Minato was chosen to be the next Hokage.
Aizen wasn't surprised when his brother revealed it to him. It would be more surprising for him not to be chosen, since he was the one who was most responsible for the end of the war.
He was proud of him—his brother.
He deserved it, more so than others.
He really did.
_
And then it happened.
Minato told him of his plans to ask Kushina to marry him. He had already got a ring and all, planned everything out, but he was asking for Aizen's... permission? Why would he need something like that?
"You love her, don't you?" He asked, sitting besides him, "If you love her, then there's nothing else that you can do."
His brother nodded, a light smile spreading across his features, "Yes, I love her."
"Then, ask her. She's already family at his point," Aizen placed his hand on the man's shoulder, "I'm happy for you, aniki." He earnestly said, feeling his own lips curl up.
He was happy.
_
That night, when he was left alone in the house—Minato went on a date with Kushina—he couldn't help but feel like things were moving too fast. Of course he was happy about Minato and Kushina, but, somehow, it was as if he was the only one who was still stuck behind.
Hanae and Obito were still fresh in his mind, and he knew that he would never be able to move past the loss of them.
The emptiness he felt couldn't be filled by the happiness of others, no matter how close those people were to him—no matter how much he loved them.
It was painful, the loneliness he felt.
Even as he was surrounded by people who cared about him, he wasn't surrounded by Hanae and Obito.
It may be selfish of him to think about all of that, but he didn't care.
He didn't care at all.
_
The very same night, he dreamt of them.
Blinding grins and melodious laughter was all that he heard. Bright wings of white laid between their shoulder blades, feathers of sheer beauty falling all around them.
They held hands, fingers intertwined, with carefree expressions on their too youthful faces.
One would think that such a scene would bring the watcher joy—to see the people they've lost with happiness on their faces and angelic wings on their backs.
But, no.
As he watched them fly further and further away from him, he extended his arm towards them, but his hand didn't reach.
Aizen wondered if it was Hell he dreamed of.
_
When morning came, and along with it came the smell of breakfast, Aizen couldn't forget his dream. He stumbled out of bed, palm coming up to cover his lips as the unbearable pressure in his stomach surged. The sound of him slamming the door of the bathroom may have brought some attention, but the sound of him emptying his stomach of last nights dinner definitely did.
Two pairs of footsteps drummed against the floorboards and the door of his room was harshly opened, "Aizen?!" Minato yelled, positively concerned, "Are you all right?"
He was greeted with the sound of Aizen's choked out sobs coming from the bathroom. His pale hands gripped onto the toilet and he just couldn't stop himself from retching. He didn't know if his cheeks were damp because of that, or because of the dream he had. Not noticing anyone coming in, he flinched back as comforting hands patted his back, soft whispers filling his ears.
Dry-heaving came next. And that was the worst part. There was nothing else left in him to leave his stomach, but he couldn't stop. The tears continued, mixing in with the nauseating liquid in the toilet. His whole body ached. His throat constricted. The muscles in his tongue burned from the exertion.
Cold sweat was already layering his body.
"It's going to be all right, just let it all out." Minato whispered, softly brushing his hand across his back.
And then, when it passed, the tears still didn't stop. He sat there, hunched over the toilet with his brother comforting him, painful sobs leaving his lips without stop.
He felt sick. Nothing felt right. Nothing was how it should have been, "I don't know...!" he choked out, "I don't...!" There was no way for him to form his sentence because of the way his lips trembled in sync with the drumming of his heart.
"Don't worry, aniki is here. Your aniki is here, Zen-Zen," a hand reached over him and the toilet was flushed as he was pulled into Minato's arms, "Shh... Let's clean you up. Kushina, can you wet a towel?"
Arms wrapped around his midsection and he was hoisted up. Unconsciously, he leaned further into his brother, trembling hands holding onto him for dear life.
"Here..." A woman's voice—Kushina—said.
Gently, Aizen was settled atop the now closed toilet, and was forced to let go of Minato, "Look at me?" The man whispered, hand brushing Aizen's bangs away.
He raised his head, but made no move to open his eyes.
Something damp and cold pressed onto his lips, before it was carefully swiped to the side. The process was repeated on the rest of his face, and it was over in a few minutes.
