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He slightly turned his body towards me before looking me up and down causing me to get a bit self conscious, "That is no longer of your concern" is all he said before shutting the door and walking away
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Realization of what had just occurred caused my words to become caught in my throat as no words could come near to explaining the pure humiliation I felt right at that moment
There was no trust in this so called relationship
All I ever wanted was to love him and heal all of which has been hurt. I begged for a profound love that I've only heard of in stories, yet he just wanted to assert his dominance. I desired to have an equal relationship but all he did was manipulate and gaslight me. It was all make believe because my love was never enough. His greedy hands always felt entitled to all I ever had and then some.
The signs were always there, a flaming red that was near impossible to miss. Yet, I chose to overlook his lack of positive sentiment. I chose to dismiss his emotionless eyes and cold blood. I chose to throw a blind eye towards his ill temper all because I wanted to be the one to teach him how to love, and I wanted to be the one he loved. And that was my biggest mistake.
It is not my duty to teach anybody to love. It is not my responsibility to amend someone. And I'm definitely not obliged to educate somebody on simple human hospitality.
You can not teach anyone something they don't care to learn
What I wish he was and who he truly was are two different beings. One fabricated to hide the other's truth. I was delusional. I misconstrued him. I kept trying to paint him as an angel with broken wings. Wings I thought I could knit back together but his wings weren't white and his feathers weren't pure
My thoughts continued pouring down with seemingly no intention of stopping.
It was the first time I felt as if I could see clearly. As if I had just put on my prescribed glasses and was able to see the shapes and colors from a centimeter to a mile away and I had no intention of ever going into the smoke again
I refuse to go back to what continues to inflict pain within me. I can't fathom why I ever let myself back within his selfish heart but I refuse to ever go back to that conception of love.
With that thought, a new wave of determination hit me as I walked towards the door and out to follow his shadow
I rushed down the stairs, before looking right and left for a familiar face
He must've went home I thought, before doing one last search and walking towards the direction of my car
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I parked the car in front of his house before getting out and walking towards his front door
Alright, this is it. This is the end I thought, taking a deep inhale before ringing the doorbell
The door opened revealing an annoyed looking Blake as he cynically glared at me before leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed
Before he could utter a sentence, I spoke
"I am done" I voiced looking at him in his eyes, "I don't want to ever see or hear from you again"
His face remained emotionless as his composure stayed the same
"I was in denial of who you truly are" I continued, "And now that I know, I want nothing to do with you" I snarled looking at him in pure disgust before turning my back and walking away
Before I could even go too far, his hand wrapped around my elbow turning me around to once again face his penetrating stare
"You're repulsed by me huh?" He muttered, his voice coming out deep and raspy as his eyes dared me to object
My eyes narrowed before I yanked my arm out of his grasp, "You're a fucking coward" I spit
"And you're any better?" He mused raising his eyebrow while his eyes were rigid with fiery
"No" I stated calmly, "I have made my mistakes as I have burned my own fire. But I have never once had malicious intent"
He slightly tilted his head to the side calculating me, pursing his lips before nodding his head while squinting his eyes very slightly
Don't ask me why I waited for him to object. To counteract my claim, but a piece of me was hoping and that's the piece I needed to burn
"One day I hope to experience real love" I continued, my voice losing it's harshness causing his eyes to snap back to mine, "And I hope you experience it too and learn to truly love instead of self sabotage" I finished firmly as his eyes never left mine
We remained in a quiet stare off for about a minute before I sighed and realized this would be the last time I would ever see him. Something about that felt foreign. My brain was registering it but my heart wasn't and that's what I think fucked me over for the longest
I took a good long look of him
"Dry clean them"
"The only man's name you will ever say is Blake"
"well then..your standards have surely lowered if you find someone like her even a bit attractive"
"No one will ever make you feel the way I do"
"Aren't I supposed to be the one creepily watching you sleep?"
"I love you"
"It's about communication. It's about understanding"
"you're mistaken sweetheart, I'm quite thrilled actually. Who knows? Maybe a threesome"
"I promised I wouldn't let go, please don't make me"
"We work to fix ourselves together. I will learn to be patient. I will learn to be more thoughtful. I will learn to self-control. I will learn to accept a deny. I will learn. Let me learn with you. Grow with me"
"When are you going to stop running?"
Flashbacks hit me as I watched him, causing my breath to get stuck in between my throat
From me or you, I thought adverting my gaze to the ground as one lonesome tear fought it's way down my cheek
Fuck...I wanted him to be the one so badly
His hand gripped my chin prompting me to look at him as he wiped the tear away with his thumb
"Why'd you have to ruin it?" I whispered, creasing my eyebrows together but all he did was grind his teeth against one another before removing his arm
"Things could still change" he murmured causing me to immediately shake my head
"I will never be able to look at you the same" I revealed truthfully in a pained expression
His eyes remained narrowed but the pain in them was becoming more visible by the second
"What exactly are you upset about Angela?" He questioned clenching his jaw while I stared at him bewildered
"You blamed me for something that wasn't even of my doing" I replied exasperatedly, "You blamed me for Mason's actions, you--"
"I was infuriated the little boy kissed my girlfriend, yes. But I was seething at you putting his feelings into consideration before mine" He spoke cutting me off, "You never even thought about me for a second. You instead, ignored me and victimized yourself and him"
"Let me ask you something" I said staring at him in the eyes, "Did you bother asking me how I was doing?"
He creased his eyebrows together conveying a look of confusion
"Since Mason forcefully kissed me?"
He stared at me in silence as I just knew his head was going into circles
I gave him a sad smile before shaking my head, "No. You didn't. Instead, you chose to degrade me"
He morphed a face of agony registering my words before sucking a deep breathe in
I closed my eyes, taking a deep sigh
There's nothing more to be said
"Goodbye Blake" I said, before turning around and walking away
"I'm not going to chase after you Angela" He voiced causing me to turn around and look at him, "I'm not doing this game anymore. Either come inside and we'll talk or leave. But if you leave" he stopped for a mere second looking at me before reconstructing his demeanor, "We'll be done for good"