I'm alone yet again.
I do wish it'd visit again.
I know, I know it's an animal.
It wasn't visiting me, it was just lying down and having a rest.
But wouldn't it be nice if it had?
What else can I do but dream? Sit around and mope? Wade in the misery that seems to want so desperately to overtake me?
I'll make time to do that never you mind, but on my own terms.
I hate it here.
I hate it here.
I don't enjoy using that word, but it's nothing but the truth.
Back home, back home, back home, it's all I ever think about.
If there was any wind here I'd hear the sound of my office's buzzer, or my mother banging pots and pans around in the early hours before I went to work, or my daughters sweet voice every time it breezed by.
I wish there were more flowers here.
They'd remind me more of her.
Whether that'd be pleasant or not I'm not sure, but at least they'd be here.
She loved flowers, any kind of plant at all, really.
She'd point out weeds growing in the cracks of the sidewalk and tell me their names in Latin.
I'm still not particularly sure of how she learned them, but those things tend to not worry you in life.
I remember whenever we went to the park, she'd run off ahead of me - I had to tan her hide once when she nearly ran into traffic to look at a dandelion across the street.
She'd stare at the flowers as if every little detail in their petals was a mystery that only she could decode.
It was fascinating to watch her interests grow as she did.
I miss them.
I didn't have close friends, not really.
They were all I had, my mother and daughter.
Now, don't get me wrong there were plenty of men and women I colluded with, and even more whom I'd go down to barney's with and dance the night away.
I'd walk into any party and leave with more people than I came with.
And yet, as cliche as it may be, after so much time, and so many faces, you start to feel like nobody even wants to remember your name.
Mainly because you forget their names first.
I'm not sure why I liked it so much, the party scene.
I went out a lot when Val was around two years old.
Earl died around then.
Maybe it was just because I like to dance.
I do wish it'd visit.