I think things are not meant to last so that for the short time they are here, we're able to appreciate them and love them so much more fully that if they lasted forever
- Elizabeth Gultom
"Are you sure you're going to be happy with this decision?" Jasper asked Adelaide later. The two sat in his study quietly. A fire burned in the hearth warmly consuming the room as its two occupance sipped gingerly on some tea that Jasper had brewed. Adelaide's movements were methodical and unfocused and she seemed elsewhere. Jasper didn't press her for an immediate answer and waited patiently for her to speak.
"I was unable to accomplish a lot of the things I wanted to as a girl," Adelaide whispered mainly to herself, her voice nearly lost in the cup of tea. She set it down in front of her and tucked her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. Jasper didn't say anything in response to her statement. He merely took a drink and listened. "When I was thinking about what to do, what decision I needed to make, I tried to remember why I left behind being Adelaide in the first place. Why I abandoned by identify as a girl and started this whole mess."
Adelaide looked up to meet Jasper's gaze.
"And it was because I wasn't happy. Not remotely. I can't recall a single time being happy as Adelaide, Jasper. I was overlooked, my dream ignored and laughed at. People would occasionally tell me I was pretty and could probably marry into a nice family, but I didn't want to just be someone's pretty wife. I wanted to be something more than that. Have something more than that." Adelaide's eyes suddenly stung as she she looked back to her childhood. The majority of people's faces were blurry and their names long since forgotten. Adelaide had half expected a small tingle of nostalgic warmth to hit her, but there was nothing. She was just cold.
"But you clearly missed something, Adelaide. Something about being a girl," Jasper's voice was barely above a whisper as well. "Why else would you have gone through all this trouble?"
"I'm not sure," she answered honestly. "I think I was missing something that was never there in the first place." Adelaide paused, her eyes falling to the tea in front of her still sitting untouched on the table. "And I think my imagination began to run a little wild on me. When Henry finally returned my feelings for him after so many years, I began to contemplate what it would be like to be with him, have a family with him. But then Kayden pointed out to me that that sort of future was impossible for us."
Jasper didn't ask her to elaborate. It was something he, too, had been thinking about in recent weeks. However, he had seemingly come to the same conclusion as Kayden. Adelaide and Henry didn't have a future together. Not in the capacity that both would want anyway.
"But why choose a life as a man, Adelaide? I do not see where there is happiness in that decision either." Jasper continued, his stomaching twisting. "You will be alone, Adelaide. Alone and be forced to watch Henry marry and have a family with someone else. Are you alright with that? Can you live knowing that that is your fate?"
"I thought about it," Adelaide responsed, untucking her knees and reaching for her tea. "And I would be lying if I said I was okay with Henry being with someone else. But, this decision is more than that. If I become Adelaide, I will be deligated to a mundane lifestyle filled with gossiping tea sessions and false smiles. The only person whom I would miss would be Charity. As much as I like her mother and a few of the other ladies, the relationship I have with them is superficial. Being Adelaide is exciting because everything new, but what do I do when that newness wears off? Though I find it fascination now, I don't see myself content living that lifestyle forever.
"But as Arthur it's different," a ghost of a smile filtered onto Adelaide's face as she spoke. "I would be leaving behind more than just Henry if I stopped being him. I wouldn't be able to mess around with Marcus and Anthony anymore, or talk casually with Kayden or Theodore. There would be no more sparring practices or careless horseback rides for me. I would be expected to give up painting to focus on other things like sewing and housework. But worse of all," Adelaide's eyes burned as she chocked on her next words. "I'd be giving up you too."
Jasper's hand froze as he was about to take another sip of tea. He looked up at Adelaide and with a surprised but grateful expression, set his cup down. As Adelaide's eyes weld up with tears, Jasper felt his throat tighten and his own sight blur. He coughed to try and swallow the uprising of emotion, but a warmth and sadness had enveloped his chest and wouldn't dissipate.
"You're the closest thing I have to a father," Adelaide practically sobbed, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably. "I may end up losing Henry in the future," she contined wiping her face excessively. "But I don't want to lose you too. I don't want to throw away our relationship just so I can go and live another life feeling like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not."
