I laid in bed in darkness under the comforter, in my pajamas, sleeping or crying, or showering to scrub myself because I felt disgusting.
It had been four days and I hadn't left the room but once.
There was a knock on the door and Sarah entered the room.
"Taylor?"
I groaned in response, covering my head with the blanket- a clear signal I wanted to be alone.
The signal was not recieved.
"Taylor, will you come down for breakfast?" Sarah asked.
"I'm not hungry."
"Well I know for a fact that that is a lie." Sarah arched an eyebrow at me, standing in front of me, knowing full and damn well I was watching her through a crack in the blanket.
"Fine. No." I grumbled.
"Alright." Sarah gave in with a sigh. "I'll bring a tray up. Again," She added under her breath as she left.
Did I feel bad for disappointing her? Sure.
Did I feel worse because my brother was dead? Damn right.
The waterworks started again, and I cried myself to sleep for about three hours.
I was shaken awake too soon by Evan, who was sitting at my side.
"Taylor?"
"No." I said with a tired sigh. I knew he was asking me to come down for lunch.
"If you won't come down, will you at least eat this tray?" He asked, and I could tell he was irritated.
He was an Alpha- He didn't like being told no. Or being disobeyed. Or being shown attitude.
So right now, he didn't like me.
"Fine." I grumbled, rolling over and turning my back to him.
He didn't like it when I did that either.
Evan left, and I cried again, this time curing my headache with food and a shower.
There was knocking on my door, and the person knocking didn't open the door, so I knew it wasn't my friends, or Evan.
I inhaled, and my wolf recognized the scent of a wolf who hadn't shifted yet.
A child.
I got out of bed and opened the door a crack, looking straight. There was no one there.
I looked down, and my eyes settled on a tiny little girl with bright blue eyes and blonde hair.
"Can I come in?"
Her voice was as tiny and feminine as she was.
I opened the door, confused. The girl came in and sat down on my bed.
She patted the bed next to her, and it took me a minute to process- She was telling me to sit next to her.
She was holding a paper in her hands, and she gave it to me when I sat next to her.
It was a little girl and a mommy and daddy with triangle and square bodies.
"Who are they?" I asked, although I had an idea- the girl didn't have blonde hair though, hers was red, like the father's.
"That's my sister, and my parents." The girl told me. "They're with the Moon Goddess now."
"Oh." I said. I didn't know what else to say. The little girl shrugged.
"I'm okay, though. Uncle Evan takes care of me. Anna is my Mom now." The girl told me. "My name's Emmy. What's your name?"
"I'm Taylor." I said. The girl couldn't be older than seven or eight, but she was so grown up.
"Who did you lose?" She asked.
"My brother, Thomas. He was my twin." I said.
"Anna tells me that if I draw picture of us happy, I'll remember us happy, and then I feel better." Emmy told me. "It took a little while, and I still get sad, but I do feel a little better."
"How long ago did they leave?" I asked, careful not to say the 'd' word.
"Almost one year ago." Emmy replied. "I draw lots of pictures, but I burn them now."
"Why?" I asked. Why is the kid near fire?!
"So that the ashes will go up to the sky, and my family will see the pictures." Emmy said. She pulled a blue crayon out of her pocket and began to draw another person.
"Who's that?" I asked.
"This is Thomas." Emmy said. "Your brother."
She showed me when she was done, and I smiled. Emmy got off of the bed and took my hand, leading me out of the room.
She led me through the suite, and up to the fire place.
The fire was lit and it was flaming.
"Who lit the-"
"Anna did. She does this every day before dinner for me." Emmy said. "So my family can have them set up at the dinner table, up in Heaven."
My heart warmed and broke at the same time for the brave little girl.
"I want you to put it in there with me." Emmy said to me. "So your brother can see it with my family at dinner."
It broke.
I broke.
Together we tossed the drawing into the fire, and we watched it burn.
I heard the door close, and saw out of the corner of my eye as Evan and a middle aged black woman approached slowly, trying to be quiet do Emmy wouldn't notice.
"Will you eat dinner with me?" Emmy asked.
I looked down at myself. I was in sweats, a hoodie, and my hair was in a very messy bun.
Not dinner ready.
But I still said yes.
Emmy hugged me and went over to who I assumed was Anna. Anna took her hand and led her out of the suite.
I watched the flames flicker, a single tear streaming down my cheek.
Evan came to sit beside me, and he put an arm around me.
"Did you set her up to that?" I joked half heartedly.
He chuckled. "She asked me why you hadn't come down yet. I told her you were sad, because you lost someone. The rest she decided by herself. She told Anna she wanted to help you the way Anna helped her."
I inhaled deeply and sighed. "I guess I should go get dressed, and at least try to look a little less like a zombie." I joked, and he laughed.
"You don't look like a zombie." He said to me. I deadpanned him.
"You're lying."
"I'm not." He shook his head. He stared at me intensely, and looked like he wanted to say something, but he said nothing.
I got up and went into my room, looking through my closet.
I put on blue jeans, white low top converse, a white spaghetti strap top, and over that a flower print, black letterman jacket.
I let my hair down and brushed it thoroughly before braiding it around my shoulder and leaving the room.
Evan turned when he heard me coming and stared at me in surprise.
"I may not seem like it, but I can clean up." I teased softly, walking past him.
"Yes you can," I heard him mutter behind me.
He led me downstairs, into the dining room.
It was relatively empty, but those who were eating in there did a double take when they saw me.
"Oh my gosh, she's come down." I heard a woman whisper in surprise.
"The poor thing, I'm glad she gave herself some time to grieve." I heard an old lady say to her group, who all nodded with various noises of agreement.
