Megumi
“No! Maggie, how many times do I need to tell you. I remember everything. I just need some time to recover.”
“Then why don’t you reply Yuz-“ Maggie is stopped by Angel.
“Maggie, watch out your words.” Angel whispers.
“It’s alright Meg, take your time.”Angel turns to me. She is currently my guard these days.
I became afraid of my idol. Every time I hear his name I will start shivering and my eyesight will just blinds out. It has been two weeks like this. I made my mom to put his magazine away and change my computer and phone desktop into something that doesn’t remind me of him. I hide my Line in the deepest part of my phone and never click on the application.
After I tried to wipe him out of my world completely, I realized that how I am seriously obsessed with him. I just can not clean everything I have downloaded, the viewing history in my youtube account, my writings in everywhere. I feel repulsive and dizzy every day because every where I go, everything I do reminds me of him. His voice, moves, smiles, every details of him just are so hard to forget.
I became less talkative and smily than before. But something happened that is so different from what I expected. I start to make more friends than when I am attracted to him. I start to care about others than I care about my own. People around me started to compliment me that I look more elegant and peaceful than before. Perhaps the life without him can be a lot easier. All I need is time.
Reconsidering the three months I have spend my time, love, and passion for him. It is just so not a good bargain for me to give up of him right now. Also, the trip to Japan, I know that it was full of good memories, the best in the world, my dream. But I just can’t try to think about it. I feel I am right back at the time when I let Akira feel embarrassed because I am just being selfish. At the same time, I was being embarrassed in front of the whole program's student.
It was not his fault or Akira's as well. I can not overcome the fact that I let Akira feel ashamed because I don't want people to know my relationship with my idol. Then I was embarrassed in the public because Akira was embarrassed.
I do not dare to imagine him skating and he is about to show his new programs. Right now, I just want to overcome this phobia and get on to a new life.
My heart is empty. There is nothing. Literally nothing. The only thing that has full my mind is probably my school works. But that's my mind, not my heart.
I need something to fulfill my heart otherwise my heart will wither into a dry, tasteless heart. Anything. I feel so passive that I just need anything to make me happy, to makes me feel loved again.
"Hey, Megumi. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to shout at you last time." Akira says when he is in our classroom during break time.
"No, th....tha..that's" I start shivering. I took a deep breath and say" that's okay. And I'm sorry as well."
"I wasn't mean to spoil your secret between Yuzuru ,
Obviously, Akira doesn't know what happened to me since Angel keeps him away from talking to me. Luckily for Akira, Angel is absent today.
I feel my breakfast is at my throat already. My whole body is numb and ice cold.
"Meg, are you alright? You look pale!" He worries.
"Ak.. Akira, I'm sorry that... You don't know, but I will start shivering when I hear his name." I murmur. I can throw up in the classroom if I just talk a bit longer and a bit louder.
"Oh, I'm very sorry. Do you need some help?" He said, then realized it was the exact same moment like last time.
"Akira, thank you." I say." I really need to go to the restroom right now. But I can't feel my feet."
"No problem."
The next thing that I remember is that I am flying in the sky, surrounded by Akira's strong arms and be protected by his chest. There is a swirl of warmth in my heart. Red and hot. We are so close that I can feel his body temperature, Akira is so warm and bright. I feel peaceful in his arms.
"Thank you, I will be fine from now." I say when he drops me at the front of the restroom.
"It's fine. I will wait for you." He replies, with a bright smile.
"You might not want to see me after I come out." I warn him and go in the restroom.
The sourness of the vomit makes me even want to throw up more. There are tears around my eyes because vomiting. My abdomen feels sore from using a lot of energy to throw up.
I arrange my hair, wipe my tears, gargle my mouth. I don’t like to throw up but when I feel very uncomfortable, I will vomit in order to make myself feel better. This time, I totally forget the feelings I had before I throw up, well I guess for only a couple of hours.
When I came out from the restroom, Akira is still standing there waiting for me.
“Feels better?” He shows concerns to me, obviously.
“yeah…” I answer weakly.
“I’m sorry, I will watch my words more carefully next time.” He apologizes.
The magical thing about Akira is that even though he often screws things up, but he can always fix the problem, and even to help to bring up a wonderful solution. His name fits him perfectly. Warm, brilliant, shiny, and guiding. Every time I am with him, I feel safe with him; as long as he doesn’t offend my pride.
That time. I feel my stomach is jumping up and down again. I feel like I am going to throw up again, even though there is nothing in my stomach. I coughed heavily that I can barely breathe. I chock in between coughing and breathing. I fall to my feet and struggle to live.
Tears are streaming down my cheeks and all my face is pale because the lack of air. I cover my mouth to stop my saliva dripping. I can't hear a word from teachers, friends and Akira. But then I feel a strong and firm embrace around my arms.
“It’s alright.” Akira says. “I’m right here, don’t be afraid.”
The tears change into something warm and sweet. I stop shaking and the frustration of no reason seems to be forgotten. The anxiety turn into tranquility. My mind is like the ocean with the salty moist wind and Akira’s words echo in my head. I feel a sweet syrup is pouring on my half withered heart, quenching my heart. Calming every single part of me, he helps me up.
“Megumi,” He started. “Don’t worry. I will be beside you.” He gave me a big smile.
His smile rescued me from the misery I have been facing for 2 weeks.
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ok~ i wrote some parts that I really want you guys to read so just enjoy~~~