A hand lightly threaded through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face, "Let's get you to bed." Once again, he was hoisted up, and he immediately clamped onto Minato.
Then, he was placed back into bed, but he made no move to release the hold he had on his brother. It seemed that the man noticed that, since he didn't say anything as he laid down along with him. From behind, Aizen noticed the bed dip, and he guessed that that was Kushina. Both of the adults squeezed closer to him and their combined body heat somehow made him feel... safe? But, at the same time, it was suffocating.
Neither of them started a conversation, nor did they bring up the subject of his breakdown.
"They... had wings in my dream," he felt them both stiffen at the sound of his voice, "Both Hanae and Obito," his voice was muffled by the fabric of Minato's clothes, "The looked happy, hovering in the air with mirroring smiles... Why? Why were they happy...? They're... dead, so why were they smiling?"
It didn't make sense.
"It's just a dream," Kushina's voice rang out from behind him and her arms sneaked around his waist. He felt the coldness of the silver around her finger linger on his exposed skin, "Don't dwell too much on them."
He knew that she didn't mean harm by saying that, but he couldn't help but feel hurt by her words, "No matter how much I reached my hand, I couldn't touch them—their wings kept them away from me."
"Dreams tend to expose our deepest wishes and fears... Be it either something we never want to happen, or a lifelong desire," Minato whispered against his hair, "Sometimes, its something in between."
The more he spoke, the more did Aizen find his words not applicable to his current situation. He didn't know what the right answer was, but the dream he had fell in neither of those categories, "White wings mean a good thing, don't they? Something heavenly?" He spoke up, "Then, why did it feel so wrong? Why did I see nothing heavenly in them?" He questioned, almost begging for answers, "Why did it feel like Hell?"
The only answer he got, was the tightening of their arms around him.
_
The next time he awoke, he noticed that the sun had gone down. Had he slept through most of the day? Slowly, he sat up and found himself to be alone. The first thing he did, was go out onto the balcony. As expected, the air was warm and the breeze was cool. A perfect combination. He felt his fingers twitch and he quickly clenched his fists in retaliation, sharply breathing in at the sudden throbbing sensation in his chest.
Knocks came from his door and it opened after a few moments.
In walked Kakashi.
Aizen stood still and watched as Kakashi looked around, before their eyes met. The wind picked up and the curtains made a light sound as they rustled because of it.
"Why are you standing there? Come here." Aizen spoke and propped his elbows atop the sturdy rails as he leaned against them. The other boy listened to what he said and stepped forward, sliding through the slight gap between the glass door and wall, "What brings you here?" Aizen asked, peering at him from the corner of his eye.
"Minato informed me of your condition." Kakashi's reply sounded awfully professional.
"Of course he did. I'm not surprised," he breathed out, "So he's burdened you with me?"
Kakashi seemed surprised at his response, "What? Burdened?"
Ah. He shouldn't have said that, "Nothing, forget I said anything." He quickly spoke, turning away from the other boy. His thoughts were too jumbled up for him to control what he was saying. That wasn't something Kakashi was supposed to hear.
"You can't do that," A hand wrapped around his wrist, "What did you mean by that?"
Was there a way for him to evade answering? Anything? Was there something he could say, so that Kakashi wouldn't question him anymore? Anything? He thought and thought and thought, but nothing came to mind. He dug himself a hole, and there was no way for him to get out of it, "Can't you forget I said anything at all? Please?" He didn't make any move to pull his hand out of Kakashi's hold.
Kakashi's grip tightened ever so slightly, "No. Tell me what you meant by that." He wasn't backing off at all.
Aizen was glad that it was dark out, at least that way Kakashi wouldn't be able to see the expression he was making, "I can't..." he whispered, still not looking at him, "I shouldn't have said anything at all." It was a mistake.
"Aizen. You aren't a burden." He got it all wrong. That wasn't what Aizen meant. Not at all. What had he gotten himself into? He should have just kept his mouth shut!
He decided not to answer.
"You... That wasn't what you meant, was it?" There it was, the realisation. The grip on his wrist loosened and Kakashi let him go, "What happened? Did Minato-sensei say something?"
