barely believe I came out of it. Nothing seems real anymore."
Legolas pulled me carefully closer, brushing his lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes, taking in the feel of him around me. I was safe now. I was alive. "You're everything to me, Nesseldë", he barely muttered, "absolutely everything." I tried to hide my blush, but it was impossible. He chuckled. "Why shouldn't I say it?"
"I'm too tired to be happy." I moaned good-naturedly. Legolas chuckled, and I paused before speaking again. "You are everything to me too." I reached up and cupped his cheek. He lent down, pressing his lips lightly against mine. He pulled away and settled my head against his shoulder, tangling his hand into my hair. The canvas covering the window blew in a cold wind, blowing our hair backwards from our shoulders. I shivered and shuffled closer.
***
The sun was lower in the sky when I next woke. There were two voices in the room, and I tensed, but when they stopped briefly, I realised who it was, and relaxed again. A large hand touched my forehead. "Try not to worry, my friend. She is shivery, but I think that is her head more than anything. She needs plenty of rest, is all. You are doing all you can."
Achingly, I opened my eyes. Legolas still held me tenderly against him, leaning against the wall and speaking softly to Aragorn across me. He smiled to see me wake. "Hello, petal."
"If you ever call me that again I'll strangle you in your sleep."
A deep, throaty chuckle sounded. I turned around to see Aragorn also smiling at me. His eyes found Legolas' again. "She'll be absolutely fine."
Legolas laughed, pressing his forehead to mine. "That is good news, isn't it petal?"
I nuzzled against his nose for a second to see his bright smile, then I spoke in my sweetest voice. "I am going to push you off a cliff, sinda."
"Kinslaying again", he sighed, "how will I ever control your murderous tendencies?"
"Food might curve them for a few hours." I looked up at him hopefully, and he nodded, propping me against the wall before he left.
Aragorn handed me a full flask of water. "Drink it all".
When I had done as he asked, he took it back, and reached out to squeeze my hand. "I can't talk", I said immediately, shaking my head quickly but wincing at the movement. Aragorn put his hand out to still me.
"Peace." He said calmly. "I came to check on you, is all."
"Their leader's name – or nickname, I suppose – is Sharkey. That is all I think would be useful."
"Sharkey?" Aragorn said incredulously. I shrugged slightly.
"That's what he said. Everything I told Legolas impacted only me. I-"
I paused, unsure how to phrase it. Loath though I was to keep things from my closest friend, I did not want to speak of the violence threatened with anyone who did not absolutely have to know. The only person fitting that description was Legolas.
Aragorn squeezed my hand again. "Let us not speak of it now. All that matters is your safety. Does he know everything you want him to?"
I nodded briefly, not meeting the grey eyes of Elendil's heir. Even now, it seemed ridiculous to me that I could call such high men my friends. Aragorn, especially, would never give up on me. He had come for me, and I could cling on to that, at least. I was not alone in this strange country. Now more than ever, I felt like a simple country woman, not important to the wider world, though I had been kidnapped precisely because I was the opposite; a great lady from a long disgraced house, trying to win it back some of the pride and dignity it had once enjoyed.
Aragorn sighed, squeezing my hand again. "What is it?"
There was no way to put the weight of my swirling mind into words. Instead, I moved painfully over to give him a hug. He hesitated, but reciprocated gently, pulling back and smiling sadly. "I'm safe then? Firiel said you would not let even the other women touch you last night."
"You're my brother", I whispered, "and I was overwhelmed. I didn't want anyone near me except Legolas."
"And now?"
I closed my eyes. "I do not want this fate, Estel. I want to be incredibly boring and never do any fighting again."
Aragorn nodded faintly, as if he understood just what I meant. "May the Valar grant us both an utterly dull life, after all this ends." I half smiled. "It will end," he continued, "I know it feels like this war will go on forever, but everything must end, dear Ness. Well, almost everything."