"She's hot," I heard a guy say, and Evan's low growl caused him to turn away in fear.
I turned to look at Evan with a 'really?' look, and he sent me back a 'what?' look and shrug. I rolled my eyes at him and he led me over to a far table where Emmy, Sarah, Anna and Mila were sitting.
"Sit next to me Taylor!" Emmy chirped, patting the seat next to her. "I saved it for you!"
"Isn't that adorable!" An old lady cooed.
"The two orphans singing Tomorrow?" I heard a girl joke, and the old ladies growl at her warningly.
That comment stung, and Evan noticed.
"I can tell them to stop-"
"Don't," I cut him off, and I knew people were listening in. "It's fine. People talk, they gossip. I'm not bothered, I expected it."
"Smart and practical," a woman commented.
"Can we eat for once without commentary?" Mila asked pointedly with a scowl.
People shut up.
Orion came into the dining hall, heading straight for us. He greeted Mila with a quick kiss, and turned to Evan.
"Axel's on his way back." Orion told him, and Evan nodded, dismissing him.
"Bye Orion!" Emmy waved at him, and he waved back with a goofy smile on his face.
"Uncle Evan, are you going to take Taylor for a tour of the pack?" Emmy asked.
"I will, when she's ready."
"I'll go whenever you have time." I said, knowing he was a busy man.
Evan's eyes lit up, although the look disappeared quickly. "Consider tonight's schedule cleared."
"All two appointments of it," Mila rolled her eyes at him.
"I'm Anna," Anna introduced herself, and we shook hands.
"Taylor."
"Taylor, will you draw a picture with me tomorrow?" Emmy asked.
I paused, and the others watched me for my reaction.
Oh, what the hell? I needed to heal, and Thomas wanted me to move on.
This was part of letting go.
"Yeah, sure." I said with a soft smile. I didn't miss the look that Evan and Sarah shared, but pretended to.
"So, Taylor, what do you like to do?" Anna asked.
"I like to run." I said. "It helps me clear my head."
"There are lots of great paths in these woods. I can show you." Mila offered.
"Do you draw?" Emmy asked.
"Yeah, stick figures. That's about it." I said with a laugh. Emmy laughed too.
"Do you play an instrument? Piano?" I froze at Anna's suggestion.
||Flashback||
"No! You're doing it wrong!" Sister Alicia slapped the back of my hands with the whip and I whimpered in pain.
"A Flat!"
||End of Flashback||
"Taylor?" Evan asked. I looked up, noticing them all staring at me.
My mouth was dry, my head stuck in that godawful place.
"No, we don't." Sarah spoke up for me, and I shot her a glance of gratitude. "We weren't very teachable as children. We had a hard time... concentrating."
Oh Goddess Sarah, shut up please!
Evan stared at me, his fists clenched. He was staring at my hands, and I looked down, noticing I was rubbing the back of my hand.
I stopped, putting my hands in my lap.
"We can go for a tour after dinner." Evan said to me, and I nodded.
He had questions, and he wanted answers.
Answers to events I didn't want to face.
------------------
"That's the mall," Evan pointed at the large building. "My Father decided to build one so we could still shop if the local mall became dangerous- and it has now."
"Shopping must have been important to him," I joked, and he shrugged.
"I wouldn't know. We didn't talk much."
"Is he-"
"Yeah." Evan nodded.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
Evan shrugged. "Like I said, it barely affected me. I barely knew the man."
"Was he a good Alpha?"
"I thought he was," Evan said. "But it turns out none of our predecessors had their priorities- or morals- straight."
"Oh. Well, I know what it's like to have bad adult figures in your life, believe me."
"They told us about the experiments. It makes me angry just thinking about it." Evan said to me.
I nodded, my mind drifting far away.
"This is the training academy." Evan pulled me back out, pointing to the large building with the massive yard behind it, built with obstacle courses and a gun range.
"Can I?" I gestured to the firing range.
"Do you know how?" He asked, and I scoffed at him with a grin, walking towards the gun range.
Evan got me a gun and set up a target. I looked at the gun, sent back to another moment.
||Flashback||
"Thomas!"
Thomas struggled in the dirt with the hunter, who had shot Thomas with a silver bullet.
"The gun! The gun, Taylor!" Thomas yelled over to me.
I scrambled in the dirt, grabbing the gun that had been lost in the struggle.
I raised it as the huhnter turned to come at me.
I fired three times, my eyes widening as I did.
The man jerked and fell back, bleeding from his chest, dead.
||Flashback||
"You ready?" Evan asked, pulling me out of my memories.
"Yeah. It's just been a couple years." I said. I flicked the safety off and raised the gun, holding it in both hands, staring at the target.
I fired twice, hitting nothing the first time and the shoulder the second.
"Need some-"
"No." I cut Evan off, focusing.
I fired again and again, each time hitting the target either in the head or the heart.
I emptied the mag on the target. When I was done, I flicked the safety back on and set the gun down, walking across the range to see the target.
"Wow." Evan said from a few feet behind me.
"You never forget." I said cryptically.
"Have you been in a gunfight before?" Evan asked.
"I've been in many kinds of fights." I replied.
"The sun's about to set." Evan said after a moment. "I think we should head back."
I nodded, following him. Evan checked the gun back in and led me back towards the pack house.
--------------------
Evan stopped outside my room, staring at me with an unreadable look.
"What?" I asked him, shy.
"It's okay to be broken, Taylor." Evan surprised me by saying. "You just need to pick yourself back up again. I know you can."
"How do you know that?" I asked him curiously.
"Because I did." He said, and he kissed the top of my head before leaving.
Why do guys have to be so damn mysterious all the time?