This is truly one of those What The moments where the realization creeps on you like:
Oh.
Oh no.
All through my ride home I keep squirming in my seat. Obviously there might be some flaw in the test I thought but my conscious knew that this is not the case. George kept steeling glances at me because he knew about my defect as well, but he was considerate enough to not mention anything to me.
"Umm do you want to eat anything?" he finally asked me.
"No," I squeaked in a voice that was so high pitched I couldn't believe it belongs to me. He didn't push the subject.
"It is gonna be alright Laura," he said after some time and we were almost in our street. I just nodded. When we pulled in front of our house I got out of his car and said thanks to him.
"Be brave!" he called out but I just nodded again.
I put on the brave expression I always wear and knocked on the door my results tucked safely in my bag. Mom opened the door.
"Oh, Laura thank goodness you are here I was just setting dinner up," she said as I took my shoes off, "How was your reunion?"
"It wasn't a reunion mom, just a get together," I replied in my most enthusiastic voice I could muster but I sounded exhausted still. Mom might have noticed the edge in my tone cause she didn't push it.
I went upstairs to my room and put the results in my closet. All I wanted was to stay in my room but I needed to go down for dinner after all I can use all time I have left- oh god no this is how Lynn must feel all the time! And that is when I lost it and I started crying because I couldn't hold the tears in any more. How could I tell my parents the news that their elder daughter is also on death bed on top of their younger pne battling cancer without tearing them into a hundred pieces? So at that time I decided the only sensible thing: I am not gonna tell them. Not now at least.
...
After I stopped crying and put myself together I went down for dinner.
"What took you so long?" Lynn asked me, but I couldn't look into her eyes.
"I was taking a shower," I lied.
All through dinner I kept fiddling with my rice and chicken but I still finished it so that nobody thinks that there is something wrong with me.
Even when I went to bed I was still battling with myself on how and when to tell my parents. Not now obviously. Not in soon future because Lynn is so excited about her trip that surely will be canceled if I break the news before it. Not directly after it so when! I asked myself these questions frustrated.
People say follow what your heart tells you to do but my heart is broken in to a hundred pieces (literally) and I don't know which piece to follow.
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