Adelaide's hiccups filled the room and unable to contain himself any longer, Jasper rose to his feet and crossed the distance between them in seconds. He enveloped her into a hug that threatened to consume her, shielded her entirely from everything around them. The embrace was tight and only inches away from being strangling, but Adelaide didn't push him away or complain. She simply wrapped her arms around him, squeezed, and cried into his shoulder, sobbing for what felt like a number of reasons.
Neither were entirely certain how long they held one another or when exactly Adelaide finished crying, but the remained in each other's for several moments afterwards, simply enjoying one another's warmth.
Unbeknownst to either of them, though, were the presences of Henry and Kayden just outside the door. Neither had intended to easedrop, but both had been looking for Adelaide when they had stumbeled onto Jasper's study. Now neither felt like they could face her and couldn't move that extra step to open the doors.
"You told Adelaide she had no future with me?" Kayden was caught offguard by Henry's sudden question. He turned to the other man unsure of how to respond. There was a hardness in Henry's face that was foreign and cold, and despite being taller and stronger and older than him, Kayden involuntary shivered.
"I merely told her the truth," Kayden retorted, a surpringly bite of anger lacing his tone. Henry's eyes widened at the reaction, before his gaze narrowed again.
"The matters of my relationship with Adelaide is none of your concern, Kayden. I would appreciate it if in the future you left yourself out of our personal affairs." Henry turned to leave. Kayden's irritation flared and his body instinctively moved. He lunged a hand out and gripped Henry firmly on the shoulder, spinning back to face him.
"You should've have given her false hope," Kayden barked in a constrained whisper. "You never should have encouraged her feelings or said that you felt the same way. You should have lied to her, pretended you didn't notice anything."
Henry's teeth gritted as he threw off Kayden's hand.
"Don't you think I would have done that if I could?" Henry spat back. "Do you think I enjoy knowing that I can't be with her? That I'm happy about having to marry someone else because of political reasons? If I could be with her, Kayden, I would, in a heartbeat. But I can't do that because my life isn't my own. It hasn't been for a long time."
"Then you should have told her to pick being Adelaide. Encouraged her to live as a girl. She would have listened to you, Henry." Kayden's breathing was hard as he forced the next words out. "Just because she can't be happy in the future with you doesn't mean that she couldn't have found happiness with someone else."
Henry's expression went mute.
"You mean someone like you?" He growled. Startled, Kayden took a step back. "You think I haven't noticed, Kayden, how you look at Adelaide? How you act around her?"
Kayden was unsure how to respond. His face had gone pale as his emotions receded and his temper died down, and the reality of what he had said and done began to sink in.
"You asked me why I encouraged her feelings, Kayden, why I developed a relationship with Adelaide while knowing that there wasn't a future for us," reiterated Henry, a sadness seeping into his voice. "It's because I knew we didn't have a future. That regardless of what I tried to say or do, I would have to let her go. That I would have break her heart.
"You think I don't already know how selfish I've been Kayden?" Henry exclaimed, slapping a hand over his chest. "I want to be with her, for however long I can be, no matter the cost to either her or I. And I feel terrible about that! But for just a little while loner, I want to enjoy hearing her laugh. I want to watch her smile and paint just one more day. I want to memorize every line of her face and be able to recall every moment that I've held her hand or kissed her lips. Even if it ends up destroying both of us, I'll know that I loved her with everything I had, and I'll be able to look back and know that for just a sliver of a second I was truly, authentically, entirely happy. This is the one thing, Kayden, that I am doing for myself. Not for the Lancasters or England or that god damn throne, but for me. I'm will to sacrifice anything else but the remaining time I have to love Adelaide."
Without another word, Henry stormed away leaving Kayden to stare down the dark hallway alone, lost in his own thoughts, engulfed by his emotions.
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Thanks for reading!
Also, just wanted to share with you all that I've officially graduated from college! So expect more updates from me in the future! Love you all and thanks for the continued support