I wasn't trying to get lost, obviously.
I don't enjoy not knowing where I am.
Then again, that's more of a constant these days.
I didn't want to return.
I couldn't. Not yet.
It's too much.
Waking up everyday to the same empty sky and knowing for a fact that there's no one.
No one and nothing other than you and your memories that seem like they took place so long ago.
I just wanted to breathe.
Besides, it's not like I wouldn't wake up right back where I started.
It's happened the last twenty times.
I just wanted to see something different.
Unfortunately, there was only the forest.
I couldn't tell you how long I walked, only that if I was alive I would've passed out miles before I'd stopped.
I was pleased to see that the trees seem to get bigger the deeper you go, anything different is a breath of fresh air.
I was however, unsettled to see the path follows you, no matter where you step.
If I took my eyes off it, even for a second, even just to blink, it would be miles ahead of wherever I had planned to walk.
Little things like that remind me of where I am now.Of what I am now.
It truly takes what little charm this place could ever have and rips it to shreds.
It got dark.
I thought I'd stay longer, no point in being afraid of the dark when nothing is there to kill you.
Not that anything could to begin with.
I walked until I couldn't tell if it was still night or if it was day, as the trees were so dense, so packed together, their branches deeply intertwined, almost tangled.
I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face.
They arched over me.
To keep me trapped. Or to shield me.
I don't think i'm meant to know which.
I walked further still.
I stopped when I got bored.
I lied down right where I stood and slept on the ground.
I was reminded of my own bed.
I got the frame on sale for 7 dollars, a great deal, but at the time it was a big purchase.
The mattress, I got from my mother's oldest church friend henrietta.
Her son went away to college and his mattress had been used for so long she didn't think it would sell well.
Plus she'd do anything to help out poor little Loretta and her starving daughter.
That's one thing I don't miss.
We were a tight knit community, which meant everyone knew everyone's business, and they damn sure had something to say about it.
Every single time we went to church or school, someone had to bring it up.
My mother worked her behind off cleaning their houses and cleaning up after their kids, just to make sure we had everything we needed, only to be told to her face and behind her back that it would never be enough.
Pity and prayers don't pay bills.
And in most cases I wouldn't call what they felt for us pity.
Anyway, the bed was horrid.
Sleeping on the ground felt only slightly worse. And it smelled a lot better.
Perhaps the tangent made me restless but I could not sleep.
Something felt wrong.
Not bad necessarily, just off.
I felt like I was being watched.
And I knew it was silly of me, I hadn't seen so much as a tick in this entire forest.
Still, I felt eyes on me.
After a while I couldn't take it anymore.
I spoke.
Nothing much, I only asked if anyone was there.
I knew in my head it was ridiculous, I wasn't that much of a fool.
I knew I was truly alone.
Yet, I felt this need.
To be around another human, another animal even.
I just couldn't help but think that maybe, somewhere out in this forest there was some little creature sitting all alone in this dark, watching me sleep.
Maybe it just needed to be around someone too.
Most likely not, but common sense isn't a strong suit of mine right now.
I haven't had much need to practice.
Of course nothing responded.
But I wasn't ready to give up on my fantasy yet.
I stood and called out again.
Silence.
The air fell still as I waited for something, anything.
I didn't breathe for fear that I'd miss it.
And still, complete silence.
I sighed to myself and lied back down, form in my previous belief that there was, indeed no on there.
That I was alone.
That all I could do was sit down, shut up, and go to sleep.
The unchanging realm would be waiting for me in the "morning", and it was pointless to think differently.
I fell into a depressing silence, I closed my eyes, and I let myself drift into unconsciousness.
Hoping that maybe this time, I at least wouldn't wake up to face the same blank sky again.
Snap.
It was so faint I almost missed it.
But I heard it, I know I did.
A twig snapped.
It was so close, I could've reached it in five paces.
I had never yearned for a flashlight so desperately, I would've killed for a bit of moonlight in that moment.
I guessed where the sound had come from, and darted after it.
I was never even sure if it was really there, I almost gave up, until I heard it.
The footsteps.
Quick, quiet little footsteps.
I was elated, something, some person, some animal, some creature was there.
I could've cried, I would've cried!
Until I tripped.
I hadn't payed attention to where I was running, and I tripped.
Over my own feet.
I hit my head.
I know that because I woke up in the very same field I do every day.
It was devastating being so close only to suddenly wake up and be faced with the fact that I will most likely never see whatever was there again.
I cannot have been dreaming. Or hallucinating.
I don't know what I'll do if I imagined it all, I don't think I could take it.
My solace though! My delight! My proof!
I have a scar on my knee.
It's small, nearly imperceptible, but it's there, it's a scar!
For a moment, long enough for me to injure myself, I went somewhere.
Somewhere I could get hurt.
Somewhere other than here.
I need to go again.
I'm going on another walk. Right now.
I'll run into whatever was watching me eventually, I just have to keep walking.
I'll find it, and it'll find me, and then neither of us will be alone.