Tuesday
The next day, Senn swung back and forth slowly on the swing, not taking his feet of the ground, as he stared at the white house on the other side of the road. The swing set was part of a playground in the park, that also held a pond, a small skate park, a recreational soccer field and lots of trees and grass. He had spent endless of hours in this park in the past years. With his friends, with his ex girlfriend, by himself or with his family. It held so much memories that he felt overwhelmed by them.
Mainly by the emotions that came with those memories.
But the park wasn't the main reason for Senn to feel overwhelmed. It had been the endless staring in school. The whispers, the stares, the pity. He had felt like screaming at those people to mind their own business. But that was probably going to gain him even more attention, and lately all he wanted was to be invisible.
He had remained silent most of the day, and luckily teachers left him alone for the most part. But his friends' actions had been weird, uncomfortable and most of all different. Different from how they used to act.
During lunch, they had decided to go over to Shakies after school, a local lunchroom that had the best milkshakes in the area. They had asked him to come, but he felt no need to hang out with people more than necessary. Again, he just wanted to disappear for a while. Having to go to school was more inconvenient than ever.
He had eventually fled the school halfway down a class and went straight to this swing set. By the time it was dark, he had finally reached a calm state in which he didn't feel like crying all the time. The house across the street was strangely soothing to stare at.
The beautiful white house, with a small tower, big windows that seemed to suck in every ray of sunlight and a green garden bordered with flowers in all possible colors. The house he grew up in, that his parents fell in love with the moment they found it. The house that held more memories than anything in the whole wide world.
But it stung to see lights in it, knowing it wasn't his family that was inside.
"Senn?" a voice sounded behind him.
Senn stiffened but refused to look around. Maybe if he pretended that he wasn't who he really was, the guy would leave again.
"Ah, I thought I recognized that hoodie."
In the corners of his eyes, Senn noticed Elio taking a seat on the other swing.
"You left school out of the blue. Your friends are worried."
"Why do you care?"
"Who says I do?" Elio chuckled, actually starting to swing back and forth the way you're supposed to on a swing. "I'm just telling you what's up."
"Well, I don't care either. Leave me alone."
"Sure."
Senn let out a breath, relieved Elio wasn't a dick that was going to bother him... but then why wasn't he leaving? Senn's eyes went from left to right and back as he followed Elio on the swing going back and forth, not showing any intention to slow down. It wasn't like Elio was speaking, or bothering him with words, but his presence wasn't much appreciated either.
"Can't you just fuck off?" Senn snapped. "I don't want any company."
"I get that, but it's a free world, right? We both have every right to sit here." Elio dragged his feet through the sand, slowing down in an instance.
"I just want to be alone! Is that so hard to respect?"
"You want peace and quiet, but you ain't going to find that by being alone. That much I can tell you. In fact, it'll only get worse the more time you spend by yourself, and alone with your thoughts."
"You don't know nothing about me, or what works for me, okay?"
"Did it work, so far?"
"Who even are you?" Senn jumped up, waving a hand in Elio's direction. "You show up at school, wiggle your fucking way into my group of friends, and then you think you can tell me how to handle my shit?"
"I'm Elio Lake and I lost my mother in a car accident last year. We moved here to get away from the place I couldn't stand to be at any longer but got obsessed with too much too." Elio's facial expression didn't chance, but Senn did hear a slight tremble in his voice when he spoke about his mother. "Being alone doesn't help, because you'll drive yourself crazy with 'what if's' and false truths that you make up out of guilt and grief. Don't do that Senn. Don't estrange yourself from everything else."
"Well..." Senn's shoulders slumped. He wanted to become angry, he really did. He wanted to yell at Elio that it was none of his business. That they were nothing alike, that they had nothing in common, but was it true? "Were you there? When it happened?"
"No," Elio mumbled, shaking his head.
"Then we are nothing alike—"
"She was on her way to pick my spoiled ass up because I didn't feel like riding a bike through the rain."
"I—" Senn sunk back onto his swing set. "I was the one driving."
"I read the article... Joyce and the others didn't want to tell me what happened because they don't like gossiping, about anything, but especially not you. It wasn't your fault."
Senn sniffed, shaking his head. "That's what everyone keeps saying. But everyone died, and I lived. Why? It's not like I'm a fucking saint who deserves more than them. My parents where the best, goddamn it. Did everything to help others..."
"So? You live, and you should honor them by doing everything you can to be alive. You're not really alive right now, are you? For all I heard, you locked yourself away all summer."
"In all fairness, I've only been out of hospital for a few weeks."
"Why don't you let them help you? They don't want to talk about what happened. They just want to take your mind off things."
Senn watched how Elio drew pictures in the sand with his feet, shrugging even though he wouldn't see it. Why didn't he want to see them? Why was he hiding from everyone?
"I don't know. I just... everyone knows and even if they're not showing it, they feel sorry for me and I just don't want to deal with it. You're the first person who talks back to me, who is questioning my words and actions. You dare to do that. But they? They treat me like I'm broken—"
"You act like you're broken, though. You give them no reason to think otherwise. It's up to you, Senn. What doesn't bend, breaks. Did you bend, or did you break?"
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Love, June