I followed his eyes to the window. Legolas' quiet voice was mixed with those of the others. Aragorn followed my gaze briefly, then looked to me again, frowning slightly. "Fish soup tonight. It should warm you up."
At that moment, Legolas returned with two steaming bowls. He placed mine gently in my lap, kissed me on my hairline, and reached out to stroke my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes at his touch.
Once he sat back, his own food in his hands, Aragorn bent forward and kissed me wordlessly on the forehead. He squeezed Legolas' shoulder and stood. "I have some hope to give you, at least." He smiled heavily. "Gandalf reached Imladris. He is now journeying to Gondor, but Elrond has sent word to his sons that he is organising a force to aid us here in the north."
"If they get here in time." I said grimly. "Those men who hurt me will not be the only ones here. Remember the reports of Southrons from Bree?"
"I remember well", Aragorn frowned, "but at the least, we have some help coming. Do not concern yourself with our troubles for now. Rest awhile." Stretching, he left us and made his way over to the fire. I watched him through the pulled-back canvas on our window.
Once we had eaten, Legolas took the bowls out to the others but returned quickly. "You will be exhausted over the next few days. You should get as much sleep as you can."
I bit my lip and swallowed compulsively. Why must I feel such fear at any suggestion that was not my own? Legolas' eyes softened. He sat at my side, pulling me into his arms. "No one will take you from me again. Lay down, my love. Rest for my benefit, if not for yours."
I looked, wide-eyed, at him for a few more moments, but eventually I heeded his words, shifting stiffly down onto my mattress. "How can I make you feel safe?" He asked softly.
I knew precisely what I wanted, but it was difficult to say it. The tender moments we shared increased my adoration for Legolas tenfold, but could they not have come with joy instead of grief? "Stay close to me." I managed to choke a second later.
"Shh" He soothed, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I have you safe, darling girl."
"I can't stop thinking." I tried to explain in a choked voice.
He brushed his lips against my forehead again, then reached across and pulled his mattress over, pushing it against mine. He stripped off his outer layers and lay down on his half, turned towards me, and stroked my cheek with his calloused thumb. "You don't have to explain. Anything you need, Nesseldë, or anything you feel, is absolutely fine. Be gentle with yourself. Above all else, be gentle."
I lifted my blanket and looked up at him. Neither of us said a word, but he knew what I meant. He slipped from his mattress onto mine and tucked his best blanket around me, then slid over me, settling himself in the corner so I would not feel trapped between him and the wall. He reached over to pull our other blankets around us both. Sliding his hand under my head, he guided me to rest against his chest, wrapping his other arm securely around my shoulders. I extracted my left arm from between us, resting my bandaged hand on his waist. The other I used to clutch at the shoulder of his tunic. My shoulders relaxed, my fear melting away every second I spent hiding within him.
I looked up and smiled a small, real smile. His eyes twinkled as he returned it and he bent his head to kiss me. "This is nice." I whispered. I felt his quickly expelled breath as he laughed quietly.
"So much for taking things slowly."
"I don't care about that anymore. Life is precious and fragile, why should we waste it?"
"We've been fools, perhaps, trying to resist. What harm is there in two people who love each other falling asleep like this?" The look in his eyes when he spoke was far more relaxed than it had been. He was relieved to have me wrapped safely in his arms. I spoke again, quietly, no longer capable of raising my voice to ordinary levels. My eyes were drooping.
"It's not as if we plan to wed and cause a scandal."
"One thing at a time, Noldo." He teased.
I laughed a little. He pulled me closer, then tangled his fingers into my hair. His arms were relaxing around me, his head nestling closer to mine and his legs curling up into their usual messy position. Almost to my surprise, I found myself falling asleep too. The weight of his arms was comforting and warm, and his slowing breaths calmed me.
His presence meant safety. He meant home.
A few hours later than usual again I'm afraid! In my defence, I'm a student, and was acted upon by a very large surge of panic! Never mind, sorted now and it's still Monday!
Hope you enjoyed,
AM