No... That's why Aizen felt bad about it. Maybe he was seeing too much into things—maybe he didn't think about it enough. He was stupid and he felt like he was searching for flaws that don't exist, "No... I just..." He trailed off, not knowing how to reorder the emotions within him. He didn't know where the start and finish were. He didn't know where to begin, "I feel like... I'm making things harder than they are, for both him and myself."
"By grieving? You're allowed to grieve, you know that." Kakashi's tone had gone softer.
Damn it... Damn it all... "That isn't what this is about..."
"Then, tell me. Tell me what troubles you and I'll do my best to ease your worries," What had he done in his short life to deserve someone like that, to deserve Kakashi, after all that happened? "I care about you and I don't like seeing you like this."
He felt his teeth grip together at the pure vulnerability he felt—pure disappointment in himself, "I'm troublesome, in more ways that one. I cause more trouble than anything else and I wouldn't blame Minato if he were to tell me that in person. It wouldn't surprise me if I turned out to be a burden to him." He laid his worries bare, not censoring how he was feeling.
Warm skin brushed across the back of his neck and he promptly froze in place, "Minato-sensei doesn't feel like that, I'm sure of it. He loves you, unconditionally, and there's nothing in this world that could make him change his mind. Even while we were out on missions, during the brief moments of rest that we were allowed to have, he'd always talk about you. He'd talk about you as if you put up the stars in the sky," Kakashi talked, the memories of those times certainly running through his mind, "He loves you, you're his precious little brother who he cherishes the most."
Words like that were one of Aizen's weaknesses, and he did his best to ignore the light stinging in his eyes, "Yeah, I know... That's why thinking about everything makes it worse. It hurts me to even think of such things, but I can't stop myself from doing so."
"That's why you're an idiot." Kakashi deadpanned.
Taken aback, Aizen turned to him with an offended expression, "Wh-?" He stopped, caught off guard by Kakashi's unmasked face. The boy's lips were curled up in a light smile, one he rarely showed.
"It's all right to worry about things, but don't let such worries cloud your mind and make you blind to the things that really matter." The hand on the back of his neck slowly shifted, and he felt Kakashi's thumb brush across his jaw. He couldn't make himself move away and the drumming of his heart was the only thing he could hear.
He swallowed, unable to look away, "Then, what about you?" Somehow, he mustered up the courage to ask.
Kakashi's thin brow furrowed, "What about me?" He asked, clearly not knowing what Aizen meant.
"Am I a burden to you?"
Slowly, his one visible eye widened at the question, "A burden?" He asked, as if it were the most preposterous question he heard, "You could never be something like that to me." He confidently stated.
Aizen felt relief flood him, even though he expected a response like that, "That's relieving." Unconsciously, he leaned into the other boy's touch and closed his eyes in the process. It was almost unnoticeable, but he felt Kakashi's hand tremble, so he peered at him. The sight that greeted him certainly wasn't one that he expected. The boy before him was clearly flushed, it was visible even in the dark, and his lips were lightly parted, as if he was shocked at something, "What's wrong?"
The moment he asked, Kakashi hastily pulled his hand away and hid it behind his back, "Nothing," he replied, averting his eyes, "Nothing at all." That sounded...
"Not very convincing, are we?" Aizen leaned forward and watched as Kakashi leaned back, "What? Are you embarrassed?" He pointedly looked at the hand behind his back and then back at him. Not waiting for an answer, he reached behind Kakashi's back and took hold of his hand, "What's so embarrassing about this?" And then promptly placed the boy's palm flat against his cheek.
Kakashi said nothing.
"Thank you," Aizen whispered, drawing his attention, "Your words meant a lot."
The other boy lightly nodded, previous expression of embarrassment nowhere to be seen, "Any time."
Aizen released him and flashed him a brief smile, "Are you hungry? I'm famished." He hadn't eaten anything all day, and the hunger was starting to be annoying at that point.
"I could eat something." Kakashi replied, making move to pull his mask back up.
Aizen grabbed his hand and pulled it back down, "Everyone in this household has seen you without a mask, there's no need for that."
Albeit, reluctant, Kakashi did as asked, "All right."
"Now, let's go!" Not letting go of his hand, Aizen stepped through the small gap and pulled Kakashi along.
He didn't struggle, but he did fight against the smile that threatened to curl his lips.
He lost the fight.