I've just gotten to my shift when I'm bombarded by Jupiter, "Oh my god. It's about time you showed up," She explains grabbing my arm and pulling me into the back room.
"What are you talking about? I'm fifteen minutes early for my shift and I didn't know you were working today?"
And then the magazine is shoved in my face. "This is you on the front right? With a certain Maddox Benson?"
I can feel my stomach drop to the floor and my brain goes blank as I look at the series of pictures of us on the cover with the main one of us locking lips. "Where did you get this?" I ask shakily covering my mouth with my hand.
Jupiter's eyes are now sympathetic, "Everywhere. I took this from some lady ordering gin and tonics too early in the morning."
My stomach now rolls and I push past to the alley behind the bar and I empty the breakfast I just finished eating ten minutes ago while Jupiter pulls my hair out of my face. I rest one hand on the cool brick to trying to keep my stomach from churning again. "What am I going to do?" I ask breathlessly closing my eyes.
"I can't tell you what to do CJ, I just know that if you are falling for someone else you need to tell Noah," She advises and another wave of nausea rips through me at the thought of telling Noah about Maddox.
"I'm not falling for him," I say but I don't know who I'm trying to convince: Jupiter or myself.
Jupiter rubs my back, "Sweetie that is not what it looks like in the photos though."
"I don't even know what I would say. 'Hey! Sorry I know I said I wasn't going out last night but I basically went on a date with a really rich guy and he kissed me!' God this is such a fucking mess." I admit rubbing my face still not ready to meet her eyes. This is pathetic. I need to just avoid Maddox and pretend that I never met him. "Noah means too much to me, I can't lose him." But Maddox makes me feel as if this version of me doesn't exist. All the bad things I've done just disappear and I want to be the person he thinks I am.
"You need to talk to Noah then. You could never lose Noah," She insists and I don't want to tell her how wrong she is because it already feels like I lost him.
"You're right," I admit softly and Jupiter chuckles softly.
"I know I'm right. I'll cover your shift but you owe me big time."
I throw my arms around her shoulders to pull her in for a hug, "Big time, I promise."
Jupiter hugs me back tightly, "You might want to chew some mint gum first though." I take a step back laughing because she is right again.
However, I don't have to go very far to find Noah because he's sitting at the bar with the magazine in his hand. Fuck fuck fuck. I force my feet forward to get to where he is sitting. "Hey, can I get you anything?" I ask bracing myself for the conversation we're about to have.
I already have my hand resting on the lid of a Boulevard beer bottle because it's his go-to and he glances up, "I'm good but thanks, babe. I do have to say that this girl on the cover looks an awful lot like you," He muses and my stomach drops.
"Listen, about that-"
Maddox smiles at me, "It is you isn't it?" I nod slowly admitting that it's me and I prepare myself for anger but that's not what comes next? "This is fucking brilliant CJ. Why didn't you tell me that you were planning a long-con on him?"
I force a smile, "I didn't know if it would actually work and I wanted to surprise you."
He looks down at the magazine, "You did a good job picking a target. He has plenty of money and if it continues to go this well, he would probably give you things that we could sell for a huge profit which isn't illegal. This could be good for us."
Noah doesn't even see it. God, he wants me to take advantage of Maddox and I just-I don't know if I can do that. But Noah looks so happy- "You caught me before I could tell you." I shrug laughing lightly looking at him almost wishing that the sight of seeing me kiss someone else would be enough for Noah to see that I can't keep living the life that we're living.
He leans over the bar and kisses me hard and brief before stepping back, "You're amazing."
"Thanks, Noah."
"I have to go to work but I think we should talk more about the plan later, I'll see you at home," Noah says walking off quickly before I even have time to process what just happened.
"You okay?" Jupiter asks from the other end of the bar where there is a sink for her to clean glasses.
I swallow the lump in my throat, "Just great."
This is all one big fucking mess and I don't understand how it all happened.
*********
"Your mother isn't going to be very happy if you're late for dinner, Cassidy. You too Ty," Jupiter's mother, Reanne, reminds me and I shrug.
"Yeah, I guess so," I bite my lip so I don't accidentally tell her that my mom won't even be home. Her friend took her on vacation so she left me twenty bucks and told me to order a pizza except the phone won't work because she didn't pay the bill. Her eyebrows furrow in concern and I push a smile on my face, "Thanks for having me over! Could we get a ride to school in the morning?" I ask changing the topic quickly before she can ask any questions.
"Of course sweetie. Run along now, I don't want you to be late."
My stomach sinks because I had hoped that Reanne would invite us to stay for dinner but that's okay. I think there's a packet of ramen left somewhere in the cupboards that I can split with Ty. "Goodnight!" I call out over my shoulder as I walk towards the door of the trailer where our shoes lay next to Jupiter's. I hand Ty his shoes to start putting on while I slip into mine. They're almost completely worn through on one of the toes to where if I press any harder against it, the fabric would snap.
"Wait!" Jupiter screeches from the hallway before running towards me. "You didn't say goodbye to me!"
I can almost get the words out of my mouth before she pulls me into a hug, but more importantly, I feel her hand slip into my pocket and leaving something there. "See ya tomorrow silly." I stick my hand in my pocket only to find a small sleeve of crackers in it.
"Duh, just next time don't forget to say bye and I won't have to be dramatic," She grins at me and I feel tears pool in the corner of my eyes.
'Thank you,' I mouth to her and she mimics zipping her lips together and throwing the key into her pocket.
I open the door and let Ty step out first shutting the door softly behind me. I hum a song to myself as we slowly go walk on the path that leads to our home two trailers over. I really don't want to go back but there's no other choice at this point.
I use the key that hangs around my neck to unlock the door revealing the dark empty room. I miss my mom and more than that, I miss my dad. The bear he gave me before he died is out in the open on top of my made bed. Usually, I have to keep him hidden, or it makes my mom really sad and then she falls asleep on the couch.
I take the crackers out of my pocket and give most of them to Ty keeping a few for myself. He looks up at me with his big brown eyes that are almost covered by how long his hair is getting.
"Thanks, Sissy!" He chimes and goes to sit on the couch while I take a small bite out of the dry cracker.
It's okay though, it's fun pretending to be an adult.
I'm jerked out of my memories by the sound of my phone ringing on the couch next to me, "Hello?" My voice almost gets caught in my throat and I clear it quickly.
"Hey Cass," Maddox's voice comes through the line and I almost drop the phone out of shock. "Is this an okay time or?"
"No, it's okay. I guess I'm just surprised to hear from you," I admit chuckling softly.
He pauses for a second and sighs, "I'm sorry, I didn't know if it was okay for me to call but then I kind of just decided to go for it."
There's something about him right now that is so unlike every interaction we've had. Maddox seems unsure of himself and usually, he's the one convincing me that everything's fine. I can't help but ask, "Are you alright?"
"What makes you ask that?"
"Well for starters, you called me Cass. And you never do that." I know that because it's always Cassidy. Hearing my actual name is something that's started to grow on me. I glance around the empty apartment tired of being by myself while Noah is out with his friends. "Do you want to get a drink?"
"Actually I could really go for one of those right now. There's this bar called The Pony Bar over in-"
I know exactly which one he's talking about, "It's right by Up Thai, right? Meet there in twenty?"
"See you then."