(WARNINGS: SELF HARM)
-Ashton
I dragg the cold metal across my skin, letting blood flow out. I cut down my wrists and down my thighs. My salty tears hit my open skin and I hiss at the pain. I want to stop but the voices in my head are telling me otherwise.
Your ugly. Nobody will ever like you. Your worthless and fat. Just end it right now while you can. Nobody will even notice that your gone.
"Stop!"I scream putting my hands on my head and shake my head vigorously.
I'll never stop! I'm gonna stay with you for the rest of your life!
"P-please!"I sob.
"Ashton sweetie are you okay?"My mum asks me from outside my bathroom door.
I wipe my tears with my hand and sniffle.
"Y-yeah I'm fine."I try my best to sound convincing.
"No you aren't. You were crying. Open this door right now mister!"My mum demands while jiggling the door knob.
I sigh"Hold on."I say and stand up and clean myself up and I wrap my cuts up and change into my black sweater and skinny jeans that were on the floor. Once I was done I unlocked the door and opened it and my mum was standing there.
"Why were you crying?"She asks.
"I wasn't."I say.
"Then why are your eyes red?"She asks.
"I'm doing drugs."I say and she gasps.
"Ashton don't say that! Now tell me why you were crying."She says and I just sigh and walk past her into my room and I plop down onto my bed.
"I'm fine mum. I swear."I say and she sighs.
"Fine. Oh and dinner will be ready in 5 minutes."She says.
"I'm not hungry."I say. The truth is I am hungry but I'm really fat so I never really eat anymore.
"Ashton you haven't eaten all day. And I don't even know if you have been over the past couple of days."She says.
"Mum I'm not hungry. Could you just leave me alone? Please?"I ask.
"Fine."She sighs and walks out of my room closing the door.
Thank god she left. I love my mum and all but she is annoying as fuck and won't stop asking me questions. There is no point for her to ask me them because I lie at all of them. I never tell my mum anything. Except that I'm gay, but other than that I don't tell her anything.
I wish I still had my dad. He left me and my mum when I was two. I don't even know why. I wanted to be able to grow up with him and maybe play football at the park and work on cars and all the shit that boys do with their dads.
And just letting you know in Australia football is like soccer in America.
I miss my dad a lot. Even though I didn't really know him that well I still miss him. Now I have an awful stepdad and he is a total dick! I fucking hate him so much. I don't know what my mum sees in him. I also have a little sister Lauren and a little brother Harry.
I don't have much friends. I have one. Michael. He has been my best friend since primary school. We literally do everything together. He is the only one I trust. I tell him everything. I even told him how I am gay and I even told him about my self harm and my eating disorder. I know that he will never tell anybody and if he ever did I don't know what I would do. Most likely kill myself.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Like if I did just end it would anybody even care? Or notice? No who am I kidding. Nobody cares about me. Not even my dog Indie! Ugh I hate life so much. With all the bullying and hate I just want to end my life. I wish I was never put on this earth! I just want to die!
Probably about a half-hour later I got a text from Michael.
From:Mike-Ro-Wave
Come hangout with me. I'm bored af!
To:Mike-Ro-Wave
Eh I don't feel like it.
From:Mike-Ro-Wave
Do it or I'll sew your asshole shut so you'll never get the D.
To:Mike-Ro-Wave
Ugh fine!
From:Mike-Ro-Wave
YAYYY!!
I chuckle at Michael's text. He can be really childish and immature but that's what I love about him.
-
When I got to Michael's house all we did was listen to Green Day and play FIFA even though I don't like FIFA I still played it since I was bored.
"So did you here that we are supposed to be getting some new kid in our grade at school?"Michael asked.
"No. Who is he or she?"I ask.
"Some guy named Luke. Apparently he is some badass and shit."Michael says and I chuckle.
"I doubt it."I say and after our little conservation we go back to playing FIFA.